Author Topic: Always being compared to sibling  (Read 1583 times)

mikewazowski

  • Junior GirlTalker
  • ***
  • Posts: 450
Always being compared to sibling
« on: March 21, 2014, 09:29:30 am »
How do you handle it?





... Ako, share ko lang
What can I do? Everyone that sees us together does that. I always feel 10x worse about myself :( What can I do to build my self esteem kung maya't maya may nagpapaalala sa akin ng negative things about myself?


- Whose older? (Lagi to, and I cried everytime)
Lolokohin pa ako ng ate ako na "ate" at tinatawag ako na manang :'(
- Ahh.. ikaw pala yung may anak (referring to me, wala akong anak!)
- Ang ganda ganda naman ng ate mo!
- Ang ganda..


Worst things (Sorry madami)
- From relatives  sabi sa ate ko "mas maganda ka don sa isa"
- Sa Day Care Center, yung ate ko kinakausap. Pag ako nakipag usap tinitignan ako ng masama. Like, "Don't talk to me".
- Ayaw makita ng kapatid ko na kasama nila ako :( Pag sinasamahan ko sila, tinataboy nila ako. Parang mauna ka na sa kotse! O kaya magmamadali nalang hayyy.. pero pag ate ko naman..
- Mami ko, ate ko mas prefer isama. Ramdam ko naman
- Worst : even my ex is attracted with my sister HUHU :'(



Madaming cases. Araw araw ganito! Kahit saan. Parang kahit saan kami magpunta cocompare kami, PAGANDAHAN lagi! Ako lagi ATE! Ako yung PANGET!  Wala akong escape! Kaya hindi nalang ako sumasama sakanila, kasi alam ko naman magiging masama lang loob ko.



Depressed na ako :( I feel SO FUGLY. 6 years na ganito, araw araw! HUHUHUHU. HELP
« Last Edit: March 21, 2014, 11:26:52 am by mikewazowski »

fashionfart

  • Newbie
  • *
  • Posts: 29
Re: Always being compared to sibling
« Reply #1 on: March 21, 2014, 09:45:31 am »
sis based on your kuwento, you have to overcome your insecurities, sa tingin ko ikaw ang may problema. isipin mo sis, hindi sa kagandahan nasusukat ang pagkatao, she may be more beautiful but so what? that doesn't make her better than you, unless you yourself think of it that way. tell me sis, ikaw sa sarili mo, sa kagandahan lang ba nasusukat ang pagkatao, ang self worth?

mikewazowski

  • Junior GirlTalker
  • ***
  • Posts: 450
Re: Always being compared to sibling
« Reply #2 on: March 21, 2014, 10:37:55 am »
NO. I always prefer inner beauty. Dahil sa lagi sinasabi ng tao, parang naniniwala na ako na better siya saken. Haven't heard any compliment for a long time. Ang babaw ko ba? Lol. Yung generation kasi namin, more on outer beauty din basihan eh. Gusto ko makipag usap sa classmates ko pero narereject lang ako because I was at the bottom of the "food chain" in high school.


I always struggle about my self confidence and self esteem. Nagbuild up yung pagkababa ko sa tingin ko sa sarili at insecurities ko sa mga sinasabi ng tao, nagpaapekto kasi ako agad at naniwala nalang. Wala din kasi akong friend nung HS, saling pusa lang lagi at nabully ng higher year kaya ang baba talaga ng yingin ko sa sarili ko.


How can I build my self confidence, at hindi "mahurt" da sinasabi ng tao saken if I'm to damn sensitive.

fashionfart

  • Newbie
  • *
  • Posts: 29
Re: Always being compared to sibling
« Reply #3 on: March 21, 2014, 01:20:56 pm »
still, you give much weight on a person's physical appearance. actually sis i think you are not sure what your issue really is, if you want to be helped, isipin mo muna ano talaga ang issues mo.

