Going the distance...

[budzwhiz]

Hi sissies, I know marami sa inyo ang nasa LDR. I just wanna know, pano kayo naghanda sa pagiging long distance? I mean, yung part na alam nyo nang sooner or later aalis si bf/hubby, pano nyo hinanda yung sarili nyo? Guhhh. Naiisip ko palang kasi na aalis na si boyfie, or naiimagine ko yung airport scene, naiiyak na ko. Hindi ko yata maimagine spending days without him, halos araw araw kaming magkasama. How did you cope? Also, ano ang set up nyo? Pareho ba kayong nagwowork, or do you stay at home or have a business? Sigh.

[insanelypurpleprincess]

Hi Sis budzwhiz... with your chosen topic title, it reminded me of the movie with the same title.
Anyway, no matter what kind of preparation you make for LDR, it seems like it will never be enough. You will surely feel the pang of pain and you will surely shed buckets and buckets and buckets of tears upon saying goodbye... but, remember that technology is your friend. Syempre mahirap mag adjust from a lifestyle wherein the person is physically present.. Iba talaga ang nagagawa ng physical presence. However, if you can't be physically together, then you need to opt for the next best thing.. in this case, you would need to already set expectations even before your guy leaves. Expectations like, when do you expect to hear from each other? Do you plan to skype or facetime or YM or whatever everyday? What is the time zone difference like? Is it super far apart or the same time zone naman? Are you able to travel to visit each other often enough? And if you both work naman, then set a schedule talaga. Again, it depends on what you agree upon talaga and that's when you can begin to really semi-plan on the entire LDR leap. Good luck!!!

[Girltalker2]

Maybe if I am younger, the resident status of the guy wouldn't matter.  But now that I am older and wiser, isa iyan sa criteria ko na dapat dumito sya kung nasan ako, otherwise, it will be hard to establish a relationship.

Hindi pa man ako nagf-fall for the guy, iniisip ko na ang potential hurdles.  Ang akin lang, in a normal non-LDR relationship, ang hirap hirap nanga i-maintain, tapos dadagdagan ko pa ng ibang factors that could lead to hiwalayan din. 

Sis, mukhang bata ka pa naman. Marami ka pang mam-meet na higit pa sa guy mo ngayon.  Ikaw din nagsabi, iniisip mo palang airport scene, naiiyak ka na.  So why allow your feelings totally to fall for a guy na alam mong aalis? 

[chelgeneroso]

1999, my boyfriend went to Saudi Arabia for a 3 years contract, with 1 month vacation in every year. We are 4 years in the relationship then. Yes! the airport scene is really painful at umiyak talaga ako ng sobra. Kasi merong kurot sa puso na hindi mo matanggal. Before he left, we agreed to answer each others letter always (via snail mail), since hindi pa masyado uso ang mobile phone at internet noon. Nung nakakita sya doon ng telepono na pwedeng pang long distance, he calls me every 15th and 30th of the month for 30 minutes, tapos ako naman, noong nagkaroon ako ng mobile phone, i buy a load na good for 30 minutes para magkausap kami ng 1 hour. If there is a will there is a way. I also has suitors kahit na may boyfriend na ako, iniisip ko noon, ang unang pamantayan ko, mas higit ba ito kesa sa boyfriend ko ngayon . . . mas mabait ba sya, mas loving, mas caring, mas gwapo, mas may future, mas hardworking, mas may plan ba sya kesa sa boyfriend ko ngayon, kasi para sa akin, nasa kama ka na, lilipat ka pa ba sa banig.  With the help of my best friend, naka-balik ako sa reality at naka-move on sa wala sa tabi ko si boyfriend. I looked for a job para mas mabilis lumipas ang oras, para pag gising ko isang araw, pauwi na sya

[t_r_i_s_h]

I wasn't prepared when this happened to me, I was too young just entered college. And mind you wala pang mga communication apps nun. So I guess nowadays mas madali na 

[aquacharly]

It is  best to mind what the oldies say because let's face it, Wisdom is the gift of old age/experience.  Sabi ng Lolo ko: out of sight, out of mind.  Also:  madali malungkot ang lalaki.

