A Dilemma About My Eccentric BF

[rising_sun]

Dear Guy Talkers,

I'm not the kind of person who shares everything to my girl friends during girl talks sessions my dilemmas especially if it pertains to my relationship with my boyfriend. It's kind of a long story but I'll try to make it short and it goes this way:

My officemate set me up on a date with his churchmate who has long been looking for a girlfriend. I don't really buy blind dates and the like but due to my officemate's persistence, I agreed to meet up with this GUY. Fast forward, he courted me for 4 months and I, surprisingly, liked him. I said "Yes" when he asked me to be his GF and it's been 6 months now since sinagot ko sya.

What bothers me though is that, he never attempted or tried to kiss me at all. We are only up to beso-beso. There were a lot of times when we were alone at home ( I live alone in my condo ) and he never made the "moves", you know what I mean. Even during those times na sinagot ko sya. We seldom hold hands and our relationship has never leveled up to GF-BF status, kasi parang hindi pa din sya comfortable sa akin in terms of intimacies. I'm beginning to wonder if he's a gay or my gay radar is just slow. But I tried to confront him once if he's gay ba, and he denied it naman. I thought he would kiss me to prove that but he just said I should not entertain those things in my head.

What is your opinion guys? What should I do?

[akthung]

maybe its his religion.

i'm not saying na religion dictates him to be like that.

i'm saying na maybe, he's just a "goodie goodie" boy because he respects you so much.

sometimes people make those remarks on religious people, porket shy, timid and over refined, gay na iniisip.

maybe you just have to talk things out with him, see how his belief shapes his take on relationships, share your side.

you can also make the first move. sometimes shy spiritual people are like soda bottles. you just have to pop the cap and the fizz will spray out.

do you share his beliefs? it helps to grow spiritually together on the same spiritual path. else you'll have your differences later.

[rising_sun]

But he is not the type who is goodie goodie coz he's like the life of the party type of guy and he can easily makes friends with new acquaintances.

I even asked him if he kissed his ex before, and he said yes, he even connfides to me all his sexual escapades and naughtiness before. But I am also not trusting what he says 'coz he never had a real GF before, it was LDR. At his age of 29, he only had one steady GF. But when I tried to bring the topic on why he does not do that to me, he said because I'm conservative.. But I told him its perfectly fine to pucker up and you know, show your affection through hugs and kisses, but he seems to be not that interested at all.

Tried to make subtle moves as well, but I thought he would buy that and continue the rest, but he seems not to notice that, too.

The way he looks at me, it does not seem to be on fire. I don't feel he cares. And when I asked him if he loves me, he just plainly said, "It's because my love for you is not that deep yet".

I told him why did you pursued me in the first place when you are not 100% sure of your love towards me, and he just said, "because love is being developed, you cannot feel it right away. maybe in time, my love for you will grow deeper".

I just don't understand his principles at all. It bothers me to the point of asking for a cool off already.

[akthung]

wait for others to reply here.

escalate your moves if you have to imho. some spiritual guys kasi din eh medyo "numb" na. if you know what i mean.

[sacred cow]

kiss him, how he reacts would determine if you need to end things with him or not

ang BS ng replies niya, seriously

[rising_sun]

Just to give you an update, while I am writing this post now, I tried to talk to him and told him I want us to cool off dahil he seem not to care about me and he seem to be so cold.

He just told me we could not totally stop the communication and "hang out" once in a while.

I got so furious when he just told me this as if its just a walk in the park, how dare him to say this now na parang ok lang sa kanya. I just don't understand why he pursued me in the first place and lured me to believe his actions as love na after all those, parang feeling ko iniwan lang ako sa ere.

Its just so sad.

[Chinito]

  mukhang may personality disorder yang boyfriend mo. i can believe that he's just controlling it if he is the type of what akthung se's, pero mukhang hindi.  kasi ako, nililigawan ko pa lang yung girl di ko maiwasan yung lust e. just being honest guys..   kaya medyo mahirap yung pagpapanggap na ginagawa niya. di kaya may kailangan lang siyang patunayan sa mga colleagues or relatives niya kaya need niya ng gf?  for me intimacy is love, without it might be a different kind of love.. baka sister's love yung sa kanya.. hahah. kidding aside. tama si sacredcow, BS nga yung ideals niya na hindi ka pa niya ganon ka love. mediocrity is pointless kung di niya maipapaunawa sayo yung tunay niyang intention..
get out of the relationship right away and save yourself while you can. 2 lang ang hinala ko diyan.. 1st kung hindi ego tripper yan. malamang sa alamang BAKLA yan! 

[TuscanSun]

Gay radar activated.

[cecilydee]

This happened to me twice. First sa isang lalake na sort of pinursue ako at nung dumating na ang time na i needed confirmation, biglang nagiba ihip ng hangin at ang daming explanation sa isang tanong na yes or no lang ang sagot. second sa isang lalake na super ayaw ako hawakan dahil natatakot na iwanan ko sya dahil alam niyang conservative ako. the first one is rumored to be gay at i believe he is kasi 4 years na nakakalipas at wala paring gf. the second one is my current bf! i asked my bf to kiss me at that time dahil nag aalala talaga ako and he did. turns out na hindi niya inactivate ang kanyang "desire" para hindi ako ma shock sa kanya haha

to TS, listen to your instincts. if you think there is no fire into his eyes, that is really a red flag na..

[no736]

TS, so did you break-up? if your relationship with him has not been concluded yet, just go ahead and dump him.

he's just using you for some reason.

i think he is gay. i have a friend who were in your situation, where they stayed in the relationship for years, and the guy did not even tried to kiss her in the lips, beso lang ang peg. they broke up of course, but up to now, the guy is still hiding in the closet. he's having open relationships with other girls for others to think he is straight, but man, he's as vain as hell.

i feel sad that it happened to you, and i'm sorry to hear what you've been going through. but if you are still seeing the guy, please end the relationship. you're just prolonging your pain and you certainly deserve someone better, someone who will make you happy, someone who will make you feel beautiful as you are and important, and will love you unconditionally

[rising_sun]

TS, so did you break-up? if your relationship with him has not been concluded yet, just go ahead and dump him.

he's just using you for some reason.

i think he is gay. i have a friend who were in your situation, where they stayed in the relationship for years, and the guy did not even tried to kiss her in the lips, beso lang ang peg. they broke up of course, but up to now, the guy is still hiding in the closet. he's having open relationships with other girls for others to think he is straight, but man, he's as vain as hell.

i feel sad that it happened to you, and i'm sorry to hear what you've been going through. but if you are still seeing the guy, please end the relationship. you're just prolonging your pain and you certainly deserve someone better, someone who will make you happy, someone who will make you feel beautiful as you are and important, and will love you unconditionally

no736,

i already told him i want out from the relationship. i don't know but i think it was a blessing in disguise na i just somehow fell out of love na din sa kanya, i was completely turned off and with that, it has become easy for me to tell him frankly and honestly na gusto ko na maki pag hiwalay sa kanya and that i want to move on na.

he is still in denial stage and up to know, when his officemates ask him how are we, he just says we're not good but he can handle the situation daw. he does not seem to openly tell them na totally wala na kami. he sent me an SMS once, telling me na we can hang out daw once in a while and let's take it from there... from that statement alone i was so disappointed to hear it from his mouth na parang feeling ko hindi naman sya ganun ka seryoso sa akin.

sigh...im just so relieved that i was able to tell him my piece of thoughts and that i can now start to move on.... nanghihinayang lang ako sa time na nasayang with him, i could have lost someone that came along the way, but then again, that's life...

thanks for all your help guys...i really appreciate it and i hope i can move on easily.