My sister in law hates me.

[sistah!]

My SIL hates me. When my husband I were still dating, hindi nya ako masyado pinapansin. I kinda just thought baka hindi sya yung type na warm or welcoming. And since I wasn't the type to hang out at their place naman, ok lang sa akin. When we got engaged, she started showing me some attitude. Alam mo yun, when I visit their place, aalis na lang sya, magkukulong sa kwarto, minsan nagdadabog pa yan pag umalis. Lagi nakasimangot sa akin. I tried to ignore her behavior but at some point, my [textspeak!] talked to my husband to "deal with his sister". That conversation apparently turned into a shouting match between the 2 of them and she ended up complaining about certain things that pissed her off about me. She said she always thought I was mayabang but since we hardly ever talk, he defended me by pointing out that whatever feelings she had were borne from whatever impressions she got from those small interactions. Their other sibling told her din to try to get to know me better.

It's been almost 5 years since my husband and I got married. She still doesn't make me pansin, she still does the same things (nagtatago sa kwarto, deadma ako pag bumibisita ako, nagdadabog). I added her on facebook and she accepted but later on, unfriended me. I followed her on instagram but she blocked me. Sometimes I think it will no longer change but it makes me sad to think that it's gonna be like this forever. I don't need her to be my friend but I just want a little civility. She did not attend my daughter's birthday, and when she hangs out with their cousins, they do not invite my husband na. I think it's because they are trying to avoid instances na andun kami pareho. And she works abroad so she's gone most of the year naman but when she's here in the country, it's like we do not exist and we do not see my in laws masyado. It's fine for me, except I kinda want my kid to grow up being familiar with her lolo and lola from that side. And since she doesn't want to interact with me, I don't know what to do to extend a hand of friendship or something.

[Priceless]

I will not try to explain or justify what your SIL does, pero diba meron talagang mga tao na nakakainis and mainit ang dugo mo sa kanila, without any reason, or baka petty reasons na napapalaki lang dahil nga mainit ang dugo sa kanila. Let her be, the more you try to please her, or befriend her, mas likely na maiinis or mairita sya sayo. Don't force her to be nice or to be civil towards you kung di nya feel. Mas okay na rin yan, at least alam mong hindi sya magpplastic sayo.

Same goes with your daughter, kung ayaw nya sa daughter mo, salamat nalang kamo. You don't need her naman yata to look after your daughter. You said that she lives abroad and she only comes home once in a while - ibigay mo nalang yung time na yun for her to enjoy the company of the people she likes. Tutal most of the year naman yata nakakasama mo ang family ng husband mo and your daughter gets to spend time with her lola, lolo and cousins. You can choose some other dates/time to hang out with them. In fact, perhaps you can allow your husband and your daughter to spend time with them pero without you... (use the day nalang for your alone/pampering/getaway time) tapos explain nalang na you want them to spend time together and for her to be comfortable and enjoy their bonding time. Insist that your husband takes your daughter to see them/her cousins/join get togethers without you, kung andun si SIL. Baka with that, matauhan yung SIL mo or marealize nya that you are a nice person after all.

Putting myself in her shoes, I think when she realizes that you recognize her inis and dislike for you, and you sort of give her the time and space to brew in her own issues, she will in some ways, learn to dislike you less. The more you force civility, attention, time, space (i.e. being near her), the more ammunition you give her to dislike you. If you make yourself scarce (not seen or heard from) but just slowly slowly and quietly doing things in the background, the better it will be for you.

[msnowhere]

Sis! Under ba asawa mo sayo? Nag-effort ka ba na kausapin siya or maging friendly sa kanya? I admit malditang SIL to be ako. Mga girlfriends/boyfriends ng mga kapatid  takot na takot sa akin. My eldest brother, di pa niya nadala gf niya of 6mos sa bahay because of me. My 2 younger bros. nadala na nila and it took me 2 or 3 years to be "warm" and accepted them. I really dont know why I reacted to them that way pero matagal ang process before ko sila na-accept.

Three of the most important factors for me to like and eventually love you are:
1. You really love my brother
2. You are not bossy (di under sayo kapatid ko)
3. Mag-effort ka maging friendly but not in a OA way sa family ko.

Dominante and strong kasi personality ko so if ever someone will become part of the family, di ako ma-adjust. Fortunately, my other siblings understand me because they know how loving and selfless I am sa loved ones ko.

[aquacharly]

Feel ko your situation. I have a SIL who does not hide her dislike for me with her body language, when I arrive & she is there.  Kahit outside party venue -- she shows she doesn't like me.

What I did was to ignore her, with graciousness.  Except to her, I showed my sparkling self, masaya to all. Ignore, ignore, ignore.
If she wanted something from me/hubby so kakausapin nya ko na may tonong  suya & demanding, sige - grant the request.  But hindi ko linigawan  or inamo ang aswang.  Makapal na papel ko sa parents-in-law ko eh, di ko sya kelangan kakampi. Mahirap dumikit sa, in the words of my Atchi: may anghit at halitosis ang heart.