IMO, it is harder these days to maintain a LD relationship. For the simple fact that morals are less strict;  some are prone to instant/short-term gratification;  and there are more ways to go searching for other and all types of relationships.

Given that, I will advise anyone in a LD relationship to hedge their bets, or: do not put all your eggs in 1 basket.  Time is the commodity nobody, even the richest on earth can buy. Once it's gone -- it's gone, with your youth, most productive years, etc.
So, it is best, IMO, that habang naka LDR eh
      1.  You also make the most of yourself. Work hard on your personal advance on ALL fronts:  career/business/financial independence, social life, physical & emotional. In short: take very very very very good care of yourself.
      2.  Make the  current LD set-up a temporary status towards the goal of eventually living together & establishing a shared daily life wherever you BOTH  can have a productive life.  Mahirap, IMO, for a woman to ever be financially dependent, saan man sulok ng  mundo.

IMO, if BOTH work towards a goal:  hindi kayo tulad ng iba dyan na hanggang tumanda na at kinasal na ang mga anak eh LDR pa rin.  The husband retires, comes home,  & husband & wife ask themselves: Who is this stranger I am married to?
What's all the money for?  You gotta use it wisely & tipiran to the max but make it work to the max too.
You cannot buy simple pleasures like having breakfast with your husband, watching late tv together, Sunday lunches with your whole family, etc etc etc

Ok ok ok meron dyan gusto batuhin ako: how dare! LDR ako, masaya kami, my husband and I have complete trust & confidence.  I say: ok, good for you.  But there are lots whose LD relationships go kaput! or are riddled with heartbreaks.  So, IMO, do not take that risk if you can help it. If you gotta go LDR, pwes make it as short as possible. 

Just saying, but what do I know anyway. Never did  any LDR.  I won't start now.

[lisse]

I used to be in an LDR (well, minsan LDR p din for a few months depende saan site mag-ocular visit si hubs, anyway...) - worked for us. BUT... be realistic and set a deadline na kung hanggang kelan lang kayo LDR.
ask yourselves:
okay, we'll be LDR - why?
how long?
anong reason?
may pinag-iipunan ba? ano target?
after X years, ano na next move?

sa part naman ng maiiwan dito na ladies, I agree with sis aquacharly - nakakaumay din na palagi ka-skype or IM ang boyf/hubs. look for a job. get a new hobby. try a new thing. get a new haircut. try a new workout routine. don't be sad all the time, don't stress out na baka mambabae si partner, sige kayo losyang agad kayo nyan. give some time na ma-miss naman tayo ng mga BF/husbands natin.

i just want to share some LDR stories gone bad:
girl no. 1 been in an LDR for 2 years. guy comes home once a year for 2 months vacay. girl works, then nung maka-ipon flew to the country where the guy works for a surprise - well siya ang na-surprise ng madatnan sino kasama ni guy sa flat niya.

girl no. 2 been in an LDR with an American guy for 3.5 years. never even met in person. guy never runs out of parade of excuses - money, got laid off, son is sick, got called for deployment, school starts, etc etc. one day nagising na never na sila mag-meet in person kasi kuntento na si guy sa kanilang online affair. now she is dating a guy from UK who visited her after 6 months of "chatting". and to think na this second guy is not as well off as the first one.

remember, LDR should be temporary, not a lifestyle. at least, that's my POV.

[little_princess]

When I met my husband, LDR na kami but it's semi LDR as he goes to work for 4-6 weeks then be back here for another 4-6 weeks. It's though because you always say goodbye and his job entails being offshore so we get to talk on the phone once a week lang then chat couple of times a week. their internet is too slow for video calls or skype.

It's hard because you think you will get used to it after some time but then you realize that you don't. there's a missing hole in your heart everytime he leaves and you count the days when he is back.

But I don't let myself sulk and be defeated by our situation. I have a job and do lots of things that requires "me" time when he is away. I get to spend time with my family, go to the salon, etc etc.

Our arrangement isn't permanent thought, hopefully when we start a family he would move to a land based job.

[simang]

Sis lisse, i couldn't agree more. Importante to have a tangible goal.

