The revelation of Miss Resilient.. chos!

[miss resilient]

Ngayon na lumabas ang tunay na problema. At gusto na nga niyang humiwalay. At gusto ko na rin shang pagbigyan dahil...marami shang kaisipan na hindi dapat. Medyo makitid ang pananaw niya. Wala naman shang other girl according to him. sabi ko naman kung may iba ka na sabihin mo lang para di na ako aasa na babalik ka pa. Wala naman daw.

Ayun..mas importante pala sa kanya ang family niya. Sabi niya, di na ko importante sa kanya. Sabi ko naman kasal kami. And i value our marriage so much. Sabi niya baliwalain ko na daw yun, aaminin ko may nagawa akong di maganda sa kanya. Pero i humbled myself and i apologized. Pero sabi nga niya di na ako importante sa kanya at di na rin importante ang marriage namin.

Sa mga sinabi niya. nakikita ko na mas nakafocused siya sa pera..pera ..pera at pera. He worry about a lot of things involving money. Sabi niya marami naman daw akong pera (echos lang naman yun) kaya di ko na kailangan ang support niya. sabi ko..but i love you. sabi niya dun na lang sha sa family nia..dun na lang ako sa family ko. Masakit ang mga salitang sinabi niya.

Kaya ..nirerelease ko na sha sa Lord. Gusto kong sabihin na or i impose na.o sige. Sayo na kinikita mo..at duon ka na mag intrega sa kanila. Tutal may work naman ako. Hindi na ako aasa sa kanya...sa klase ng pagiisip meron sha. In times like these, I will trust the Lord more. Buti pa ang Lord ..sa totoo lang sha ang pumupuno ng pagkukulang ng husband ko. He is my provider, protector, healer..at nagbibigay ng walang sumbat. Di ko alam if marerealize pa ng husband ko kung ano ang tungkulin niya sa akin bilang asawa. Pero matatagalan pa siguro yun. In the mean time, ganon na lang muna system namin. Gusto niya dun daw muna sha sa family niya ng 1 month. siguro nag eenjoy pa sha. Pero di kasi puede na patagalin pa yun eh. Kung siya wala ng halaga ang marriage namin for him, hindi ko sha tutularan.

I just pray maging matatag ako...at maging ok ang work ko...para di na ako umasa ng tuluyan sa kanya.

[engr_neechee]

tama sis...let go and let God...

now is the time to love yourself more....

we women don't need men to be happy... 

HIndi ka magugutom at maghihirap kapag wala siya....

[mommycute46]

Hi TS. Question, are you sure it was all about his family? Childless in 9 years...are you sure this isn't a factor? Maybe he wants a child. Parang mababaw kasi that he goes with the family trend na hiwalayan. 

[miss resilient]

^wow..wala naman po akong nabanggit sa post ko about being childless for 9 yrs. nasusubaybayan ninyo pala kuwento ko. thanks. ambilis ninyo naman po nasubaybayan kuwento ko bago pa lang kayo sa GT pero parang alam na alam mo na kuwento ko. that's nice :-)

i don't know pero i believe di naman issue yun for us. unang una wala namang third party na involved sa gusot na ito.

@engr neechee..ganon na nga po.. thanks po sa words of encouragement;)

[marose17]

Perhaps the trial separation will be good for both of you.  It will give you time to pause and reflect.

The upside is that you will no longer feel obliged to deal with your husband's family.

[sistah!]

ano ang naging kasalanan mo sa husband mo, if I may ask? baka sobrang laking factor sa kanya yun kaya sya umabot sa ganyang point. kahit nag apologize ka na, baka talagang na-hurt sya.

if it's really the end for you, I hope you find peace in this decision. as painful as it is, it is worse to stay in a miserable relationship naman diba? good luck sis.

[miss resilient]

@marose..tama po. ayaw daw muna niya umuwi ng 1 month. enjoy sha sa buhay niya doon eh budget niya kanya lang at sa family niya. wala kasing mga work kapatid non. yung isa meron pero on call basis lang.

