BEING A "MISTRESS"

[eilin0823]

saludo ako sa mga EX mistress  dahil nagawa nilang kumawala at tahakin ang tamang landas. hindi ako naging mistress but i really hate them. sabi ko nga kung ang nahuhuling nangangabit at pina firing squad hindi siguro problema ang population sa dami.  or kung may mistress detector bigla na lang iniisniper, siguro wala ng maglalakas ng loob mangabit. pero syempre maraming aapela kung ganyan diba.. HUMAN RIGHTS e. karapatan ng tao magmahal at dahil karapatan ng tao magmahal kaakibat na nun ang pagiging mistress. Anyway, congratulations sa mga EX mistress na nagmomove on na. Lord helps you to heal your broken heart. God is the center of everything. so keep on praying and he will do whats the best for you. 

[rosealbis]

nagregister ako sa FN to write this story. i wanna be brave to tell this. hope na you see my story as the other side of the story na sometimes, needs to be heard or dicussed.

here is my story told will all honesty -

we met in my previous company. he wanted my number. but i got his instead. i know he's married with a kid (1yo). i sent a group text with quotations to ALL of my friends, kasama sya. uso dati yun ganun e. he called me. we talked. our common friends from that company are already giving me warnings. but also gave me a background on why he is acting this way. he was an abused husband. emotionally and physically. he met his ex wife and in 1 month, buntis na. both bunso. both spoiled. her ex wife is 5 years older than him. petitioned abroad. he thought she was mature. he thought she will have the patience and understanding because she was older. he thought they will have a good life abroad. but sadly, that were his mistakes. looking for something from someone instead of readying himself in a marriage which is all about adjustments. started living in together. ayaw na sya payagan lumabas with his friends or play basketball. kinausap na sya ng parents and sisters nya. he still thinks that it was the right decision. for the baby. and naawa din sya sa girl kasi wala ng parents. she punches her pregnant belly, throws stones at him in the court and hides (he found out it was her because of kids that saw what happened), called his company pretending to be the yaya and tells his officemate that his wife was sent to the emergency, shouts at the guards looking for him (all the while he is inside the office), hits him with the motorcycle helmet, spits at him in public, doesnt let him sleep until 5am when he needs to be at work at 7am, tears up his shirts and slippers, threw his clothes on the streets, punches him in the shoulder and thighs, calls all of his friends demanding that they should let him go home, etc). he was unable to be the responsible father he was expected to be. she thinks he cheats. she thinks her inlaws doesnt like her. maybe going thru the post partum depression. all of this contributed to what eventually made him look for someone that can take care of him. yes. it was what he was looking for. immature, still. the reason why he wants to be in a relationship is still selfish. he was a good selfish guy. doesnt have any vices. girl had previous relationship with a married man. he also had experiences with married woman prior to his marriage. as the now fiancee i have validated all of these stories from his friends, mother, sister, and even his ex thru communications, as true.

back to our relationship, we started out sneaking. his wife went abroad and they are waiting for her to get a permanent resident status for him and their child to follow. after this, we are already in a serious relationship. for him to prove to me that he is serious, he introduced me to his dad. we were told off but my fiance explained that he will make everything right because he loves me. this was 1.5 years within our relationship. we were found out around 2.5years of our relationship. just accepted the wrath of the ex wife back then. emails, calls and texts. even went back for a month to take a vacation to still try working things out with my fiance. he said no. at that time, my fiance accepted all of the things thrown at him. stayed strong. he wants to prove that even if i am not in the picture, he and his wife cant be together anymore. then, we started living in together on our third year. his wife still calls him and warns him about not letting him and his family see their child which is at that time, living with his parents and sister. he was already asking for an annulment as i already gave him a deadline to make things right. i told him i deserve a future if he cant file the annulment in a year, then we should part ways. the wife doesnt want the annulment to happen. she wants to divorce him in the country where she was when she already have their child with her. she wants him to pay for the annulment here. then, things started to unfold. someone sent pictures of the ex wife with another married guy abroad. then, my fiance opened up about filing a case of adultery here in the philippines (yes, its unfair but its our law) so that she will not be able to get their child. that's when the tide turned. they were able to talk about the annulment. i was able to spend time with their child for 3 years before the mother completed the petitioned. annulled for almost 2 years. now planning our marriage.

