Got questions regarding men? Post it here! (Thread 4)

[jtansanco]

Hi guys, i just need your point of view.
I'm turning 30 this year.  I have many guy friends but never had a boyfriend. In one way or another, yung mga nagiging close ko na guy at some point in time naman I feel that na may mutual attraction pero di tumatama yung timing. Yun bang nagpaparamdam sila pero wala lang sa akin yun ako tapos kung kailan nalagay na ako sa friendzone dun naman ako naffall. kaya in the end, walang nangyayari. friends only nalang.  since past na naman yun, i do ask them and halos lahat sila same ang sinasabi sa akin. I'm smart, fun to be with, sexy, pretty, good housekeeper, career oriented, caring. therefore, I'm too good to be true daw. they get attracted to me pero once they got to know me more na, they would realize na super bait ko rin and they can't afford to feel guilty kung masaktan nila ako in case di magwork out yung relationship kaya they would rather be friends with me so they can keep me forever.  panu ba to, should I avoid being too nice? this is already my nature and my personality. so di ko alam kung being nice ba e isang malaking diperensya. prefer ba ng guys yung may pagkabitchy? how do I avoid getting into friend zone?

I honestly can't find an answer to this question. A "perfect" girl being friendzoned by a guy. If it's in your nature to be nice, then never change it. Maybe, your standards are high? Are you picky? Describe your ideal guy - physically. What's your background? Do you think there's a difference in status with the guys you're attracted to?

You can PM me if you don't want to disclose your info to everyone. I'm just trying to understand your situation. Hope that helps.

[Girltalker2]

Hi guys, i just need your point of view.
I'm turning 30 this year.  I have many guy friends but never had a boyfriend. In one way or another, yung mga nagiging close ko na guy at some point in time naman I feel that na may mutual attraction pero di tumatama yung timing. Yun bang nagpaparamdam sila pero wala lang sa akin yun ako tapos kung kailan nalagay na ako sa friendzone dun naman ako naffall. kaya in the end, walang nangyayari. friends only nalang.  since past na naman yun, i do ask them and halos lahat sila same ang sinasabi sa akin. I'm smart, fun to be with, sexy, pretty, good housekeeper, career oriented, caring. therefore, I'm too good to be true daw. they get attracted to me pero once they got to know me more na, they would realize na super bait ko rin and they can't afford to feel guilty kung masaktan nila ako in case di magwork out yung relationship kaya they would rather be friends with me so they can keep me forever.  panu ba to, should I avoid being too nice? this is already my nature and my personality. so di ko alam kung being nice ba e isang malaking diperensya. prefer ba ng guys yung may pagkabitchy? how do I avoid getting into friend zone?

I think your dilemma is you start off with your guy friends to be "friends" first. Yung sabi mo nga, "walang lang" sayo. Then pag palagi mo kasama, doon na nad-develop, and for them hindi narin nag-p-progress to the next level.

IMO, sa Pinas, kapag HS/college, mas ganito ang set up when meeting people from the opposite gender.  Pero once nagw-work na, pansin ko nags-start is magbabarkada, then nad-develop, etc.  Mostly at least.  Correct me if I am wrong, but this is my impression and this is what I think how it  was during my time.  Pero minsan parang mas ok to make people know YOU ARE AVAILABLE. Hindi yung you are available as a friend lang.  And you can make this known by DATING.  Blind date, pakilala na date.  Hindi yung start kayo sa kabarkada, magkakayayaan, or laging nakabuntot yung guy without saying his intentions at maraming  awkward moments na di mo alam how to open the topic na anong ginagawa ninyo nanonood ng sine na kayong dalawa lang (ie gusto kaya nya ko, gusto ko kaya sya, puede kaya maging kami, etc).

Anyway, back to making yourself available.  Kung feeling mo 30yo ka na, and you want to have a family and look for the right guy, it is about time to announce that you are available.  Start off by telling your friends and guy friends kung may ipapakilala sayo or ipapa-date sayo.  Then kapag meron, you start the relationship as a date-friend, hindi friend-friend.  From there, you know both of you are available, both of you are looking, so at least nasa sa inyo na kung may ma feel kayong chemistry, compatibility at kung ok ang personality ninyo sa isa't isa.  If it does not work out, then tsaka mo gawin syang friend-friend. 

Good luck!