[sistah!]

in fairness to her, she extended a little bit of help to me in the past. when she gave birth, she said she would breastfeed but she didn't so ang breastpump nya nakaupo lang sa bahay nila. when I gave birth, I was able to successfully breastfeed but hindi hiyang ang nabili kong pump so my husband offered to buy her pump na lang. I don't know what the conversation was exactly but my husband said, no need to buy daw because she wants to keep it. I can use temporarily daw. in case she decides to get pregnant again, at least andyan lang. even if I suspect that it was my mother in law who really loaned it out to me (or rather, pinilit sya), ok na rin. as a way of thanking her, I bought her and her husband a nice luggage set. we brought it to their house but as expected, hindi man lang lumabas sa kwarto para mag-thank you. wala lang talaga. my husband says she is grateful, she was busy, blah blah blah. im sure he is managing the situation as best as he can. btw, my husband is not under sa akin. we have issues like any other marriage, but overall, we are ok.

it's something I can live with naman. and like aquacharly said, I can ignore, ignore, ignore. it's just that recently, I've felt this detachment from their family all the more as we did not spend Christmas or new year with them. we just went there a day or 2 after to give our gifts, etc. we attend her kid's parties, even the monthly birthdays before he turned 1. she has never attended any of my kid's parties. and when we somehow found ourselves attending another relative's party, my husband got my daughter from me because "gusto daw Makita ni SIL yung anak ko, dalhin daw sa kanya". naiinis lang din talaga ako.

[hisana]

The problem is with her, not with you. Wala na tayo talagang magagawa kung ganyan ka-rude si SIL, seems like it's in her nature na.

Ako rin, when in the presence of a person who dislikes me for no valid reason at all, I just ignore na lang. Treat the others well, but this rude person, I just sort of block her from my mind, LOL.

[pink_saphire]

tama sila sis TS. haynako ang mga ganyan klase ng SIL hindi pinag aaksyahan ng oras, kung ayaw nya sayo, edi ayaw nya! hindi naman kayo magkasama sa bahay eh, kaya wag mo nalang isipin yun, imbyerna lang kasi, dahil pati anak mo na anak din naman ng kapatid nya eh hindi nya rin gusto!. edi sa susunod pakita mo rin yung ginagawa nya sa inyo, haha wag kayo umatend ng khit na anong party sa kanila, makipag matigasan ka rin, ilang beses mo na sila piniplease eh, so,ngyon pabayaan mo na. as long as ok naman kayo ng parents nya, hindi sya kakulangan sayo.

[twelvth_goddess]

I don't know where your SIL's hatred is coming from but it's her burden to carry, not yours. I know it's difficult not to get affected but then there are things (and people) that we can't control talaga even if we try. What you can control lang is how you react and I think the best reaction is to be civil towards her (not frendly) and to show that she doesn't affect you.

She can be bitter and hateful towards you til the end of time but like what I've said, sya naman magdadala nyan. When you see her, be civil pa din because that's what the norms of decency dictate; something that you know and something that's obviously amiss to her.

[sistah!]

thanks everyone! I guess at this point wala na kong magagawa pa. I just wish things could be better. I think I just feel sad kasi I have never been very close to any of my brother's girlfriends, but I cannot imagine that I would ever dislike or hate whoever he ends up with more than I can ever love my brother. Siguro yung feeling ko, kahit mag-asawa pa ng criminal yung kapatid ko, I will try to tolerate her at the minimum if it means I get to see my brother, talk to him, spend time with him. Eh sa lagay na ganito, halos di na rin sila naguusap ng asawa ko. mabuti na nga lang, hindi emotional ang asawa ko sa ganyan.

[ninsyninsyspider]

This will be my future life when I marry my boyfriend. I feel that his sister doesn't like me as well. Pero infairness, pakitang tao naman.

Funny how she keeps on liking all photos of my BF with other people except pag kaming dalawa. Diba straight out ayaw niya sa akin?

[sistah!]

^ but at least she makes kahit konting pakitang tao. my SIL posted some photos from my wedding but she cropped me out. then after a while, she unfriended me on facebook. ngayon pa lang, build mo na yung relationship nyo. para hindi malungkot pag may kids ka na.

[rhed]

i have a sil na mainit ang dugo sa akin, when hubby and i were a new couple mabait pa siya. nung malapit na kami ikasal, ayun. she ignores me na and naging cause siya ng major issue namin. my mom and my friends told me only one reason for her behavior. hubby shoulders the expenses sa house and sil with her daughter are staying in the family house, baka daw natakot nung ikakasal na si hubby mawala ang sustento. kalokers, diba dapat mas bumait siya or makisama? anyway, i ignore her also. her daughter who hubby spoiled to death binawasan ko na ang "spoiling" na din. hindi naman sa dinamay ko ang bata, pero minsan kasi ang akala ng bata sa mom pa niya galing ang gifts ni hubby. so we give pag birthdays and christmas na lang

[aquacharly]

SISTAH! She cropped you out of your wedding photos? Cray crazy ata na yan, not just rude. Sorry

[ikaela]

^Ako ata crazy: I 'shopped my brother's girlfriend out of my wedding pictures, kasi naman, nung sinabing family photo time, she had the gall to stand right next to my husband and I, as in dead center siya sa picture. In the meantime, yung mga titas and long-time family friends who know they're not the nuclear family, had the sense to stand somewhere along the sides. Syempre as the bride, hindi mo na napapansin yung mga ganun bagay because everything's like a whirlwind around you on your wedding day, kaya I only realized it when I saw the pictures. Girlfriend pa lang ito ha, hindi pa in-law!