hope this will be an eye opener that not all relationships are perfect. that we are also humans that make major mistakes. marriage is the most common mistake. instead of judging people, help them realize things. this is not the age that adulterers are cast stones. lets not live in a world that only the mistress or the husband or the wife is the one responsible for whatever happens. a lot contributes to the success or failure of a marriage.

nahuhurt lang ako na hindi alam yun buong story, grabe makapag judge. yun kay God, oo, He forgives and just as long na nagsisi ka and you move forward and you do things na maayos na. masyado alam ng mga tao kung pano magdecide si God na feeling wala ng kapatawaran ang ginawa. may karma. may balik lahat. pwedeng mahirapan sa buhay yun nanloko kahit na naituwid na nila, but everything in this world is temporary. kung pareho kayong magkasama na naging tuwid na ang buhay, and yun part ng buhay na yun ay something na kailangan pagdaanan, its a part na ipagpasalamat. sino man yun nagstay na malungkot, its a choice they made. dapat alam natin as tao, walang permanent sa mundo and hindi natin kaya kunin ang free will ng ibang tao. mapa asawa mo pa sya, anak, magulang or sino pa. sakin, may choice.

[Girltalker2]

^ thanks for sharing your story.

I think the problem kasi sometimes we don't know na if the guy's story about his monster wife is true or exaggerated. If he is keen to have extra marital affairs, normal na linya nya sa kabit iyan. Minsan totoo na and yet people remain skeptical because of his hidden agenda.

Secondly, these men don't have the balls to break it off with their wives first before pursuing another relationship. Kung baga, they started a new one without closing the old. Safe side sya, while on the lookout for Gfs or parausan that might blossom to something later, at least may 'reserved' syang asawa. Kung respectable talaga sya na tao, he won't be able to cheat and lie. Kahit san angle mo tingnan, sinungaling at manloloko parin sya, worse, nakayanan nya mabuhay ng double life at lokohin family nya mismo (not only anak and wife but also his parents and siblings), kaya if push comes to shove, kayang kaya nya din magsinungaling kahit kanino.

Lastly, I wish you well na sana maayos nyo gusot nyo. But I hope you can understand pov ng wife din - na nasira buong buhay nya at ang family that she ever wanted because of your relationship with her husband. Maybe you can only relate to her if it happens to you (knock on wood, huwag naman sana). Judging people is human, you need to do that for one to form your principles and values. I don't think anyone is free from judging, ikaw mismo, I bet, judges the wife of your man in a negative light for you to justify that all the years you have been the kabit is worthwhile.

Pov ko lang naman ito coming from an ex wife. Yes people say I may be bitter. Case ko naman is different as I'm the one who pursued for separation at annulment because I think nagkamali din ako since *sshole talaga napangasawa ko and I just wish the mistress well. Mukhang the mistress is in a better place now (hiwalay na with my ex at naanakan lang) since may bagong GF na naman ex ko.

[Ms.Cacao70%]

^^did you ever try talking to his ex wife and get to know who she really is and not just the "monster" wife your fiance pictured her to be?! a marriage takes two to tango. a woman will not get mad, say hurtful things and or sometimes become physical without a reason. you can justify how good you fiance is all you want, but unless you put yourself in his ex-wife's shoes and feel what she went through, you will never know how much hurt you caused her. yes, she may have tried to look for another man just to move on or save her sanity abroad but that cannot justify what you two did to her.

you will now marry the man who cheated with his wife and you can now proudly say you are the legal wife. but this are all just in papers. i hope you dont spend the rest of your life with him fearing that he will cheat on you too and trying to stand by your decision. goodluck and hope this love is all worth it. 

[donzski_doinks]

Secondly, these men don't have the balls to break it off with their wives first before pursuing another relationship. Kung baga, they started a new one without closing the old. Safe side sya, while on the lookout for Gfs or parausan that might blossom to something later, at least may 'reserved' syang asawa. Kung respectable talaga sya na tao, he won't be able to cheat and lie. Kahit san angle mo tingnan, sinungaling at manloloko parin sya, worse, nakayanan nya mabuhay ng double life at lokohin family nya mismo (not only anak and wife but also his parents and siblings), kaya if push comes to shove, kayang kaya nya din magsinungaling kahit kanino.