@sistah - nagagalit sha sa akin pag nag aaway kami ng sobra..pareho kasi kaming working laging issue yung pag aasikaso ng dinner sa gabi kasi we didnt get household help dahil wala naman kaming kids. nagsawa na sha sa ganong situation napapagod sha na nagwwork na gumagawa pa ng household chores. pareho lang naman kaming working. atsaka namiss yata niya buhay binata. ang gusto niya manonood ng basketball games sa araneta..bonding with his brother and sis...sabi niya dun na lang din ako sa family ko..dun na rin sha sa family niya wag ko na raw intindihin kung kasal kame. di na raw importante yun

[glamorosa_09]

It must have hurt you a lot -- hearing that the marriage doesn't mean anything to him, telling you to forget all about it as if that's so simple, and listening to him saying those things without any emotions. How are you feeling with all of this?

I've read your previous thread on "di ko feel ang family nya." It seems to me, that you have personal or wifely needs that your husband wasn't able to meet. Perhaps you didn't have the confidence nor the emotional security that your husband is more on your side than his family's, or you feel his family is more important than you. Basing from your previous post, it appears to me that his family didn't do anything offensive to you to warrant your ire for them. So it's not between you and his family, it's between you and your husband. His family became the object of your frustration and anger.

I don't know if you have tried to open up (in a diplomatic way) to your husband about feeling less important than his family, about how it pains and bothers you. I'm not sure either if he could have addressed your concerns to make you more comfortable and emotionally secured. Maybe, out of hurt and anger you pent up or have done something that has hurt your husband deeply, responding to your own hurt by hurting him back, so you ended up hurting each other.

It's sad that failure to resolve conflicts or accept the things that can't be changed can lead to separation, or maybe this is just a temporary separation.

Now you have decided to surrender your situation to God, and it's good that He's your source of comfort during this trying time. I do hope that eventually, you would get what your heart truly desires.

[miss resilient]

^hi glamorosa..thanks sa comment mo. sa tingin ko tama ka..i have frustrations na lumalabas na ikinagagalit ko...tapos sha di niya rin ma accept yung galit ko.

hindi nga kami naging diplomatic with each other sa usaping iyon. may mga taong ayaw kaming maghiwalay so since siya ang galit ako daw ang gumawa ng way para magkasundo kame. parang ang gusto nilang sabihin i should be more patient with him, i should understand him more...kasi nga kung minsan di abot ng isip niya yung mga bagay na dapat ay tungkulin niya bilang asawang lalaki. ibig bang sabihin pakikisamahan ko sha sa matagal na panahon na ganon...na iaaccept ko kahit nasasaktan ako. i'd like to keep this marriage..pero kung ayaw na niya wala na akong magagawa.

thanks for the encouraging words also.  i am hoping and praying na ma grant din ang desires ng heart ko. iniisip ko nga kung sakali na babalik sha ..sabihin ko na o sige dun ka na magbigay sa kanila tutal ganyan naman thinking mo. para sayo di mo naman ako obligation eh..di sige. siguro naman magiging masaya na siya pag ganon. it really hurts na marinig ang ganon sa taong nangako sa yo na sasamahan ka niya hanggang sa pagtanda

[glamorosa_09]

Haay, ganun talaga, there are couples who started out happy and contended with each other, until magkaron ng unang buhol na di naayos, nagkaron ulit ng buhol, hanggang sa dumami ang buhol-buhol it becomes so overwhelming and seems impossible na maayos. So mas magandang isa-isahin. 

At least this is a good time for you to understand yourself, your emotions and its causes, and to step back to get a better look at your marriage. You said you want to keep this marriage but is open to whatever that is beyond your control, and I can say that's the spirit of surrendering, but I know that it's not easy to face an unknown future either.

Can you recall and share the times na mas pinahalagahan ng husband mo yung family nya more than you? Or ano yung mga instances na ang lakas ng impact sayo that it hurt and angered you a lot?

I think it would be better na makita mong malinaw yung pinanggagalingan mo and pinangggalingan ng husband mo.

