Please help ...confirmed na me babae si husband pero wala akong ebidensya

[charmedwitch776]

mga sis I'm so confused and in dazed..

last year pa ako kinukutuban na me babae si husband. I already confronted him last week and he denied sabi nya walang kwentang pagseselos lang daw yun at yun girl1 (I'll call her that to avoid confusion) na pinagseselosan ko eh matinong babae. So ayun I keep my mouth shut and started to investigate. This morning I talked to someone na common friend namin ni husband na officemate nya ngayon and she confirmed na me babae nga si husband at hindi yun girl1 kundi ibang babae. napilit ko lang yun common friend namin magsalita kasi bestfriend nya si girl1 na pinagsususpetsahan ko. the thing is that ayaw nya madamay sa gilo namin ni husband and make me promise na hindi ko sya isasali at yun chat namin in FB need to idelete. So now wala akong evidence kay husband kaya hindi ko sya maconfront...hindi ko alam what to do. my friends telling me need ko ng hard evidence kaso pano naman at saan ako kukuha ng ebidensya. I just gave birth last October and EBF po ako so surprise visit sa office or manmanan is out na. Hindi ko talaga alam what to do...hindi ko alam kung kakayanin ko talaga na magpretend na wala pang alam. ang sakit na ng ulo ko.

Please need some advise

[Ms.Cacao70%]

try to calm down and clear your mind with all the negativity surrounding you. minsan kasi pag galit na galit tayo hindi na tayo makapagisip ng tuwid. halo-halo na ang galit, selos, disappointment, resentments, fear, lost of self-esteem. tandaa mo, hindi ikaw ang gumawa ng problema dito kundi yung asawa mo.

as much as i want to believe the common friend about the infidelity of your husband, i will still go with my gut feel and intincts. she maybe telling the truth that its not girl1, its girl2. BUT remember, shes the bestfriend of girl1 so there's a big possibility she's protecting her bestfriend from you. syempre ang loyalty nya na kay girl1 at hindi sa yo so don't discount the fact that you maybe right about girl1 after all.

sa ngayon sarili mo lang ang dapat mong pagkatiwalaan. wag ka agad maniniwala sa sinasabi ng iba. just continue your research/investigation. huwag ka agad gagawa ng harsh move like sugod dito sugod doon. tandaan mo, ginusto din ito ng asawa mo. saka baka mapahiya ka pa at lalo syang magtago sa yo. so habang you're searching for truth, act like you dont know anything. wala lang, normal lang. or maybe act sweeter para magtaka ang hubby mo.

i feel sorry for you right now, this must be very devastating but pull yourself together. may anak kayo, your baby needs you too. goodluck!

[Girltalker2]

charmedwitch776, I agree with MsCacao. Unang duda ko is yung common friend nyo.  Worse, is if magsabi pa sya sa bestfriend nya at sabihin kay hubby mo, alam ng hubby mo na kelangan sya magdouble ingat dahil you are starting to fish around. so gusto mo man maghanap ng evidence lalo kang mahihirapan.

Question ko sis, in case meron kang hard evidence, ano ang balak mong gawin? 
- what is he continues to deny it, what's your plan? 
- what if he admits it and tells you na hindi ka na nya mahal, so having the two of you for now habang nag-iisip sya, what's your plan?
- what if he wants out of your marriage, what's your plan? 

I guess you should think through first what your plans are para alam mo na ang gagawin whatever his reaction will be.  Ang evidence, mailap man lalo na pag nag-iingat ang lalaki, lalabas at lalabas din ang katotohanan.  It is just a matter of time.  For now, just focus on yourself and on your child.  Think about your career, savings, how to stand on your own, if ever mangyari ang worse case.  Pray for guidance narin.

[charmedwitch776]

thank you po sa mga advise. nagfreak out naman ako sinabi nyo about girl1. ganyan din kasi naisip ko nun una pero i'm trying to rule out.

right now, i'm trying to be calm and think rationally. kahapon gulong gulo isip ko..i know it's bad pero nakaisang kaha ako ng sigarilyo para lang mapakalma sarili ko at hwag magwala ( since magbuntis stop ako yosi, yesterday lang uli ako nagyosi sa sobrang emotions)


sis girltaker2 here's answer to your questions:

Question ko sis, in case meron kang hard evidence, ano ang balak mong gawin?
confront him.

- what is he continues to deny it, what's your plan?
i don't know yet

- what if he admits it and tells you na hindi ka na nya mahal, so having the two of you for now habang nag-iisip sya, what's your plan?
I'll demand na mamili siya. If he refused, I'll leave him.

