My in-laws are back fighting me accrdg to my Maid's Story. How to Handle?

[smartstarter]

I have kids and pregnant and living with my in laws for almost 2 years now, since pinapagawa pa ang bahay namin. One day the maid of my yaya told me the conversation happened between the labandera and her that the the aunties of my husband were talking behind my back. "Kawawa naman si, ________, kapag kaharap siya, ang ganda ng pakikisama nila pero pag tumalikod ganun ganon na lang kung makasabi ng mga masasakit na salita sa kanya." was the exact statement of the labandera that was told to my maid. I was so emotional that I posted my feelings sa facebook and pag-uwi, I was confronted by my mother in law.

At that point, I bursted into tears and told them that if they wanted any information, they need not na ipagtsismisan ako but talk to me directly kung ano ang gusto nilang malaman at hindi nagugustuhan sa akin. The anger was directed directly to the maid bakit daw nakikisali siya sa usapang pamilya e maid lang naman siya at dinuro duro pa siya ng [textspeak!] ko though hindi naman nakapagbitiw ng mga bad words if i were the maid masakit talaga ang mga pinagsasabi niya. Umalis kaagad ang maid ko ng walang pasabi man lang sa akin.

With that conversation, I only confirmed that they were actually talking behind my back. Then I lost all the trust kung ano mang meron ako sa family ng husband ko. My husband knows about this already and I told him na hindi na ako makikisama sa family niya o titira pa doon. The only reason lang naman na tumira ako doon is para mamonitor ko ang takbo ng construction ng bahay namin at mapalapit ang mga anak ko sa side ng husband ko since my hub is out of the country. For the meantime, umuwi ako sa amin kasama ang mga kids ko.

Mga sis, if you were in my case ano ang gagawin niyo?

[aquacharly]

If I were you, binara ko maid na hwag nakiki tsismiss.  Ang sabi-sabi-sabi may  dagdag na yan for sure.
Mga maids, IMO, like to embroider the truth & like to see mga gulo gulo kasi it adds color to their dreary lives, & sa tsismiss din sila kumukuha ng "feeling of power" or superiority.

Bottom line --  whether you or your in laws like each other or not --  you are stuck together because of your husband and kids.
Kung na control mo your emotions,  ano man sinabi ng maid eh you took into consideration (kasi may grain of truth yan).  Tapos cool ka lang gumawa ka ng moves to distance yourself & your kids without closing doors. 

Yes, it is hard to deal with hypocrites. It is very hurtful to learn of your in-laws disapproval/non-acceptance of you. But closing doors --  just creates boundaries na talagang pati mga bata damay sa away matanda.   
And where does that put your husband?  In a very awkward position.  Wives are supposed to bring more happiness into husbands' lives, dapat wives eh hindi na dagdagan problems ng husbands.   

You take the higher ground & make the first move to mend fences, after some time. Deadmahin mo na parang walang nangyari. I am sure sila mismo nagsisisi sa ginawa nila.  You can be friendly on the surface, but still mafeel nila galit/distance mo.  Mag-iingat na yan henceforth. 


From The Serenity Prayer:

      God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change;
      Courage to change the things I can; and
      Wisdom to know the difference.

[mspanyang]

I can relate to this.  Sobrang hirap.  Gusto ko na ngang hiwalayan dati ang husband ko because of my mother in law.  Kapag kaharap ang husband ko ang bait bait, pag wala na hubby ko ayun iba na pakikitungo sa akin.  Never akong lumaban or kumibo para wala silang masabi pero traumatic talaga.

I came to a point na ayaw ko na silang makita.  Ilang years na hindi ako nagpakita dahil di ko kayang makipagplastikan.  later on sila na din ang lumapit and na realize nila na wala naman akong masamang ginagawa.

[mslcgrey]

^ my opinion naman about this is majority if not all of us are guilty of saying not so good things about other people behind their back and that is backstabbing. Unless they are planning your murder, minsan dapat i-respect and take their criticisms constructively na lang. We can't please everybody so kahit para sa atin mabait naman tayo eh some people will find some things we do as not good enough.

