Fathers and Weddings

[sarah29]

Hi mga sis, nung kinasal ba kayo, anong reaksyon ng tatay nyo? I'm close with my dad kase. And I'm getting married soon. Nito ko lang nalaman na nalungkot pala sya nung nalaman nya na ikakasal na ako. Nasabi kase saken ng co-worker nya. I guess it's normal naman for fathers to feel that way.. lalo na kase't may chance na magsettle down kame ni H2B ko sa Philippines (I live in California.) I just want to know, how do I cheer my dad up? Although hinde nya pinapakita na malungkot sya talaga. Kayo ba mga sis ano ba mga ginawa nyo nun? Eventually ba natanggap din ng mga dads nyo na ikakasal na kayo? I'm young din kase, I'm only 21. My mother's very excited and happy though. Pero yun nga, siguro nga ganun talaga pag tatay.

[aquacharly]

My father objected very much to it -- I wasn't even 18.
But I have  always been headstrong. 
No, I wasn't pregnant. I just fell in love & all systems: Go!
At 16, though I was a wonder kid of sorts -- what does one know anyway?

How did I cheer him up?
I promised to go out watch new movies with him.
I promised to show my face for lunch every Sunday.
I promised to live within  max 10minutes (by car) of the house I grew up in.

My mom said it took him 6 months after the wedding to get over it. 

[sarah29]

Wow sis ang aga! Are you still married?

Thank you sis. I guess it takes time talaga and suyo and lambing sa tatay.

[engr_neechee]

Two weeks before my wedding, my then-h2b and I had a really bad conflict.  Tipong it has jeopardized the wedding because it was out of differences in culture/lifestyle.  He's half-Waray.  He waited all year long for their Pinabacdaoanon party.  For that year (2012), it was a day affair.  I assumed that Sunday dress was okay. 

Nung susunduin na niya ako sa bahay, he was so disappointed that I was just in my SUnday dress - as if going to Church.  Nakaalis na kami ng bahay nung sinabi niyang ibibili niya ako ng bagong damit.  Marami akong evening gown sa bahay so, since I was the one driving, I made a u-turn para umuwi at magpalit ng damit. 

Sa sobrang hiya niya sa parents ko na umuwi ako para magpalit, bigla na lang siyang umalis.  This was two weeks before the wedding and talagang I considered not pushing through because napakababaw ng reason niya para bigla na lang lumayas without even bothering to look at my parents. 

Sabi niya, buong taon niyang hinintay para ipakilala ako sa mga kababayan ng Daddy niya.  Andun daw mga kamag-anak niya.  He was more than disappointed.  Ako naman eh alam ko, kapag day affair, you don't flaunt your diamonds and don't wear evening gown to a lunch affair.  Ballroom dancing kasi ang peg ng mga Waray.

I immediately texted my team lead at work, na nagpapaalam ako for emergency leave.  Sabi ko it's something personal and baka hindi matuloy ang kasal ko.  Hindi kami nagkibuan for more than 24 hours.

Kinabukasan, kinausap ako ng DAddy ko sa phone (because he was at work that time).  Sabi ng Dad ko, "Nagkausap na ba kayo?  Gusto mo pa ba tumuloy?" Ang sagot ko is, "Kung gusto pa niya.  Kung anong desisyon niya, eh di yun na rin ang akin."  Sabi ni Daddy, "ikaw pa rin kasi ang magdedesisyon niyan.  Hindi ako, hindi ang Mommy mo.  Ngayon kung hindi ka tutuloy, pwede tayong magsimula ulit.  Kaya naman kitang buhayin.   Mahal mo ba siya?"

Shucks! Pagkababa ng phone, iyak ako nang iyak.  Text ako nang text sa mga kaibigan ko na mamimiss ko ang Daddy ko.  Nagulat sila at napatawag bigla sa akin.  Akala nila kung anong nangyari kay DAddy.  Sabay iyak ako nang iyak sa friends ko na sabi ko mamimiss ko si Daddy.  To think na that time, I was already 28 years old.  Tapos we would be living just two blocks away. 