- what if he wants out of your marriage, what's your plan? 
aalis kami ng mga anak ko. i sacrificed enough. ang dami kong tiniis for him. hindi ako nanunumbat pero the only thing na hinihingi ko sa kanya is his loyalty and fifelity...alam nya yun. kaya ganito kasakit sakin lahat. tiniis ko tumira sa lugar na ito. makisama sa mga tao. he asked me to resign sa work ko. lahat ng hiningi nya binigay ko tapos ganito gagawin nya?! ang sakit

ang dami ko sacrifices sa kanya, lalo na career. i was offered nice position with good compensation package  in 2 different bpo's i turned it down dahil ayaw nya. i have  chances to go and work sa singapore, dubai and maldives i turned it down din dahil ayaw nya din. pinagresign nya ako para magfocus lang sa anak namin. Sa mga projects at clients ko sa homebased job ko siya namimili. bawal magtrabaho pag andyan sya. lahat ng trabaho bahay sakin, me yaya na sya me mayordoma pa sya. kung sitahin, sigawan nya ako at utusan ganon na lang. he even makes fun at me sa harap ng pamilya at kaibigan nya just to show i'm not that intelligent well bred gir. kung magsalita sya sakin ganon na lang samantalang mas malaki pa kinikita ko sa kanya sa homebased job ko eh halos ako na nagcover ng expense naminl. now ito isusukli nya..ang sakit. i want out. right now hindi ako makaalis dahil nagschool pa panganay namin and that's the only reason we're still here.

[evilwoman]

Tingin ko din si girl1 talaga.iwasan mo yung bestfriend nya.malamang titiktikan ka lang nun or sakyan mo istorya nya.bigyan mo ng rason para mapraning ang asawa mo at kabit tutal akala nila nabilog nila ulo mo.paano mo ba nasabi na may kabit sya?baka from there makakuha ka ng ebidensya.tsaka kung di naman kayo nakikitira sa inlaws,pwede naman sya palayasin mo if ever kung convenient talaga sa yo place nyo.

[justin3]

maniwala na ako na kadalasan naghahanap ng ibang kandungan ang mga esposo pag buntis/kapapanganak  lang ng mga esposa.
at pinatotohanan nga yung sinasabi ko sa mga previous posts ko regarding "opportunity" 

umpisa pa naman ngayon ng Year of the Horse... taon na marami daw mapapa-ibig... BAWAL na pag-ibig.
at marami daw maghihiwalay ngayon. yung mga binata't dalaga daw mapapa-ibig sa mga may asawa na, ganun din ang mga may asawa na.     
siguradong maraming magpalit ng "status" sa Feyzbuk nito.

wow ha..now pinagtatalunan na natin ang pera. What's next?  Hindi ako manhid and I know something is going on and I'm not stupid pero sorry from now on pasensyahan tayo wala ka nang makukuha sakin. Magbigay ka ng obligation mo pero don't expect me to give back to you. Hindi lang ikaw nagtatrabaho. Nahihirapan na ako. ang laki ng pinagbago mo and I don't know the real reason nor the real score. Bahala ka pero kawalan mo yan if maliligaw ka ng landas. Buntis lang ako ngayon at me school ang anak natin pero humanda ka after our son's school...kapag hindi ka umayos at nagbago pasensyahan tayo pero kahit dalawa na anak natin iiwan kita!!!

TS, matagal ka na atang nagpepenitensya ah. matagal pa ang Semana Santa oy.
before that, yung pag-iinom nya ata ang hinanaing mo. ayt?

confirmed na pala eh. para ano pa ang ebidensya? kakasuhan mo ba ng RA 9262?
parang yung naniniwala ka nang may Diyos ang mundo pero gusto mo pa ring makita si Kristo na pinapako sa krus?

isa pa, sa post mong eto more than 2 years ago:
http://www.femalenetwork.com/girltalk/index.php/topic,113718.msg6470758.html#msg6470758

wala naman sa kinatatakutan mo na maghiwalay kayo eh.
ang tanong, kaya mo nga ba? gayong 2 na ang iyong supling?

kung trip mo lang ha?... refer mo na lang previous posts ko regarding sa pangangaliwa ng mga kalalakihan.
ako kasi, para may basehan ng isasagot ko, mahilig talaga maghukay ng mga posts ng mga TS eh.

lastly...

hooooy! tigilan mo nga yang pagyoyosi mo.
baka abutin ka na naman ng limang pakete nyan?
may hika kamo si kuya di ba? maawa ka naman sa kanya oy.

Happy New Year!

