Cheated On: half a year passed and still feeling the same

[hedonista]

...still recovering from infidelity
...hard to trust again
...pain, will it ever go away
...married and have a son
...there is an attempt/promise for husband to change

[princessrio]

..recovery has no time frame.
..learn to forgive but never forget
..give chance to husband but be alert
..save the marriage if it is worth saving
..PRAY

 

[justin3]

anyare?!
TS, ikaw yung isa sa mga kilala ko dito sa GT na strong-willed, strong personality ah.

uulitin ko na lang ang palagi kong sinasabi dito...

"women cheat if there is something wrong in the relationship. men cheat if there is an opportunity"

why men cheat?
   -  women allow it
   -  they don't know what they gotta lose
   -  God/Allah is missing in their marriage

if nag cheat while bf-gf pa lang, sisante agad. pag married na, give him another chance.
mag retreat kayo. mag marriage counseling. visit a psychologist.
kung paulit-ulit na lang, bahala ka. asa ka pa. magbago lang yan pag hindi na tinitigasan. goodluck!

you may want to read my last post on this thread:
http://www.femalenetwork.com/girltalk/index.php/topic,279625.0.html

Happy Innocents' Day!

[aquacharly]

IF you DECIDE to go on, you MUST trust again.  Do not nag. 
Take your time to recover.  But don't stretch out your misery.
You will never forget.
Yes, the Pain goes away.... If he goes into True Remorse & Reform and has no relapse.
But you will henceforth be very very very very very very very watchful.  But I hide my watchfulness. 

July 2006.
I found out then, though the kapyutahan (as I call it vs the euphemism: affair) ended 6 months earlier.
Felt like a bathtub fell on me.
Took a year to recover, after deciding to give us Just 1 More Chance.
In that year, I had lapses as in: rages of anger at him, like every month at 1st;  then, it tapered off.
Now, no more anger.
We both laugh at the kab1tch.
I laugh at both of them.  I have jokes about both of them --  makes my Atchi and Lola laugh. 

[hedonista]

..recovery has no time frame.
..learn to forgive but never forget
..give chance to husband but be alert
..save the marriage if it is worth saving
..PRAY

 

Thank you sis. Recovery has no time frame... i agree.

[hedonista]

anyare?!
TS, ikaw yung isa sa mga kilala ko dito sa GT na strong-willed, strong personality ah.

uulitin ko na lang ang palagi kong sinasabi dito...

"women cheat if there is something wrong in the relationship. men cheat if there is an opportunity"

kung paulit-ulit na lang, bahala ka. asa ka pa. magbago lang yan pag hindi na tinitigasan.

natawa ko sis dun sa huli. pag di na sya...lol maybe true for all womanizer tigil lang pag ayaw na tumayo.
thanks pala isa sa strong-willed? strong personality? I thought i was. maybe i still am. but still need my GT pals to get this over with.
See it happened at the time I was very happy, we were, my family was. No clue, no symptoms that he was having an affair. That's why devastation - feel na feel ko. trying to recover, buying a lot of lipsticks lol...
praying...

[hedonista]

IF you DECIDE to go on, you MUST trust again.  Do not nag. 
Take your time to recover.  But don't stretch out your misery.
You will never forget.
Yes, the Pain goes away.... If he goes into True Remorse & Reform and has no relapse.
But you will henceforth be very very very very very very very watchful.  But I hide my watchfulness. 

July 2006.
I found out then, though the kapyutahan (as I call it vs the euphemism: affair) ended 6 months earlier.
Felt like a bathtub fell on me.
Took a year to recover, after deciding to give us Just 1 More Chance.
In that year, I had lapses as in: rages of anger at him, like every month at 1st;  then, it tapered off.
Now, no more anger.
We both laugh at the kab1tch.
I laugh at both of them.  I have jokes about both of them --  makes my Atchi and Lola laugh.

being watchful is a skill i need to master that i thought i have already mastered pero nasalisihan pa rin ako. salisi gang si hubby. lol
i have rages of anger too. sometimes ok kami ni hubby then eto na naman something will remind me of the kabitchina like gold stilletos or whatever. then ayan na naman ako. so i need to master the skill as well of biting my tongue because i tend to nag about it or think out loud.
good thing i have my mom with me and a yaya to take care of my son when i am at work, i think i have recovered a bit because i got a new job 3 months ago. i talk to my mom daily. and she always tell me na wala pa sa kalingkingan yang pinagdadaanan mo. my mom had it worse with my dad's infidelity when i was a teen.

eto pa funny the name of the kabitchina sounds like b1tchy as ayan given na. i have a lot of grudge pa for her and my husband, i know i will fully forgive maybe progressive wag agad agad. found out and husband confessed upon confrontation 4 months ago. may kurot pa rin every once in a while, no make it sapak. may sapak/batok pa rin whenever i remember.
i even throw away his lacoste shirt. favorite suot pag magkasama sila. btw they worked together (is still working together) in one company. i asked him to resign. di pa nagawa but sabi this january lipat work sya, the proximity! lol

thank you sis aquacharly as always.