[Girltalker2]

I wasn't prepared when this happened to me, I was too young just entered college. And mind you wala pang mga communication apps nun. So I guess nowadays mas madali na 

Times have really changed.  Because of technology, mas madali magcommunicate na pag long distance.  But sis, mind you, because of technology, mas madali narin magcheat.  Iba narin talaga ang values these days eh. Ang daming mga babae na ok lang mag ONS, fubu, na nung araw never heard ang mga concept na ganyan.  These days, ang daming available aids for one to be unfaithful.  One is not normal if a guy in LDR remains faithful.  IMO lang naman. That's why I really don't believe in LDR. 

[Cessiechu]

Hi sissies, I know marami sa inyo ang nasa LDR. I just wanna know, pano kayo naghanda sa pagiging long distance? I mean, yung part na alam nyo nang sooner or later aalis si bf/hubby, pano nyo hinanda yung sarili nyo? Guhhh. Naiisip ko palang kasi na aalis na si boyfie, or naiimagine ko yung airport scene, naiiyak na ko. Hindi ko yata maimagine spending days without him, halos araw araw kaming magkasama. How did you cope? Also, ano ang set up nyo? Pareho ba kayong nagwowork, or do you stay at home or have a business? Sigh.

Sis, alamo never naman ako naging prepared sa LDR hehe kahit anong paghahanda ang gawin mo eh iiyak at iiyak kapa rin. You have to go through the process of getting used to it. Masasanay ka rin. First few months naalala ko iyak ako ng iyak.. Nung last na alis ni BF, nag iiyakan kameng dalawa sa TAXI at sa AIRPORT. Gaaahd! Sobrang sakit lang talaga. Pero kayanin mo sis isipin nyo na lang yung plans nyo and reasons kung bakit kelangan. Saka alam mo, ok rin yung malayo, mas tumatatag ang relasyon Huwag kang malungkot kase babalik pa naman siya eh

[natlevi]

Ako I'm willing to go the distance. LDR kami ni ex nung nagstart e. Thinking about it, I realized na mas matagal kaming LDR kesa sa magkasama. Tapos nung nagkasama kami ng matagal-tagal, he broke up with me.

[Cessiechu]

Ako I'm willing to go the distance. LDR kami ni ex nung nagstart e. Thinking about it, I realized na mas matagal kaming LDR kesa sa magkasama. Tapos nung nagkasama kami ng matagal-tagal, he broke up with me.

Totoo sis parang nagiging strong talaga yung relationship. Pero if you don't mind sis, bakit siya nakipaghiwalay sayo?

[palamig]

^

Totoo sis parang nagiging strong talaga yung relationship.

parang ramdam na ramdam ko yan sis. 

[romantico]

LDR needs trust and communication to work. Sometime in 1994 I had my first GF but I also knew that I had to go abroad to study college. I was able to delay going abroad for a year and study here in the meantime in order to build a foundation because the relationship was still very new. After a year, I went abroad and during that time skype or other messaging are not popular yet and the internet is still using dial-up including abroad so I had to call long distance every week for a few months. The phone bill was very expensive so I had to lessen my call to around once or twice a week and sometimes I would create a chatroom in MIRC so we could chat there. It also help that I was able to come home during xmas and summer break. When I finally returned we were still good in the relationship but eventually we broke up due to other reason.

So LDR can work but it is very hard. You both need lots of trust and communication. With a lot of messaging nowadays at your disposal and fast internet connection there's no reason for both of you to communicate every single day. You can even see each other via webcam nowadays.

Here is a good read I saw in a FB post http://www.buzzfeed.com/jeremybender/reasons-why-long-distance-relationships-are-better-than-y

Good luck.

[imyourangel]

Parang ang hirap nga nito. My parent's are pushing me to go abroad, but I can't imagine the day when I will have to say goodbye to my boyfriend in the airport. Sa mga older sisters ko nga lang na minsan lang din umuwi dito sa bahay I get super sentimental na pag umaalis sila, pano pa kay bf...

[cecilydee]

First time ihatid ko siya sa airport, I didnt prepare. I was so fragile after he left tipong tanungin lang ako ng mga housmates ko about him, I breakdown.

It took me 1 month to recover. Well di naman recover talaga yung tawag don. I followed him 1 month after at ako ang nagvacation sa place niya.

