Father issue

[VainDoll]

Thank you mga sis sa mga advice. Decided to delete this since I no longer wanna discuss it here. Thank you.

[aquacharly]

Well, that's his dad -- if your bf can't change him, how can you?
Your BF has to learn to stand up to his  dad.  That's all there is to it.  Nag-away sila, tapos sumama pa rin sya.  Did he explain to his dad he had an interview appointment?

Another thing, it is 1 thing to be supportive, and another thing to not face up to realities.
Bottom line, a college grad should get employed soonest & be able to support himself/herself. 
So, I don't agree that the father has mataas expectations.  Baka nag kulang sa initiative ang bf mo in setting himself up in advance for employment.   Pls. Don't get mad ha -- but, mga matinik na graduates, their last year in school -- nag research and file na yan ng applications (ahead of the graduating herd).  They get hired -- subject to completion of all undergrad course requirements. 

[VainDoll]

Sis aqua what do mean by not to face up to realities? 

Yes , totoo naman na undergrads may iba may work na. My brother from UPD nag internship din on his 3rd - 4th year college with salary. Siya pa pinagaagawan ng mga company. Iba kasi pag nurse talaga. Now for medical naman na siya sa isang big hospital. Hopefully tuloy tuloy na.

Wala naman alo balak baguhin ang dad niya. Nalulungkot lang talaga ako sa mga nangyayari.

[Lute]

first there's an age gap. a gap between two generations. noong panahon ng mga ama natin. trabaho ang nahahabol sa kanila. now its the opposite. tapos ang laki pa ng population ng pilipinas - competition.

then nandun yung construction company nila - successful dad. high expectations. high dreams.

now parents are called magulang for a reason. magulang talaga sila. they say things out of convenience di bale yung mag bend ng rules or hindi maging consistent. basta angkop sa moment.

imho. dapat lumaban ang bf mo. buhay niya yun eh. hindi porket magulang tama na ang lahat. tao lamang tayo.

i was into business noon. and i wanted to work, to learn how it felt to be under a person, this is despite having a successful small scale business. swerte talaga dahil nung nagiisip pa lang ako ng idea na yun, someone recommended me to an American guy dropping by pinas.  never kami nakaranas mag outing or magbakasyon as a family. but that time, mukhang magkakaroon na kami ng change. hadlang lang tong bagong boss ko. i said no to my dad. yep. lahat ng masama sinabi. i ignored. bahala sila.

a few years later, ginusto ko mag post grad. may nagawa ba small biz ko? may nagawa ba erpats ko? wala. sino nag convince sa foreign university na tanggapin ako? my boss. and my work sa company niya. hirap kasi pag nag business, mahirap i prove to uni, (unless its a really big biz) that you're really doing business lalo na kung galing kang third world country.

the point here is, he has to trust himself and his judgement. else forever siyang aalilain ng pamilya niya at ikaw din.

sa panahon ngayon,  i really don't think na pag nauna ka, you'll get accepted right away. unwritten rule yan - they're looking for good grades + well roundedness. this is IF, companies do not require experience. hindi 100% ganun. tapos sa pinas pa, uso ang palakad. now if a new grad has work experience. ayun. may edge sila pag nauna sila. iba ng early experience sa early apply. at iba ang maganda ang grades na nag aapply agad.

the lesson here sa kanila is humility, patience and understanding.... and for your BF to stand up to his dad.

as for your BF's intended job. talagang mahirap mag nursing dahil sobrang saturated na yan. hindi naiiba sa pag abugasya sa US. it will take a while bago makahanap ng trabaho. pero marami na akong kilala na nag iba na lang ng path dahil sobrang saturated na. isang kakilala ko nag teacher na lang. yung isang nagmedicine na lang.

[VainDoll]

^ sana maging okay na din sila.

[aquacharly]

Sis aqua what do mean by not to face up to realities? 

Yes , totoo naman na undergrads may iba may work na. My brother from UPD has internship din on his 3rd - 4th year college with salary. Siya pa pinagaagawan ng mga company. Iba kasi pag nurse talaga. Now for medical naman na siya sa isang big hospital. Hopefully tuloy tuloy na.

