Verbal/ Emotional Abuse

[mameejhy]

How do you know if it is verbal/ emotional abuse already and not a spur of the moment reaction?

How do you move on if you are legally married and with kids? 

[marose17]

There is abuse, whether verbal or emotional, if the acts have been committed by the abuser deliberately, repeatedly and with intent to hurt, insult, cause pain, harm, threaten, malign, control, put you down and generally, make you feel bad about yourself.

Moving on - the first step is to recognize that you are being abused followed by a firm conviction that such abuse should stop.  You should leave your abuser and walk away from the marriage, thereby protecting your children from witnessing the abuse and being traumatized by it.  Do not fall for the misconception that the wife should stay with the husband no matter what.  By remaining in an abusive relationship, you are in effect showing your children that it is okay to be abusive and to be abused and such is the norm, rather than the exception.

Be strong and pray, pray, pray.

[mameejhy]

How do I prove that "the acts have been committed by the abuser deliberately, repeatedly and with intent to hurt, insult, cause pain, harm, threaten, malign, control, put you down and generally, make you feel bad about yourself."?

[marose17]

^ Sis, ikaw ang makakasagot niyan.  But the mere fact that you have opened this thread is very telling.  You already know the answer to your first question but there is something still keeping you from accepting that this is what is happening.

Consult a psychologist or a lawyer.  Verbal and emotional abuse are harder to prove than physical abuse because there are no marks or bruises, BUT it doesn't mean that if there is no trace, there was no abuse.

[maiandra]

Sis I just finished reading The Verbally Abusive Relationship: How to recognize it and how to respond by Patricia Evans and it really opened my eyes that I was in a verbally and emotionally abusive relationship. You may read more about it in amazon but here are some highlights:


Patterns that indicate verbal abuse:

1) the interaction which upsets, hurts, or confuses her is done when
she is the only one present.

2) when the interaction which upsets, hurts, or confuses her is unexpected. The incident occurs when the partner feels everything is fine.

3) when the interaction which upsets, hurts, or confuses her occurs when she is feeling happy, enthusiastic, or successful.
 
4) when the interaction which upsets, hurts, or confuses her comes to seem familiar.

5) when the interaction which upsets, hurts, or confuses her often communicates disdain for her interests.

6) when the interactions which upset, hurt, or confuse her, her mate does not seem to seek reconciliation or even to be bothered by the incident.

7) between the interactions which upset, hurt, or confuse her, the relationship seems to be functional.

in some way she is isolated. Many partners experience a growing sense of isolation, especially from their own families or from like-minded friends.

[RoadrunnerXCX]

i could only think of these:

- when you don't feel good about yourself anymore
- when you have so many uncertainties in your decisions in life
-when you feel you're not doing anything right in your life
-when you feel you're not being  appreciated and finds you always at fault
-when your self-esteem is at its lowest

how do you move on?

the only way to change another person's behavior is to change the way you react to it.. for all you know your husband has  a problem in the self-esteem department himself and he is passing it on to you. lumaban ka...mangatwiran ka...ipakita mo na hindi ka nya pwedeng tratuhin ng basta basta. show your worth sis.

[maiandra]

Remember sis that this type of abuse is not your fault. Yelling, calling you names, putting you down, disdain for your interests, witholding from you, twisting your words, accusing you, orders you around, threatens you.

If the words or attitude disempower, disrespect, or devalue the other, then they are abusive.

[fab_mom03]

I wanna put an end to my almost 14 years of abusive (verbal/emotional) relationship but I am not sure how to do it. I dont know how to do anything in my life anymore. He tells me na wala akong alam, walang kayang gawin. walang kwenta, dugyot, bobo, and just yesterday he said babasagin nya ang mukha ko. I dont know how to deal with this anymore. Help.

[saberjade]

Invalidation. That's what's happening.

You can read about it here: http://eqi.org/invalid.htm

The moment you feel that he is hurting you, keep distance. If you live together, maybe you can stay with a friend or relatives first, then figure out a way to settle things. You can ask a common friend, pastor, psychiatrist, or lawyer to mediate between the two of you.

