Hi GTers! Dealing with something complicated right now, I'd appreciate some thoughts. I know it's very long, sorry! Madetalye talaga ako mag explain, and I want to tell it as it is.
I met this guy at work. Over the duration of several months, we became friends. I didn't have any interest in him, knowing that he might be seeing this other girl who I also sort of became friends with. This girl is currently in a long-term LDR and only sees her boyfriend maybe once or twice a year.
People are suspicious of the actual nature of their relationship. Both of them have repeatedly denied that the two of them are in a relationship and that they have feelings for each other, but the girl acts like a typical girlfriend (being very touchy and checks up on him a lot) and the guy, despite acting like he's burdened by this, they do a lot of their activities together. My coworker and her been close friends for a few years, but it seems they always fight every now and then, as the girl confides in me about her problems with him. But I still give them the benefit of the doubt. Besides, there was no basis other than them spending a lot of time together. But I also wasn't being naive and thought that there's a possibility that their relationship isn't just platonic.
So I never thought this guy had any interest in me, but he then gradually started showing some signs. Not sure if I'd actually call it interest, but he starts to act flirty, teases me and starts texting me randomly, we end up having long and frequent texting conversations. He made up a nickname for me and became touchy/physically affectionate. He started treating me differently from the other girls. I became intrigued and reciprocated his affections and text messages. As I said, before this I wasn't interested in him as I felt we were so different and didn't have many common interests. But noticed that I felt really happy when I spent time with him or talked to him. I started to see this interesting side of him, how witty he was, how he made me laugh, and how he introduced things that were new to me, how he cared in those little ways, and how we actually were similar in some ways. He also started to ask more about me and my life.
One day after work, he asked if we could go out for dinner. We had dinner, a couple of drinks, and after that we had breakfast. We had a great time and I felt we had a lot of chemistry. A few days after that, he started being sort of hot and cold. He always seemed to be near me, but never went out of his way to notice me directly or say hi. He'd go to my area and talk to my seat mates, but not me. Parang nagpapapansin sya. Sometimes I feel he pretends not seeing me when I pass by. But at times, when I go to his department's area, he'd establish eye contact straight away, and he'd smile and tease me again. I thought he could be confused with his feelings so I gave him some space.
We went out for about 2-3 times after that, 1-2 weeks in between each time despite seeing each other almost everyday. Very sporadic. During those times I also noticed the girl's calls getting more frequent and she always wanted to know where I was and what I was doing, medyo weird. She then tells me his negative traits, and how I should not have a boyfriend like him, which is a change because she always kept on telling me how she'd like me for him. Dati, lagi niya bini-build up yung guy sakin.
The past few weeks have been extremely busy for the both of us, because of work. We were supposed to go out again just two weeks ago, and it was him who set the date, but he backed out. I felt bad, but turned out I had to do something else that day anyway. We used to go out and buy merienda sometimes but the frequency has declined ever since my department transferred to a different part of the building. He wasn't asking out as much either so I didn't push anything. He isn't texting much anymore.
The girl still kept on calling me, and this time I decided to answer as I didn't really want to avoid her calls. I'm not comfortable with the situation, but I still like her as a friend. Just recently she's been having problems with her fiance. He tells her he wants space, despite being in a LDR. She told me our common 'friend' gave her some advice, to give it time, so it looks like they've been speaking again.
Last week, during our Christmas outing, the guy was acting a bit distant. We aren't really talking as much as we did before. It's like back to the start where he was acting shy and indifferent and he's keeping a straight face when he talks to me. There was one time he bought some snacks when I got hungry. I asked him how he was and he said, he's been busy, like everyone was lately, and that probably was the only time we spent alone during that trip.
I feel like we've been starting to drift apart, and I do miss him. It's tough because I'm starting to have feelings for him (or at least becoming attached to him). This is extremely rare for me. In my life there are probably only two people I've felt this for. It's so easy to say that there are a lot of men around and have expressed interest, but it's so rare for me to feel a connection with someone on this level. I just feel I can't confront him or say my feelings to him yet as there are a lot of factors involved--work, and possibly other women. We don't really text anymore. I feel burnt out with work and thinking about this adds to it. I also feel that we're both very guarded to protect ourselves from being hurt or rejected, that's another reason why at this stage we can't be emotionally open to each other. I think I can't communicate openly to him yet because I feel like I'd scare him off. Do I have to wait until one of us leaves work to confess?
Our company does not approve of relationships in the workplace. If most of my officemates were asked, many would have no idea that something was happening between us (maybe except one or two who mentioned to me that we have chemistry). One, because they all think he's with the other girl, and two, because we're very independent of each other--we don't seek each other out very much at work (on my part, it's mostly because I don't want people to know about this). If they get the idea that we might have something, they will certainly use that against us saying it distracts us from work, etc. I don't really ask him out for lunch and neither does he. I really like spending time with him, but I don't want to demand a lot of his time, especially that I don't know how he feels about me.
I want to communicate with him openly and honestly but I don't want to create drama. I don't want to pressure him and act needy or clingy, but maybe since I'm not, maybe he feels like I don't feel anything for him? Or maybe he got bored of me or suspicious of me that's why he's acting more aloof or uncomfortable around me lately? I heard from an officemate that he was with out with this "friend" the other day. Maybe he started seeing someone new? They were talking about this in front of me though. Maybe I also come off as hot and cold to him? I wouldn't know because no one could tell me how I act towards him, so I only have one perspective. As much as possible I don't try to be awkward about the whole thing, so I still act to try normally, but it seems like he's back to his cold ways, so to me it feels awkward.
Most of our "hang outs" push through when it's spontaneous and unplanned so I don't know if he could be serious. I feel like if we ever were in a relationship, his friend would still expect a lot of time from him. I feel the guy and I are very independent, but I'd like to spend more time with him. I don't know if he's hurt that we spend less of our time anymore and he feels ignored, that's why he's acting this way, but he never tells me anything.
My friends tell me to stop doing anything and leave it, but I'm starting to have these feelings for him and I also want to continue being friends with the both of them. I am frustrated because I don't know what he thinks, what she thinks, the possible complications, and the mixed signals. I also end up over analyzing everything. By his current attitude towards me, I'd think he could be feeling hurt and confused as I am, and insecure with our own feelings. But I don't want to assume anything, and I'll be opening a big can of worms if I bring this up to any of them. Sometimes I forget about him and focus on myself, after thinking he's not that into me but something happens that suggests otherwise. I think of asking him out again after he canceled last time, but I don't want to force anything on him and maybe he'd just say yes to be polite. I just don't know what to do next. Any thoughts?
