long distance relationship affecting relationship with siblings

[sacred cow]

I'd like to ask for advice regarding my sister

she's in long distance relationship for a year (within the country lang naman),they see each other once or twice a month pero parang masyado kasing possessive yung guy, last friday lang we were bonding by watching this series and then the guy was calling her like 4x in a 3 hr period, as in halfway pa lang kami sa isang episode tatawag na naman.
I'm just bothered because it's like she can't say no to this guy when he calls or even tell him to just call her later because she's spending time with her family. last night naman halfway through watching, guy called again and she was out for almost an entire hour.

brief background on their relationship

my sister came from an almost 8 yr relationship before seeing this guy, her ex cheated on her and then shortly afterwards she started seeing this new guy. they met in college, had crushes on each other but never escalated into anything since she was still in a relationship. a year ago yun around this month since their first date (due to our insistence kasi nga malungkot sister namin so tinukso namin na makipagmeet with the guy) medyo nalungkot lang kami kasi ever since nagbago na sister namin, it's like she turned into a different person after being with this guy. before she was very responsible and mature, then suddenly it's like she's this school girl na patay na patay sa bf that it's like her whole world revolves around him na, and it's disappointing and frustrating that we keep on having arguments because of her relationship with this guy and how it's affecting our relationship as siblings. it's not only between us, even our younger brother and sister is also saying that hindi na nakakatuwa ang actions niya because of this guy.

I'd like to hear your thoughts and views kasi hindi ko na alam kung biased lang ba ako because I'm her kuya or ganito lang talaga sa ibang LDR na masyadong clingy ang guy sa girl. nakakainis na rin kasi ilang beses na namin siyang pinagsasabihan at 2x na kami nagkaroon ng tampuhan because of this, but still hindi pa rin nagbabago. it feels like mas matimbang na yung guy over us (her family) and nakakalungkot isipin that although we live together in the same house, pero parang hindi naman namin siya kasama kasi laging mentally absent. btw, they're both 24 na...hindi na bata

[Shadow Angel]

LDR here, nakakarelate ako na lagi kausap si bf ganyan din ako kasi dun lang kami bumabawi na mafeel namin nandyan pa rin ang isa't-isa sa ldr na nga kami konti pa communication so paano magwo-work kung hindi kami magu-usap palagi. Naniniwala ako gusto rin ng sister mo na tinatawagan sya ng bf nya kasi kundi naman sasabihan nya un na busy sya or may bonding kayo. Ganun talaga people change pero it doesn't mean na hindi kayo mahal or mas pinili nya un guy over sa family. 24 na sya nasa right age na para pakialamn or manduhan sa gusto nya gawin lalo na sa lovelife ang tendency nyan lalayo ang loob sa inyo kung lagi nyo pupunahin. Siguro naman hindi forever na ganyan ang sitwasyon. Buti nga nakamove ang sister nyo diba. Ang masasabi ko lang sana maintindihan nyo rin sitwasyon nya.

[baliwsayo]

^I agree with her kasi ganyan din ako. Kahit sinsubaybayan ko pa yun teleserye, pag tumawag siya, I'd rather talk to him coz I miss him eh. Alam mo, ang importante eh kung masaya ang sister mo ngayon. Be supportive and be happy for her na lang.

[sacred cow]

I see, 'yan din sinasabi niya samin

it's just that bihira na lang kasi kami mag do things together as magkakapatid due to work and kanya kanyang life.
we just find it rude that kunwari kumakain kami sa labas, tapos bigla tatawag bf niya then she'd spend so much time talking to him
that we don't even get to talk and get update on each others' lives na

[Shadow Angel]

Hmm ok yan bonding, ganyan din kami ng mga kapatid ko hindi kami mahilig mag message or magtext sa isa't isa kaya pag weekend kami nagsama-sama sa house dito sila natutulog every weekend. Anyway for now initiindihin nyo muna darting din ang time na na hindi na ganyan ang sitwasyon.. Ang hirap ng ldr sa totoo lang lalo na kung may tampuhan sobrang tagal lalo ng usap namin pag ganoon. Nagpapasalamat nga kami mga ldr madami ng way para makausap ang partner diba yun tipong hindi need gumastos ng libu-libo sa pagtawag katulad dati or snail mail. Kahit kausapin nyo yan ngayon hindi nyo basta mababago ang sitwasyon.

[amethyst028]

You can tell your sister na gusto niyo sana pag magkakasama kayo shorten niya yung phone calls kung hindi maiiwasan kasi minsan lang kayo mag bonding. Tell it to her in a nice way. Minsan kasi talaga ganyan pag inlove halos sa kanya na umiikot ang mundo mo.

