Friend na lagi siya ang topic ng usapan. what to do?

[einjhel]

mga sis, how do i handle ang isang friend na gusto siya ang laging topic ng usapan? yung gusto niya yung problem niya lang ang paguusapan namin the WHOLE time. okay lang naman sakin yun pero kasi lagi kong napapansin sa kanya, madalas nga kami magusap (sa phone) pero 99 percent (or should i say) 100% of the time, siya lang ang topic namin. pag minsan sinisingit ko rin yun issues ko sa buhay, pansin ko parang hindi siya interested and parang iibahin na agad ang usapan at ibabalik na agad sa kanya. tapos yung problem niya naman, ilang beses ko na siyang inaadvisan pero di naman siya nakikinig, patuloy pa rin yung maling ginagawa niya ( pakikipagrelasyon sa may-asawa). ano ba pwede gawin, sobra tagal na naming magkaibigan, mga bata pa lang kami. pero kasi minsan gusto ko sabihin sa kanya na hindi lang naman siya may problema, pati ako rin. minsan kasi nakakasawa na eh.

[chicafabulosa]

Then you just have to ask yourself, would you feel a lot better if she is out of your life? If yes, then just let her go. Sometimes we need to removed weeds from our garden you know. If she isnt interested about your own problem then there is something wrong. Friendship is two way street my dear. Di dapat puro take lang sya. You need to also consider your own needs no. If you are feeling exhausted listening to her na, then just stop listening to her. Think of your welfare first before others dear. If ang kaibigan puro sarili lang ang iniisip, asahan mo na wala kang mahihita dun. That kind of person isnt a reliable one in times of your needs. You need someone who would also be willing to listen to your issues, kasi di lang sila ang nangangailangan ng taong makikinig sa kanila no....  Ikaw rin nagkakaproblema kaya..

Think about it sis...

[aquacharly]

Then tell her so:  ilang beses na natin hinimay YOUR SAME problem. Nothing will change until you decide what to do.
Now, it's MY TURN. BFF kita - so, I value your advise.

IF after your frank statements, eh ayaw intindihin your problem --  do not feel sawa. But start looking for other BFFs.  2-way street ang Friendship. If usap usapan  pa lang, she does not help you out -- guess what she will do when you are in dire straits?  WALA, as CHICAFABULOSA spelled out. 

 Hindi como friends kayo since way way back eh True Friends kayo.  Think that over. 

[einjhel]

thank you so much sis Chicafabulosa and sis Aquacharly, your replies means so much to me. super konti lang kasi talaga close friends ko, (including her na sana) at wala talaga akong mapagsabihan, bukod sa husband ko. hindi ko rin alam kung papano sasabihin ito sa isang friend namin kasi ayaw kong mamisinterpret niya at magmukha lang akong naninira.

yung sinabi niyo sis kung may mahihita ako sa kanya, wala nga. kasi i just gave birth last month through scheduled CS, weeks before i give birth, i keep on telling her na pumunta siya sa hospital pag nanganak ako, kasi wala akong bisita na friend ko, yung isang friend namin, nasa malayo nakatira and buntis din. sabi ko sa kanya gusto ko talaga bisitahin niya ako sa hospital, and i think hindi naman makakaistorbo sa kanya ang pagdalaw sakin kasi yung workplace niya ay super lapit lang sa hospital na manganganak ako. pero nung time na nasa hospital na ako, puro text lang siya na hindi siya makakarating dahil kesyo gabi na raw, kesyo late na siya. sobra talaga nasaktan ako.

nung nakauwi nako sa house, hindi ko na sinagot tawag niya, siguro medyo naguilty siya, kaya nag-half day siya at pinuntahan niya kami ni baby sa house na malapit lang rin sa work niya. pag punta niya sa house namin, wala na naman kaming pinagusapan kundi yung problema na naman niya. and everyday after nun hanggang ngayon, pag magkakausap kami, balik na naman kami sa dating gawi.wala katapusan puro siya na lang.

feeling ko ginamit lang ako.

siguro nga i should let her go na

[miss_isla]

^ i can so relate. I had a bff for more than 10 years, and all those years, it always seemed that she never listened to what i had to say, it was always about her. Just a couple of months ago, when i going through a really tough time in my life, i was expecting her to at least listen to me, but she didn't. So i had to let her go. We exchanged a couple of emails just to let each other how we feel, then finally decided that the friendship will no longer work for both of us. I wouldn't say good riddance, but there was no feeling of emptiness or loss.

So yeah, if she doesn't make you feel good about yourself and does not help you become a better person, let her go.

[pretty_in_white]

einjhel if you value her friendship, you have to think twice before confronting her about it.  If you simply tell her in a nice way na feeling mo she doesn't listen to your problems at times, na nasasaktan ka, and you would like her to also listen to your problems, baka maayos parin yan. 

Different strokes for different folks.  Hindi puwede iisa lang ang approach unless gusto mong lumayo na siya.

[^gabrielle^]

Meron din ako friend na ganyan..

Love ko pa din naman sya kasi matagal na din naman kami magkaibigan.

Nakikinig din naman sya sa mga kwento ko paminsan. Pero most of the time sya ang pinakikinggan ko.

Pero minsan, hindi naman sa lahat ng pagkakataon type ko pakinggan ang stories or heartaches or kung ano man sa kanya..

Babarahin ko lang.. "Kaw na naman!! Ako naman kaya pakinggan mo." Or "alam ko ba yan! Iba naman"

Tatahimik naman sya hahaha

Siguro sobrang tagal na namin magkaibigan kaya pede ko sya ganunin.

