Coping with gender disappointment 😢

[polar_bear]

when i was pregnant on my 2nd baby..  nadisappoint talaga ako when i learned na girl yung 2nd baby ko.. I was hoping talaga na sana boy para quota na.  ilang minutes lang naman disappointment ko kc after than i was hoping and praying naman that she will have a fair skin just like me.. eh kaso.. naging morena.. hahahah.. ok na rin.. regardless.. I love her for who and what she is.. Naiinis lang ako ngayon sa mga nangungulit na sundan pa para magkaron ng boy. 

[lovely_carrot]

I have one baby pa lang naman, at the time I was really hoping for a baby boy, si ex partner naman baby girl. So nagpustahan pa kami. Nung nagultrasound na ko, sabi ng OB ko girl daw, I asked her kung sure na sya, sabi nya oo kasi may guhit sa gitna, pag boy kasi bilog ang makikita or yung maliit na putotoy nya.

Honestly sandali lang naman ako nadisappoint, what's more important is she's normal. My daughter is now 8 y.o, hindi ko na naiisip na sana naging boy sya kasi she's really sweet

[BDJ]

Hindi ko pa alam ang gender nung sa akin though may pakiramdam ako na baka girl rin. Honestly ayokong girl dahil sa may malaking pangamba ako na matulad rin siya sa naging buhay ko. Pero yun nga I told my hubby na lang kapag babae ang anak namin I will really have to attend the self defense or continue ko enrollment ko kasi I really want to protect my child from other people saka ayoko rin maranasan niya yung pamumuna ng kamag anak lalo na ang mabastos siya bilang babae. I don't care what will others say about my attitude now pero I will really defend and protect lalo na kung babae ito mas triple talaga ang gagawin ko. Kung girl nga ito gusto ko talaga matutong manapak ng sobrang lakas.  Kung lalake naman hindi agad ako magmamadali na mag aral ng self defense pero siempre bilang ina kakailanganin ko pa rin ipagtanggol ang anak ko.

[Beng01]

My husband and I are hoping for a baby boy
I am approaching 15 weeks based on gestational age and excited na ko magpa ultrasound next month!

Marami nagsasabi na I might be carrying a baby girl kasi blooming daw ako...
But if girl nga I'll be also the happiest as long as she's healthy.

[twelvth_goddess]

Back in 2010 when we found out I was pregnant, my immediate wish talaga was for a healthy baby boy. Syempre, gusto ko kase sana panganay boy para protector sya. My husband wanted a girl but ultimately, we just wished for healthy.

I understand you sis and I think your feeling is normal naman. My husband's family is chinese too. When we found out na girl pala our baby, my tactless [textspeak!] said in one of our family dinners 'sainyo na lang nasira na babae ang panganay, noh?' . Boy, was I so mad. I gave my husband a tongue lashing talaga.

[nageinna]

i can totally relate sa mga gender preference issues ng mga chinese families. i for one, is married to a chinese and hubby's family is very traditional. so big deal sakanila to have a boy sa family. when i got pregnant last year MIL would always say na baby boy ang gusto niya and ayaw niya ng girl. lagi niyang ginagamit yung word na "ayaw" and nakasimangot pa. and nakatikim din sakin si hubby ng dakdak after that. kay hubby ko dinaan lahat ng disappointments ko. for me ok lang if mag wish ka ng baby boy, but sabihin mo na ayaw mo ng babae na may disgusto talaga, unfair naman for my baby. and it didnt come from kahit sino lang. sa lola pa. after that, nagdahan dahan na si MIL sa pagsasalita sakin. ang hirap na nga magbuntis dadagdag pa yung mga tao sa paligid mo as if pressuring you pa. natupad naman wish nila, and even mine, baby boy our first baby.

[pumngold]

Ako naman i want a baby girl again. kaya talaga im praying for a gril =)

[BDJ]

My husband and I are hoping for a baby boy
I am approaching 15 weeks based on gestational age and excited na ko magpa ultrasound next month!

Marami nagsasabi na I might be carrying a baby girl kasi blooming daw ako...
But if girl nga I'll be also the happiest as long as she's healthy.

Marami rin nagsasabi sa akin nyan saka dahil blooming nga raw rin ako. Ill be having 4d ultrasound on Friday kaya excited na rin. 

nageinna my hubby's family is not Chinese pero I am a bit irritated sa Lola ng hubby ko which is magiging Lola sa tuhod ng anak ko. Sige I have to admit na ayoko nga rin ng girl as I mentioned above for the reason that I have. Pero yung Lola ng hubby ko walang katuturan ang reason o yung implications niya. Kesyo raw kapag babae raw ang panganay magiging mahina raw ang Lola o yung mother ng hubby ko kasi mahina raw ang babae eh! Tapos sinabi pa niya na kaya mahina raw ang Papa ko kasi yung unang apo niya babae.  WTF lang ha! Tapos nung tiningnan niya batok ko, nagreklamo agad na babae raw ang anak ko. Tapos sinabi pa niya though in joking manner na eh di magiging malandi yan tulad ng anak raw niyang babae.  Bwisit talaga ang bastos. Kung babae anak ko huwag lang siyang maging tulad ng lola ng hubby ko na walang breeding and asal squatter.