[sacred cow]

You can tell your sister na gusto niyo sana pag magkakasama kayo shorten niya yung phone calls kung hindi maiiwasan kasi minsan lang kayo mag bonding. Tell it to her in a nice way. Minsan kasi talaga ganyan pag inlove halos sa kanya na umiikot ang mundo mo.

we already told her both in a nice and not so nice way, pero talagang hindi nakikinig. 1 year na siyang ganito...minsan gusto mo na itapon cellphone niya kapag tumatawag

[|:AyemZia:|]

matanong ko lang, yun bang last relationship nya, ganyan din siya? baka lang kase LDR kaya iba yung mga actions nya ngayon.

IMO, baka sobrang namiss lang ng sister mo yung magkaron ng someone special kaya she's acting like a teenager na inlove. kase she came from an almost 8-year relationship d ba? then biglang nawala. drastic changes minsan ang nagtutulak sa isang tao para magbago din. and isa sa madalas na malakas makaapekto sa tao e yung heartache. nasaktan siya, nalungkot then nung nagkaron ng panibagong lovelife, sobra din ang pag-embrace nya dun sa relationship. siguro din, this guy really made her feel again those things na nagpapasaya sa kanya eventhough LDR sila. madalas kase d ba pag inlove ang isang tao, kadalasan talaga wala halos pinapakinggan (like yung mga "against all odds" ang peg). para kaseng ang dating sa ken kahit anong kausap ang gawin nyo sa kanya, hindi tlaga siya maggigive in. kase masaya siya sa situation nya ngayon e. this is just my POV. i hope masolve pa rin yung problem within sa inyong magkakapatid.

[sacred cow]

^ nope, hindi LDR and she wasn't like this before nung sila pa nung ex niya...kaya nga kami nabigla kasi she did a 180 on us

yup she is acting like a teenager in love which is really cringe worthy hahaha, daig niya pa bunso namin

aside from them being LDR, parang nainfluence din kasi nitong bf niya ugali niya para maging ganito.
I just find it sad that someone has this much power over her

[Myealexis21]

^Ilang months na ba sila? baka naman ganyan lang kase bago pa sila.  --- One year na pala sila.

Be supportive muna bro, kase the more na pagsabihan niyo lalong lalayo yan sa inyo.  Mamaya hindi niyo na alam kung anong nangyayari sa kanya kase she wouldn't open up with you guys kase alam niya na against kayo sa relationship niya with the guy. 

Saka bro, tell her how you are affected by the situation.  Talk more about your feelings rather than her action.  Para hindi sya maging defensive, instead she will be more sympathetic on how you are feeling.  And if possible talk to her alone, kase kapag kasama mo ibang siblings, she will feel you are ganging up on her.

[aquacharly]

Wala kayong magagawa, but hope she stays happy with him.  Bottom-line, he makes her happy; don't turn it into a zero-sum game. Just saying.

People "in love"  generally don't listen.
Let it slide, wala namang masama ginagawa the BF except disrupt your family activities.  It's not like he has asked her for money, introduced her to drugs, etc etc. 

[|:AyemZia:|]

^ nope, hindi LDR and she wasn't like this before nung sila pa nung ex niya...kaya nga kami nabigla kasi she did a 180 on us

there's your answer. kaya naman pala hindi siya ganyan dati, kase iba yung situation. mahirap daw kase tlaga ang nasa LDR kase communication lang ang tanging maglilink sa inyong dalawa. since hindi nga madalas magkita, ayan lang yung means nila to maintain the relationship. yup she's mature and responsible before pero you should know that people also tend to become silly pag inlove. hindi man applied sa lahat yung sinabi ko, pero i know it happens. and d ba meron nga mga may edad na (as in old, like 40+), pero pag nainlove halos ganyan din na parang balik teenager?

aside from them being LDR, parang nainfluence din kasi nitong bf niya ugali niya para maging ganito.
I just find it sad that someone has this much power over her