Habang naliligo ako, iyak ako nang iyak kaya di ako makalabas.  HIndi ko maipakita sa family ko na iyak ako nang iyak dahil mamimiss ko sila (kahit nga two blocks away lang ako nakatira).  Pagdating sa office, iyak pa rin ako.  The men sa office would never understand bakit ko iniiyakan na mamimiss ko ang Daddy ko. 

Tapos dun sa dulo rin ng bridal march ko, niyakap ko ang Daddy ko.  Hindi kasi talaga ako showy na anak.  And I barely say I love you sa parents ko. 

Tapos the day before my wedding, nung umalis ako ng bahay to go to the hotel, with my bags packed and my wedding gown inside the car, niyakap ko naman ang brother ko at umiyak kami pareho. 

Feeling ko mas masahol pa ako kay TS...

Kaya kapag nakakabasa ako ng post na ganito, I still get teary-eyed.  It's been a year na since I got married pero I can truly relate sa ganitong post. 

My friend even posted in her facebook status na galing daw ng Davao yung Dad niya, tapos pagkakita sa kanya ang nasabi lang, "Anak, ikakasal ka na."  She was also in tears after hearing it. 

[aquacharly]

Wow sis ang aga! Are you still married?

Yes, very much married to the same man.
Although 16 lang ako then,  --  I continued my studies; graduated college at 18.  Then, MBA.
My husband was already a well paid exec when we married.
We are very aggressive risk takers -- and here we are now, financially comfy with our own businesses.
Another thing, we had children only after the 5th year of marriage --  so by then, our financial footing was already very stable.
All blessing by the grace of God. We are always very thankful for His great generosity.

Parang hindi OT --  daughters should try their best to assure their fathers that their marrying is a well thought out decision.
Try your best to assuage his worry that your husband-to-be may not take as good care of you, or that your  married life will not be as comfy as your single life.

My father also saw hindi ko pina bayaan my own interests though I got married.
90% of my time free time growing up -- kabit ako sa falda ng Lola ko, who had a lot of business interests. So I always had some racket going kahit na grade school lang ako.  I continued my seasonal businesses even after I married -- my father saw all that. He knew I kept my own secret accounts.  So after the 1st kid, he told me happy sya with me coz masipag and wise ako with money. .

[sarah29]

^ Wow I'm happy to hear about your marriage. I'm happy to hear din na your MBA's din. I'm planning to do the same. My H2B is very supportive about it, too. It's nice to hear stories like that.. rare kase. Usually pag young nagpakasal, after while hiwalay na, and yung mga girls lagi usually ang kawawa.

Thank you sa advice sis. Oo nga.. tama nga. I do need to assure him about my decision. Yun din ang biggest worry nya ngayon.. iniisip nya baka pagsisihan ko someday itong pagpapakasal ko.

Thank sa advice.. I hope someday maging okay din kame ng papa ko like how you are now with your father. Now the hard part for me would be executing it.. lol.

engr_neechee - Aww! I understand your "grief" o kung ano man tawag dun lol. Minsan nararamdaman ko na nga yan sis e. Pero pinipigilan ko. Alam ko someday before my wedding I will just burst out crying..

[patriciaheart]

Grabe sis aqua so early but worth it naman! I dont think kakayanin ko yun ( honestly ) but yes that time I was so in love with my BF -- who is now my husband, but 17 palang sya noon -- I got married @ 21, yes I was pregnant but graduate na and I was working already. I adore your kasipagan sis, kaya siguro nakita ng father mo na kaya mo.

[aquacharly]

^kaya mo yan! and more.

The thing kasi, I noted -- madami expect you not to have brilliance, foresight, aggressive acumen & well --  constructive stubborn-ness after  you marry.  Parang, o sige, you will be a shadow of your potential kasi may asawa ka na.     Baket, yung dreams lang ba ng husband mo ang may value? What about yours?
Does a woman's IQ  go down automatically when one marries?  Susko.

