Can i Still trust him?

[annd]

hi mga sis! sorry sa problema ko. at wala na lang talaga ako mapagsabihan. actually, may nasabihan na ako pero isang kaibigan ko lang na pinagkakatiwalaan ko talaga. anyway, i have a boyfriend. bago pa lang kami. i have mentioned here na he's an indian but he was raised here in philippines. masaya naman kami sa relationship pero mula nung nalaman ko yung secret nya, unti-unti na ako nanlalamig sa relationship namin. anyway, to cut the long story short, he lied to me. he's married na pala, the purpose of this marriage is to have his visa granted at maging brit passport holder na sya. i was so hurt nung nalaman ko yun, pero sabi nya, next year, ok na daw yung passport nya at aayusin na yung divorce papers nya. yung marriage na yun is meron silang binayaran na girl from uk. ayun, pero nung nalaman ko yun, nawalan na ako ng gana sa relationship namin. sa totoo lang, meron feeling sakin na everytime na may sasabihin sya sakin e nagsisinungaling sya. mahal ko sya, kaya siguro nasasaktan ako ng ganito. anyway, any advice? looking forward to your replies. thanks!

[cecilydee]

i think more of the trust, the issue of standing by his "principles" yun ang mas nakaka bother sayo. If he is a man of principle, and if he values the sanctity of marriage, he wouldnt just give up his name like that...magkaiba kayo ng definition ng "marrying"...i dont know if this has something to do with cultural differences..

i wouldnt judge him quickly though..he needed to reassure you and build the trust again...if you really think he is worth it ha.

ive had an almost similar experience. my fiance is a half japanese and filipino. when he was still single, he was offered about a million pesos for his name para maging permanent yung babae.

I asked him why didnt he take it (pero di ibig sabihin na payag ako ha), he said i wont give up my name as easy as that kahit 1 milyon pa yan and i wanna marry somebody I love. medyo kinilig ako lol

[annd]

^ thanks sis cecilydee.  di ko na nga alam gagawin ko. muntik na kami magbreak nung nalaman ko yung kasi umamin siya sakin. ayun, parang unti-unti na lang ako nawawalan ng gana. hindi na ako masyado nagtetext sa kanya. uuwi siya this march and tignan ko na lang kung ano mangyayari. ayaw ko kasi sa lahat yung sinungaling, and ayoko nung relasyon na hindi nagpapatulog sayo tuwing gabi. =( magulo utak ko ngayon at hindi ko rin alam kung papaano. go with the flow lang ang peg ko ngayon. nag alis na ako ng status sa fb, hindi na nakikita yung "in a relationship" and hindi ko na rin sinusuot yung binigay nya na ring sakin. before ko kasi malaman yun, ang dami namin plano like, balak namin ikasal sa march ng civil then church sa december. e ayoko ng puro plano, sabi nya, baka daw madelay ng konti. sabi nya, sure na daw na by august next year, ok na lahat at wala magbabago sa plans. pero ayoko na umasa pa. kaya yun, hindi ko na lang muna siya masyado pinapansin now. nagfofocus ako now sa school and by next year naman, balak ko na maghanap ng stable job para hindi ko na masyado naiisip yung relationship namin.

[Girltalker2]

^ sis, regardless whether he is around or not, you should still have to finish your studies and establish a career.

for now, tama naman maglie low ka muna. so long as hindi ka sure, you should not marry him. and be cautious about it. minsan malalaman mo naman kung sincere ang guy.

One time I met this guy, hindi naman sya nagsinungaling, pero sabi nya wala na sila ng GF nya na ka live in nya.  Mahirap lang daw maghanap ng sariling place kaya they are in a house with separate rooms na.  Mukhang puedeng totoo sinasabi nya, pero puede din hindi.  Kasi there are times nawawala sya, so eventually I did not trust him so I just said best for us not to see each other anymore.

Another guy naman na na-date ko din, separated naraw sila pero they are still staying in one roof.  But I could see his sincerity, hindi ko ma explain (or nabola lang ako? hehe), pero totoong hindi nanga sila nagpapansinan. It just so happens may complications kasi on the loan/purchase of their current house, tapos may issues pa kung magmove out sya (long story). 

So case to case talaga.  Sometimes ikaw lang makakapagsabi kung nagsasabi sya ng totoo, or minsan kinukutuban ka. How long na ba kayo magkakilala and you are already thinking of marriage plans?  Kasi sa pagbalik nya sa UK, you should be able to sense kung constant parin ang communication nya sayo or nawawala wala. Kasi kung sila parin talaga ng wife nya, mawawala wala sya from time to time.

[annd]

we've known each other already for almost 10yrs na. nung march kasi, he went home. actually. eto yung timeline ng pagkakakilala namin.