If they are complaining about the gender of the baby naku noh kung pwede lang to stay away from their grand children.

[lovemeagain30]

^ sis BDJ balitaan mo kami kung anong gender ni baby mo ah, good luck! 

Regarding your lola sa tuhod ni hubby, wag mo nalang patulan. take it as a joke nalang from her. anyways, matanda na yun (kaya nga lola na sa tuhod). sometimes old folks just want to say/comment on family matters to feel that they're still relevant. ganun talaga ang mga matatanda.  tayo nalang mas bata ang iintindi sakanila.

besides baka raging hormones mo lang yan sis kaya you feel a little sensitive in any matter related to your child's gender. believe me pag nanganak ka mas madaming opinion ka pang maririnig sa ibang tao mula sa kung anong gatas ipapainom mo sa baby mo,, etc.. etc.. so take it easy on them. better if you can find some humors from it.  wag mo nalang seryosohin.

[BDJ]

^thanks sa advise, yes I am ignoring it and besides pinagagalitan naman rin siya kasi ng hubby ko eh! so no worries naman ako run.  There are other issues pa kasi that I became irritated so talagang siguro nga napasama ito.

Meron ibang tao na nagiging sensitive ako when asking me about gender meron naman iba na I totally accept it. Nagiging sensitive ako sa mga taong na may issue ako, alam mo yung feeling na parang nahaharass ka tapos iinsultuhin rin yung anak mo. Something like that.

Honestly dahil may pakiramdam nga rin ako na baka girl nga itong anak ko eh pinaghahandaan ko na rin magiging logo niya aside sa name niya tapos pati mga possible na Godparents nilista ko na rin.  Kahit naman kung lalake meron naman rin pero in terms of name mas madali na.

[ejxtwo]

I have a 13-year old daughter right now, nung pregnancy ko sa kanya everyone's really expecting for a baby boy. Big deal kay hubby and sa family nya kasi 4 boys silla and lahat ng mga firstborn ng brothers nya puro boys. Actually majority ng damit ng daughter ko nun color blue because kala talaga nila boy. Then nagpa-ultrasound ako then baby girl pala. I know hubby was really disappointed and the whole family's like "sayang naman". So yun, our daughter's nickname is Mikee. Lagi tuloy napapagkamalan na boy (because of the name Mike). But lagi ko nalang sinasabihan si hubby na dapat maging thankful kami kasi normal and healthy ang daughter namin. Plus, very beautiful pa! Ngayon daddy's girl na yung daughter namin

Sa pregnancy ko naman ngayon, mas malaki ang expectation ng in-laws ko. 13 years kasi nila hinintay yung kasunod ng daughter namin. Hindi lang baby boy, 2 boys pa! I can't help but to feel bad kasi magka-iba yung pag-accept nila sa daughter ko and now sa twins namin. Favorites kasi ng MIL and father-in-law ko yung apo nilang boys kesa sa daughter ko. Sad lang

[lovemeagain30]

^Aww.. congrats to your twins! does it run in the family? 

it does feel sad when you know your treated differently just because of your gender. much more kung ang feeling is more on diappointment. kaming magkakapatid, 1 boy (eldest) and 3 girls (bunso ako). ngayon ko lang naisip kung nalungkot ba sina mama ko at dahil lumabas akong girl since they already have 2 girls ahead of me.  I hope hindi naman ganun. mahuhurt bako if they had that feeling for me before? with my age now, siguro hindi na.    I wasn't treated different anyway, I think that's most important naman kapag lumabas na yung baby at minahal siya ng tama kahit hindi siya yung expected ng parents niya.

[ejxtwo]

^ Oh no sis, sila yung unang twins sa family. That's why I feel bad for my daughter. Kaya nga hindi ko nalang kinu-kwento sa kanya yung whole story hehe. Bumabawi nalang kami ng love sa kanya kahit iba treatment sa kanya ng lola and lolo nya

[lovemeagain30]

talaga first? wow! congrats. tignan mo nga naman, ang galing talaga ni God. 

maybe the idea of having "twins" excites your inlaws more, additional nalang na boys pa mga eto. Grandparents will always have their favorites. I think hindi naman mawawala yun. na experience ko din yan kasi bunso ako at yung mga kapatid kong matatanda favorite ng lolo't lola ko sa ganitong side at yung iba sa ganitong side naman. ako parang wala may favorite sakin!hahaha. siguro kasi when I came in the family, malalaki na siblings ko at yung mga lolo at lola ko on both sides ay pawang sobrang matatanda na. wala ng chance I enjoy pako. 

siguro yung eldest mo very much excited din kasi may baby brothers na siya.  she's 13 na right? at her age now she will assume that the attention your twins are getting its because they're babies. iba kasi kung mas younger siya saka dumating ang mga little boys mo.if ever, dun niya mas ma feel yung difference. everything is in the right timing.

goodluck sis and take care of your pregnancy. 