[charmedwitch776]

sis evilwoman hindi convenient sakin ang place na ito..i actually stayed here lang dahil sa kanya kasi malapit ito sa parents ng house nya.

sis/sir justin3 tama ka I posted that Aug 2013 and sa March 2014 ang end ng schoolyear ng anak ko. obviosuly hindi ko sya pede patigilin basta sa school nya just because nambabae ang tatay nya diba.

[aquacharly]

You have no hard evidence, but you are sure may ka affair ang hubby mo. Fine, I agree -- we wives know when monkey business is going on.

BUT who with? Puede ring si COMMON FRIEND nyo ni hubby,  who told you:  hindi si G1, si  G2.  Alam nya you don't know sino talaga.  Lol, baka na sumbong  ka na nya sa hubby mo. 
Remember what Connie Nubla Mumar  (is that her screen name? we know her kasi sa family as Connie Nubla, who was once married to the cager  Larry Mumar) --  the BFF of Dina Bonnevie did?
Iyak  ng iyak  si Dina sa BFF nyang Connie.  Bulaga!  Eh di nag ka anak si Connie kay Vic Sotto.  all the time Dina was pouring her heartaches out to her, this Connie was effing her BFF's hubby.  Si Connie pala yung  mamaw. 

Sis, sana ma sustain mo ang galit mo to think things through clearly, so you will talk to your husband from a position of strength, not from a position of weakness. 
Hwag ka magalit na ingrato your husband.  Love  does  not make cuenta, di ba.
But magalit ka that  (even for the sake of argument, sya yung sole bread winner) --  he brings crap into your life when he had committed to you when he married you.

Atta girl! You continued to be financially independent to-date.  Your example should be a valuable lesson to some here. See, when sh1t hits the fan -- a financially empowered woman has options. 

Pray for Divine Guidance. Leave it all to God, if your marriage is meant to be saved -- it will be.
But God helps those who help themselves, di ba.
So -- 
Handle this positively, kahit you feel lugi ka, and mad ka.
Show your husband the best of you -- then talk to him. If he denies (like most do. Lol, even to the point of:  Darling, hindi ako yang naka patong! Nanana-ginip ka lang! Lol, joke) -- if he denies, be watchful but do not nag. Hindi ikaw contravida dito.   Just be your best, do your best & give it your all  -- but give yourself a deadline. 

Stop the smoking. Another problem never solves a problem. 
(that's bad for your health; bad for your children too)

[charmedwitch776]

^sis aquacharly thanks. ninamnam ko at talagang sinaloob ang mga advice mo. Thank you.

Till end of school year ni panganay ang deadline ko kay husband (by Mid-March) yun..by that time inalyze ko at iassess lahat ng mga nangyayari samin. I praying for God's guidance and divine grace.

[mamaneng]

Blessing talaga ang instincts ng wife sa ganitong situations no. Pag kinutuban na merong ibang babae, most likely meron talaga at hindi selos lang ng wife. Pero ang lalaki di naman aamin sa ganun unless may evidence ka ng pinanghahawakan. So kalma muna kasi lalong wala kang makuhang evidence kung galit ka na. Magiingat pati ang husband mo ngayon na aware na syang nagdududa ka. Itabi mo muna galit mo and maging mapagsilbing wife pa rin (kahit pa gusto mo na syang hatawin ng plato sa ulo). Pwede rin naman na i-express mo na nasasaktan ka sa ginagawa nya...be vocal about how you feel in a malambing way. Baka sakali makunsensya rin naman.

Wait until such time na mafeel ng husband mo na kalmado ka na at di na iniisip ang tungkol dun. Saka mo icontinue ang pagimbestiga. Check mo phone and social media accounts. Kilalanin mga tao sa place of work nya. Lastly, prepare mo sarili mo sa malalaman mo.

Good luck sis! Kaya mo yan problem na yan!

[kim_trasher07]

^ natawa naman ako sa Hatawin ng plato sa ulo. Minsan ganun gusto kong gawin sa hubby ko. hehe

mahirap talaga maghanap ng evidence. Sa ex ko dati, nung naconfirm ko na may babae. Gumawa ako ng fake account, chineck ko yung mga friends nung girl. nangopya ako ng isa sa kanila, photos,info, then panggap ako kunwari friend ako nung girl. Ayun kinonfirm niya na sila nga. I know its bad pero paranoid ako nun. 

Sa friend ko naman nung nagsnoop around kami sa husband niya. naginstall ako keylogger sa pc niya. Then nabasa namin lahat ng messages even screenshot ng skype/fb/im. Nakalimutan ko lang kung anong software yun. pero free yun nakuha namin sa google.