2004 - we met as college blockmates, of course, eto yung time na nagkakilala kami na indian nga siya at naging friends din kami kasi we have subjects na need ng groups, since he's friendly naman, ok naman kami with the groupings.
2005 - still studying pa rin, pero sya naman, he dropped out because nalipat sya ng block, he was very depressed and he transferred college
2005 - 2006 - he texted me that he'll be going to uk to pursue his studies. he asked if we can meet pero that time, busy ako sa org and school so, hindi ko na sya nameet, although some of my blockmates that time, nag attend sila sa despidida.
2006-2007-2008 - no communication at all
2009 - he came back here in the phils and he messaged me at fb, we met pero for 10mins lang kasi that time, im with my friends din. ayun, once lang kami nagmeet kasi that time kasi hindi rin magtugma yung schedule namin that time. that time kasi, i was so busy with my job (first job). so after 3 weeks, he went back to uk.
2010 - umuwi na naman siya that time pero hindi kami nakapagmeet kasi may bf ako that time. seloso kasi yung bf ko that time so sabi ko, next time na lang kami meet ulit. and then, after 3 weeks, he went back to uk na ulit.
2011 - umuwi ulit sya here in the philippines but i was not informed. that time kasi, kami pa ng bf ko and my bf has an access in my fb account, so sabi nya, he messaged me for about 3x sa fb pero wala daw sya nakuhang reply. i think that time, my exbf read his message so he deleted it.
2012 - hindi sya umuwi ng pinas. this is the year na nagbreak na kami ng exbf ko. so single ako for the whole year.
ETO NA.
come 2013 first week of feb, he messaged me at fb that he'll visit the phils and will stay for 3weeks. so he asked me if pwede kami magmeet. so sabi ko ok naman, ayun, dun na nagstart. last week of feb, umuwi siya dito sa philippines and until second week of march. actually, ok naman kami that time as friends. i even introduced him to some of my friends kasi alam ko na wala sya masyadong friends dito sa pinas. although feeling ko that time, medyo "naiinlove" na siya sakin pero ako, deadma lang kasi i feel na parang hindi tama kasi nga indian sya. i think us girls, mafifeel naman yun. i was holding back that time. meron akong flight the day before sya umalis. kasi pinuntahan nya pa ako sa airport nun para magpaalam and he told me eto yung pinakamasaya nyang vacation sa pinas. and he loves me daw. syempre, nagulat kami ng officemate ko kasi andun din sya. pero bigla nyang binawi na as a friend daw. so sabi ko "okay." haha ayun,
2013- march - july - nonstop communication. since naka unlinet naman ako, and siya din sa uk. so ayun, if my time, magskype kami, magkatext sa work, basta lagi kami magkausap.
2013 - august - umuwi ulit siya for my birthday. actually, hindi ko alam na uuwi sya kasi ang usapan namin, sa march 2014 na namin pag usapan yung about us. so, hindi ko alam, umuwi siya dito for my birthday. so naging kami after 3weeks and come sept, umuwi na siya for uk kasi yung work nya dun, madami na naiwan. while andito naman sya, i never doubted his love naman for me. giving me this little nothings and luxurious gifts, pampering me (hatid sundo sa school and work), super sweet, super bait (not to mention, gwapo pa.) at lahat ng gusto ko, sinusunod nya. dinner dito, movie doon, in short, he was the perfect boyfriend. when he went back to the uk, ganun pa rin. nonstop communication pa rin. until one time, meron kaming hindi napagkaintindihana na isang bagay. and sinabi ko na siguro meron pa syang tinatago sakin. instinct ko na lang siguro. so pinilit ko sya ng pinilit hanggang sa sinabi nya nga sakin na kasal na sya. the reason why he married this girl 4 years ago is for his passport para maging british na at maging permanent dun. pero walang pagsasama DAW na nangyari. as kinasal lang sila sa paper. binayaran nya ng malaki yung girl then if okay na lahat, magdidivorce DAW sila. medyo frustrated ako that time kasi parang naisip ko lahat ng plano and all this time, niloloko lang pala ako ng taong ito. ayun, so dun ko nalaman lahat. right now, hinahayaan ko na lang sya. ako naman, nagpapakabusy sa school and kahit uuwi pa sya sa march next year, no one can stop me from getting a job next year. pakiusap kasi nya na april na lang ako magjob hunt para sa vacation nya, magkasama kami. pero sabi ko na lang, lets see. alam ko medyo nalungkot sya pero sana, naging honest na lang siya sakin kasi sa totoo lang, nawala na yung trust. i still love him, yes. pero yung trust, ewan ko kung mababalik pa yung full. minsan kasi napaparanoid ako pero hindi ko naman siya inaaway. =(

[Girltalker2]

^ hmmm....

between Jan 2013 til ngayon, nag usap na kayo regarding sa pagpapakasal.  Pero nameet nyo na ba ang families ng isa't isa? 

May mga kwento ba sya regarding his family or friends?  Nagsabi ba sya na minsan dadalhin ka nya sa UK?  Parang wala pa kasi kayong one yr magkakilala and hindi naman 100% of the time magkasama kayo kasi sa UK nga sya nakatira, so  feeling ko parang marami ka pa nga dapat malaman para kilalanin sya mabuti. 

