Hubby Disowns His Lovechild Because of Me

[k_fine]

When I first met hubby, his ex-gf had just given birth to their child. He seemed happy with the baby. He was posting the baby’s pictures on fb. Then we became friends. As a friend, I listened to his stories about his family, ex-gf and the baby.

Then we romantically connected, so naging kami. At first, we didn’t talk about the set up of the baby since bago pa lang kami. After a few months, pag nababanggit niya ang anything about the baby and the mother, subconsciously parang naiinis ako. And napapansin naman niya and he asked me about it. I said I am not comfortable of the idea of him still talking to the baby’s mother. Which tinigil niya kaagad ang communication niya dun sa mother. I know it seems ang bad ko. Pati sa fb niya inalis ang photos nung baby and we never talked about the baby and the mother again. That happened on the first year of our relationship. Now we're on our 5th year together and already married, still hindi pa rin niya pinapansin ang anak niya which I know is kasalanan ko rin and I am very sorry for it. I want him sana to acknowledge the child and give financial help. But he doesn’t want to talk about it and sometimes says that he’s not sure that the child is his since he and his ex-girlfriend broke up because he found out that the girl had other boyfriends. Plus everytime he talks about our future, he talks about our future kids (wala pa kaming anak) but never mentions his child. How can I make him change his mind? Naaawa naman ako dun sa bata. I know it’s my fault pero how do I correct it? Thanks a lot

[aquacharly]

Exactly what are you going for?
To address your guilt of over 5 years ago?  Naiinis ka noon sa reality of his having a kid, now naawa ka sa kid. K, fine.
Or,  you made some tenuous connection between your delay in having children & your refusal to acknowledge that kid's existence?  Be truthful to yourself.

Has the ex-GF made any demands?  If she hasn't, & your husband doubts he is the biological father --  then, let sleeping dogs lie. Don't rock the status quo. Just keep at the back of your mind, that should 1 day the kid need help or comes knocking -- you will keep an open mind -- regardless of how many kids you have by then.

BUT if he signed on as the father in the birth certificate --  Teka.
Why did he do that, with his big ?     Get to the bottom of this, but tread carefully -- you turned him around once before, now you wanna turn him back to where he was in the 1st place.
Can you convince the ex-Gf & your husband to have a DNA text done? BUT before you go down that road, be prepared if the child's paternity is proven, for the ex-gf to make demands for regular support. Can you afford that financially & emotionally?

You cannot correct this on your own, if re-connecting to the child & ex-gf is what you seek (it's a package deal, remember that: kid AND ex/gf).  Your husband must be on the same page as you, since he will be taking on a major rolev(you take the background on this.  You are not likely to be calling the shots here. It will be mostly between your husband and his ex-gf.  If you assert yourself too much -- your husband & the ex-gf will both see you as the irritant. That aggravation, you don't surely want).

[dropdeadgorgeous]

mahirap talaga maharap sa ganyang situation sis. nakaka guilty.
my situation is not far from yours btw. i met my boyfriend na may anak na sa nakaraan niya. sa totoo lang, nahirapan akong lunukin  and pride ko. iniisip ko kasi kung ano ang sasabihin ng partido ko - nega ang tingin nila papa sa kanya, mga kaibigan, lahat ng nasa side ko. may mga moments na naiiyak ako kasi ano ba yan, ang single single ko tapos pahihirapan ko sarili ko na magkaroon ng relasyon sa isang may anak na. bakit hindi ako maghanap ng single din para walang problema. pero hindi madali. kasi nainlove na ako ng husto sa kanya. dumating ako sa point na why should i go? he needs me for sure and i am sticking with him. di naman ako nagkamali.  naging tapat siya sa akin sa umpisa pa lang. i will always have the choice kung itigil or ituloy ang pakikipag relasyon sa kanya. until he got me pregnant. he also has the choice kung   papakasalan niya ako or hindi diba. and he told me he wants me to be his wife. flattering kasi pinaalam niya ito sa mga magulang niya at sa lahat ng kakilala niya.proud siya na ako ang makakasama niya. kung naging transparent ang hubby ko sa umpisa pa lang, he deserves to get the same treatment as well plus the kid around. walang kasalanan ang bata dito. and i embrace the idea that soon i will be this little girls best girlfiend. i cant replace her mom, nag iisa lang yon diba. so thats the closest thing i can do. isa pa, ok na rin siguro na mag usap si hubby at ex niya about the kid. he knows his limitation, and i trust him. nakakapagod din kasi pagselosan ang mga ganyan, no sense at all because i am the wife here who believes that prayer and open communication works. so there, take it easy. you have a long way to go with your husband and the lovechild. treat the kid nice and the kid will give you the same treatment in the future. kasama sa package yan at wag ka pumayag lumabas na evil step  mom. usap kayo ni hubby at iparamdam mo sa kanya kung gaano mo siya kamahal. di pa huli ang lahat. God bless you.