^I agree 101%. sabi nga: "ayawan na kung hindi na masaya. walang gamot sa t*nga kundi pagkukusa."

if the husband is unhappy with the marriage, then have the balls the call it quits first before jumping into another relationship. di ba? bakit kailangan agad magkaroon ng "other woman" bago makipaghiwalay? ano yun, para si wife ang security blanket nya para just in case hindi mag-work ang relationship niya with the other woman, may wife siya na babalikan?

i am not judging you sis rosealbis. no, because I have no right to do so. It's just that from a wife's POV, kung hindi na masaya si hubby sa pagsasama namin, mas gugustuhin ko nang makipaghiwalay muna siya sa akin bago siya maghanap ng iba.

[cheezecake]

I would say sometimes it will be about having the right love at the wrong time.

[nathanielle]

Rosealbis, I'm an ex mistress and I just feel the need to comment to your post.

Being judged for being a mistress is part and parcel of the situation we went into, sis. Surely you know that. Women like us, we don't have the right to ask people not to judge us. They are entitled to their judgment. We went into the affair as adults, and so we ought to know everything that that affair entailed, including scorn from society as a whole. Let people judge all they want. In the end, our sins are still much greater than their judgment ever could be.

We're not the victims here sis. We never will be. You may be correct when you say that a failed marriage is not just the fault of the husband or the wife or the mistress alone. But it's not for you to say that. It's not our place to make people "realize" anything. Asking for kapatawaran is fine, commendable even. Asking to be spared from judgment, on the other hand, is giving mistresses a worse name than we already have. That is all. Peace.

[ajang]

I think the problem kasi sometimes we don't know na if the guy's story about his monster wife is true or exaggerated. If he is keen to have extra marital affairs, normal na linya nya sa kabit iyan. Minsan totoo na and yet people remain skeptical because of his hidden agenda.

Secondly, these men don't have the balls to break it off with their wives first before pursuing another relationship. Kung baga, they started a new one without closing the old. Safe side sya, while on the lookout for Gfs or parausan that might blossom to something later, at least may 'reserved' syang asawa. Kung respectable talaga sya na tao, he won't be able to cheat and lie. Kahit san angle mo tingnan, sinungaling at manloloko parin sya, worse, nakayanan nya mabuhay ng double life at lokohin family nya mismo (not only anak and wife but also his parents and siblings), kaya if push comes to shove, kayang kaya nya din magsinungaling kahit kanino.

true. kung may way lang kung pwede kausapin ang legal wife para mapagusapan kung ano ang totoo why not. kaso kasi may mga wives na war freak which i understand kasi normal reaction yan knowing na may mistress/other woman ang guy. pero 101% true na palaging masama sa mata ng mistress/other woman ang wife at palaging di kilalala ni guy si mistress/other woman pag si wife ang nagtatanong.

play safe nga po talaga kasi in case na mag fall apart sila ng other woman may mauuwian pa sya. at kapag click naman sila ni other woman iiwan nya si wife.

napanood ko yung movie na "the other woman" sana ganun mag-isip ang wife at mistress/other woman. kontrolado ang emotions at naiisip na walang fault ni isa sa knila kungdi si lalake..

nahuhurt lang ako na hindi alam yun buong story, grabe makapag judge. yun kay God, oo, He forgives and just as long na nagsisi ka and you move forward and you do things na maayos na. masyado alam ng mga tao kung pano magdecide si God na feeling wala ng kapatawaran ang ginawa. may karma. may balik lahat. pwedeng mahirapan sa buhay yun nanloko kahit na naituwid na nila, but everything in this world is temporary. kung pareho kayong magkasama na naging tuwid na ang buhay, and yun part ng buhay na yun ay something na kailangan pagdaanan, its a part na ipagpasalamat. sino man yun nagstay na malungkot, its a choice they made. dapat alam natin as tao, walang permanent sa mundo and hindi natin kaya kunin ang free will ng ibang tao. mapa asawa mo pa sya, anak, magulang or sino pa. sakin, may choice.

normal yan sis, kakambal ng mistress/other woman ang pagja-judge ng ibang tao madali lang kasi sa iba sabihin na makati ka o malandi ka without knowing the real story. pero isipin mo palagi may mga tao rin na nakakaintindi sayo (minsan legal wife minsan ex mistress/other woman). ako nung nasa ganyang situation ako ang tingin sakin nakakadiri, tingin nila pokpok, bayaran, home wrecker, etc. pero di nila alam na wala ka pang lakas ng loob kumawala pero dadating yung time na makakaalis ka rin sa ganyang situation. nakakatakot lang kasi kung yung wife nga nya naloko nya ikaw pa kaya. mapa-praning ka the whole time of your relationship.