Ang tanong ay kung mahal mo ba sya bilang kaibigan mo?

[pretty_in_white]

  Ibang tao hindi namamalayan puro pala sarili nila nakukuwento nila hehe  Napaisip tuloy ako kaya nga as much as possible, nagtatanong din ako baka isipin feeling ko ako ang center of the world.

[rara_avis]

Nakaka-relate naman ako sa thread na to. I have a best friend since high school, 17 years to be exact. I am based overseas and I come home sa pinas once or twice a year but since 3rd quarter of 2013 lagi ako andun for business trips and I realized tuwing magkikita kami she is only interested in telling her stories and life problems all the time and is completely disinterested with what's happening to my own life.

I looked back on previous years of our friendship and realized it has always been that way.. me listening to her longing to have a more romantic relationship with her common law husband, telling her to get a real job so that she can be financially independent and advising her against getting in touch with her ex-bf. It was the same thing year after a year! And everytime I see her and ask news about our other batchmates, all I hear is negative things. Kesyo feeling maganda daw si ganito kasi todo emote dun sa pre-nuptial photoshoot -- mga ganyang kababawan. Prenup shoot nga eh so dapat emote saka ano naman pake nya eh bayad naman yun ni batchmate namin, LOL! I didn't know why I never saw it before but she is completely shallow and selfish. When we see a really really pretty girl, she has this jealous look on her face and says sana ganun daw sya kaganda. She is not even bad looking, maganda naman sya pero super insecure! I finally got exhausted a few weeks ago and decided to stop all communications with her. Hindi rin naman nya nahalata kasi I always initiate the contact. I still value our years as friends but I would not make any effort na. If a time comes na she really needs me, I would still be there for her.

[alice_alice]

I can totally relate, I have this friend na super duper close kame we call each other sis pa nga, she's younger than me so nababy at spoiled ko siya, so everytime may issues siya sa buhay to the rescue ako to the point na parang my life is on hold kasi I have to be there for her lage pag problemado siya I don't complain kasi friends should be there for you pag may pinagdadaanan diba?

Pero napapansin ko lage na lang tungkol sa kanya, issues niya, problema niya na panay naman lovelife o lalaki. Nung napromote ako ni congrats wala ako narinig sa kanya tapos she went on with her rants paren.

Parang one sided ang pagkakaibigan, kakainis. Pag ako may problema wala siyang maibigay na advice lage na lang "shot na yan!" Di naman pwede na lage mo iinom ang problema, siguro ineexpect ko lang kahit onting words of encouragement just to know na di ako alone pero wala. Tapos topic balik sa kanya na yung boylet niya daw pogi mga ganon.

Nakapagisip isip na ko at di ko na siya pinansin, deadma na talaga sa kanya. Wala ako maramdaman na panghihinayang kasi wala naman siya nacontribute saken sa totoo lang, ako lage andyan for her pero MIA siya saken. So ayaw ko na siya maging kaibigan.

Kakastress.

[letters_to_cleo]

Cut ties.  I just did this week.  Yung pagiging pabida nya okay lang sa akin eh pero yung ikwekwento pa sa iba ang mga private jokes namin eh nakakainis, considering mas pathetic sya ng di hamak at napaka user friendly.  Kaya cut ties na.  Tutal hindi ko loss kasi may tight set of BFFs naman ako from college, highschool and from work.  Nagkataon lang na kami lang ang nandito sa bansang to, oh wells, di ko kawalan :-)

[twelvth_goddess]

I have a friend who's like this. Kahit ang topic of the conversation is your own problem, she'll find a way to divert the issue to her. Like everything's about her. At first nato-tolerate ko but eventually I lost my patience and I told her na I hope she stops thinking like the world revolves around her. Pag nagiging ganon ulit sya pag nagkwkwentuhan kame, I'd tell her na o ayan you're making it all about you again. She got the message naman. Wala kase ko chaga makipag usap sa mga gantong tao. I'd rather sleep or  read.

[graZiousa]

Nakakabigat sa pakiramdam ang ganyang puro problem nalang ang naikwento sayo sis lalo na at kakapanganak mo lang. sabihin mo na nakakarindi na sya no. paulit ulit nalang pala sya e. Share ko lang, meron akong kaibigan as in super close kami since highschool. nung nagcollege tagal namin di nagkita, nabalitaan ko nalang may anak na sya sa may asawang lalaki. nagkita kami ulit nung bumalik sya sa place namin, may iba sya karelasyon pero may sakit itong karelasyon nya na ito.. balik sa dati ganun pa rin super open sa isat isa (yon ang akala ko). One time kinausap ako ng common friend namin, asking me if totoo ba na buntis itong si bestfriend ko. Im like super gulat, kasi nga daw nagkwento si bf ko sa kanila na pinapalaglag daw nya kasi may sakit ang tatay papano na daw nya bubuhayin ig mag aanak sila. We are super shocked, kasi may cancer ang kinakasama nya ang currently undergoing nung time na yon ng chemo so imposible talaga na mabuntis sya nito. And i found out na sa ibang lalaki nga ang pinagbubuntis nya. So, dahil best friend kami. kinausap ko sya ng masinsinan. Binangit ko na buntis ba talaga sya and everything... Mula nun hindi na nya ako kinausap. period na ang lahat ng pinagsamahan namin. kaloka, may taong ganyan na hindi pala pwedeng pagsabihan kahit sa tingin mo super close kayo na parang kapatid na. Sa end ko naman, wala naman akong ginawang kinasira nya unsolicited advice lang yong sakin e hindi nya matangap kaya mabuti narin yong ganun..