Sad wife

[sweetpea blush]

Let me start off by saying , am one of those women who have been super blessed with a kind loving husband.... a husband who loves me and my family, who spoils me , who believes in me, who is God fearing too... of course he is not perfect but to me he is God's perfect creation for me and am really super thankful ....

Given the above, i actually have no reason to be SAD... but

The past months my husband has gone through a rough road in his career.. a rough road of his own doing... probably it was just pride that got him because he is too passionate with his job...  so he was kind of depressed because he was not accorded the respect he should have been given  ... almost everyday we talk about it, he tells me what he feels, his frustations etc., i personally understand his circumstance as we work in the same environment... i feel his frustation and that i know he really deserves to be treated a lot better.... but because we have been talking about it non stop for almost a year, there came a time when i started to sound like i do not emphatize or sympathize with him anymore, coz to me at some point in time i have to tell him you should not think of that , you should not be judgmental, and other you should nots ... he says, my timing is off most of the time that he does not feel am supportive of him anymore... probably because am not one of those people who does not just listen and sit while listening to something that is wrong... specially he is my husband.... although everytime i get mad or everytime he thinks am hurt, he always tries his best to make me feel better....

Here comes the big break, the break he has been waiting for.... Finally he is happy ..... i am happy... but why do i feel this sadness in me... i cannot explain coz i actually have no reason to be sad.... there are times when i feel like its always about him... and am guilty about it, it's so unfair of him!!! am just super praying for the Lord to help us survive this .... iniisip ko is this part of the so called midlife crisis or nagpapapansin ba ko? even the small issues that we have naiisip ko na rin... what should i do , i already tried to tell him but he probably thinks its just one of those hormonal days...

i think am lost,   with all the blessings i have, why am i still feeling sad, feeling so ungrateful ..... 

[sarah29]

Hi sis.. Sorry, mejo nagugulahan ako sa story. Baket ka malungkot? Kase nakakuha ng big break si Hubby sa work? Is that why? Just clarifying lang. Mejo confusing kase

[Princess_Chill]

sis baka naman masyado mo inabsorb iyong frustration niya since pinag uusapan ninyo ito for a year na...then come that break na hinihintay e hindi mo na ma absorb...parang ganoon...

well sis tanggalin mo negativity na nafefeel mo...you are lucky to have a husband and be blessed financially too...

fight the negative feeling you have...most of all Pray...

[Mr.Punch]

but he probably thinks its just one of those hormonal days...

Did he actually say that? Or did you just make a conclusion without actually hear him say that?

Walang silbi ang kahit anong prayer kung walang usapan na masinsinan na nagaganap para ma-resolve niyong mag-asawa yang feelings mo.

Kinulit niya ikaw ng isang taon sa pambi-b**** niya doon sa trabaho.  You deserve the same courtesy from him.  Impress upon him the importance of what you are feeling and don't be so easy to provide him with excuses not to take you seriously.

[zarazan]

Hi sis, I'm not sure if I read it correctly, but...

I totally understand losing the energy to support/comfort him after a year of pure problems and negativity from him. Tao rin kasi tayo, minsan nagrrub off satin yung mga problems ng isang tao. Pero since he is your husband, you should remind yourself to be strong for him too. Lakasan mo loob mo sis, lalo na ang lalaki na ang may problema ngayon. Satin lang magcoconfide yan, hindi sila yung parang babae na may bestfriend na kkwentuhan ng super down moments. Usually ang lalaki, sa babae hahanap ng comfort yan kasi tayo magaling magcomfort eh so its better na kayo naguusap/

Anyway, as for the big break, siguro kasi ayan na yung "turn of events for him". So natural, sasaya talaga siya. And maybe your sadness came from all the negativity dati.  Trust me, if you truly love your husband, eventually seeing him happy will make you happy too.   

[aquacharly]

IMO, your sadness may stem from:
     
1.  Your feeling that you are not sufficiently APPRECIATED/VALUED for everything you do for him & everything you are for him.
You are supportive all the way, but you may not be hearing enough VALIDATION FROM HIM for all that.

Husbands generally cannot verbally express appreciation. Most do not have the vocabulary for such. But most are mindful of what their wives do; and show appreciation for such in different non-verbal ways. Like working hard to advance the family; heeding their wife's preferences when it comes to big decisions like buying a house/car/travel etc .
Read the book LANGUAGES OF LOVE. 

2.  Now that he is on the up-&-up, he will not seek your counsel as much as before. Fine, but of course; THAT may be the root of your current sadness too.  You just gotta override your need to be the center of his neediness.  Pray & express gratitude to God/the Supreme Being you believe in that the tide has returned for your husband's career.