 

[sacred cow]

i do ask them and halos lahat sila same ang sinasabi sa akin. I'm smart, fun to be with, sexy, pretty, good housekeeper, career oriented, caring. therefore, I'm too good to be true daw. they get attracted to me pero once they got to know me more na, they would realize na super bait ko rin and they can't afford to feel guilty kung masaktan nila ako in case di magwork out yung relationship kaya they would rather be friends with me so they can keep me forever.

sorry, they're not into you...kasi kung attracted talaga sila sa'yo that way tapos nakita nilang may opportunity to at the very least hook up with you, then they'd grab it and not say those stuff na sounds like pampalubag loob lang to reject you. rarely does a guy put a girl he finds hot/attractive in the friendzone unless there's something about her na talagang nakakaturn off or siguro because of familiarity kasi laging kasama (e.g. gf ng isang katropa), pero even so minsan may tinatalo pa rin kaya nagaaway or inaantay magbreak at popormahan

sa aming guys, it's either they we like you or not...kahit naging tropa na at lahat kung talagang gusto...go pa rin.

this is the same when girls tell a guy that he's such a nice guy and he deserves better.

suggestion ko, magmake over ka (porma, suot, pasexy kung mataba, facial...the whole pagpapaganda), try to be more assertive and make effort to go to social events wherein there's a chance to meet lots of new people. try mo ring tumambay sa bookstores, coffeshops or wherever na sa tingin mo merong guys na tulad ng gusto mo. kung may makakita sayong guy na trip ka, he'd come over and talk to you.

[dawnperiwinkle]

suggestion ko, magmake over ka (porma, suot, pasexy kung mataba, facial...the whole pagpapaganda), try to be more assertive and make effort to go to social events wherein there's a chance to meet lots of new people. try mo ring tumambay sa bookstores, coffeshops or wherever na sa tingin mo merong guys na tulad ng gusto mo. kung may makakita sayong guy na trip ka, he'd come over and talk to you.

hi sacred cow, thanks for your reply. maybe you're right that they might find me attractive but not to the point na ippursue nila or bringing a relationship to a higher level.
sa make over naman kasi, i don't think I still need it since lagi naman akong voted as best dressed sa workplace ko. 
yung assertiveness, baka din yun yung kulang. di kasi ako showy pag type ko yung guy. i don't make a move. kung nagpaparamdam yung guy pero he doesn't say anything, i don't assume. para sa akin kasi for as long as hindi magtapat yung guy, they won't hear anything from me rin. mali ba to?

[dawnperiwinkle]

Anyway, back to making yourself available.  Kung feeling mo 30yo ka na, and you want to have a family and look for the right guy, it is about time to announce that you are available.  Start off by telling your friends and guy friends kung may ipapakilala sayo or ipapa-date sayo.  Then kapag meron, you start the relationship as a date-friend, hindi friend-friend.  From there, you know both of you are available, both of you are looking, so at least nasa sa inyo na kung may ma feel kayong chemistry, compatibility at kung ok ang personality ninyo sa isa't isa.  If it does not work out, then tsaka mo gawin syang friend-friend. 

Good luck!

Hi sis, thanks! maybe there are relationships nga na better not start as buddies. pag too familiar na kasi kayo sa isa't isa parang awkward na to bring to a higher level.

[simang]

Sis dawnperiwinkle, i had the same experience back in hs, some guy friends confessed to me na they liked me back in hs but were so intimated kaya hindi nanligaw (i was top of the batch, student council officer, part of the debate team, choir president, etc) so takot and hesitant sila mag approach saken. I was very tahimik though so they saw me as suplada. Even my teachers told me i look suplada though of course my very close friends would say otherwise.

When i started working i was the youngest sa office, dun ako mas naging lapitin ng lalake, then i learned to flirt back, so i guess they kind of felt reciprocated so may mga nanligaw (though may bf ako nung time na yun)

Siguro one thing to consider is your mindset. If you believe you're intimidating, then you will come off as intimidating. Magkaiba ang malakas ang dating sa intimidating. Ako i learned to be more friendly and "assertive" if you may, sabi nga ng girl friends ko bigla daw ako natuto lumandi, not landi sexually but my aura became more approachable.

And i have to agree with sacred cow, if a guy likes you, a guy likes you. If he's hesitant about it, then he doesn't like you.

[dawnperiwinkle]

Sis dawnperiwinkle, i had the same experience back in hs, some guy friends confessed to me na they liked me back in hs but were so intimated kaya hindi nanligaw (i was top of the batch, student council officer, part of the debate team, choir president, etc) so takot and hesitant sila mag approach saken. I was very tahimik though so they saw me as suplada. Even my teachers told me i look suplada though of course my very close friends would say otherwise.