After this vacation matagal pa kami nagkita. 4months. Eto pinakamahirap na nangyari sakin. Hindi ko na alam gagawin ko to cope with his absence. I tried separating myself from my family - dati kasi noong may problem ako sa work, I did that and it worked but this time hindi nagwork dahil di naman problem sa career ito eh. problem sa heart haha. I signed up sa gym. It didnt work. I just feel sad after exercising and sobrang pagod ko after gym, umiinit ulo ko sa kanya pag tumatawag siya. kesyo nakokontian ako sa calls. kesyo di na siya sweet sa paningin ko. kesyo baka maghanap siya ng iba dahil im a freak and obsessed gf. i really battled with myself here. I just ate ate and ate my sadness away. medyo naging chubby na from being payatot. then i dont sleep well too...im sick of missing him.

after 4 months nagkita ulit and nagsama kami for 3 months. its the most happiest but also a testing time for us. naka realize ako na hindi siya ganong ka awesome gaya ng iniisip ko noong LDR kami hahah. this helped me a lot. around this time, im processing myself not to be so obsessed with him. para pagbalik ko sa country ko, di na ako masyadong mahirapan.

hinatid niya ako sa airport and we made a pack not to entertain sadness and to think positive. i was trying myself not to cry. di ako umiyak pero medyo tulala at iniisp ko na magmemeet naman kami after 3 months ulit. papasok na ako sana ng boarding area nung nagpahabol siyang nag kiss at yumakap ng mahigpit. so na sad na ako...nung nasa immigration ako he was still there outside. i can see him thru glass. and when i passed the immi, we made flying kiss to each other. naiyak na ako dito wahaha. iniyak ko sa plane ang lahat.

pansin ko after two months of seperation, ok pa ako dahil fresh pa ang memory ko sa kanya. sometimes i find myself waking in the middle of the night na wala siya and then i get depressed. pero ok parin ako, i can still cope within 2 months. pero pagdating ng 3 months eto na..ewan ko ba i feel depressed and longing again.

the next time we meet, it gets better. mas sanay na ako i handle sarili ko. and siya rin alam na niya i handle sarili niya. dati nagtatampo ako when he doesnt get emo with me when we are away. ngyon, i just accept that - thats his way of coping up.

4 months na kami hindi nagkikita ngyon. but around august we plan to finally stop this distance thing and to be inseparable na. 7months of being away to each other - our longest.

right now, minsan namimiss ko siya pero di na ako gano ka depress tulad dati. nagkekeso ako paminsan minsan pero hindi ko na pinapaalam sa kanya baka madisappoint na naman ako e lol. mas madali sa amin when we dont get to talk about our sadness of being apart. hindi masakit sa puso. minsan nagsasabihan ng i miss you but thats it. we dont entertain nega thoughts lalo na mag isa siya don. we look for a way to make us preoccupied but were still together. like now, we are playing an RPG game. sabi niya, at least we are on the same world.

sorry mahaba. way of coping ko ulit ito haha. 

[Skuld]

He lives a thousand miles away to begin with kaya di naman ako masyado nahirapan. We usually joke around that he is from the past and I am from the future due to our time difference. We've downloaded this app so we could check on each other, know each other's schedule para alam namin kung kelan pwedeng mag-usap or kapag need na namin ng time for ourselves lang. Minsan nagseset kami ng date na pareho kaming free and have skype dates, where we will both have coffee or dinner/breakfast and talk like a normal couple. We both love video games din so we always find time to play together.

We don't want to be in a LDR forever so we've made this three year plan. Hopefully, after 3 years together na talaga kami

[budzwhiz]