[momentum]

^ I feel so sad about your situation sis. ako rin verbally (and so many others) abused before by my (ex) husband

the only way to get out of that situation sis is to get out from that relationship and person. napaka toxic niyang tao, my psychological issues siya. you cannot help her solve her mental issues, the only thing you can do is to save yourself! wala ka ng aasahan kundi sarili mo sis kaya magpaka tatag ka. nasayo nakasalalay ang freedom mo, so better start somewhere and make the first step. the rest of the steps, may makakatulong na sayo.

I think it would be best to file for resignation and work somewhere else. and before ka kumawala sa kanya, better go to the baranggay and file a blotter. kelangan mo ng tulong sis para matapos na ang pananakot at pagbabanta niya sayo, kasi kung ikaw lang nako alam na niya paano ka patitiklupin at kita naman na tumagal ka parin sa kanya kasi hindi mo nga kaya mag-isa na kumawala.

Before you do anything, pray and ask for guidance and protection. malinaw na sayo, based sa sinabi mo, na ayaw mo na yung ngyayari, at mukang nawawala narin love mo sa kanya at takot na ngayon ang nararamdaman mo. start looking for other jobs na sis, it is not good to stay in the same job where she knows how to locate you or what. pero if hindi mo kayang umalis sa trabaho mo then there is another solution para hindi na siya makalapit at magambala ka, and this is called: Protection Order. baranggay nagbibigay nito. Sa first filing nito, it is called Temporary protection order. Papapirmahan sa kanya ito, at hindi siya pwedeng pumalag. You don't have to be present when this happens, sila nalang ng mga taga baranggay. Anyway, This means that 15 days hindi ka niya puwede lapitan, kausapin, itxt lahat lahat..no communication at all..at kapag hindi siya sumunod dito ay you can just call a police and instant kulong siya. After 15 days, this can be renewed and can even be converted into a Permanent protection order. Ang kelangan kasi sa kanya is takutin narin and gisingin siya sa pagiging control freak at pagka psychotic niya

so here are your options na naisip ko:
option 1
-find another job. start looking na while you are still employed
- resign and start anew
- if live-in kayo, pack your bags and leave while she is not at home
- get the help of the baranggay and get a protection order
- ipa-blotter mo siya
- get a medico legal if you have bruises, etc from her hurting you. this will further strengthen your evidence at case

option 2
- stay in your current job
- get a protection order
- ipa-blotter mo siya
- if live-in kayo, pack your bags and leave while she is not at home
-get a medico legal if you have bruises, etc from her hurting you. this will further strengthen your evidence at case

then you'll be able to gain back your control sa life mo.
little by little start going out with your team, colleagues, etc. wala ka ng dapat ikatakot pa.
Good luck sis and hope maka alis ka na sa situation mo

[snowkeis]

Ang hirap sis ng situation mo. Verbally and pyshically abused ka na din sis.

Sabi nga nila mas mahigpit ang lesbian kaysa sa mga lalaki. Masyado din daw seloso ang mga ito. Mas higit pa nga daw sa mga lalaki ang kaya nila gawin.

Kung kaya mo sis hiwalayan mo na sya. Mahal mo pa ba sya? Wala sya respeto sayo sis. Nakakasakal at nakakatakot ang situation na meron ka ngayon. Hanggat maaga kumalas ka na bago pa mangyari ang di dapat mangyari. Sinasaktan ka na pala nya sis ng pisikalan. Hindi na tama yun. Hindi mo naman sya asawa. Pray ka sis and I hope magkaron ka ng lakas ng loob para mahiwalayan sya.

[tinybubbles7]

Ako naman pag nag aaway kami ng asawa ko,madalas ako yun may kasalanan. Lagi niya ko sinasabhan na tang@ o bob*. Naiinis ako kasi ganyan yun tatay ko dati sa amin. Sinasabi niya lahat daw ng negatibo nasa akin mga ganyan,sobrang nakakainis.

[chinbaptista]

^nang liliit ako sa sarili ko pag sinasabihan ako ng ganyan. I hate that feeling na hindi ka nirerespeto ng partner mo

[evilwoman]

^tago mo text messages nya.wala ka bang mabibilinan sa pilipinas?delikado masyado lagay ng mga bata.kung nakukuha nya magsalita ng ganyan malamang e hindi ok ang trato sa bata.dapat sa ganyan diretso padampot sa pulis.