When i started working i was the youngest sa office, dun ako mas naging lapitin ng lalake, then i learned to flirt back, so i guess they kind of felt reciprocated so may mga nanligaw (though may bf ako nung time na yun)

Siguro one thing to consider is your mindset. If you believe you're intimidating, then you will come off as intimidating. Magkaiba ang malakas ang dating sa intimidating. Ako i learned to be more friendly and "assertive" if you may, sabi nga ng girl friends ko bigla daw ako natuto lumandi, not landi sexually but my aura became more approachable.

And i have to agree with sacred cow, if a guy likes you, a guy likes you. If he's hesitant about it, then he doesn't like you.

thanks sis simang. yun nga e. hindi ako marunong to flirt back. feeling ko isang malaking kasalanan yun. hahaha. kaya tuloy [textspeak!] rin mas napperceive akong sister or kabarkada than a girlfriend material. or maybe hindi rin ganon ka strong yung pagka like ko sa kanila kaya i don't make effort to win them over. or vice versa.

[sacred cow]

^ try going clubbing to work on your flirting skills, kapag comfortable ka na magflirt...do it elsewhere. hindi 'yon kasalanan lol, mas malaking kasalanan kung sasayangin mo ang kabataan mo and not to experience these things

kapag may nakilala ka at gusto mong guy, don't take the friends route kung iba naman talaga ang agenda mo. an honest guy-girl dating stage that failed because they were honest that they're not compatible is better than two friends pretending to be just friends but really want more from each other.

[young_maiden]

^ try going clubbing to work on your flirting skills, kapag comfortable ka na magflirt...do it elsewhere. hindi 'yon kasalanan lol, mas malaking kasalanan kung sasayangin mo ang kabataan mo and not to experience these things

kapag may nakilala ka at gusto mong guy, don't take the friends route kung iba naman talaga ang agenda mo. an honest guy-girl dating stage that failed because they were honest that they're not compatible is better than two friends pretending to be just friends but really want more from each other.

saludo ako sa last sentence mo, sacred cow. hehe. sobrang agree ako.

anyway, ikwento ko lang ang situation ko sa mga guytalkers. pwede din syempre sumagot mga girltalkers.

may friend ako na guy na laging inaasar sa akin ng mga friends namin. we belong to one barkada. matagal na sila magfriends. ako yung newcomer sa barkada namin. bagay daw kami. nagsimula kami as friends lang talaga. eh napansin ng mga friends namin na may chemistry daw kami so inasar na kaming 2.

sinasakyan at tinatawanan lang namin yung asaran sa amin.

itong si guy naman di ko alam kung type ako o hindi. as much as possible ayaw ko mag assume hanggat wala siyang sinasabi. pero kasi minsan nagpapakita siya ng mga vague signals.

hiningi niya number ko sa harap ng mga friends namin. syempre asaran na naman sila

nung nagkasakit siya, sa akin siya nagpasama sa clinic. nagtaka lang ako bakit ako. eh ang dami-dami niyang friends. yung mga friends namin since 1st yr niya pa naging close. samantalang ako eh naging friend niya lang last semester.

nung nag inuman kaming magbabarkada, nalasing ako. pinipigilan na niya ako that time dahil lasing na ako pero di ako nakinig. nung nalasing ako, siya pa ang naghatid sa akin sa dorm. yung mga friends namin as usual inasar kami. hindi daw gentleman yung guy na yun sa kanila. 1st time daw naging gentleman sa akin. although ayaw ko naman isipin na may meaning yun. iniisip ko na lang na kaya niya ako hinatid kasi magkalapit lang dorms namin.

may ball sa school namin. siya, ako at yung mga friends ko nasa iisang table lang. may isa pa akong barkada na puro boys at ako yung girl na nasa malayong table. tinext ako nung isa kong guy friend from the other barkada na magpicture taking daw kami sa isang photobooth. so umalis ako sa table ko ng di nagpapaalam sa mga friends ko including itong si guy na love team ko. hahaha.

pagbalik ko sa table namin, itong si love team tinanong ako kung saan ako galing. sabi ko nag picture taking lang with my guy friends. tapos sabi niya kung saan-saan na lang daw ako pumupunta. nagseselos na daw siya. di ko alam kung joke ba yun o seryoso. kung joke man, di ko alam kung joke lang talaga o half-meant joke.