Life is tougher for all new grads nowadays. That's the reality. Dati, IMO, it was enough to graduate. & go around filing applications.  lalo na if grad ka ng Ateneo, La Salle, UP --  parang assume you choose where you wanna work. Well, not anymore.

So ok, be supportive, give encouragement, stay positive -  ganon ganon.  But nowadays,  kelangan may strategy ka, hindi ka pa grad kelangan meron ka ng ganon so you are 2 steps ahead of everyone. It is not a simplistic issue of filing applications ahead of everyone. But of positioning yourself (through your choice of electives & internships/summer jobs,  high grades, & of course - patronage - another reality) to be a notch above the average.  That is the reality now. Hindi lang sa nauna ka, but what do you have the herd doesn't have?

I am not familiar with nurses. But I asked a cousin why she sent her daughter to study nursing at Trinity/St Luke's --  hindi ba dami na nurses in the US? (They  are US citizens.). In NYC, 3 hospitals closed last year.  She said --  hindi lang hospitals kelangan ng nurses.  Apparently, the home-care nurses (they have clients they check on regularly, hindi sila caregivers ha) earn a lot too.  She said, there is no reason for any nurse to be unemployed/underemployed.  But of course, to be a nurse the hospital will not fire, or to  qualify as a roving nurse --  one must have extra training in certain specialized fields. She said like herself, she will not get easily  fired coz she is well-trained  for heart patient - ICU.

Going back to your bf & his dad... & other realities to face...m Well, fathers are generally more demanding with their sons.  The sons are meant to be padre de familias, that is the cultural expectation & pressure.  So, gets ko kung bakit naiinip the father.  As for the construction business -- dapat lang your bf helps when he's free, it is a filial duty and obligation to the business the whole family benefits from (that's just my opinion) BUT your bf should prioritize his passion (nursing) and  the requirements for his pursuit thereof.  But, ok naman your BF's dad.  May construction business na nga --- hindi pinilit your bf mag engineering.

Ako, lol, pipilitin  ko 1 of my kids to be an engineer.  Este, convince/sales talk/bribe.   Sayang naman our business.  Not to continue what we are doing as-is (but we aren't complaining; thank you, God) -- but to take off from there.  Ang  magulang, generally, gusto yung na establish na growing concern eh mapalaki pa lalo ng anak.  So, give the old man some credit. Baka hindi lang malambing or as patient as your family -- kanya kanyang family dynamics kasi.   But bottom-line, parents want their kids to succeed and be happy. .

[Priceless]

I agree that you as the GF should be supportive sa bf mo. You ought to motivate him, be there when he needs someone to talk to, even review his resumes if you have to. Pero hanggang doon lang dapat. You are not in a position to judge the dad kung paano nya pinupush yung anak nya - their family dynamics may be different than yours, but it doesn't mean na mali yung ginagawa nung dad. And kung at his age wala syang money at nanghihingi pa rin sya sa dad nya para sa pang gastos nya, including na din yan sa mga dates ninyo, syempre sino ba naman ang matutuwa?

Aquacharly is right - your bf needs to learn how to stand up for himself, and of course get a job. Seriously, why would you want to be with someone who can't (or isn't able to) do both? You need to encourage him to be strong, to think positively, to act proactively. And sa panahon ngayon na sobrang dami talagang nurses, you really need to be strategic sa job hunting skills. I know of one na ginalugad nya lahat ng contacts ng mga kamag anak nya and lucky for her she found someone who owned a hospital. She even went to the extent na magpa hire without bayad for the first six months para lang magkaroon sya ng "experience" to write about in her resume. Even though the hospital she joined was a small one, she got to "rotate" sa iba't ibang departments kaya ang dami nyang experiences na nakuha. Now  specialty nurse na sya and she's affiliated with a great hospital in the US.

Good luck!

[Lute]

Life is tougher for all new grads nowadays. That's the reality. Dati, IMO, it was enough to graduate. Ang  magulang, generally, gusto yung na establish na growing concern eh mapalaki pa lalo ng anak.  So, give the old man some credit. Baka hindi lang malambing or as patient as your family -- kanya kanyang family dynamics kasi.   But bottom-line, parents want their kids to succeed and be happy. .

+1

walang like button sa ganito na lang...