Como kapit Lola's falda nga ko -- it was a gift that I did not grow up believing in Santa Claus, the Fairy Godmother, the  Knight in Shining Armor, nor a foolproof perfect husband.
    (side story:  sa Assumption, in Grade 1,  I made a lot of classmates cry when I answered the teacher:
                       There is NO Santa Claus. He is just a story about good people sharing. 
                        My teacher made me stay after class to try to talk to me. 
                        But I insisted there is no Santa Claus)

I grew up seeing The World as it is. I am an optimistic realist kapalmukz  with a healthy dose of cynicism.
God helps those who help themselves.
Money, not Love, makes the world turn.
People change, some not for the better.
Nothing is forever.
Do not trust anybody 100%.
    I could not tell all that to my father (hindi kami that well connected emotionally) -- If I could then, for sure hindi sya na depress.  Baka yung parents-in-law ko na depress.  Lol

The curious thing is --  my Lola did not object. 
If anybody knew how I fell-off-a-plane-with-a-parachute-in-love (see, I did not just fall in love simply); knew how tenacious /stubborn I could be; knew how I know the value of hard work & money -- that was my Lola. 
She did not object -- she just told my parents:  Tell them Rita Neri handles all our family events. 

PATRICIAHEART:

      From the book of  Dodinsky:  IN THE GARDEN OF THOUGHTS

            "Be there for others
              But do not leave yourself behind."

 

[BDJ]

30 na ako parang type na type ng tatay kong makaalis na ako sa bahay.  Wala na siyang pakialam basta sabi niya kung gusto ko na raw tumira sa bf ko nun eh di alis na ako.

Nakakalungkot man OO totoo yun pero ganun talaga eh! we have to accept it na pana panahon talaga yan. Parang kapag namatay yung mahal natin sa buhay kadalasan umiiyak tayo kahit na alam naman nating tayo rin mararanasan yun o makikita pa natin sila. That is normal.

[j.adore]

I'm a Daddy's girl. Nung nagsabi sa kanila na ikakasal na, nag-walk out siya! Kunwari may kinuha or what but it really looked like walk-out for me

Tapos ayon every time magiging topic yung wedding, may faraway look of sadness siya. Magsmile lang yun pag napagusapan yung suit niya. We have 2 years from the engagement until the wedding so enough time na yun para tanggapin niya.

I always tell my parents I love them but I don't think anything would ever be enough for it to be better na "mawawala" yung anak nila. Sabi ng Dad ko some years ago, "It's not easy because I spent several decades taking care of you and then one day, just like that, you're no longer my little girl."

[sarah29]

^ Wow sis. Ganyan ganyan tatay ko as in! Kaya lang si papa may moment na kinausap nya ako at inexpress nya yung galit nya haha. Sabi nya hinde ko naman kayo pipigilan.. pero ganito ganyan etc. etc. Haha. Pero di ko din sya mablame. LDR kase kame ng fiance ko.. hinde nya pa namemeet si fiance ko. Ayun nung nagkausap sila, botong-boto na sya sa marriage

Kung dati everytime na wedding ko paguusapan, nagwwalk out sya, simula nung nagusap sila, nagsuggest na din sya ng wedding plans. hehe. So ngayon all good na kame. Siguro he just needed the assurance na mabuting tao at mamahalin ako ng mapapangasawa ko.

[sugardrop]

ISabi ng Dad ko some years ago, "It's not easy because I spent several decades taking care of you and then one day, just like that, you're no longer my little girl."

This made me tear up a bit. Kaya siguro hanggang ngayon, at my age na almost 30 na, eh parang hindi ko pa din naiisip na gusto ko nang magpakasal. Siguro, at the back of my mind, and my subconscious na rin, hindi nawala sa isip ko yung sinabi ng daddy ko when I was 5 years old when I asked him to marry me when I get older na "I can't marry you but I will certainly be there on your wedding when you grow up". Kasi my dad is no longer with us and I won't see him there on my wedding if that happens.

Parang yung debut ko. Ayaw ko mag-debut kasi wala na kaming first dance kasi wala na sya. Ending eh jollibee kiddie party na lang ang debut ko.