later on, sumayaw kaming magbabarkada. itong mga friends namin tinutulak siya papunta sa akin. magsayaw daw kami. ayun kinuha niya kamay ko at sinayaw ako. sinayaw niya ako 3 times. wala na siya ibang sinayaw kundi ako. pero yung 3 times na yun puro pilit lang from our friends. di siya yung kusang nagyaya sa akin.

twice na niya din ako niyaya sa canteen ng school namin para kumain. pero di niya libre. KKB kami. hehe.

it makes me wonder. gusto niya kaya ako o hindi? o baka sobrang matured lang niya kaya nasasakyan niya yung mga pang-aasar sa amin? tulad nga ng sabi ko kanina, ayaw ko mag assume. saka agree ako sa mga posts nyo dito na pag gusto daw ng lalaki ang isang babae, gagawa siya ng way para umamin dun sa babae.

minsan gusto ko na siya layuan. nahihiya na kasi ako. 1st time niya kasi maranasan ang asarin siya sa babae. itong si guy single since birth at never pa nanligaw ng girl. pero kasi ok kami as friends. sobrang magkasundo. ayaw ko naman mastop friendship namin dahil lang sa asaran ng iba naming friends.

sana lang tumigil na yung asaran ng mga friends namin sa aming 2. nagkakaroon na kasi kami ng awkwardness.

[simang]

^lagi kong sinasabi sa girl friends ko pag nagtatanong sila if a guy likes them or not, that if a guy likes you, you don't even have to ask. if a guy likes you, you will know, it will be obvious. unless your ego is so big that you believe all guys are into you.

so i'll say the same thing to you, if this love team guy likes you, you won't be confused. i'm assuming you're still young so just enjoy the moment, and if you think he's flirting, then flirt back. that's what i did with my current partner. he was obviously flirting with me so sinasakyan ko lang. i remember this one conversation the night my partner and i met. sabi ng commong friend namin, kaya daw nya niyayaya lumabas si now-bf is para makakilala na ng future gf. sabi ko lang, what a coincidence, i'm here to meet my future bf too. it was flirty and funny (at least for him) and it worked.

but you're right, wag mag assume unless otherwise stated. so i suggest, if he doesn't treat you like a gf, then don't treat him like your bf. go out there, meet more people.

...and stop asking if this guy likes you. instead ask yourself if you like this guy. if you do, then do something about it. if not, eh di cool. friends kayo, that's it.

[young_maiden]

^lagi kong sinasabi sa girl friends ko pag nagtatanong sila if a guy likes them or not, that if a guy likes you, you don't even have to ask. if a guy likes you, you will know, it will be obvious. unless your ego is so big that you believe all guys are into you.

so i'll say the same thing to you, if this love team guy likes you, you won't be confused. i'm assuming you're still young so just enjoy the moment, and if you think he's flirting, then flirt back. that's what i did with my current partner. he was obviously flirting with me so sinasakyan ko lang. i remember this one conversation the night my partner and i met. sabi ng commong friend namin, kaya daw nya niyayaya lumabas si now-bf is para makakilala na ng future gf. sabi ko lang, what a coincidence, i'm here to meet my future bf too. it was flirty and funny (at least for him) and it worked.

but you're right, wag mag assume unless otherwise stated. so i suggest, if he doesn't treat you like a gf, then don't treat him like your bf. go out there, meet more people.

...and stop asking if this guy likes you. instead ask yourself if you like this guy. if you do, then do something about it. if not, eh di cool. friends kayo, that's it.

thanks, sis. when he flirts, i flirt back. open naman ako sa possibility na maging kami. why not? he is a nice guy. pero ok lang din kung hind. friends pa din kami. so i guess i'll just enjoy this friendship. sa lahat ng mga friends ko sa barkada, sa kanya lang ako nagtititwala ng sobra. i thank God i have a friend like him

[Girltalker2]

^lagi kong sinasabi sa girl friends ko pag nagtatanong sila if a guy likes them or not, that if a guy likes you, you don't even have to ask. if a guy likes you, you will know, it will be obvious. unless your ego is so big that you believe all guys are into you.

True. 