3.   When his neediness claimed a lot of your time over a year,  you may have postponed acting on important changes/advances you had planned for your own personal agenda.  He may/may not be aware of these, but the fact remains:  na pending ka.  There may be some impatience or slight resentment in you for having to postpone your plans.  Now that he's off flying again, parang "wala lang" que sehoda na freezer your personal agenda.
Well, don't make the negative emotions grow.  Focus on the Now; be grateful there is still time to do all you yearn for.

"The soul does not absorb negativity by accident, only by choice."
     --  quoted from Dodinsky's  The Garden of Thoughts

[sweetpea blush]

pasensya na medyo magulo ang kwento dahil sa emosyon.. parang malulunod na kasi ko if i dont share it ...

sis sarah29 ako rin naguguluhan why i feel down... pero happy ako that he got the big break...baka nga tama si Princess_Chill na na absorb ko lahat ng frustations nya the past months... siguro feeling ko parang puro na lang sya , yun bang everything is about him... when i told him i felt na he does not care sa kwento ko pag ako nagkukuwento ako kasi we always end up speaking about him he says hindi naman, na baka daw kasi may mga kwento akong hurting sa kanya kaya tahimik na lang sya...  hayyy....

yun na nga Princess_Chill nag pray na lang ako kasi parang masyadong pre-occupied si hubby na akala nya siguro nag tatampo tampo lang ako... i just have to shake off the negativity and yes be thankful na lang talaga... although easier said than done... i will try my best...

Mr. Punch di naman sa kinukulit, more on sa point si zarazan na sa kin sya nag ve-vent out ng sama ng loob since i am his wife... and probably he felt more comfortable releasing the nega energy to me coz he's asking for moral support kesa sa iba pa sya magsabi ng problema nya... and yes, tama ka when you implied that am jumping into  conclusion na if i discuss what i feel to him he might say baka dahil sa hormones kaya am feeling sad and depressed.

sometimes am too emotional to discuss these kinds of issues to him, i end up crying which he does not want to see... he can't bear seeing me cry to tears. he prefers to listen when am not in tears na kaso lang when am not in tears mas nahihirapan ata ako mag express  ...but  in all fairness to him he tries to patch things up whenever he feels something is wrong with me...

and i don't ever want to give up on us.... kaya alam kong kailangan kong magpakatatag

Thanks eveyone for hearing me out at sa pag reply.

[sweetpea blush]

^ang galing mo Acquacharly.. salamat parang 90% of what you said best described what i feel.... siguro at the back of my head yan nararamdaman ko but i can't admit na nasa ganyan akong sitwasyon.... was teary-eyed while reading your post.

[Princess_Chill]

Sis aquacharly & sweetpea

well said...I also feel that way as a wife/partner..parang pag ako iyong may problema or sentiments parang bale wala lang sa kanya...

iba kasi emotions ng babae pag dating sa problema...nakiknig tayo at the same time also emphatize..ramdam na ramdam natin iyong pain and frustrations specially pag si hubby na ang nag vent out satin...and we also expect the same pag tayo nag vent out..but guys are not like that e...sad reality.

pero sis tanggalin mo negativity na nararamdaman mo kasi its not healthy for you and also sa relationship ninyo...I know it is easier said than done...minsan nararamdaman ko din ganitong kind ng problem worst is financially hindi pa kami blessed so mas mahirap makarecover...adding all the finances we need to pay pero im positive na mareresolve din lahat.

[smoothie]

Try to remove the negativity sis. I can relate to you as somebody very close to me was like that. Para akong spong na nag-absorb ng problems niya and like it was like me, myself and I. Ang ending, I had to distance myself from that person kasi ayaw ko na ng negativity.

Since he's your husband at hindi ka naman pwede mag-distance. Just try to distract yourself and focus on the positive side. Since tapos na yung problem ni hubby and may break na siya

[ri-anne]

i saw this article online and naalala ko tong thread. it's a good read...

http://www.happywivesclub.com/8-tips-to-becoming-a-happy-wife/

[sweetpea blush]

^ri-anne ,  smoothie and princess Chill  thanks sa mga  input... am actually feeling better...

My husband on the other hand is doing better the past days... he has improved a lot actually.

[mojitayanipot]

^ Glad you're feeling better sis. Might be time for a change of scene for the both of you? Maybe a vacation para makapag-unwind and relax din kayo in each other's company.

Ako din kasi noon, when I'm stuck in a rut, or minsan out of nowhere lang, I get these overwhelming feelings of sadness na hindi ko alam kung anong cause. That was before I got married and looking back, I think they were random bouts of mild depression. Hehe!

[iamjezie]

i think your husband is right, its just one of those hormonal days..  try to absorb his happiness and you'll be alright.. push mo yan... 

[lordknight_aiz.18]

I feel sad too.