[momentum]

nakakatakot lang kasi kung yung wife nga nya naloko nya ikaw pa kaya. mapa-praning ka the whole time of your relationship.

Let me just grab this from sis ajang as this is really what women in this situation should realize

I have made kwento before that my half brother has a mistress and been living with her for about 3 yrs now. In fact, they both have a son already about 3yrs of age. He left his wife and 3 kids behind, no financial support, no visiting, as in, tinalikuran na niya ang pamilya nya. So ang saya ni kabit nung time na yun diba? nakuha niya gusto niya na mapasakanya kuya ko.

and she thought what she got was gold..hahaha..now she is reaping her karma

Tho my SIL (ex-wife ni brother) is in a bad condition right now (bad case of stroke,bedridden and can't communicate), I am still thankful na naghiwalay sila ng kuya ko. We all thought that my brother will change with the new life he chose, kasi wala na kami balita about them, ni ha ni ho, for 3yrs..and based kasi sa pics ng mga unang taon sila nagkasama ni kabit(yes, we stalked them last Dec when we finally found their accounts in FB) eh they looked genuinely happy..tsaka it was the first time my brother would take those kinds of pics

But just last night, the kabit msgd my sister. She finally replied to my sis' message months ago to relay a message to my brother regarding the state of his ex-wife and the kids. To make the long story short, nagsisisi na siya sa pagpili sa kuya ko. He made her believe in so many things daw..saying he will divorce SIL (haha wala namang divorce dito, t@nga), she said she was 21 then and naive and stupid and if she could go back she would change everything..she is now the one working her ass off for him and for their son..coz my brother is on this "I don't give a f^ck" phase, unemployed for 3 months already..she let him rest when he got suspended from work..but when 3 months had passed and she told him that maybe it is time to find a job again, he threw and made balibag stuff and was in so much anger, it scared her. she said to him if he does that again then he can leave na or she will leave instead. ayaw daw niya ng ganun. he even mentioned to her that that was how he and his ex-wife were before, shouting and just in so much rage when they fight. and she even mentioned that he does not respect her parents..she feels so embarrassed daw. mahaba litanya niya, and lahat yuon ay puro reklamo na about my brother and how he is. now, she is seeing the real him.

so mga sis who are still in this situation, WAKE UP AND OPEN YOUR EYES. there are so many red flags, warning signs you will see when you are in the relationship. If that man can leave and abandon his family, do you really think he won't do it to you? if you guys will have a kid together, what makes you think he will treat you and the kid differently than how he treated his wife and kids that he left behind? the kabit even said, my brother was a good father and partner the first few months/years they were together..but since he got unemployed, and well, probably couldn't hide the REAL him anymore, hindi na siya naging ganun..and he hates taking care of kids..he is not hands on. So si kabit, breadwinner na nga now, siya pa hands-on sa kid nila. She refused to see that coming, she thought he'd treat her differently

I feel bad for her but well, that was expected. my mother warned her but I guess "love" is blind. she used to be on his side, defending him daw. now, gusto na niya ibalik samin brother ko. ano siya, hilo? after nakawin, eh isasaoli? di na noh, panindigan na niya yan.

I hope this serves as an eye-opener for women still in this situation. get out while you still can. it is not really just the marriage and family he left behind na eh or screwing over by having this elicit affair with you, it is really also the kind of man he is, the kind of pagkatao meron siya..na kahit anong gandang babae mo or kahit gaano ka ka-anghel, if he really has this baggage, a habitual personality of taking people for granting and screwing their lives over and over, yan yung nakakatakot eh, yan ang mahirap baguhin or no hope of changing anymore.