You see a guy may like you, but not to the point of pursuing you, and maraming reasons for that.  Puedeng takot mapahiya.  Pero kung gusto ka talaga nya, he will still pursue you at di na bale mapahiya.  Another possible reason is puedeng nag aalanganin pa sya kasi puedeng maraming girls sya nagugustuhan at hindi ikaw lang. So syempre alangan naman i-pursue ka nya knowing meron pang iba na nakaka-catch ng attention nya.  Hindi pa sya ready maging exclusive to one girl. 

so i'll say the same thing to you, if this love team guy likes you, you won't be confused. i'm assuming you're still young so just enjoy the moment, and if you think he's flirting, then flirt back.

Yes, please enjoy the moment and don't get stressed over this.  Cool ka lang.

Pero I should warn you - DO NOT EXPECT.  Kung dumating, dadating rin yun.  DO NO FALL.  Fall only when you know he is sure of his feelings for you.

but you're right, wag mag assume unless otherwise stated. so i suggest, if he doesn't treat you like a gf, then don't treat him like your bf. go out there, meet more people.

I agree.  Go out with others too. Flirt with others too. You are a free girl! 
This will not only make him think really hard if he wants to pursue you, it will also divert your focus to different guys, therefore, it can prevent you from falling too hard with someone na hindi mo alam kung may totoong nararamdaman for you.

[young_maiden]

^thanks sis. i'll just go with the flow. iniiwasan ko din talaga mag expect. pag nangyari yun, alam kong malaki chance na masaktan ako. i don't want to be heartbroken again. 

[simang]

^do you like him? Do you want him to be your boyfriend?

[young_maiden]

^ Gusto ko ugali niya as a friend. Magkasundo talaga kami sa lahat. We laugh. We confide to one another. Sa kanya lang ako nagtitiwala ng sobra sa section ko. Saka dati na ako one of the boys. So di na ako nailang nung naging friends kami.

Pero yun nga open din ako sa possibility na maging kami. Mabait siya. Nandyan siya di lang sa mga panahon na masaya ako kundi sa mga panahon na malungkot ako.

Kumbaga ok lang na ligawan niya ako. Ok lang kung hindi. Tama kayo ni sis girltalker2 sa mga payo nyo. Yun na nga ginagawa ko now. Ini-enjoy ko na lang friendship namin. Nakikipagflirt din ako sa ibang mga guys. Salamat

[Girltalker2]

^ Since bata ka pa, some lesson I have learned in my love life:  Huwag mag BF nang maaga.  Sis, mukhang nag-aaral ka pa, if you can help it, huwag muna magcommit sa iisang guy.

Just enjoy your youth and your singlehood. Do not sleep with your BF, I guess easier said than done these days.  Kung noong araw nagagawa, should still be possible these days. If ever you decide to sleep with your BF, make sure you have done your research on WHY (not just because you have to or sinabi nya) and you can live with it for the rest of your life kahit hindi naging kayo.

[tamera_lorraine]

Just enjoy your youth and your singlehood. Do not sleep with your BF, I guess easier said than done these days.  Kung noong araw nagagawa, should still be possible these days. If ever you decide to sleep with your BF, make sure you have done your research on WHY (not just because you have to or sinabi nya) and you can live with it for the rest of your life kahit hindi naging kayo.

Isang malaking tama... kung mahal ka talaga ng lalaki magaantay siya na maging ready ka..

[young_maiden]

^ Since bata ka pa, some lesson I have learned in my love life:  Huwag mag BF nang maaga.  Sis, mukhang nag-aaral ka pa, if you can help it, huwag muna magcommit sa iisang guy.

Just enjoy your youth and your singlehood. Do not sleep with your BF, I guess easier said than done these days.  Kung noong araw nagagawa, should still be possible these days. If ever you decide to sleep with your BF, make sure you have done your research on WHY (not just because you have to or sinabi nya) and you can live with it for the rest of your life kahit hindi naging kayo.

Pareho kami nasa law school sis. Ako 5 years na single. Siya naman single since birth. Bukod sa aral, puro laro lang ng online games ang inaatupag niya. Never nga daw nagkagf o nanligaw man lang yun sabi nung mga friends namin. Pero straight siya.

Thank you sa mga payo. Huwag dapat ako mastress sa asaran ng mga friends namin. Tama nga itong ginagawa namin na sakyan ang asaran nila. Buti na lang di siya pikon. Yung ibang guys kasi asarin lang sa isang girl, nagagalit na. Hehe.

[dawnperiwinkle]

question po. if you receive a birthday card message from your guy friend saying "I'm looking forward to be part of your future". does this mean anything?

[simang]

^it's never your job to decipher if it has meaning or what. It's his job to let you know if there is.