[k_fine]

^ buti sis sayo inacknowledge ng hubby mo ang anak niya. ang hubby ko kinausap ko ulit pero ayaw talaga or ayaw muna. sabi niya we'll conduct a dna test to prove that he is not the father. parang sure na sure pa siya. and once the result comes out and it's negative, he'll sue the mother. wala naman akong problema sa idea of him being a father to the child. eh si hubby ang ayaw talaga. wala daw siyang maramdamang lukso ng dugo dun sa bata. ako na nga nasasaktan sa mga sinasabi niya na wala daw siya concern dun sa bata 

[dropdeadgorgeous]

ang hubby ko, confused din before if kanya yong bata. pero ano naman ang kasalanan ng musmos diba, so better ayusin na lang para ma lessen ang gulo.
hindi ginusto ng mga bata na isilang sila then madatnan ang ganyang mga eksena. ikaw bilang asawa niya, sayo siya nakikinig..maging open ka sa nararamdaman mo with your current situation, pray and i am sure, holy spirit will guide you both.

[sistah!]

why are you doing this? because you suddenly felt guilty about the situation? the sad truth is that he abandoned his child when he chose to just stop communicating with his ex-gf. that is the price you pay when you jump into a relationship with someone who has children with other women. you cannot simply demand that they stop talking to the mother. unless you are the types who have lawyers on speed dial to handle your coordination of child rearing responsibilities. but even then, it is not healthy for the sanity of the child.

I suggest that you have a serious discussion with your husband. if he wants to reconnect with the child, by all means support him. but if he does not want to "rock the boat", let it be. just make sure to communicate that if there comes a time when the child seeks for his help or his company, you will support it so he knows that it isn't something he needs to reject to please you.

[engr_neechee]

kung ako ang nasa lugar mo baka mas matuwa ako kasi I could live my life na normal yung family namin...walang love child.  Ang dami-daming babaeng natatakbuhan ng mga nakabuntis, why burden yourself of having a husband na may love child?

[kikai]

be happy tahimik buhay mo sis.. don't look for something that might  create a crack in your quiet life..

meron nga iba na gagawin ang lahat makapanggulo lang ng relasyon dahil sa bata.. only to turn out it was not his all along and he was just victimized!! imagine the wasted time and effort, money at kahihiyan ng lahat...

or gagamitin ang bata just to get his attention at dadaanin sa emotional blackmail..

or worse maghahabol sa pera dahil kapos yung nanay..

i knew some who did that..

why rock the boat? choice nya lumayo dun sa bata.. whatever your hubby's reasons hindi lang dahil ikaw ang dahilan..pwedeng me mas malalim pa na siya lang tanging nakakaalam.. men have stubborn pride... and hindi nila aaminin naloko sila.. mabuti tahimik din yung kabilang party..

[k_fine]

kung ako ang nasa lugar mo baka mas matuwa ako kasi I could live my life na normal yung family namin...walang love child.  Ang dami-daming babaeng natatakbuhan ng mga nakabuntis, why burden yourself of having a husband na may love child?

nagpupunta kasi yung bata sa bahay ng parents ng hubby ko at medyo close siya sa parents ng hubby ko. minsan lang kami umuwi dun kaya hindi napang-aabot pero may one time na inabutan ng bata yung hubby ko dun sa bahay nila. No reaction si hubby at nasabi niyang hindi daw niya talaga anak yun. naawa naman ako 

[k_fine]

be happy tahimik buhay mo sis.. don't look for something that might  create a crack in your quiet life..

meron nga iba na gagawin ang lahat makapanggulo lang ng relasyon dahil sa bata.. only to turn out it was not his all along and he was just victimized!! imagine the wasted time and effort, money at kahihiyan ng lahat...

or gagamitin ang bata just to get his attention at dadaanin sa emotional blackmail..

or worse maghahabol sa pera dahil kapos yung nanay..

i knew some who did that..

why rock the boat? choice nya lumayo dun sa bata.. whatever your hubby's reasons hindi lang dahil ikaw ang dahilan..pwedeng me mas malalim pa na siya lang tanging nakakaalam.. men have stubborn pride... and hindi nila aaminin naloko sila.. mabuti tahimik din yung kabilang party..

tahimik naman yung nanay ng bata kaso yung nangungulit eh yung nanay at kapatid ni ex-gf ng hubby ko. na dapat daw pag-aralin sa ganitong school, nanghihingi ng gadgets for the child at kung ano2x pa. eh si hubby naman walang sagot sa kanila. bahala na daw ang mother-in-law ko makipag-usap sa kanila. wala talagang pakialam si hubby 

[engr_neechee]

sis you are so lucky na sa sobrang pagmamahal ng hubby mo sa iyo eh kaya niyang iwan ang anak niya para sa iyo..

also, there is really such thing as lukso ng dugo....if he doesn't feel anything towards the kid, that is absolutely not your problem...

and like sabi nga ni sis kikai, don't open a crack...maraming ganyan...baka magsisi ka kapag sumakit an ang ulo mo sa mga demands nila....

the reason bakit tahimik na yung ina nung bata is because she has moved on and like any single mom, it is with great pride that they present themselves to the society na kaya nilang buhayin ang anak nila mag-isa..mas maganda na yung ganung setup kaysa she is at the mercy of your hubby...tayong mga babae, we make it happen...we don't need men to be happy...