[maiandra]

Hi miss resilient... of all the reasons na maghiwalay, this is one of the saddest. Bec this is for me the easiest to resolve. Understandable yung babae, abusive, sugarol, walang trabaho... pero family? Mukhang this is something na hindi nyo napagusapan ng maayos bago pa kayo ikasal. Family is family. Maybe may faults sya, pero that does diminish your own part in this. You do need this time to reflect on yourself, your marriage and his family. Weigh what is tryuly important to you. In this case I think not all is lost. If you think may pagkukulang ka or need mas malawak na pasensya sa family nya, by all means, don't give up. Maybe not now, give him some time to miss you and realize what is lost.

All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing.

[mommycute46]

^wow..wala naman po akong nabanggit sa post ko about being childless for 9 yrs. nasusubaybayan ninyo pala kuwento ko. thanks. ambilis ninyo naman po nasubaybayan kuwento ko bago pa lang kayo sa GT pero parang alam na alam mo na kuwento ko. that's nice :-)

i don't know pero i believe di naman issue yun for us. unang una wala namang third party na involved sa gusot na ito.

I took a "peek" on your posts kasi nakukulangan ako sa kwento mo. For me kasi it's a factor, maybe he doesn't see any reason to fight for your marriage. Like it's an easy exit since there's no kid involve. He will only need to deal will you and that piece of paper binding you. Eh lagi nga kayong hindi nagkakasundo diba and he already did telling you not to mind your marriage anymore. But this is just me ha, opinion lang po, I could be wrong.

Why don't give also yourself a space? He needs space then tell him you need space too haha. If he want a month then ask for 2 mos LOL. I think that is long enough for you to sort things out.

[Girltalker2]

This is really sad to hear.

I guess naipon nanga yung hinanakit ninyo sa isa't isa.

Most men sa Pinas (or Asia) expect wives to serve them.  Kaya ang hirap nga if the wife is also working.  Bakit hindi nila ito maintindihan.  Pero in your case, baka nga naman puede kayo maghire ng maid nalang, or if not, plan your menu in advance on a weekly basis para pag uwi, yung iba iinitin nalang.  I guess these are too late but sana ma patch up nyo pa. Sayang din ang 9 years ninyo together, that's a long time not counting pa the days na mag bf/gf kayo.

[imbisibol_]

nagagalit sha sa akin pag nag aaway kami ng sobra..pareho kasi kaming working laging issue yung pag aasikaso ng dinner sa gabi...napapagod sha na nagwwork na gumagawa pa ng household chores...ang gusto niya manonood ng basketball games sa araneta.

if these were the only problems facing married couples, we'd all live to have 50 year wedding anniversaries.  dinner problems?  cook for the entire week one week-end, freeze, thaw, and serve each night.  chores?  make a list and divide up.  watch games?  why should that even be a problem?  go with him and bond with him and his siblings.   

but i suspect your problems are deeper than those reasons.

parang ang gusto nilang sabihin i should be more patient with him, i should understand him more...ibig bang sabihin pakikisamahan ko sha sa matagal na panahon na ganon...na iaaccept ko kahit nasasaktan ako.

yes, all those and more.  that's what we signed up for when we said our "i do's". 

i'd like to keep this marriage..pero kung ayaw na niya wala na akong magagawa.

first off, try identifying the real problem/s first.  then figure out a solution based on that.  it's hard to fix something when you don't know what's broken or what caused it.  it's certainly not dinner prepping issues. 

good luck to you.  no one wants to see a marriage fall apart. 

[miss resilient]

hi all. thanks for all the posts.

now we're back together pero ganon pa rin minsan. marami talagang pinaguugatan..lalo na ang pera. mahirap mang isipin ito rin talaga ang dahilan. Just recently, nagkasakit ang kapatid at father niya. As usual pera na naman ang kelangan. My family counseled us...kinausap kame..kinuha ang both sides..para ngang may hearing sa bahay..lols!

During the first week na magkasama kame uli..konting disagreement lang super galit na agad sha. hanggang sa napapagod na rin ako. sabi ko sige na lang kung talagang ayaw mo na...go ka na talaga. Nahimasmasan yata siya. All of a sudden naman, ayaw na niyang umalis. Sinabi niya na nagkamali sha na umalis sha.

For now di ko pa nakakaharap mother and siblings niya.