unfair naman na isipan nyo ng ganito yung bf ng sister mo. kase you said it yourself, hindi na sila bata. although they are acting like one, do you think mahahawakan ba sa leeg nung guy yung kapatid mo kung yung sister mo mismo hindi nya gusto? i mean, take this as an example. kunyare lang, nung time na nanonood kayo ng TV series na biglang tumawag si bf. tas d ba kinausap ni sister mo. pano kung nung time na magkausap sila at nalaman ni guy na nakakakaistorbo siya sa bonding nyo, he wanted to hang up and call later. pero yung sister mo pala ang may ayaw. or halimbawa din naman, hindi sinasabi ni sister mo dun sa guy na there's something important going on para hindi maghang-up yung guy at makausap nya pa rin. bottomline, nasa sister mo pa rin yun kung magpapakontrol siya sa bf nya. LDR nga sila e. so she has the power to control the situation. i mean, if she doesn't want to talk to her bf kase mas preferred nya na makipagbonding sa inyo, gagawin nya yun. sa part na to, lumabas pagiging kuya mo kase nasa side ka pa rin ng kapatid mo. pero shempre, dapat maging fair at tingnan lahat ng sides. lahat nga ng sinabi mo puro "parang" d ba? meaning, hindi ka rin sure. pinakamaganda pa ring solusyon ang kausapin mo siya ng solo. like what sis Myealexis21 said, baka kase pag sabay2 kayo, isipin nya pinagtutulungan nyo siya at lalong hindi na siya makipagbonding sa inyo. and i super agree din sa sinabi ni sis aquacharly, mas okay na yang lovesick lang siya dun sa guy at adik lang sila sa pag-uusap thru phone. be thankful and happy na lang na she already moved on and mukhang masaya na ulet sa lovelife nya.

POV ko lang naman to. bati tayo. peace!

[simang]

This is cute. I actually feel for you, sacred cow.

Youngest ako of 4 sibs and when my 2 older sisters already were building their own romantic relationships, i swear nagseselos talaga ako. Especially sa eldest ate ko kase she was single for the longest time and most of her free time were spent with me. Pero nung nagka-bf sya, nanibago ako kase lagi na sya nagkukulong sa room while talking to her bf on the phone, tas hindi na sya sumasabay saken umuwi ng province pag weekend (kase if uuwi ako, sasabihin nya di sya uuwi. If i know magsesexy time lang sila ng jowa nya sa condo namin haha). Basta nagselos talaga ako. Then when they broke up, nagbabond na kame ulit kaso lang puro naman love problems ang kwento nya naiinis ako.

Eventually i learned to accept it na lang. Di naman natin maiiwasan na dadating talaga yung time na magkakaron sila ng sarisariling buhay.

Ngayon mas casual na kame magusap ni ate about our bfs. Siguro nagmature na din ako and learned to understand that although i'm the bunso (my ate still calls me bunso, i'm 26), i cant expect na ako lagi ang center of attention.

And considering na ldr sila ng sister mo, you should understand na yung 1 hour na usap nila sa phone, that's big deal for them.

[budzwhiz]

As you've said, LDR sila and once/twice a month lang sila magkita. Given na tawagan/video calls/etc. nalang ang usual form of communication nila, dapat intindihin nyo na na ganon talaga nila kadalas gawin yon.

Although I understand your situation kasi ganyan din yung little sister ko. Minsan lang ako mauwi dito sa province namin, pero pagdating na ng night time tatawag na bf nya and magkukulong na yan sa kwarto til midnight. Buuuuut, kung ako naman yung may boyfriend who has siblings na palaging nagrereklamo because of my frequent calling and "pang-aagaw" sa time nya with her mga kapatid, e hindi rin naman ako matutuwa. Kami tong nasa LDR and ONCE/TWICE lang magkita, bakit naman magrereklamo pa sila sa time I spend with him "on the phone" diba? Kayo naman ang madalas magkasama, that should be enough. She's 24, she's old enough to know. And she's old enough to manage her life but still somehow spends time with you guys and that already says a lot. Makuntento nalang don. She also needs time and WANTS time with her bf. The fact na she's going along with it, and sabi mo nga pinag-tampuhan nyo na to ng ilang beses, means eto rin ang gusto nya. Hindi lang dahil napipilitan sya. Be happy for her nalang. Again, she's already 24.

[|:AyemZia:|]

^i couldn't agree more.

[Girltalker2]

sacred cow, kumusta na sister mo. sila parin ba ng BF nya?

[sacred cow]

yup sila pa rin, they might get married in 3,years. In a few months hindi na sila LDR since she would be working in the province na rin. Same kami nung province ni guy

[Girltalker2]

^ that's good. Ganun parin ba sya sa inyo?

Tingin ko naman once she gets married, normally (most at least), mga girls maasikaso sila. Sila normally (most ha) nag o organize ng mga family reunion etc.  So hopefully once makasal sis mo, mas ma-miss nga nya ang immediate family nya, and kapag nagkaron kayo ng occasion na magsama sama, 100% attention na sya sa inyo kasi kasal na naman sila ng BF nya tsaka hindi na madalas kayo magkakasama.

[sacred cow]

medyo ganun pa rin,super clingy lang kasi talaga ni bf niya..tawag ng tawag every 15-30 mins (that's what I notice kapag nagkikita kami or kasama ko sister ko) pero at least she makes time for us na, she even went out with me and my girl kanina, gusto ko rin kasi maging friends sila and mukhang magkasundo naman sila, lasi they both love to hate the same guy...ME