Thanks everyone, everything's much appreciated. 😊 Hindi matutuloy this year si bf, but next year na. We have no plans of having an indefinite LDR naman, kelangan nya lang mag-ipon muna. Kung sakin mas gusto ko nga kahit one year lang, basta makaipon lang sya ng capital tapos start nalang his/our own business. Right now we're already in ldr kasi nandito ako sa province namin, while sya nasa manila. I'll be opening my own business soon. Although as much as possible gusto ko talaga magkasama kami before he leaves, I believe ito ang mas makakabuti samin, especially for our future. 😊 Sobrang hirap ng LDR, and I think we're really not fit to be in this kind of setup.. Pero kelangan muna magtiis para mas mapabilis yung panahon na magkahiwalay kami and the sooner we can be with each other again. Yun nalang ang tatandaan ko at gagawing motivation. Pag napabilis ang paghihiwalay namin, mas mapapabilis rin ang pagsasama namin  ulit. Kailangang magtiis kasi yun ang makakapagpaginhawa/ganda ng buhay namin. And not just because he will earn more abroad, but my mom told me, yun nalang ang nakakapagpahimbing ng tulog ng dad ko. He will not have his peace of mind (worst case, not approve of our relationship), kapag hindi sya nakaalis. Because the reason he's entrusted me to him is the fact that he knows he'll be able to provide.. once he leaves nga. So, this will be my motivation to work my ass off. Haha. Truth is I haven't come to terms yet with the fact that he will definitely have to leave next year. Naiiyak talaga ako kapag naiisip ko yun. Kaya nga will have to sacrifice muna. I'll just pray and hope for the best for us. 😊 Hehe.

[Girltalker2]

We have no plans of having an indefinite LDR naman, kelangan nya lang mag-ipon muna.

Sis, you are on the right track. At magkaron kayo ng definite timeline.  The problem kasi with working abroad, dire-direcho ang kita mo while you are there.  Pero pag uwi dito, wala na lahat yun. And ang ipon, mabilis maubos. Magkano man iyan, madali lang mawaldas in a month's time. So also spend wisely.

If the ipon is for an investment (house or business), good. But if the ipon is for your wedding, travel plans or a car, forget it.

Kung sakin mas gusto ko nga kahit one year lang, basta makaipon lang sya ng capital tapos start nalang his/our own business.

Starting up a business is not easy.  Moreso its sustainability. One of you needs to at least have a fixed income para kahit hindi magwork out yung business, meron parin steady income.

Right now we're already in ldr kasi nandito ako sa province namin, while sya nasa manila. I'll be opening my own business soon.

Good luck sis!  Ganyan naman talaga ang mag-asawa, magka team kayo.  Help him also by doing your own thing - mag-ipon din nang makauwi sya nang mas mabilis.

Kailangang magtiis kasi yun ang makakapagpaginhawa/ganda ng buhay namin. And not just because he will earn more abroad, but my mom told me, yun nalang ang nakakapagpahimbing ng tulog ng dad ko. He will not have his peace of mind (worst case, not approve of our relationship), kapag hindi sya nakaalis. Because the reason he's entrusted me to him is the fact that he knows he'll be able to provide.. once he leaves nga. So, this will be my motivation to work my ass off. Haha. Truth is I haven't come to terms yet with the fact that he will definitely have to leave next year. Naiiyak talaga ako kapag naiisip ko yun. Kaya nga will have to sacrifice muna. I'll just pray and hope for the best for us. 😊 Hehe.

Sometimes people have the idea basta nagwork ka sa abroad, giginhawa na buhay mo. This is WHILE the person is working abroad.  Pero once umuwi sa Pinas, this does not necessarily follow. Depende sa OFW yun kung nakaipon ba at na sustain nya yung business, nakahanap ng work nung andito na. Otherwise OFW has to go back abroad to work again.

Siguro you know na the stories of OFWs na majority of them stay abroad long term na kasi lahat ng kinikita nila nagagastos at walang naiipon. or kung may ipon man, pagkabalik sa Pinas, madali maubos din or nagbiz na hindi successful, or hindi sya makahanap ulit ng work sa Pinas.  So try to avoid these pitfalls and I am sure mas mabilis kayong magkakasama ulit, for good.

I have been trying to rationalize and understand why do we have to let ourselves suffer like this but then when i read the previous post, it somehow lessened the pain.

I guess i just have to tell myself that this is for our future and that we will be together soon. And that this makes our relationship stronger and that this distance makes me miss him. Oh. How i wish saying these things removes all the pain.

Good luck sa inyo sis.  I guess if you are already well into the relationship, alam mo na what is best for your relationship is just to hang in there and do your best together, kahit magkalayo kayo.

Sana hopefully ang mga anak natin, maisip nila next time sila magkaron ng relationship, if at all possible maiiwasan ang LDR, by all means. Kaso if not, they just have to learn how to make the LDR work.