How to live without your Parent/s

[superbubly]

I am afraid that one day. . . I know my parents will not be forever with me. My mother is now 65. . and you know what I mean, I am scared. All my life as in. . 25 plus na ako kasama ko pa rin siya. Iniisip ko kung paano ako magsisimula kung wala siya (knock on wood).. paano ako magmu move on. .


Give me advice sa mga nakaexperience na . .

[jeune]

I was barely 16 when I moved out of my parent's house to go to college in Manila. I cried bucket of tears when my mom dropped me off at her brother's house where I was going to stay temporarily. It was very hard the first few months but it got better as time went by. I was distracted with school, meeting and hanging out with new friends. My Ate and I only goes home during semestral, Christmas & summer breaks but my mom would see us in Manila from time to time. Then I graduated and started working, I stayed in the city and the set up was still the same, I only visited my parents on special occasions. I got married and moved out of the country, made it more difficult to see them because my parents are living in different provinces now.

I miss my parents having been away from them for 17 years but if not for living by my own at an early age, I wouldn't be as independent as I am now. Not living with them gave me freedom to do what I want in my life, go places I want to go, make my own decisions, make mistakes, get up on my own feet when I was at my lowest point and to realize that I'm braver & stronger than what I think.

Sis, is there a reason why you don't/can't move out of your parents' house?

[airish_2]

kung ayaw mo naman mabigla sa pagiging independent o gusto mo lang ihanda sarili mo pwede mo naman gawin gradually like yung mga bills sa house sayo mo ipangalan tapos some of gawaing bahay ikaw gumawa, from time to time magsleep over ka for a week with friends syempre kung kayo na lang ng mama mo ang magkasama at di sya pwedeng iwan pwede ka pa rin maging independent.

[superbubly]

thanks sisses but what I mean is (I hate to say it. . ) kung wala na sila sa mundo . . .

@jeune naiinggit ako sayo, sana nung ganyang age pa ako, ginawa na ng mother ko yan para kaya ko na one day kahit ako lang mag-isa without her

and hopefully I can be independent na rin sis @airish_2

[Romina]

I was 22 when I lost my mom. For 22 years, sanggang dikit ko sya. When I was a teenager, I felt like she's trying to control my every move, every actions and decisions. When I went to college, 1 sem Lang na Hindi ko sya kasama, after 1 sem, she got an apartment for us in the city instead of me living in the school dormitory. I was so dependent, ultimo pag gising sa umaga. When she passed away, that's when I realized that I basically don't know anything about living my own life cause I always had her to guide me. It's been 4 years since she passed away and I had to learn living independently the hard way. Like getting an apartment under my name, paying the bills, budgeting whatever is left, buying groceries, doing my own laundry, waking myself up to go to work and cooking my own food. Mahirap sa una, lalo sa akin Kasi malungkot and I always felt like my day is not complete. But I just learned how to live with it. If I continue to sulk and depend on my other relatives, I know in the end they'll get fed up too. Mahirap mag isa, but that is the only way for you to learn and face whatever challenges life throws at you.

[Nhetskii]

Hi sis!

Di kaming naging masyadong close ng mom ko when i was young... Kayod marino kasi sya at by the time she got home, laging maiinit ang ulo dahil sa pagod. Good thing buhay pa ang lola ko non and one time tinanong ako ng lola ko kung galit ba daw ako sa mom ko, sabi ko OO kasi lagi nya kaming pinapagalitan ng brother ko... laging mainit ulo nya. Then sabi ng lola ko, pagpasensyahan na lang daw namin ang mommy dahil nag wo work sya para sa amin. Simula non, naintindihan ko na sya... unti unti kong nakita kung gano nya kami kamahal... habang lumalaki lagi nyang sinasabi na ayaw daw nyang maranasan namin yung naranasan nya nung bata pa sya. Gusto nya lahat ng gusto namin naibibigay nya (pero never kami naging spoiled brat ha). Nung mag co-college na ko... dun na build up ang closeness namin. Lalo kong naintindihan ang tinatawag na unconditional love... all out support sya.. Pag kagaling ko sa school, everyday yun deretso ako sa kwarto nya or kung nasan man sya.. tapos kwentuhang walang humpay.. hanggang sa nagka work na ko. Ganun pa din ang closeness namin. May time pa na tatawag sya office ko before maguwian para sabihin na magkita kami sa mall pag uwi ko para mag meryenda.... inaabot kami ng closing ng mall sa kakakwentuhan sa resto or sa coffeeshop. At kahit may work na ko, sya pa din ang taga libre sa kin.. hehe.