[madisonstarr]

Okay, I rest my case.  Kapag pity post or something that you like, naappreciate mo yung concern. Kapag another advice/point of view, tatanungin mo kung kilala ka personally.  Sana you hear other points of view din, hindi yung mga for you lang.  We have different ways of showing compassionate words.  Mine was intended to wake you up.  Hindi dahil mali sila it gives you the right na gumawa din ng mali (exposing them in a public forum and letting people bash them).  Nope, hindi ko sila kinakampihan.

Nope, I did not message you. I'm including you in my prayers na you move on and be healed completely someday, and I hope you'll be independent din dyan someday.

[ajang]

^^ @sis momentum true yan. ewan ko kung naiisip ng ibang other woman yan, pero ako nung nasa ganyang situation pa ko paranoid ako na baka may iba pa syang babae kesa saken.

sa buhay ng mistress or other woman case to case basis naman kasi. may mga mistress na ubod talaga ng kapal ng mukha yung tipong mas matapang pa kesa sa legal gf/wife at meron din namang tahimik. yung iba gustong kumawala pero di alam kung pano gagawin. pero once naman na nakawala ka sa ganyang situation dapat talaga todo iwas sa guy lalo na kung unexpected ang paghihiwalay. buti na lang talaga kahit naka move on na ko di ako tinotopak, ako pa naman yung tipo na "you screw me i screw you back" na babae. ayoko mang trip baka double karma abutin ko 

[cosmochick]

I hope this serves as an eye-opener for women still in this situation. get out while you still can. it is not really just the marriage and family he left behind na eh or screwing over by having this elicit affair with you, it is really also the kind of man he is, the kind of pagkatao meron siya..na kahit anong gandang babae mo or kahit gaano ka ka-anghel, if he really has this baggage, a habitual personality of taking people for granting and screwing their lives over and over, yan yung nakakatakot eh, yan ang mahirap baguhin or no hope of changing anymore.

This! You nailed it sis!

I understand being a mistress not because Ive been a mistress but because I grew up with one.

My mother, who is separated from my father since I was a baby, was an nth time mistress. I grew up na may ibat ibang 'tito'... Ibat iba because tatlo or more yatang married men ang naka relasyon ng mother ko. Not sabay sabay ha... one after the other...They've never been a father to me... pumupunta lang sila sa bahay siguro once or twice a week..mga ganon..One day they come, next day, theyre gone.. Our life was not one can call NORMAL. I saw how my mom lived but I was young so I didnt care.

Ngayon, I have 3 half brothers with no financial support from their father at all. My mom single na. She wasted her youth and beauty sa pakikipag relasyon sa may asawa... kung namili sana sya ng single, she couldve been married again now and di sana sya nahihirapan ng ganito at ako kasi Im the one supporting her and her 3 kids!!! She couldve lived a better life than this... way better coz ang ganda ng mommy ko. Promise..Lorna Tolentino lookalike..and super maalaga.. nasayang lang sa wrong decisions nya in life. Now, the 3 kids also suffer..growing up without a dad.

If only, I was not too young back then....ako mismo uumpog sa ulo nya.

What am I trying to say? DONT LIVE YOUR LIFE THE WAY MY MOTHER DID.

Ladies, its not enough na youre happy now, isipin nyo future nyo. 5 ,10 yrs from now, do you still see yourself as kabit lang? coz more often than not, the husband will always choose the wife over you.San ka pupulutin lalo na kung matanda ka na pero kabit ka pa rin??? or iniwan ka na nya???  and pls lang, wag ka magpa anak. Having a kid with him doesnt guarantee that he'll choose and stay with you. Sabi nga ni sis momentum, if he can abandon his WIFE, his family, what makes you different that he cant do the same to you??? wag mandamay ng bata.

Dont live your life with what IFS and what couldve beens if ONLY you had made the RIGHT choice.. you and I both know Right from Wrong. .. and being a MISTRESS is wrong in all levels. Justifying being one wont make it right. Dont do that to yourself. Please. You know youre better than this.

Siguro you dont realize it now coz masaya kayo ngayon.. but not all things that make us happy will make us live a better life. You only get one shot at life. Get it right.

[lovemeagain30]

^^Hinahanap ko kung may "LIKE" button dito sa baba ng forum at iki- click ko sana! 

well said miss cosmochick!

[izabelle]

^^ super agree with you cosmochick!!!

