Extremes boyfriend

[ninsyninsyspider]

I’m in a 2-yr relationship with my current bf but here’s the scenario.

Sobrang ok kami when we’re together and when’s he’s ok. Sobrang happy, sobrang lambing, parang ako lang yung world niya and all.

Pero one mistake, or if I point out something, bigla nalang siya sobrang magagalit. I’ve been called a wh*re, cursed, told that he won’t marry me, and the like.

Kahit kasalanan niya i.e. hindi niya sinabi na may lakad pala siya so I told him na hindi ko man lang alam na may plans pala siya and then he goes like “2014 na magbago ka na” and “I hate you” and “Ayaw kitang pakasalan”. I simply said this “Sabihan mo nalang ako kung anong plano mo. Hindi ko alam anong gagwin mo after work. May plano ka pala ni hindi ko alam.”

So now, ako ang mali sa amin?

How to handle? What to do?

[evilwoman]

^verbal abuse for me.ikaw ba gusto mo pakasal sa ganyang lalaki?pag naman may bf natural lang na masaya kayo so i dont think  mahihirapan ka makita sa ibang lalaki yun.pero kung ganyan magalit,naku magisip ka ng isanlibong beses bago ka patali.titindi pa yan once makasal kayo.baka kakasabi nya ng ganyan pag galit sya e maniwala ka na sa mga pamumula sa yo kahit di totoo.kumabaga,mawawalan ka ng self confidence.lalo ka magiging dependent sa kanya pero sya,tuloy lang ang abuso.2014 na nga naman kaya isip isip na.

[simang]

"Stop asking yourself if he really loves you. Instead, try something different. Instead of asking how true his love for you is, just ask yourself if the love he’s shown you thus far is the kind of love you want for the rest of your life. If it isn’t, then stop trying to explain to him or to anyone else why he just won’t do, and instead just leave him." -Margie Holmes

[simang]

One more thing, siguro kaya you feel na super okay kayo sometimes is baka nga kase extreme sya, so the contrast is very obvious like it's either okay na okay sya or, he's verbally abusing you.

[ninsyninsyspider]

Hello evilwoman, I’ve been with other guys na rin pero siya yung talagang extremes kung makapagpasaya. Imagine everyday kami nagkikita (minsan nakakasakal) after work sa house na siya if walang lakad (which is often) uuwi siya ng late na para lang matulog sa bahay nila. As in when we’re ok, all his attention is mine. Naffeel ko din naman love niya ako and hindi siya mangbabae.

Pero there’s this totally different person I’m with when he is mad. Like yesterday, nainis lang ako na hindi niya sinabi ang dami na niyang sinabi sa akin. Tapos hindi pa niya nakikita na masyado na siyang nakakasakit. For him, ako parin ang mali. Hindi ko na nga pinatulan and ako pa nag sorry dahil nagpaka-impulsive ako sa reaction pero ayaw parin tanggapin yung sorry ko.

Parang wag ko lang siyang galitin, ok kami. Or if may gawin siyang mali, hayaan ko nalang para maging ok kami.

Hi simang, I don't know how to answer kung how true is his love for me Parang feeling ko nawalan ako ng point of comparison on love. Kasi parang nagka own little world kami. Medyo possessive din kasi. Inamin niya na nagsselos siya when I'm with other people

How can I talk him out?

[evilwoman]

^it's because you haven't found the one.di naman komo sa kanya ka happiest e di ka na magiging masaya sa iba.isipin mo nga,yung mga ex mo ba ganyan kasama ang bibig pag magalit?i don't think so.wag ka muna magsettle dyan.sobrang deal breaker yang ganyang paguugali.

[ninsyninsyspider]

Minsan napapaisip na nga ako if ako ba yung may mali

[Observer54]

kailangan nya ng Anger Management 

[ninsyninsyspider]

^Observer54, how to handle someone who needs anger management? huhu ang hirap pero mahal ko e!

[ritzyritz]

I’m in a 2-yr relationship with my current bf but here’s the scenario.

Kahit kasalanan niya i.e. hindi niya sinabi na may lakad pala siya so I told him na hindi ko man lang alam na may plans pala siya and then he goes like “2014 na magbago ka na” and “I hate you” and “Ayaw kitang pakasalan”. I simply said this “Sabihan mo nalang ako kung anong plano mo. Hindi ko alam anong gagwin mo after work. May plano ka pala ni hindi ko alam.”

normal reaction of a guilty person lalo na at huling huli mo. perfect example of "defensive".

[sugardrop]

Verbal abuse can lead to physical abuse. Might lang naman pero kung grabe ang anger issues nyan, ikaw rin, you might end up being blue and black.

[sarah29]

Sis pag sinasabihan ka nya ng ganyan, kontrahin mo.. lol. Pag sinabi nya "ayaw kita pakasalan" sabihin mo "edi wag! Mas lalo kita ayaw pakasalan." Lol seriously. Tignan mo ano reaksyon nya At tignan mo kung ulitin nya pa. Pag ganyan kase ang ganyan feeling nila sila lang lalake sa mundo.

Dati din kase nung adjustment period pa kame ng BF ko, fiance ko na ngayon, may time na nithreaten nya ako makipagbreak. Hinamon ko sya, at hinde na nya inulit. haha. Aside from dun naman never naman ako naverbal abuse.

Basta sis, wag kana sana pumayag. Pag sinasabihan ka nya ng ganun, put him in his place. Wag kang pumayag. Paalam mo na mali, at hinde ka nya dapat ginaganun. Hinde titigil yan hanggat pinapayagan mo.

[simang]

Usually when he's mad and he tells you these things, what do you do? do you answer back? do you keep your cool? do you explain to him your point? do you try pull back and beg him to not be mad?