[sarah29]

^ Ang lungkot naman. So sorry to hear about your dad. Di ko ata maimagine mawala tatay ko as early as your father did. Hugs 

[pinkypop_30]

"It's not easy because I spent several decades taking care of you and then one day, just like that, you're no longer my little girl."

I got married at 29 ... and ang naghatid sa akin sa altar is my mom and ninong. Wala na kasi si papa ko the time I got married. Kaya nung binabasa ko mga post niyo mga sis nangingiti ako ... lalo na itong post na quoted ko .... 'coz I never experienced nor have seen what my fathers reaction would be if magpapaalam na ako sa kanya na magpapakasal na ako and nor did I hear him say those words that I quoted.

I miss my papa ....

[shygirlme]

my dad? hmm a part of me telling hes excited kasi 1st and last time nya maghahatid ng anak nya sa altar. hes joking pa nga anong paa unang ihahakbang. hindi ko pa nasasabi sa kanya na magsasayaw kami. pumayag kaya sya haha.
pero may part na parang malungkot sya siguro kasi im the youngest tapos i live pa sa kanila for 28 years. ayaw nga nila ko umalis sa bahay eh gusto nila don kami tumira sa bahay pero ayaw ko. kasi gusto ko matry mabuhay ng independent. kasi now ko lang naranasan mapalayo sa kanila.

[angelzero]

hindi ko mabasa kilos ng dad ko after ko iannounce na engaged na ako. my dad is usually expressionless. he will only express his emotions if he's angry or disappointed. in short, negative reactions lang nakikita ko sa kanya. i can't tell if he's happy, or agreeable to say the least. i wish i could also say the same as our other sisses here na very close sa mga dad nila. how i envy you. i couldn't even engage my dad in a decent small talk, and i've tried.

i don't know why he's become even colder when i told them that i am getting married. when i told them, he only said a mere "ha?" when he wasn't sure of what i said. last year yon. this year when i asked him if he can give me a ninong or ninang for my wedding he told me magtanong na lang daw ako sa iba. i was really hurt pero di ko na lang pinahalata. when my older sis was married, my dad volunteered his bestfriends para maging ninong, no qualms whatsoever. nararamdaman ko tuloy na di sya supportive pag dating sa akin.

he doesn't talk about the wedding with me. wala man lang konting pa-advice dyan or ano. mas nakausap pa nya yung fiance ko nung may family reunion. i was eager to ask my fiance what they talked about cuz my dad doesn't talk to me about anything at all, let alone the wedding.

you might say, mga sis, baka it's just hard for him to let me go, etc.. sana nga ganun. kasi one year na lang nila ako makakasama dito sa bahay tapos ganyan pa. i am trying to be the bigger person na intindihin na lang sya kasi matanda na, pero may feelings pa rin naman ako. i am thankful for my mom kasi she reaches out. kahit madami kaming differences, we can still talk about a lot of things. sana ganun din kami ng dad ko.

[eleine26]

grabe iyak ko sa mga post niyo. I'm a daddy's girl din. pero hinde ako ganun ka showy sa kanya. everytime na maisip ko yung sa first dance namin, yung paglalakad sa altar, lagi ako naiiyak.

3 years na ako dito sa abroad, medyo sanay na din sila na once a year lang nila ako nakakasama. tingin ko advantage din siguro yun. less na yung separation anxiety. pero ciempre alam nila magbabago na yung priority ko ngayon. and mahahati na din yung time.

happy naman sila nung sinabi namin na magpapakasal na kami. basta siguraduhin ko lang daw na mahal ko talaga si h2b. excited na din nga sila na magka apo eh. hehe.

[creative_carla]

bigla ko namiss daddy ko.. wala na maghahatid sa akin sa altar sa big day ko..

[angelzero]

This one's moving:

http://www.people.com/people/article/0,,20802491,00.html

Nakakaiyak 

[sugardrop]

^
Naiyak ako! Lalo na my dad died of cancer.

Tinatawanan ko na lang na baka magmulto sya dun bigla.