Never pa ako naging mistress and wala akong plano. Simple lang motto ko sa buhay, it may sound cliche pero may takot ako sa Diyos at sa karma. Yun lang.

Lahat ng masamang ginawa mo babalik sayo. That is one thing ng pinang hahawakan ko sa buhay. Hindi ko kayang sumira ng pamilya or mang agaw ng tatay ng inosenteng bata.

at hindi ko yata kayang maging masaya habang nag suffer ang ibang tao.

naniniwala ako na lahat ng tao may choice.. no such thing as wala kang magagawa. May freewill ka, pwede ka mamili kung sa tama ka or sa mali.

Marami din ako kasalanan at hindi ako perfect na tao pero one thing i'm sure of, hindi ko talaga kayang manira ng isang pamilya.

[bucketsale]

i like what you said cosmochick.... get out while you can...

[coffeelovermd]

Hello everyone, I am no mistress but a year ago, I found out that my sister was having an affair with a married guy.

She met him at work. She never told us that the guy has a wife. When we found out, she was already pregnant. I got mad initially. She told us that the guy will not run away from his responsibilities and his marriage to his wife was arranged by their families in the province. The wife is much more older than he is and they don't have any children. I didn't believe any of it and just hated him until my family met him.

He later moved in and he said that his wife acknowledged his affair and decided to separate. I felt bad to his wife but we've never really met her or talked to her. I had been cold around him and so, were my other siblings but he was so kind to my sister and to my mom. I began liking his attitude with us after some months. My brother, on the other hand, still don't trust him and he would intentionally say hurtful things to him but the guy endured it all. I was impressed eventually and began liking him.

Right now, they're still together like a happy family and he's a loving father to his son. although I know, It's against the law and in the eyes of God but who am I to judge?

[lovemeagain30]

Sis ^ your hilaw BIL will-- of course in his best foot will do anything to be humble towards your sister's family. Lahat gagawin niyan for sure to gain your trusts (kahit nga siguro pagmumurahin pa siya) kasi in the 1st place wala siya sa posisyon para bigyan ng "legalization" ang relationship nila ng sister mo. Unless super may pera siya, sorry to be blunt pero yun lang pede magawa niya as kapalit ng lahat ng eto -- ang maging mabait sainyo at pakisamahan kayong lahat.

If he truly loves your sister and your nephew, he will do everything in his will to change the civil status of your sister from "kabit" to legal wife. until then, acceptable ang actions ng brother mo towards him kung bakit ayaw niya sa taong eto.

[Pink_Sugar]

^thumbs up

[Janelc]

When I found out about my hubby's mistress I wished her bad things. I hope she drops dead etc etc. then I realized 50% was my hubby's fault.  Sa ngayon I pity this kabitch, unfortunately for her  hubby chose me. Moving was not easy pero patuloy na pinatutunayan ni hubby na karapat dapat syang bigyan ng chance. As for the kabitch I feel sorry for your kid kasi she has to raise this kid on her own although may financial support si hubby sa bata iba pa rin ang kumpleto ang pamilya.  I pray na sana makahanap sya lalaking magmamahal sa kanya at mamahalin din ang anak nya.  And please wag na siyang mag try manira ang pamilya ulit.  Being cheated on is the worst thing any wife should bear I won't even wish it to my worst enemy. 

To all the mistresses out there get out while you can hindi lahat nagtatagumpay maagaw ang asawa ng may asawa.  Kadalasan pinapaasa lang sila ng guy and by the time they realize they want to get out they are already old and wrinkly.  Gumawa ka ng sarili mong pamilya at wag kang manira ng pamilya. Just my two cents.

[Trishables]

I met hubby's mistress during his funeral service. That time I was only 22 and the other girl was just 18 years old hrm student from a university in Valenzuela. Ang lakas niya umiyak during the wake of my husband kaya ayun na pinpoint ko tuloy lalo na sya yung kabit. that time I was pregnant with our first baby in short kabuwanan ko nung naaksidente sya at namatay sya at nung nakilala ko other girl niya. I wished all the bad things happen to her. ewan ko lang if may nangyari sa kanya o anp pa man. later on I found out that got marry na din and having her baby. well I hope she wont meet an individual like her who will ruin her family.