[Ms.Cacao70%]

@aquacharly, nashock ako na magBFF pala dati sina Dina at Connie  OMG... how could she possibly do that to Dina? oh well, that's eons of years ago but that's really a low blow to Dina. sobrang sakit non.

[aquacharly]

^The Nubla family (not just Connie's ) are family friends of our mom's family.
So malaganap  tsismiss within the family about her.
Some of us kids liked her a lot until....   Hindi na sya welcome sa family events.
Ang nagcuento sa aming mga kids --  hahaha --  mga old yayas naming cousins.  (hwag na daw invite si Connie at baka agawin their husbands, lol)

Actually, at that time, emerging mga Born Again sects.  Very enticing. That I recall too.  Recruitment was brisk. 
Yan ang dadah ng Lola namin --  how can you join a religion where best friends steal husbands behind your back? (Kasi high profile si Connie don di ba)

Oo,  iniiyakan ni Dina ng heartbreaks (she dropped her career & became a SAHM) her BFF Connie (mag cohost ata si Connie & Vic noon) --  tapos all the time (same time frame ha) Vic & Connie were effing each other.  The ultimate betrayal yan.  They have 1 son. 
Dina eventually said so in some interviews that came out in magazines -  double Hudas daw. Lol.
It's common old info.

So, CHARMEDWITCH776 should take that "common friend" 's reports with a grain of salt.  Never can tell. 

[kim_trasher07]

Wow! BFF pala sila. Poor Dina!

Sa case naman ng Tita ko, Yung Husband niya nagka affair sa 1st cousin niya na bestfriend pa niya! Not knowing na may relasyon yung dalawa kasi bestfriend nga sila and magpinsan pa (nanay niya at nanay ni malanding pinsan magkapatid. And their dads too magkapatid) magkapitbahay pa sila so walang pagdududa yung tita ko. Pero kami that time highschool pa lang ako, napapansin na namin yung paglalandian ng tito ko at yung malanding tita ko. Nakikita namin kinakandong ni devil boy(what we call him) siya and harot - harotan sila. Manyakers din si devil boy kaya iwas din kami sa kanya, And we dont like him at all.

So nung nagkabukahan namin after months of observation and investigation ni tita. Naconfirm ni tita na sila nga, And yung di pag uwi ng tito ko (OT daw sa work) nagrerenta pala sila ng apartment malapit sa work nila (both work in makati).  But nung una tita fight for her family. And nagkaroon pa sila ng 2 anak.

In the end. pinagpatuloy pa rin ni devil boy yung sa kanila ni malanding tita. Nagabroad tita ko, and pina -annull ni devil boy yung kasal nila without tita's pirma. 
Para makapagpakasal sila ni malanding tita. May anak na sila ngayon.

And tita is now happy with her indonesian husband and both ng anak niya nakuha niya.

Nakakatawa lang kasi before sa mga family pic makikita mo si devil boy sa family pic namin. Then now sa family pic na ng kabila. Talagang MAKAPAL ang face nila. And yung lola kinonsinte din sila. Nasira rin ang relationship namin sa kanila. Close ever pa naman kami before. hehe

And their child, ano kaya mararamdaman niya pag nalaman niya kapatid niya sa tatay yung mga anak ng tita para silang magkapatid na magpinsan. 

 

[hafeehearts]

Hi Sis,
I agree with aquacharly that you should think things clearly.
Iba kasi ang nagagawa at the height of emotions, madalas maapektuhan ang reasons for decision making kapag nasa ganyang state. Siguro try to avoid muna yun comparing the sacrifices that each of you did.
Minsan kasi kapag hanap ka ng hanap ng ebidensiya mas wala kang makikita. Kung talagang nambabae ang asawa mo ebidensiya mismo ang lalapit sayo minsan nga sa oras na hindi mo ini-expect.

[Ms.Cacao70%]

@aquacharly thanks sa chika mo about connie  akala ko kasi sila ni Dina parang acquaintance lang dahil nga co-host ni Vic si Connie sa Eat Bulaga. I still remember that incident where Dina snubbed Connie in front of the camera when she guested in Eat Bulaga. Haha! I was in elementary then and I thought Dina was so mataray. My mom even said "naku selosa lang yan si Dina" yun pala may pinaghuhugutan sya. OMG. I know about the son though, di ba ang kapal pa nga ni Connie she even named her son VICO to remind everyone that he is the product of their affair. tsk! 

@CHARMEDWITCH776, if your husband is like Vic Sotto then he's not worthy of your love. ay naku forever heartaches ka na lang te.

[aquacharly]

Minsan kasi kapag hanap ka ng hanap ng ebidensiya mas wala kang makikita.