Isipin mo sis, what if you are very beautiful, much more than your sister and your classmates, would you still be sad if no one talks to you, that you are at the 'bottom of the food chain'?
Or would you find happiness with the thought that you are the ugliest yet you are very popular?

mahirap sis maging masaya if ibabase mo ang kaligayahan mo sa nakikita mo sa iba. so if
nabibigyan ka na ng compliments, na mas maganda ka sa ate mo, mas magiging masaya ka na ba sis? ilang taon ka na ba sis, if you dont mind?

k_fine

  • GirlTalker
  • **
  • Posts: 194
  • Mrs. O
Re: Always being compared to sibling
« Reply #4 on: April 10, 2014, 07:34:46 pm »
OMG hindi naman sa pagbubuhat ng sariling bangko pero baka ganito din nararamdaman ng kapatid ko. Madalas kasi siyang napagsasabihan ng 'Bakit ang ate mo maputi?' 'bakit ang ate mo maganda?'
Siya pa mismo magkukwento sa akin at sasagot naman daw siya ng "maganda rin ako kahit hindi ko maputi.'

Hindi ko naman nararamdaman na we're distant. So i guess wala naman siyang ill-feelings sa akin at ramdam naman niya na mahal namin siyang lahat bilang bunso.
Go lang ng go ♥

simang

  • Acts like a lady, thinks like a man.
  • Super GirlTalker
  • *****
  • Posts: 5845
Re: Always being compared to sibling
« Reply #5 on: April 15, 2014, 08:40:08 pm »
Sis TS, i know how you feel. I experienced the same thing although nothing extreme naman but i was always, always compared to my sisters - in terms of looks, intelligence, etc. Nung highschool nga hindi ako kilala ng iba kong teachers, they refer to me as "yung sister ni ---"

I was insecure and all these comments made me all the more insecure.

Nung college, i went to the same school as my Ate pero magkaiba kami ng program. Dun ako natuto makipag friends, to stand up on my own, and maging independent. Eventually i gained my confidence even sa family namin, nakita nila yun and nabawasan na ang comparison. It was a nice feeling na para bang kalevel ko na yung ate ko, but more than that i felt good about myself kase i had my own identity already. Narealize ko din na it's probably all in my head kase naging mas close kami ng mga ate ko nung mas nagmature ako.

Comparison hindi maiiwasan yan. You just have to believe that you're never less than the people around you. You just have to find that niche kun saan ka belong and where you can excel, not to prove yourself to them but to prove to yourself that you're worth something.
...all adventurous women do.

rannastillero

  • GirlTalker
  • **
  • Posts: 83
  • "If HE is with me, WHO can be against me?"
Re: Always being compared to sibling
« Reply #6 on: July 02, 2014, 04:43:26 pm »
Yesss Ramdam ko to.

Ako kasi yung pinaka panget compare mo sa aming magkakapatid.
Ako yung panganay.
Dati naiinis din ako, pero ngayon ok lang sa akin.
Atleast kapatid ko yung na lilift up diba?
Tsaka mas maganda talaga kapatid ko saken, mas active at popular,
ako kasi wala lang sakto lang. pero im happy with my life now.
kaya wala na saken yung comparison ekek na yan tee hee!  :-*
"If HE is with me, WHO can be against me?"

babypink1109

  • Newbie
  • *
  • Posts: 17
Re: Always being compared to sibling
« Reply #7 on: July 02, 2014, 06:31:36 pm »
Hay naku sis TS, naalala ko tuloy nung bata ako. haha! Lagi rin akong kinukumpara sa younger sister ko! Kesyo hindi daw ako maganda, negra daw ako, eh mas maganda naman talaga sya. hehe. Naalala ko umiiyak pa ako nun kasi na hurt ako talaga and naging mahiyain ako. Pero, pinilit kong baguhin yung ugali kong yan kasi believe me, walang maidudulot na maganda yan kung hahayaan mong maingit ka sa kanya. Baka masira lang yung samahan nyo as sisters, sayang.. Sabi ng dadi ko nung bata pa ako, imbes na malungkot ako sa kung ano yung wala ako na meron yung iba, i-enhance ko nalang kung ano yung meron ako. hehe. Sa case ko, nag aral talaga ako maigi!! Sinabi ko sa sarili ko na magiging successful talaga ako. Pramis! Inalagaan ko rin yung balat ko, katawan ko, naging mas friendly ako... Hanggang sa nakalimutan ko na yung kagandahang issue na yan..

