To give room or leave

[jacquetta]

I'm gonna try my best to keep it short. Bf of 3.5 years currently cannot decide if he wants to be with me or not. I have asked him flat out, he said I don't know, I don't wanna lose you but I don't wanna make a mistake (of staying with the wrong person).

 This whole thing started a week ago with something small (was late to meet him) kaya I'm thinking there's a bigger reason na hindi niya sinasabi. At first he said he needed room so I did for a couple days, it seemed normal, when he gets mad ayaw niya makipagusap at all. Then he sends me something that says, if there comes a day that we can't be together, keep me in your heart I'll be there forever. I got rattled, asked him if he doesn't us to be together and said, I don't know yet. He seemed mad parin about what I did. I'm not punctual and it's his major pet peeve tbh.

He eventually texted to remind me of a wedding that we're attending soon - which is even weirder, why would you wanna go to a wedding with someone na you have doubts with? I requested to talk before attending, he said no and that he needed more time. If I couldn't wait, I can move on daw without him. And that's when I asked him if he wants to still be with me and he said I'm not sure. That's why he needs more room daw so he will not make a decision he will regret.

Should I even wait for a response? I feel like maghihintay lang ako to be single which is torture. It seems to me ayaw na niya, but why would he still want me as his date?

I am so confused. It's been a rollercoaster of emotions. I've been crying every night, minsan I'm just walking at the parking lot and I'll burst out crying. Sorry drama, but really I've been so depressed at varying levels for a week.

Thanks for listening.

[cecilydee]

I think he is such an *ss when he told you, if you couldn't wait, you can move on without him."

Seems to me like he is waiting for you to break it off. That hurts and that is such a jerk behaviour.

I hate to assume but do you think he fell in love with another? Kasi bakit ganon nalang siya kadali mag let go diba? Baka kasi dahil sinabi niyang he wants more room to make the right decision, baka what he means is, he still finds your 3.5 relationship worth keeping but at the same time he sees himself with another person and this is such a redflag in my opinion. Would you like to settle with an indecisive man for the rest of your life?

pet peeves (unless its snoring -in my case) is a workable problem. it should not be the cause of break up. i think lame excuse lang niya yan...

cry it all out and sort your emotions. after that, give him an ultimatum, tell him that if he needed time to think, then he should have the deadline din. aba, kailangan mo rin ng peace of mind.

[glamorosa_09]

Ouch! Ang sakit naman nito...

he said I don't know, I don't wanna lose you but I don't wanna make a mistake (of staying with the wrong person).

Is this exactly what he told you? Anyways, kahit naman indirect, it still hurts.

What's making you hold on to him sis? Why are you allowing him to treat you like a spare tire? Seems to me that you're not his priority, you're just an option. That's just how I see it base on your post.

Bring on that female pride. Huwag mong hayaang tinatapakan ka ng ganyan. With what you're doing na binibigay yung gusto nya, na palagi ka lang nandyan at his disposal, you're teaching him na it's okay for him to treat you that way, na wala kang halaga. We don't get what we deserve, we get what we think we deserve. So, do you think you deserve that kind of treatment from a partner? I hope not.

You can still meet someone who will make you his priority and not an option. If I were you, I'll prettify myself and walk out of that door. But in the end, it's still your choice whether you'd stay or leave.

[DianeShishio]

People have the destructive quality of running when they are lost.

When you are lost, literally and figuratively, stand your ground and find your bearings. I think you and your partner both need time.

His pet peeve regarding punctuality was merely the tip of the ice berg. Whatever his issues are, they will definitely come to surface when he's ready to talk. (Or at least that's the way it is for my partner)

IMHO, I truly believe that he does want to be with you... give it time. Hold on to the thread of hope that your relationship could be saved, but don't latch on to it.

Goodluck!

[jacquetta]

Thank you for your replies. It's helping me more than you think. I like hearing other people's opinions. Sometimes I feel like I'm drowning in thoughts and emotions and it's confusing.

I actually asked him how come he still wanted me as his date, even if he's considering breaking it off with me. He said "na-plan na before". I mentioned it's kind of weird because of our situation, so pano we're not gonna talk there and then he said "then don't go". Wow mind you I wasn't even mad or anything!

[sugardrop]

^
Give him the space he needs but set a deadline for yourself as well.

[sacred cow]

iwan mo na 'yan

[simang]

Nag aantay ka na lang to be single? That's your choice.

Whatever he told you -- take them as they are. That he's not sure about being with you. That he wants to bring you as a date to the wedding kase na plano na before you guys had this issue. Na if you don't want to go, then don't go.

Walang nakakaconfuse sa sinabi nya. It's very clear na he's not sure about you, na naplano na yung wedding so no choice sya, na pwede kang umayaw sa wedding date nyo kung ayaw mo. He's telling you these things clearly.

I say you give him room, and give yourself room too.

[sarah29]

Move on.

Hinde ka nya gusto? Hinde sya sigurado? Why would you settle for a guy like that? He takes advantage of the fact that you will always be there. Wag mo sya hayaan. Madami pa iba dyan who would treat you better and who is sure that they want you in your life. Wag mo isiksik sa sarili mo sa ayaw sayo.