[kikai]

well, hayaan mo na lang sis.. since yung mismong ex gf eh no reaction or demands or moves.. kasi si hubby mo at ikaw ang mag suffer in the end..

yung nanay at sister ni ex gf malamang me ibang motive for themselves.. since akala nila since open sa in laws mo yung bata kaya na nila mag step up for more demands... do not open the way for them..

let things be and move on.. it was your hubby's choice na wala sya ma feel..

minsan sis try to imagine if it was the opposite.. na welcome si kiddo kay hubby.. and every decision and budget kasali yung bata? at yung ex gf they are very good friends...what will you feel then??

then you can understand why we keep telling you let things be.. wag mo problemahin ang isang bagay na hindi na dapat pinoproblema..

[k_fine]

tama kayo mga sis. hayaan ko na lang kesa pag-awayan namin mag-asawa ito. nababadtrip talaga si hubby pag kinakausap ko siya tungkol dito. naiinis dun sa side nung ex-gf

[rhed]

Let it go sis, sabi nga wag ka na kumuha bato ipukpok lang sa ulo mo. Pray. Pray that when the child and ex gf made habol sa inyo ni hubby, prepared ka. Emotionally and spiritually.

Nakapirma b hubby mo sa birth certificate?

[k_fine]

Let it go sis, sabi nga wag ka na kumuha bato ipukpok lang sa ulo mo. Pray. Pray that when the child and ex gf made habol sa inyo ni hubby, prepared ka. Emotionally and spiritually.

Nakapirma b hubby mo sa birth certificate?

hindi sis kasi hindi daw kasi talaga siya sure na kanya yun. we will conduct a paternity test para ma-clear na ang lahat ng ito. hope it turns out negative lol  thanks sis ha   

[j.adore]

^He should have done the paternity test the first instant he hesitated kung kanya yun.

[k_fine]

^He should have done the paternity test the first instant he hesitated kung kanya yun.

oo nga eh. d sana natapos na ang issue before everything turned ugly but we'll have it na anytime soon. it's never too late pa naman. thanks! 

[em-em321]

ang di ko magets dito, ikaw na din nagsabi na nung una, post pa nang post yung husband mo ng pics nung baby sa fb nya at panay kwento sa yo. that means, there came a time na sure syang kanya yun at nagbago lang lahat nung nagpakita ka ng reaksyon na hindi okay sa yo na namemention nya yung baby. i think kung gusto mong iconvince sya, learn to acknowledge this part at sabihin mo din sa kanya. kasi ako, lumaki din akong walang tatay, sis. and i know how it feels na magtanim ng sama ng loob sa bagong asawa ng tatay ko, dahil simula pagkabata ko, binabawalan sya kitain kami madalas. ultimong graduation ko ng highschool (salutatorian pa mandin ako), hindi sya nakaattend dahil ang sabi "ayaw nya magkaroon pa ng gulo o away sa kanila magasawa). saklap. anyway, i had moved on. so my advice sa yo sis, kung nung magboyfriend pa lang kayo eh ganon na katindi influence mo sa kanya para icut lahat ng communications don sa kabila, dapat mas lalo kaya mo sya iconvince ngayon na asawa ka na. pero that is, if you sincerely want to change things for the child's sake and not just for any reason.

[k_fine]

ang di ko magets dito, ikaw na din nagsabi na nung una, post pa nang post yung husband mo ng pics nung baby sa fb nya at panay kwento sa yo. that means, there came a time na sure syang kanya yun at nagbago lang lahat nung nagpakita ka ng reaksyon na hindi okay sa yo na namemention nya yung baby. i think kung gusto mong iconvince sya, learn to acknowledge this part at sabihin mo din sa kanya. kasi ako, lumaki din akong walang tatay, sis. and i know how it feels na magtanim ng sama ng loob sa bagong asawa ng tatay ko, dahil simula pagkabata ko, binabawalan sya kitain kami madalas. ultimong graduation ko ng highschool (salutatorian pa mandin ako), hindi sya nakaattend dahil ang sabi "ayaw nya magkaroon pa ng gulo o away sa kanila magasawa). saklap. anyway, i had moved on. so my advice sa yo sis, kung nung magboyfriend pa lang kayo eh ganon na katindi influence mo sa kanya para icut lahat ng communications don sa kabila, dapat mas lalo kaya mo sya iconvince ngayon na asawa ka na. pero that is, if you sincerely want to change things for the child's sake and not just for any reason.

hi sis. inacknowledge niya yung bata at first though may doubt siya talaga kung kanya yun kasi parang lumagpas sa buwan naipanganak since last sila nagkasama. lalo lang siguro siya nawalan ng interest nung sinabi ko sa kanya na ayoko nga dun which i really regret. but i guess hindi lang talaga ako ang reason dun. talaga hindi siya sure, at parang na-trigger ko lang lalo. sa ngayon pinipilit ko siyang harapin na nga ang batang yun. sabi naman niya, until we prove na siya nga ang tatay thru dna, he will support the kid. hindi pa namin magagawa yun kasi wala pa kami sa pinas.