Always remember.. kanya kanya lang ng ganda yan. Maganda ka rin naman, for sure. Wag ka na malungkot. Lahat tayo nai-insecure paminsan minsan. kanya kanya lang ng pagdadala ng problema. Pag hindi ka confident, fake it. Hanggang sa magiging naturally confident ka na. I tried it, and it worked. :D

Lagi mo isipin. Maganda ka. PERIOD. :D Hugs..




ysa.belle

  • picking up the pieces...
  • Super GirlTalker
  • *****
  • Posts: 2757
  • I know in that God will guide&protect us always.
Re: Always being compared to sibling
« Reply #8 on: July 09, 2014, 10:08:32 am »
ganun din sa amin, pero nagsawa na ako sa kaka-defend sa sarili ko. sawa na ako kaka-explain kaya deadma lang. hinahayaan ko nalang. yes, there are times na nagngingitngit ako sa galit at inis pero nawawala rin. di ko nalang pansin kase ako rin naman ang sumasama ang loob at hindi sila.
♥ Life is a journey from one point to another. You know where you will end up, but you don't know what route will get you there... ♥

aquacharly

  • Super GirlTalker
  • *****
  • Posts: 3568
Re: Always being compared to sibling
« Reply #9 on: July 14, 2014, 08:04:55 pm »
Mga taklesa nga naman.

Do not wallow in low self esteem. For sure you have certain traits or skills that make you better than your Ate. Hindi puedeng  wala -- kasi God does not allow anyone to be swapang.  Nobody is perfect. 

You look older?  Examine your Ate . Baka she smiles more, has a youthful haircut, dresses as young as her age, etc.  .  View it positively &  master the magic of make-up, the miracle of a good cut, dressing cheerfully & your age (or younger, but must be appropriate), etc etc etc.   
 If  she acts more childish than you, as in ikaw yung may responsible image --  well, IMO better to look older than a real older airhead.   Just saying.

For taklesa relatives, sometimes you gotta be on the offensive.
Pag say mas maganda sister mo to your face, balik mo agad:   Ay Tita, tulad nyo: mas maganda sister mo sa yo.
Or, says you look older -- say: haynaku I got the old genes siguro, like you --  mukha kang nanay ng husband mo.
Eh, oo they may go grrr but heck, fair is fair --  pinitik ka  eh di ok din pitikin mo sya. 

They don't like your company?  Maybe you can investigate yourself.  Be observant & honest.
Do you show irritation when they talk to other people?
Do you show impatience when you are out with them & they are attending to their own interest?
Are you pleasant company?
 Do you dress appropriately?
Do you practice good manners & right conduct (social graces)?
Your personal hygiene is ok? Your appearance neat? 

Don't get depressed. Just do so something to fix what you lack.
Remember:  it is never too late to re-invent yourself.