Kung talagang nambabae ang asawa mo ebidensiya mismo ang lalapit sayo minsan nga sa oras na hindi mo ini-expect.

This is soooo true!

Hanap ako ng hanap noon, wala akong makita.  My husband kasi was soo good & talagang ginamit nya din his brains na nobody as in nobody will find out about his kab1tch at hindi sila nga ever nakita ng kung sino at all. As in, over 2 years, nobody saw them.

Sa laki ng pera nya, he did not bring bring her out anywhere, hindi nya binigyan  ng condo or house, hindi nya dinala anywhere at all, fcked her in cheap Manila/Pasay motels ( susko, sabi ko kadirz dapat dinala mo na lang sa top hotels) ---  but he bought a  new mousy gray Altis that he used on certain days/at certain times --  heavily tinted. Yun talaga gigil  ako kasi alam ko. Hello wala kaming mousy ugly car like that.   He told me then that it was iwas kidnapping.  Tapos I wasn't asking nor needing another car -- he bought me a Volvo SUV. Di lalo ko grrr, lalo ko sure may kab1tch at wala ako evidence!  Big gestures translate into big guilt, IMO.

I pray all the time.  But a week after I prayed to God & told Him Thy Will be done, made no more deals with Him, & asked for the Holy Spirit's Divine Guidance & to give me courage -- sh1t  hit the fan.  Long story, but suffice it to say:  all our usual habits were broken 1 past-midnight hour -- God's Hand talaga.... & I found out from the ex-kab1tch herself.  To think that my husband broke off the affair 6 months earlier & it was just 1 of her repeated attempts to get him back. 

Wala masabi si hubby, as in siguro akala nya -- if nobody found out over 2 years, tapos na, forever secret.  I said: you should know mas malakas ako kay God coz you are the sinner.  Eto pa kina  suya ko lalo -- he said he never meant to hurt me. Kaya daw he did not bring si kab1tch anywhere except to the motels, at itinago tago daw nya so no one found out or saw them.  Sabi ko, ang bobo bobo bobo mo! I am aghast you will think so, given you are a brilliant man.  Hindi mo alam a wife senses (kahit no evidence) and suffers? 

Ang bobo ng logic.  Sabi ko, you took extra care nobody sees you kasi if I saw you outside with her, I will lose my temper (sobra haba patience ko, sobra but when I explode -- daig pa volcanic eruption) -- hindi pa kayo umabot sa parking lot na baril ko na kayo.   

Kaya bilib na bilib ako sa self control and poise of women who chance upon their husbands with their kab1tches.. Yung nagawa nilang walk away with no display  tahimik lang.
Like a BFF who saw her hubby and kab1tch at a gas station, as she pulled in to gas up too.
Like our  mom who never shops at Makati Supermarket but suddenly told her driver to stop and she was gonna buy something. She saw our  dad grocery shopping with his kab1tch (he never did that with my mom, never)
Like another BFF who, when she was shopping with her kids & her husband fetched them... pa her 2 kids shouted: Daddy! daddy, while running to him... at sabay may 2 din kids running to her hubby, shouting the same: Daddy, Daddy!  (We were all laughing over that, with her -- a few years after she kicked him out.).

[hafeehearts]

This is soooo true!

Hanap ako ng hanap noon, wala akong makita.  My husband kasi was soo good & talagang ginamit nya din his brains na nobody as in nobody will find out about his kab1tch at hindi sila nga ever nakita ng kung sino at all. As in, over 2 years, nobody saw them.

Minsan talaga sis noh, meron talagang in God's time.
Truth will unfold hindi sa time na gusto mo, kundi sa time na prinepare ni God para sayo.
By the time na mangyari yun, mas prepared ka na din to face it.

[Janelc]

Ako rin naniniwala sa  ïn God's time".  I had no inkling that hubby was cheating on me kasi he is always  home on time, never goes out with friends happy na siya to drink his beer at home while watching teleseryes with me.  Until one night I heard him whispering in the bathroom hayun at nakikipag phone s*x pala. I confronted him, of course he denied it. So nag isip ako ng paraan to catch him hayun nalaman ko LDR pala sila ni kabitch.  We are now trying to work out the relationship. I am not completely healed and I don't trust him yet that's why I am still watching him like a hawk.

[andreil_19]

i am also gathering information about the other girl and just like you i don't have yet much info/evidence pa, mailap pa sa akin kaya stop muna ako. Puro kasi negative at galit na rin ang pumapasok sa utak ko rest muna for awhile and focus on myself instead. I have this feeling naman na malalaman ko rin ang katotohan and makikilala ko rin yung girl sana nga lang sooner.