[Mommychinita18]

Hindi ko alam kung ako lang to pero nun nalaman ko na buntis ako, wala akong pinanigan na gender. Everytime na may magtatanong if I want a girl or a boy, lagi ko lang sagot Ï dont mind, basta healthy". At yun nga, nun nagpa CAS and gender na kami, happy ako kasi normal si baby at baby girl siya. No expectations, no disappointments.

[chicafabulosa]

When I was pregnant, we really wanted to have a girl. (Btw i had a miscarriage prior to this pregnancy) then it was until 8th month nalaman namin yung gender na boy pala si baby. We never felt any disappointment. Lalo na we almost lost again our boy. ( bedridden kasi ako for my first trimester) Thankful na lang kame na safe and healthy sya. Ang sa amin lang mag asawa as long as healthy yung bata, walang depekto bakit pa namin gagawin na issue ang gender nya. Marami nga dyan na maraming problem sa baby nila paglabas like sa isang friend namin na she needed to undergo emergency cs kasi aside sa super baba ng chromosomes nung baby to the point na di talaga nabuo yung ibang parts nya and may butas rin sa heart ang baby girl nila. And inantay nila yung girl na yun for like 8 years after their first born son. And she had the emergency cs at 7 months kasi she was hoping na baka daw mabuo pa yung ibang parts ng baby. when she had yung test nung 4 months pa syang preggy, nadetect na may problem yung bata. But of course kasi matagal nila inantay yung bata, we understood why she was hesitant na iterminate agad yung pregnancy as suggested by her OB. So nagpapasalamat pa rin kame kay God na walang Ganun na issue anak namin kahit na di girl. Right now masasabi namin di naman issue yung gender eh. Ang important is healthy and mabait na bata yung binigay sayo. Kahit ano pa yan, its a blessing. Hindi lahat ng babae nagkaka anak.

[bk]

Nung first pregnancy ko, I had a miscarriage. Gusto ko nun boy, pati daddy ng baby ko gusto boy. So pinagdasal ko na maging boy sya. Tapos ngayon second pregnancy ko na, almost 6 mos along the way na. This time, pinagdasal ko na lang na it doesnt matter kung boy o girl as long as mabuo na lang sya ng normal at healthy. Narealize ko na kahit anong gender pa yan, it's still a blessing. Bonus na lang kung matupad yung preference  ko. Ang daming ibang babae na nagdadasal na magkababy pero hindi pinagkakalooban so swerte pa rin yung mga meron kahit anong gender pa yan. Btw, accdg to my ob, boy daw baby ko so extra joy na lang yun para sa kin. Ang mas importante nakalagpas na ko ng first trimester at sana mailabas ko sya ng normal at healthy.

[120515]

^ that's true! we are thankful as well that we have been given this awesome opportunity to develop and raise another human being

i'm just a bit sad for those who receive a different treatment in their families just because of their gender and it seems like most of the time it happens to girls.

growing up, i never had this experience and in both sides of the family, either gender is highly prized, so the concept of a person being treated differently or being less/more wanted because of his/her gender is strange. one of my closest friends experienced this with her in-laws where her daughter was not fully accepted right away just because it was a girl. i think the relationship is better now but it was very rocky the first few years.

i do have a slight preference for a girl but a boy will be just as awesome

[coco_cola]

Me also, no gender preference. I just pray for a safe delivery and healthy baby. 😀

Actually, we know ours already, boy. 😀 Pero, magkamali man ang Sonologist at maging girl siya sa delivery, I would still be the happiest and the most thankful mother. Basta safe and healthy kami ni baby. 😀

[simang]

Before we even got pregnant, we always wanted a baby boy for our first born. Feeling ko kasi mas carefree magpalaki ng boy, like few precautions lang haha i don't know if that makes sense. Pag girl kasi parang mas maingat dapat. When I got pregnant, even before we confirmed the baby's gender, everyone, as in everyone including my husband feels that we're having a girl. I also had a gut feel na girl sya, though I don't want to think too much about it kasi nga gusto namin baby boy. Lol. But along the pregnancy nacondition ko na yung sarili ko na our baby's gender won't really matter kasi we'll love him or her the same, whether boy or girl man. Yung husband ko alam nya talagang baby girl pero kinoconvince pa nya sarili nya na boy, haha. In fact, ayaw pa nga nya malaman yung gender until the 7th or 8th month daw. Nung naconfirm namin gender at 20 weeks, and indeed our baby is a girl, natawa na lang sya. Naisip nya daw kasi sino ba namang niloloko nya kung aasa pa sya na baby boy. Haha. He'll joke about baka iniipit lang daw ni baby, or baka hindi pa developed, etc.. Ayaw nya pa ipaannounce sa family namin yung gender kasi baka daw mabago pa. He'd joke about it but I know he doesn't take it seriously naman. Right now, at 24 weeks, we're both very excited for our baby girl. Like most of you, gender is really the last of our concerns. And both sides of our families are as excited as we are.