TysLolakins

  • one half of Ty's 'PoPs and WoWa' act...
  • Senior GirlTalker
  • ****
  • Posts: 871
  • bite me!!!
Re: Always being compared to sibling
« Reply #10 on: September 05, 2014, 02:11:23 am »
I so can relate to this, but the diff is I am the Ate.  The middle sister who's 4 years younger than is the pretty one and people compare us all the time.  All aunts and uncles prefer her, she's mass maganda, mas mabait, very pleasant laging nakangiti.  Even our grandparents treat her as their pet.  Pero there's no resentment from me at all, kasi sister ko siya, I love my sisters.
Instead of dwelling too much on  your insecurities and shortcomings, think of the things that iare uniquely you, being different is a good thing.  I'm sure you have innate qualities that you should be proud of.  People only see what's on the outside and like stating the obvious.  As you get older, these should not matter too much.
And btw, guess who's the brains, the skinny one, the more popular one, better dresser, moi!  See it all evens out somehow.  And I have way more confidence than her, I guess the order of birth sometimes is a factor.
aut viam inveniam aut faciam

akthung

  • GUYTalker
  • Super GirlTalker
  • *
  • Posts: 1631
Re: Always being compared to sibling
« Reply #11 on: September 08, 2014, 06:50:26 am »
ignore lang yan. bahala sila sa buhay nila.

kaya ako i invested heavily on self improvement and spiritual improvement. kasi ayaw ko maging tulad nila pag dating sa ibang tao at lalo na sa mga magiging anak ko at mga in laws etc.

gusto ko maminimize yung friction. hindi mawawala yan dahil nasa process tayo ng evolution. they're imperfect, so are we.

buti nga kayo, kinocompare sa normal na tao. ako kinocompare sa hindi normal. natatawa na lang ako kasi 2 ph.d nung ermats ko, pero nagcocompare naman ng apples and oranges. lalong lalo na't ako kasi , pag nag turo, im very detailed and practical. when i deal with my sister. i focus on her weaknesses and find unique ways that she can over come them.

example - sa driving, hindi niya makuha yung pag bawi ng manibela. ang ginawa ko, pinag practice ko siya sa malaking plato. (how to turn the steering wheel using the 10 and 2 o clock position. walang over hand or over reaching. ) isang bakol mukha niya.

when the driving test came, although inabisuhan na namin yung teacher of her status and he was very very forgiving. gulat siya on how my sister handled certain driving tasks na kahit normal na tao eh nahihirapan i execute. ---pero grabe kulang na lang mamuti buhok ko. sa kaka hanap ng paraan para matuto kapatid ko kasi hirap na din driving instructor. wala pa dito yung gigising kami ng 1am para makapag practice sa intersections.

then after she passed. my mom compared her to me.  talagang nakakapundi.  lalo na't nung naging mabait yung assessor. pero tinawanan ko na lang.

kaya minsan talga i believe pag rocky ang relationship sa pamilya, making space can help because sometimes it takes more than a lifetime for them to develop understanding and compassion.

« Last Edit: September 08, 2014, 06:53:00 am by akthung »
I'm a baby Arhat. An Arhat has a well developed intuition, advanced mental powers, highly refined emotions and a strong desire to contribute personally to the uplifting of humanity.

quennna

  • Super GirlTalker
  • *****
  • Posts: 1820
Re: Always being compared to sibling
« Reply #12 on: September 08, 2014, 01:48:53 pm »
kami rin laging compare.., ako kas as ate, petite, maputi .. mukhang bata..
sis ko (youngest) opposite though, maputi din sya kaso healthy pero pumayat na rin..
nag tha-thank you na lang ako pero sume segway ako na.. opposite kami ng sister ko
kasi sya talagang hardworking, nakakaperfect attendance nya sa office.. ako, relax lang tapos nagsawa na hr namin mag issue ng tardiness memo.. na malambing yan at very loyal sa friend.. so nili lift ko talaga sister ko pag may ganong moment..

nung buhay pa mother ko, nag mamaktol yun pag lagi syang inuutusan..
kaso ko na lang, baket nung wala ka pa.. no choice kung di ako lagi utusan.. its your turn..
pero pa cute drama lang sya... hehe

sis, wag ma insecure.. remember, walang ibang makaka comfort ng sarili mo kungdi sarili mo na rin.. level up ka and matututong bumira tas sabihin mo na lang na .. uy, joke lang ha.. LOL

 


Latest Stories

Load More Stories
Close