And sabi mo nga 3 years na kayo, kung sa luob ng tatlong taon e di padin sya sigurado sayo - e kelan pa? Please stop wasting your time on him.

[piatos]

ang gulo niya.  hindi pa diretsahin kung gusto ka pa niya or not..

baka may gusto na yang iba then pag hindi sila naging okay babalikan ka niya.. utot niya..papayag ka ba ng ganun? Isa ka lang "option."

[aquacharly]

Sounds like he has already detached from you.
Don't hold your breath waiting for a miracle.
He will keep you hanging, like forever. 
He seems to be the type of man who can easily turn his back on someone --  indecisive until he falls for someone.
Don't wait, don't walk away -- RUN AWAY.

[ohcmon]

I don't really understand why you're confused.

Clear naman siya when he told you he's not sure if he still wants to be with you, you could move on without him if you don't wanna wait, and he only wants you as his date dahil naplan na before. Those are pretty much self-explanatory.

Sorry, sis, but I think it's over. He says so himself -- mag move on ka na kung hindi ka makahintay. Kung mahal ka talaga niyan, hindi ka niyan pakakawalan.

[t_r_i_s_h]

I don't think you are confused. You are in denial. Well, sometimes us girls can be like this. It's human nature. But seriously he made it clear that he is not sure. So just give him what he wants.

[alice_alice]

sis it's very clear he doesn't want to be with you, and i think he just wants you around just in case di magwork out yung sa iba because obviously may ibang babae yan, biglaan parang switch suddenly he is unsure sayo? Ha! Ganon na lang ba kadali yun? Kasi tulad ng sabi sa iba kung pet peeves lang yan workable yun hinde mo aayawan ang isang tao ng ganon ganon na lang unless ubod ng sama ng ugali mo or something. Kaya nasesense ko na may ibang pinagkakaabalahan yang bf mo.

Atsaka yung about sa date of course napagusapan na kayo ang pupunta siguro nasabihan na rin yung ikakasal so walang confusing doon, he did say na if ayaw mo then you are free not to go.

And based sa mga sagot niya sayo walang bahid ng panghihinayang, parang sa kanya "eh di walk away kung ayaw mo maghintay" parang ang dating gusto niya ikaw na lang kusang sumuko.

[zarazan]

Sis, I suggest you feel around. You still know your guy more than us.

Do you feel your boyfriend met someone new? May nafefeel ka bang ibang babae. Feel around sis. My boyfriend told me, na once guy is distancing themselves, there is a big chance na may bago yan. The times na 'cool off" mode, yan yung days that they are weighing their options already.

But, if you feel wala naman talaga. I ask, ilan taon na ba kayo? Maybe he's starting to think of the future and nagkakaron lang ng cold feet to whom he imagine his life with.

Wag naman break break agad. Grabe naman. Maybe its time you initiate in winning him back? Di naman lagi guy ang nanunuyo especially sa relationships na mature na or marami ng napag-daanan. 

[lovely_carrot]

Dami pang paliguy ligoy ng BF mo, ang ending lang naman nyan ayaw na nya. Ayaw nya lang mauna makipaghiwalay kaya gumagawa ng way or humahanap ng maliit na bagay para palakihin para ikaw na ang kusang humiwalay.

A guy who's sure of his feelings for you will never ever leave you hanging.

its either he grow some balls or you show him yours.

 

[emcee]

omg. same na same ng situation ko...sis, tama silang lahat...yan na yan din sinabi ng ex ko sakin..i initially thought baka confused lang sya kasi medyo marami kaming arguments but later i found out he likes another girl. ako, spare tire! super sakit and really a roller coaster ride. move on sis..or run for your life! i'm also doing the same. ang nakaka inis lang sakin nag re reply pa rin ako sa mga messages nya which hindi na dapat. PRAY and ask for guidance pero let him go..

[sarah29]

I don't agree with winning him back or initiating. Ikaw na nga tong kayang kaya iwanan sa ere, ikaw pa magmamake ng move. Pinupush mo na nga sarili mo. BF and GF palang kayo, di pa kayo magasawa.. wag mo pilitin magwork kung di kaya. Marami pa iba jan.

[mooncake and leaves]

He's probably two-thirds out the door. Confused people usually settle their struggles all on their own. Kaya sometimes breakups seem like they're out of the blue but in reality, they've been brewing a long time. People can act like everything's ok pero hindi pala. His telling you all this to me means that he's just waiting for you to make the next move.  He wouldn't risk hurting you this way if he hasn't made up his mind. Sorry. Ok lang yan. Kaya mo yan.

[halfbloodPrincess]

I'm gonna try my best to keep it short. Bf of 3.5 years currently cannot decide if he wants to be with me or not. I have asked him flat out, he said I don't know, I don't wanna lose you but I don't wanna make a mistake (of staying with the wrong person).

omg my husband tells me the exact same thing! when i ask him he still wants to be with me or not, he just says he doesn't know.  but our situation is different.  we are married so even if i wanted to let go, it's not that easy. for you girl, since you're not yet married, i think you should just give him space and see if he comes back.