[Janelc]

being watchful is a skill i need to master that i thought i have already mastered pero nasalisihan pa rin ako. salisi gang si hubby. lol
i have rages of anger too. sometimes ok kami ni hubby then eto na naman something will remind me of the kabitchina like gold stilletos or whatever. then ayan na naman ako. so i need to master the skill as well of biting my tongue because i tend to nag about it or think out loud.
good thing i have my mom with me and a yaya to take care of my son when i am at work, i think i have recovered a bit because i got a new job 3 months ago. i talk to my mom daily. and she always tell me na wala pa sa kalingkingan yang pinagdadaanan mo. my mom had it worse with my dad's infidelity when i was a teen.

eto pa funny the name of the kabitchina sounds like b1tchy as ayan given na. i have a lot of grudge pa for her and my husband, i know i will fully forgive maybe progressive wag agad agad. found out and husband confessed upon confrontation 4 months ago. may kurot pa rin every once in a while, no make it sapak. may sapak/batok pa rin whenever i remember.
i even throw away his lacoste shirt. favorite suot pag magkasama sila. btw they worked together (is still working together) in one company. i asked him to resign. di pa nagawa but sabi this january lipat work sya, the proximity! lol

thank you sis aquacharly as always.

Same here sis and hirap maka recover little things remind me of the affair galit na naman ako mabanggit lang and Pinas nag iinit ang ulo ko (nasa pinas kasi si kabitch).  Just a wild guess Mitchy or Kitchie ba name ni kabitch? hehe.

[fegloria1954]

Forgiveness is something one must decide on.  It starts with you understanding that his infidelity is not your fault - it was his decision, and he decided on it because he has a weakness and/or an attitude (not aligned to the belief that marriage is an exclusive and lifelong relationship) that he learned while still growing up.  That understanding can help you shake off much of the many negative feelings that you may have.  Understand too that forgiveness has to do with your deciding to let go of your negative feelings and of your desire to get even and seek revenge. 

Indeed, you will never forget what he did, and there can be many triggers that could remind you of what he did, but once you have decided to forgive, you will eventually not anymore have those negative feelings each time you get reminded.  Once you have decided to forgive, and after a while, you may even get to that point when you make jokes about it (much like Aquacharlysays she does), and you can look forward to someday feeling a deep gratitude for your having been able to survive that "storm surge" despite the evident scars (like my having diabetes, high blood pressure, osteo-arthritis and spondylosis in my spine due to early onset of osteo-porosis - all caused by the many infidelities of my husband).

Mommy Fe

[hedonista]

Thank you Mommy Fe and sis Dashee -

im having the routine again fits of anger maybe it just suddenly creeps in to my consciousness like a while ago on my way to work inside a bus..naalala ko na naman.

yes i was blaming myself before - i gained weight, i was not sweet, i lack time for him etc. these are the reasons he said before... i shared the blame and pikit mata na lang tinanggap na kasalanan ko nga.

hopefully since 2014 na, i will get over or at least move on.

ayoko na getting attacks of anger.
kasi i feel talunan walang kalaban laban  na dapat nakasapak man lang ako.

[Girltalker2]

yes i was blaming myself before - i gained weight, i was not sweet, i lack time for him etc. these are the reasons he said before... i shared the blame and pikit mata na lang tinanggap na kasalanan ko nga.

Sis, kahit pa you gained weight or anong nagawa mo, you don't deserve to be cheated.  What he should have done is talk to you and asked you to lose weight, or asked you to have more time with him.  Iyan naman lagi sinasabi ng mga guys.

Ex ko nung tinanong ko, san bako nagkamali.  Ang mga magulang ko ang tinuro nya, kasi wala syang mapintas sakin.  I go to the gym regularly, I am also kikay, I also took up further studies at may career ako.  I did my best, pero ano?  Wala, since hindi din naman ako perfect, hahanap at hahanap sila ng butas to justify what they did.

ayoko na getting attacks of anger.
kasi i feel talunan walang kalaban laban  na dapat nakasapak man lang ako.

It is part of the betrayal.  Then minsan self pity, minsan grief.  Went through the same thing. Ang masakit pa sakin, unlike kina fegloria, it was never ending.  Every day, kulang ang tulog ko kasi di ako makatulog.  So I channeled all my strengths to my kids and to myself.  While not knowing what to do.  While sobra syang walang peace of mind sakin, tiniis ko until I knew what I want to do, until di nako nakatiis, until I was fully decided na iiwan ko asawa ko na wala nang atrasan. And that took me 10+ years.

Siguro mapapagod ka rin or magbabago ka. Either way lang naman.  Kung magbago ka at mawala ang galit mo, then swerte ng asawa mo, intact parin family ninyo.  Pero kung mapagod ka, maybe that is it.

[maiandra]

Ikaw din sis, magulang mo ang sinisi nya? Ano naman dahilan bakit nya sinisi parents mo?