For sis TS, syempre i don't know naman what exactly they said behind your back. If mga malicious lies yun then lumaban ka but if mga opinion lang maybe about your views about pregnancy, pano ka humawak ng pera, etc then maybe you can use it to take a look at yourself. Bakit ba nila nasabi yun?

As you have said if kaharap ka nila okay naman sila. Hindi ka naman nila inaapi. So just prove them wrong but wag mong gawin dahilan ito to cut off your ties with them completely. (Again, may exemption   sa rule like if they are indeed planning for harm to come to you. ) 

[younis]

i agree with sis Aquarcharly... to the TS, halos parehas tayo ng situation before, pero ako hindi nakikitira sa in-laws ko, sila ang nakikitira sa amin. anyways, ganyan din, may tsismis din from the helpers na kesyo sinabi ni MIL ganito or ganyan. In my heard alam kong may katotohanan, pero nag-observe lang ako sa paligid ko. nandyan yung nahuli ko pa mismo yung 2 inlaws ko na nag-uusap about me at rinig na rinig ko pa pinagusapan, hindi nila alam na nasa banyo lang ako. paglabas ko ng banyo nagulat sila na andun pala ako. so deadma lang ako, nakipag-usap lang ako sa kanila ng normal conversation kunwari wala akong narinig.

ang nasa isip ko, kapag ni-confront ko yan, forever ng may "lamat" ang samahan namin kasi syempre parents ng husband ko yan eh. so never ko ginawa yan. laging sinasabi ng mama ko sa akin "kahit anong bait mong manugang, may sasabihin at sasabihin pa rin ang in-laws mong hindi maganda about you." totoo yan. so what I do is that "keep your friends close and your enemies closer" para alam ko kung papaano ko pakikiharapan ang situation. hindi ako sumusugod ng basta basta.

[patriciaheart]

We can't please everybody so kahit para sa atin mabait naman tayo eh some people will find some things we do as not good enough.

(Again, may exemption   sa rule like if they are indeed planning for harm to come to you. ) 

Sis tama ka nga, unless na gusto nila patayin ako OR pag hiwalayin kami at anak ko,, kailangan makisama,, bad lang kasi pag ako napuno baka ako ang may gawin LOL joke.

ang nasa isip ko, kapag ni-confront ko yan, forever ng may "lamat" ang samahan namin kasi syempre parents ng husband ko yan eh. so never ko ginawa yan. laging sinasabi ng mama ko sa akin "kahit anong bait mong manugang, may sasabihin at sasabihin pa rin ang in-laws mong hindi maganda about you." totoo yan. so what I do is that "keep your friends close and your enemies closer" para alam ko kung papaano ko pakikiharapan ang situation. hindi ako sumusugod ng basta basta.

hays mga sis, hinde ako mag rreltaliate kasi now civil naman ang pakikitungo ko sakanila walang harap harapan bastusan,,,, pero yung back fighting grabe ewan ko karma nalang siguro.  Hinde nga ako dapat susugod dahil ako mag mmukhang walang class.

[switblububbles]

Grabe I can relate too much...Sa sobrang gusto ko magcomment di ko maorganize ang gusto ko sabihin.

Ganito rin kase nangyari sakin...Did the same thing you do sis. Umalis ako ng house with our baby. Nagaway at nagkasagutan rin kame ni MIL. Si MIL na halos lahat ng kapatid nya nakaaway nya...at halos lahat nung 3 anak nya nakaaway na nya ng major to the point na lumayas rin sila. Si MIL na kahit anak nya basta ngaway sila sinisiraan sa ibang tao. Ganon rin ginawa nya sakin. Minsan naririnig ko pa sa phone kausap nya kapatid nya saying her rants about me.

Pero may point sis aqua...Kung maibabalik ko lang sana umalis nalang ako na wala kameng sagutan. Sana ginawa ko nalang ng matiwasay. That was the darkest part of my life so far.

And in the end ako rin ang nagsorry sa MIL ko dahil wala talagang magaalaaga ng baby ko kundi sya unless magresign ako. We're in good terms now pero hindi na talaga mababalik yung dati. Sabi nga nila if you can't beat them join them hahaha.

