On Long-term Relationships & Engagements

[Awesomecakes]

I'd love to read your thoughts on being in a long term relationship or engagement. What are the pros and cons for you? How do you deal with this?

[Misis_Maku]

PROS
You have more freedom
You get to missed each other badly... and when you met again, it's "BOOOM".  It's something that I call 'heaven'. Maybe I am OA but seeing your partner again after a long time of not really being with him brings in a lot of emotions for me - all of which are trully magnificent ones!
You get to build more trust, patience and understanding


CONS
Can be expensive - round trip flights, phone calls, sending gifts via courier, etc.
You can't be with your partner el pronto when you badly wanted to, so it can be sad and frustrating sometimes


But charging it to experience, I'd rather be near my partner if possible... during boyfriend-girlfriend stage oks pa siguro pero kapag married na, it's more fulfilling if both of you can do duties for each other as husband and wife together.

[aquacharly]

Long-Term Relationship, not long-distance:

PROS: 
Each gets to work on advancing personal career/business goals 1st, with no distractions related to marital issues like home acquisition, children, etc etc ;
Funds/asset accumulation should be easier/faster since there are no expenses yet for a spouse/children, etc etc;
Getting-to-know-each-other Phase  is longer, so yields better results (more grounds covered over longer time; better assessment, of course unless well, you choose to ignore the red flags);
Adjustment to each other, because it is done over a longer period, is less tense/demanding;
Adjustment to living together as a married couple later on is less tense/demanding since there is the pre-marital adjusting accomplished already;
The progression from individual lives to a couple-life is more orderly/less stressful since there is time for more careful planning;  and
There is time to work on solving/working out problem areas like family issues, separate/long-distance locations, etc. etc. before tackling the demands of marital living (pag sabay sabay kasi, at minadali  --  the stress is so much, something gives way).

CONS:
There is the normal tendency to take the other for granted. 
Boredom sets in too. 



I am for  3-5 year relationships, before marriage.
The excitement/freshness of a relationship palls after the 5th year, IMO.  Boredom sets in: same old, same old --  the heart/eyes start to wander. 
After 3 years, IMO, the relationship needs to be challenged with new "we" goals. 

[CITIgirl_04]

Hmmm... Well, I'm on a 9-year common law relationship and we're about to get married...

I guess it really depends on both of you.. One should always have the effort for the other half..
Always make and find out something to refresh your relationship and make sure God is in the center of it to guard both of you with temptations...

We have four kids and I'm not saying our relationship is perfect but thank God as we're able to survive all the trials our relationship have been through and now we're getting married.

Always look good for your partner. Don't totally rely on him, show that you can be independent too and that you can stand on you decisions. On the other hand, while empowering your womanhood, still make him feel masculine for you. So he can still take care of you and show that he can be a hero for you.

And surprises??? It NEVER fails. Gift, kiss, hugs, massage, dinner, trip. Anything not to lose the spark is  A MUST.

[Yamski]

I'm currently in a 9-year relationship (turning 10 in 6 months).

Apart from the pros mentioned by aquacharly, I also get to travel with friends or watch a movie alone. All the me time I need or want.

Yes, there are times na boredom sets in pero eventually bumabalik rin yung excitement. To be honest, after 9 years, mas nararamdaman ko ngayon na sobrang mahal namin ang isa't isa. Totoo nga yata na ang secret ng isang long term relationship (or those that lasts until their last breath) eh falling in love a million times with the same person. Kung ano man yung nadidiscover namin na flaws ng isa't isa, we let each other know and do our best to be a better individual and partner.

Ang con na inaalala ko lang talaga eh parang maraming nasasayang na oras. Kung maaga sana kami mag settle down, mas maaga kami gagraduate sa pagpapaaral. Maenjoy pa namin ang retirement namin. But then again, hindi pa rin ako convinced to bear a child. I'm so afraid. Kaya chill muna kami as bf/gf.

[dolcevitabebe]

what aquacharly said is true, but just to share...

I'm in a 9 year relationship with my college boyfie, living together for almost 2 years now in 6 months and had our 2nd year anniversary of being engaged yesterday.

PROS:
you get to know each other well, since you're living together already before you get married you already know what ticks them off and what doesn't. makakadiskarte ka so pag kasal na kayo hoping less arguments.

having no kids, madami kayong alone time... however dito nagkakaproblema minsan. you're together most of the time nangyayari para na lang kayong magka barkada and at ease na minsan di na nageeffort. so comfy ba, that's where the boredom starts...

CONS:
boredom boredom boredom... i have to say mabilis ako magsawa, i dont like routines.. kaya if stagnant na kami i usually start a petty fight! hahahah i know pathetic, but thats what women do, right? LOL madalas your eyes start to wander, but then again maiisip mo would you like to go that way???

if you're 2 years engaged already and nothing of your wedding plans had materialized, mapag iisip isip ka na... just like me...

[simang]

My sister and her husband were in a 9 yr long relationship, got married a few months before their 10th yr mainly because she was pregnant. They've been married for 3 yrs now, and i'd like to believe they are happy with their unico hijo

A friend is currently engaged (will tie the knot in october) with her 10-yr bf.

I myself was in a long term relationship back then, we lasted for 7 years. We broke up for so many reasons but i have no regrets.

Surviving long term (stagnant) relationships is really up to both of you. Things go stale, that's something inevitable, so I guess the key there is to discover new things together.