Maliit pa lang ako, tuwing mag b-bday ang parents ko.. nag wo worry na ko dahil tumatanda na sila. Natatakot ako na mawawala sila sa mundo... ewan ko ba kung bakit. Tapos lumaki pa kami na parang na shield ng parents ko lahat ng klase ng problema sa mundo... kaya eto tumanda din akong di sanay harapin ang realidad ng buhay... Sobrang hirap harapin ang bawat problema na dumadating...

And then one day, nawala ang mom ko... aneurism ... sumakit lang ang ulo habang namamasyal kami sa mall.. dinala sa hospital, after 5 days... wala na  everyone was so worried para sa kin... alam kasi nila na sanggang dikit kami.. unti unti naman na parang bagyong dumating ang mga problema nung nawala sya... mahirap, masakit... nakakaloka! -- after a few years, sumunod ang dad ko...

Sis! mahirap mawalan ng parents... siguro unti unti, pag aralan mo na lang at paghandaan ang lahat... like what sis Airish said, Ano ano ba sa tingin mo ang mga bagay na mom mo lang ang gumagawa? paying bills? insurance ng bahay? budgeting? unti unti , maki share ka sa mga ginagawa ng mom mo para matutunan mo din... Emotionally, sabi nga nila, you can never be prepared... For the mean time, enjoy what you have.. cherish every moment of it.. kasi pag nawala na sila, yan ang matitira sa yo.. yung memories nyo together.... And through prayers, makakayanan mo din, live one day at a time... Sabi nga, walang ibibigay si Lord na di natin kaya..

Good luck sis!

[girl24]

alam mo sis, ganyang ganyan ako before sa lolo't lola ko... i was so afraid every time they will get sick... when i lost my lolo that was the first time i really felt LOSS as in capital letters. ganon pala mawalan ng kapamilya... nawalan na ako ng isang taong totoong nagmamahal sa akin, unconditional talaga. then i was afraid for my lola na. yun pala mauuna pa papa ko. another big heartache. but i still talk to them. i tell them my problems... di ko sila pinaparest in peace i do not know kung psychological lang or what pero i feel better after telling them my pains and crying my heart out...

naku, wala naman sa tamang hulog ang reply ko. wala ako advise on how to handle being without parents... dito pa kasi mama and lola ko... naku ayan, nagworry na ulit ako... makikibasa na lang ako sa reply ng ibang sisters natin dito...

[sarah29]

I have always been independent ever since bata pa lang ako. I have good parents and they provided well, however, di sila yung tipong malalapitan for advices, or yung tipong one on one talk. Ever since bata ako I have to do stuff for myself, like mga homework, I don't ask for their help unless last minute na kelangan na talaga, haha. I started school early din and my parents always expected me to be independent talaga.

Tapos nagmove kame sa States when I was 16. Both of them had to work and I have little sis din so ako yung in charge sa bahay palagi. When I turned 18, hinde na nila ako binibigyan ng pera, kahit baon wala. So I learned to be an adult talaga.

Nung 20 nako, umuwi ako sa Manila for 6 months. I lived on my own. Okay naman. I mean may mga times na nami-miss ko sila, like pag nagaaway kame ng BF ko.. lol. Pero all in all I did well and naenjoy ko naman ng sobra.

I love my parents pero my whole life nasanay din kase ako na hinde masyado magdepend sa kanila so nung adult nako, mejo maraming naging conflict dahil ayaw ako pauuwin ng papa ko.. but in the end naman mejo nakakaadjust nanaman sila..

[Nhetskii]

I have always been independent ever since bata pa lang ako. I have good parents and they provided well, however, di sila yung tipong malalapitan for advices, or yung tipong one on one talk. Ever since bata ako I have to do stuff for myself, like mga homework, I don't ask for their help unless last minute na kelangan na talaga, haha. I started school early din and my parents always expected me to be independent talaga....

Naku sis! ganyan ang pangarap namin ni hubby na gawin sa baby ko... kung paano ka pinalaki ng parents mo... kasi nga unang una, late na kami nagkaanak... so di namin sure na hanggang sa paglaki o pagtanda nya eh nandito kami sa tabi nya. Gusto naming lumaki sya na independent... at the same time, ma instill pa rin sa mind nya na kahit tinuturuan namin sya maging independent, eh anytime naman na kailangan nya eh nandito lang kami to guide him. Ayoko kasing lumaki ang baby ko na nakadepende samin... parang ako, sobrang naging dependent sa mom ko.. sobrang hirap tuloy nung nawala sya...