Share ko lang what happened last night. Naiinis ako kay hubby kasi gabi na nag iinternet pa siya. Gusto ko sana sabay na kami humiga sa bed para matabihan yung baby namin. Good chance sana para makapag usap kami since ngayon lang nakatulog ng maaga yung baby namin. Nauna na ko pumasok sa room. I was hoping na susunod na siya agad. Pero antagal niya pumasok. Umiyak na nga ko at tumahan na, wala parin. Gusto ko siya yayain na humiga pero gusto ko kasi siya yung maka realize na dapat ginagamit niya yung time niya para magbonding kami at hindi para mag internet. Asa work na nga siya the whole day tapos pag uwi niya parang di ko pa rin siya kasama.

So back to the story, ang ginawa ko lang just to give him a hint na naiinis ako, nilock ko yung door knob. Nakapasok parin naman siya. Nung humiga siya, hinaplos niya naman ako. Gusto ko umiyak or awayin siya or kahit ano para maramdaman niyang naiinis ako. Pero dahil di ako showy sa feelings ko, nagtulog tulugan nalang ako..

[Janelc]

I feel sad too.

Share ko lang what happened last night. Naiinis ako kay hubby kasi gabi na nag iinternet pa siya. Gusto ko sana sabay na kami humiga sa bed para matabihan yung baby namin. Good chance sana para makapag usap kami since ngayon lang nakatulog ng maaga yung baby namin. Nauna na ko pumasok sa room. I was hoping na susunod na siya agad. Pero antagal niya pumasok. Umiyak na nga ko at tumahan na, wala parin. Gusto ko siya yayain na humiga pero gusto ko kasi siya yung maka realize na dapat ginagamit niya yung time niya para magbonding kami at hindi para mag internet. Asa work na nga siya the whole day tapos pag uwi niya parang di ko pa rin siya kasama.

So back to the story, ang ginawa ko lang just to give him a hint na naiinis ako, nilock ko yung door knob. Nakapasok parin naman siya. Nung humiga siya, hinaplos niya naman ako. Gusto ko umiyak or awayin siya or kahit ano para maramdaman niyang naiinis ako. Pero dahil di ako showy sa feelings ko, nagtulog tulugan nalang ako..

Sis why don't you just tell your husband na humiga ng maaga para makapag bonding kayo dati ganyan din ako kay hubby nung bago pa kami then I realized he can't read my mind kayo natutunan ko sabihin sa kanya ang gusto ko mangyari in a nice way. Otherwise lagi kang magtatampo at sasama ang loob mo.

[cescilay]

Yes I agree with Janelc. Men are not sensitive sa mga ganyan. Minsan kahit maglupasay ka pa sa inis, hindi ni lang magets why you're acting like that. Best to tell your husband about it. Works for me each time.

[missFB]

lordknight_aiz.18
same tayo sis.. Hehe. Ganyan din minsan si hubby buti nga nasira ang PC so hindi na siya nakaka internet, pero ang napagbabalingan naman yun sound system niya.  Sabi ko nga kagabi "ano? Hindi ka pa tapos diyan? Sige yan nalang asawahin mo!" tapos ang sagot sa akin "Wow!" sabay ngiti, after ilang minutes sumunod naman siya, sabi nko "anong ginagawa mo dito?" "ayokong asawahin yun speaker"

Pero nakakainis pa din.. kung di pa ako magalit hindi pa tatapusin yun ginagawa.

Tapos minsan pa, nag vivideoke kami, natawag nung pinsan ko na mag inuman, wala na, ako nalang kumakanta mag isa...

And same with you.. mas lamang na kahit inis ako, nagtutulug tulugan nalang ako or iiyak hanggang makatulog

alam ko communication talaga ang solusyon, pero ang hirap.. hindi ko kayang mag voice out.. problema ko talaga yun eversince.. hindi lang sa asawa ko pati sa mga friends and family members.  Pinagdadasal ko yan na sana naman magkaroon ako lagi ng courage na magsalita para hindi ko laging kinikimkim lahat ng sama ng loob ko...

[Obachan]

sis missFB, while reading your post, sabi ko sa sarili ko ako ba to?!
Kung tutuusin ang babaw ng dahilan to be feel sad.
Pero naman for the whole day na busy kami mag asawa,
sa paghiga na lang sa gabi ang bonding moments like small chitchat about what happen sa buong araw nyo, wala kami nun, kasi late na nga umuwi hubby ko from work (10pm is his regular time at home), magwo-work pa sya or watch tv sa salas.

Hindi din ako palasalita or voice out ng gusto ko mangyari.
so ako un nag-a-adjust. tatabihan ko sya watching tv kahit inaantok na ako and kahit hindi ko gusto un pinapanood nya.

Minsan nga sa sobrang lungkot ko, napapaiyak na lang ako,
nakapag emote ka na pag tingin mo sa katabi mo sa bed, naghihilik na pala!
Hindi man lang naramdaman na sumisinghot na ako.

[missFB]

Obachan,
Haha! Oo nga.. naku! same na same tayo nakapag emote ka na lahat lahat.. tapos yun katabi mo naghihilik