[little_princess]

Maybe you have done something unknown to you and your husband that irked your SIL. Or maybe she is inggit with you with regard some aspect of your life.

My brother has a GF of 2 years or so and everyone in the family doesn't like her. My brother can't even bring her home. I particularly don't like her because I know how she treat my brother and as an older sister, I get upset when she mistreats him. I met her once and she was airy and mayabang so IF they end up being together, I think I will also crop her out the wedding photos.

My mom's SIL also hated her. Very similar to how you described your SIL. She would even teach her kids not to interact with us. I think it was our of inggit with my mom because she never did anything to her.

[JINJIN:*]

I think you did something talaga for her to dislike you, maaring nayabangan sayo or something. Pero sis you do not need to change for her just to please her. Kung totoong mayabang ka , as long as me karapatan kang magyabang..so what? It doesnt give her the right still to block you out of the family circle. Me mga taong hindi kayang sakyan ang ugali naten, again..we dont owe them an apology. As long as you are good person, mahal mu ang kapatid niya at mga anak, you provide them the love they need and hindi mu inaapakan ang feelings or pagkatao ng in laws mu, then you dont need their presence anymore kung ayaw parin. Sis, you dont need to kiss asses or to change for other people. Do it for yourself kung sa tingin mu eh me deprensya ka.

[sistah!]

^ yes sis. I think the big issue naman she has with me started since mag-bf pa lang kami ng husband ko. there are many things she points out to my husband na kinakainis nya. may time na nag-usap sila ng husband ko, hindi kasi kami masyado nagchichika kahit dati because I have always felt uncomfortable around her, alam mo yung feeling na dahil alam mong hindi ka naman type nung tao. and nung nag-usap sila she said she felt like hindi ko sya pinapansin dahil iniisip ko raw that i was better than her. pero sa lahat naman ng tao sa kanila, my MIL and [textspeak!] and my husband's other siblings, are all ok with me. sya lang naman ang ganyan sa akin. ok na lang din naman. masasanay ka rin, pero yun lang, lately nag-resurface yung feelings kasi pati anak ko hindi nya pinapansin. eh parang baby naman yun. parang hindi fair.

[ayami]

Naku with this thread, parang gusto kong i-reevaluate ang relationship ko sa SILs ko. Civil naman sila, mukha ring mabait. They give me nice stuff, tapos they invite me to family outings and pag manonood ng movies. Unplanned ang first baby namin ni hubby so idk kung ano ma-feel nila nung umepal na ko sa family nila. Before that naman 5 years kami bf-gf ni hubby, di ako madalas sa house nila so wala kaming time together. Kinailangan pa kong pagsabihan na magparticipate sa usapan, etc nung married na kami. Medyo nahihiya kasi ako noon. After less than a year naman, ok na ko we would talk nicely whenever we visit them, etc.

Kaso there's this thing with the 3rd SIL's wedding. May Civil wedding sila then church wedding sa April. She did not invite us. Yung girlfriend pa kamo ni BIL ininvite nya. Tapos for her wedding sa church, kami lang ni hubby ang di nya isinama sa entourage. Lahat ng kapatid nya even their half sister e kasama. I know close naman silang family talaga. Eto pa, sinabi sa akin ni MIL na pag bibili daw ako ng damit for the wedding wag daw kakulay ng motif nila yung isusuot ko. Ibang colour daw dapat ang bilhin ko. Good thing lang, sagot ni SIL bayad ng damit ko. Si hubby naman and my eldest son pinasukatan din ng barong.

Mamasamain ko ba yun or is it normal not to pick an inlaw sa entourage? 1 pair lang ang abay nya. Iniisip ko nga nagtitipid sa budget, pero ang dating kasi sakin, ako lang talaga hindi niya ininclude e. Baka kako may pinaguugatan din to. Tinanong ko kasi yung friends kong kinasal na sa church before, sinama din daw nila SILs nila. Tapos yung color daw ng damit e malapit sa motif pag family. Parang ang dating e, bisita lang ako at hindi family member. Confused tuloy ako.

[evilwoman]

^wag mo na intindihin yun.generally nice naman silang lahat sa inyo at padamit pa nga kayo.wedding nila yan kaya may right sila magdecide kung sino ang gusto nila sa entourage.labo lang na pati pagsali sa half sister e nabanggit mo pa,technically,kapatid pa din nila yun.count your blessings na lang.base naman sa mga posts mo e madami naman sila na naiprovide sa iyo.di lang talaga sa lahat ng oras e papabor sa gusto mong mangyari ang mga bagay-bagay.