[ritzyritz]

Usually when he's mad and he tells you these things, what do you do? do you answer back? do you keep your cool? do you explain to him your point? do you try pull back and beg him to not be mad?

sis, sinagot na nya sa taas, sabi nya, sya pa daw ang nag-sorry. kaloka.

[sugardrop]

Jeez, you're feeding his ego. Kaya umaabuso. You make him feel like you can't live without him, thus, just accepting whatever he does and says. Leave some respect for yourself.

[slickchick]

sis TS, hindi kaya bipolar or schizo si bf mo? just kidding.. 

seriously, and in my opinion, i think what he does is already bordering on verbal abuse. personally, i don't like it when he called you a wh*re. nakakabastos, especially coming from a guy... and sadly, ikaw pa ata naga-apologize when wala ka naman ginawang mali, according to you. it seems you allow him to treat you a like a doormat. sis, try to evaluate your relationship with him. the happiness you might be feeling when he's on his good side, might not be enough to compensate for the foul words and the negative vibes he throws at you when he's on his bad side.

[simang]

sis, sinagot na nya sa taas, sabi nya, sya pa daw ang nag-sorry. kaloka.

urgh nainis ako dun -_- why say sorry if he's belittling you already. and to be called a whore? that's just unforgivable at least for me.

anyway here's a technique to try. whenever he gets mad, don't be afraid to ignore him. he's too at ease na pagalitan ka kase he sees na you're afraid and helpless, which may partly be his agenda to feel na he's in total control of your relationship. try being the badass sometimes. not necessarily na magagalit ka din, pero just keep quiet. ignore.

[akthung]

nako sis. leave him. T-t-do mga ganyang lalake.

may kilala ako. pamilyado pa nga. kawawa asawa at anak.

kamusta naman friendships niya at professional relationships?

well..sometimes people like him are better with their friends and co workers than his/her family.

you've given him a good chance na, yes your 2 year relationship. leave him. lalong lalala lang yan.
kawawa lang anak niyo at mga taong close sa inyo.

[alice_alice]

Oh no, I had an ex like that mahigit 2 years din kame pag okay siya as in sobrang happy but he gets mad over the littlest things and he sometimes tells me things na nakakapanliit to the point na nadepress ako sa mga sinasabi niya tapos ako pa nagaapologize, natakot na ako mung one time nagaway na kame at akmang hahampasin niya ako natakot ako pero inisip ko baka ako rin nagprovoke sa kanya so i still stayed, tapos hala dumating na sa point na nasaktan na niya ako physically tiniis ko kasi mahal ko pero nung pati friends ko napapansin na yung pagiging depressed ko and may pasa na dun na nila kinausap na matauhan na ako. I get blinded kasi pag masaya talagang masaya pero pag nagagalit siya parang gusto ko na magpakain sa ilalim ng lupa sa takot i can't believe na i stayed, basta isang araw nagaway kame at nakipagbreak siya di ko na hinabol ayoko na baka sipain na naman niya ako he even accused me ng kung ano ano parang nababaliw na siya. Mahirap yung break up ah? 2 yrs ako di nakagetover pero okay na alone kesa nasa abusive na relationship. Nakakatrauma kaya sis. I hope wag mo na hintayin na mangyari sayo yun.

[ninsyninsyspider]

Oh my thanks sisses for the support. Minsan napapaisip lang ako if ako ba ang may problem and ano pa ba ang kailangan ko baguhin (because he tells me na magbago ako) haha.

Luckily, parang mataas naman ang confidence ko sa sarili ko na I don’t get affected that much. Ako pa nga nagsasabi sa kanya na I know that he doesn’t mean it and he does that lang to hurt me. Maybe that’s why natatagalan ko.

@ sis alice_alice and sis sarah29, we broke up na last year, nagstart yung away na nag dinner ako with my friends and hindi daw niya alam. Pero sinabi ko sa kanya, hindi lang siguro niya naalala. Then lumala ng lumala yung away then nagka time na medyo tinulak niya ako. Nag freak out ako na nagawa niya yun, sabi ko pa nga pwede ko siya demanda haha. And then nakipagbreak din siya, then tinapon ko our couple ring. Nagalit siya sobra, magkatapat kami sa table muntik na niya sirain yung eye glasses ko na nakapatong sa table tapos nung kinuha ko, he twisted naman my watch kasama na my arms. That was the first and only time na nasaktan niya ako physically. Minor, pero kahit na.

That time, we agreed to cool off for a week pero pagkahatid niya sa akin sa bahay he sent a message na for break up. So hindi ko na siya kinausap that night. But no, he hacked my facebook and saw old messages (as in bago pa maging kami) during the time na kami pa nung ex ko na nauna pa sa kanya. Tapos kinulit niya ako with messages that night. The next day, siya rin naman ang bumalik.

@ sis simang, I don’t answer back. Either I ask him to stop or pag grabe na papatayan ko siya muna ng phone tapos after awhile I’ll try to fix it again. Lahat naman ng verbal abuse sa phone lang niya ginagawa, never harapan. I’ll try to ignore him next time, palagi din kasi ako yung lumalapit para maayos.

@sis slickchick, minsan talaga feeling ko psycho siya haay crazy.

@akthung, may friends siya pero di siya mabarkada. Kaya alam ko sa akin lang umiikot mundo niya. Parang for the longest time nga, hindi siya lumalabas with his friends. Minsan lumabas siya and hindi ko siya tntext, siya pa yung nagalit kasi parang ayaw ko siyang kausap. E I wanted him to enjoy lang haha. Yung officemates naman niya, well medyo ok sila pero parang may aloof-ness din sila. I don’t know parang hindi sociable person ang boyfriend ko. I had to turn away from partying nga since we got together haha