Naghiwalay rin kameng mag-asawa because of this pero now we're ok na.

Pero dahil sa pride na rin at gusto ko umiwas na sa future arguments, humiwalay nako ng house. si baby andun nagstay sa kanila...kinukuha ko nalang pag wala kong pasok.

[chiqmom]

Let's admit it, there's a monster in every MIL. She will always, always have something bad to say about their daughter in law. Some may be too vocal or obvious about their disgust but some may be very discreet. Well, others may say here na their mother in law is perfect, but heck, I bet their MIL will have something to comment about how they raise their kids, how you clean the table, how you should be home at this hour, etc. Let's admit it, we always find something nega about how others try to handle their lives.

Now ask yourself this "will you be comfortable if your MIL directly told you her concern?" don't you think she's trying to keep mum because she doesn't like to fire any ill feeling about you? Try to get her points too. You're her daughter in law, but this does not mean that she can be vocal like how she treats her son.

Also, I learned the hard way about believing the maids's kwento. They seem to enjoy talking nonsense just to let time pass. She might be telling the truth, but heck, its not her concern.

Your mother in law might be pained because you actually sided with the maid more than her. But I understand where you're coming from.

Hindi pwedeng dalawang reyna sa isang bahay as my lola would always tell me. So its best if you can find a place for you and your kid. Mahirap ang makitira, even if your intentions are genuine. So what's the best thing to do? Gain your mother in law's trust and..errrr.. love again. But never come back to their house to live.

[Peyton~Haley]

i have the same problem with my mil 5 years ago....grabe din her mouth and mismo maid ko naiiyak na sabihin sa akin ang mga pinagsasabi nia...sobrang galit ko nun, nadun na yung gusto ko lumayas, iwan hubby ko, all the things sis that you are feeling...but hindi nawala sa akin ang pag pray... fortunately and unfortunately....she died 3 years ago with pancreatic cancer... so nawala na ang isang tinik ko sa neck...now leaves my [textspeak!] with the same attitude...ginagawa ko na lang i continue to pray...his time on this earth is limited na rin...kahit ano pa ang tama natin, our in-laws will always be elders...and elders deserve respect...bahala na si God sa kanila...karma is always there naman eh...

[BDJ]

Hindi ko kasi talaga ang final stand ko sa nanlilibak patalikod though most of the time I want to ignore them basta hindi pa makakaapekto sa buhay ko at pagkatao ko. Ayoko rin naman ng chismosa sa totoo lang. Sige pag usapan na nila ako ng sila sila lang kasi hindi ko naman kontrolado pero huwag silang makipag usap sa akin ng wala sa hulog at huwag silang makialam sa personal na buhay ko lalo na kung ibang tao naman yan na hindi naman nakakatulong.

Kahit ako kapag nakitungo ng mabuti sa akin tapos yun pala pagtalikod ko maraming hindi magagandang sinasabi madidisappoint rin naman ako at mawawalan ng tiwala. Tama lang ang desisyon mo na lumayo ka na lang to avoid stress to your family and you should stay away for negative vibes.

I am pregnant too right now but first time. Hindi pa ako nakakalipat sa bf ko pero siempre may worries rin naman ako for my grandmother in law even my mom ask me kung tatratuhin ba ako ng maayos, she asked twice na and told me pa nga na dahil 4th floor raw yung unit ng bf ko huwag raw akong papayag na uutus utusan lang ako.

But now I am much more bothered on how my relatives will talk to me sa mga gatherings. On my side of course. Kabisado ko kung sino ang malakas mamuna ng wala sa hulog at yung maayos makiusap. Kaya my final desisyon is not going to the gatherings lalo na't preggy pa ako at kapag baby pa kid namin.

In my case ang pinaka bothered ako parati kapag ininsulto ako, hindi ako tinatrato ng maayos, inaalila, tapos lahat ng kilos mo mali. Ayoko yung halos hindi na ako makakilos sa mga pananalita nila. 

[switblububbles]

Gain your mother in law's trust and..errrr.. love again. But never come back to their house to live.

-Best thing to do...