[aquacharly]

Sabi nga:  You know you are a successful parent when your children no longer need you.

Ang mga cuento mo SUPERBUBLY & the other Sisses here -- na validate my belief in the above statement.  The best gift talaga is to make our children independent.  I attempt to do that daily even if my kids are just toddlers/very young.  It is never too early to make them be independent.

[DianeShishio]

TS, If you think you have dependency issues, address them. Although I think some GTalkers have missed the point of your post.

Sidestory muna:

My grandmother suffered a stroke 3 years ago, I received the info via text message at 2a.m. Being the heavy sleeper that I am, I don't wake up when someone texts me, kaya I was surprised na nalingat ako that very moment. My hands shook the moment I read the message and just a minute after that, my uncle called me with the details; they were now prepping her for surgery. Unfortunately, other than the fact that I couldn't do anything about it, I couldn't even see her because she was halfway around the world. 

On that same day, I took a shower, dressed up, bought a pair of black aviators and attended my classes. There was nothing I could do for her curled up in a ball, crying on my bed.

After the surgery, she was in a coma for 2 weeks before regaining consciousness. It was a hellish limbo for the entire family, but we were all conditioned to expect the worse. During those 2 weeks, I conditioned myself to think that she had already passed and was delivering a eulogy. As morbid as it seems... it is fairly realistic.

~*~*~*~*~

I know you're trying to find answers on how to deal with her death and how things could go back to normal after you've lost her. I feel the same way about my grandmother, I'm batshit scared of losing her, when I was younger I even felt like it would be better if I died ahead of her, because the thought of her dying is just UNBEARABLE. Mind you, this is coming from a 21-year-old who has been living alone for 5 years (and has spent the last 4 holidays ALONE as well).

Personally, nothing can really prepare you for death. Even families of terminally ill individuals  are  still shaken when it finally happens, considering that they were given a hypothetical time-frame. The only advice I can give you right now is to make the most out of the time you have left with your mom and become a better you.

And when that finally happens: No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.

[Ms.Cacao70%]

i am living abroad for the past 12 years and i left my parents when i was still single on my early twenties. now im a mother of 2. my mom recently passed away and based on my own feelings, you can never be truly prepared for something like this. kahit independent na ako, nasa malayo at may sariling pamilya, im still undergoing the same kind of grief, i still miss her so and i long for her everyday. my family is my only distraction, my kids kept me busy and sane. 

bottomline, enjoy your mom while she's still strong so you can build lasting memories with her.  save money for yourself, follow your dreams wherever it takes you and try not to think about things you have no control of like death or losing a loved one.

[sunako16]

mahirap talagang isipin yan, lalo na kung mapagdadaanan mo na mawalan ng magulang..

nararanasan ko na din yan umalis ako sa bahay namin nung 20 ako kasi hindi na talaga nagbago ang mama ko sa pagiging selfish, topakin at pagiging tamad niya,, hindi ko na kinaya kasi marami ng tao nakakapansin na nagiging kagaya ko na ang  ugali niya.. umaabot pa sa point na muntik na din akong iwan ng bf ko dahil sa ugaling namamana ko sakanya..

yun din ang isa sa mga dahilan kung bakit siya iniwan ng tatay ko..
kaya kahit na alam kong napakadaming magagalit at manghuhusga sakin nagdadasal nalang ako at tinatagan ko ang loob ako at umalis nalang ako sa bahay

sumama na ko sa bf ko nun na asawa ko na ngayon.. pero nagpaalam ako bago ko umalis bilang respeto ko pa din sakanya unlike tatay ko iniwan nalang siya bigla at di na nagpakita

ako sinabi ko kung nasan ako pupunta.. wala siyang magawa kasi alam niya na sobra na talaga ang ugali niya.. madami na din ang naiinis sakanya..

kaya kahit mahirap araw araw akong umiiyak .. pero ngayon 1 year na kaming magkahiwalay.. pero still may communication sa bawat isa at nagkikita pa din.. pero may space na..

nakikita ko na napakaganda ng bunga sa aming dalawa..
kinaya kong wala siya at mas naging better person ako