Marriage is a serious matter, lalo pa sa Pinas na panghabang buhay sya, either panghabang buhay na masaya if you marry right, or pagdurusa if you marry the wrong guy kasi katakot takot ang gagastusin mong oras sa annulment, if ever. You have to really be sure that you are compatible with the guy you are marrying, kilalang kilala mo talaga at hindi lang puro dahil mahal mo sya.

[glacy_rein]

somehow i understand his situation kasi normal to sa uk setting.
naka-student visa sya nung una diba? tapos he graduated usually hindi na pwede magstay required kana to go back home pero kung open ka sa thought na magpakasal dun sa kahit sinong british citizen magkakaron ka ng right to stay pero magaantay kapa ng 5 years or so bago ma-divorce. (ito kasi ang pinakamadaling paraan talaga para makapag-stay dun)

maganda ang opportunities sa uk basta legal ang papers mo at citizen kana so i can't blame him na naging option nya to kasi kahit ako naging option ko to. difference lang namen ako hindi ko tinuloy.

my advice why not give it a chance kung wala namang anak at may divorce papers na ilalabas at dadalhin ka sa uk for spouse visa or settle here for good.. hindi mo naman kasi sya basta lang nakilala eh, its been years already mali lang hindi nya nasabi sayo agad pero valid reason naman sya

again as long as walang anak na involve

[aquacharly]

Sure, you can DECIDE to trust him .....   but is he trustworthy???

Sure, you have KNOWN him on & off for 10 years --  but you do NOT really know him, as in KNOW well enough over 10 years.  Though you say you love him much.

This guy is not gonna anchor himself here in the Phils. He has set his sights on establishing himself in the UK.  He will do everything within his power to accomplish that. He will always be "practical".  So, where do you fit in? How do you contribute to his dream? 
Now, IMO, where you are now --  you cannot contribute to his dream.

Sure, you are convinced he wants you in his future --  but that is him speaking now.  Which he can revise --  depending on how it will get him nearer to his dream.

If I were in your shoes:  I will focus on reaching MY dream.  Study hard, do your best.
You are too young to anchor your life on someone who is focused on just his dream (by hook or by crook).

[alinkshel]

Sorry sis, pero sa unang basa ko pa lang sa rason nya kung bakit pinakasalan nung Britsh girl, nakakaduda na. So kung ako ang tatanungin mo kung pwede pa ba sya pagkatiwalaan, mahirap nang gawin yun.

In the first place, kung citizenship ang dahilan ng pagpapakasal, he should've been open to you from the very start. Matagal naman na pala kayo magkakilala. Kaso pina-inlove ka muna nya bago nya sinabi sayo. Ano pa nga kaya yung mga tinatago nya? Hmmm...

Pwede naman siguro ituloy mo yung relationship, pero chill lang. Don't invest too much on it. Go on with your life as he does with his. Ngayon kung tapos na ang divorce at maayos na ang lahat, that's the time na pwede mo nang pag-isipan ang pagseseryoso dyan.

[annd]

hi mga sis! thanks sa mga reply. yup, thats what im doing. chill lang, hindi na rin ako masyado nagseseryoso sa relationship. and antayin ko na lang na umuwi siya this march. magbook daw sya sa january. so sabi ko naman, sabihin na lang nya sakin sa january kasi baka nagsisinungaling na naman sya. sabi nya pala, married na daw sya 5 years ago. kaya sabi nya magiging ok na daw divorce papers nya by next year. ang sabi nya sakin, madedelay pero maayos daw yun for sure. eto pa gusto nya, sabi nya april na lang daw ako mag apply ng work. sabi ko naman, hindi, mag apply na ako ng january. kasi gusto nya, magkasama kami ng march sa boracay at singapore. ako kasi magbubook dun, pero oo na lang ako ng oo para tumigil na sya sa pangungulit. pero in the end, balak ko hindi ituloy yung mga plans namin for march. kasi ayoko din naman umasa na naman.

right now, nagfofocus na lang ako sa school muna and sa business ng parents ko. by january, 1st week, maghahanap na ako ng job. =) thank you sisses. =)

[cecilydee]

looks like you are setting yourself with a trap if you will book for your vacation. Yes, you are telling us that you cant trust him and you are just gonna book para di ka kulitin but can you trust your flesh when it comes to that situation? girl, dont put yourself in a tempting situation if you dont want to get hurt much. payong kaibigan

[glacy_rein]

sabe nga sa game of thrones "the things I do for love.." its up to you to take risk or not, if it hurts you too much then let it go in the end sarili mo pa din naman ang importante

[annd]

^^oh no, no sis. what i mean, nag - oo na lang ako sa pagbubook pero hindi naman ako magbubook ng flight papunta sg and boracay kasi ayoko na magkasama kami.