Being Compared

[msAsiapacific]

Mga mommies meron na ba sa inyo nakaka experience ng ganito...

yung 21mos old baby girl ko kasi may pinsan na kasing age din nya pero boy and everytime nagvivisit kami sa kanila (home town kasi yun ng mom ko kaya no choice minsan once a week andun kami sa compound) eh ipapa-recite na lahat ng alam nya wala naman ako against dun nakakatuwa yun, kaya lang ang nakaka-inis is yung ineexpect nila na magshow off din yung baby ko at tapatan yung ginawa ng pinsan nya na pagsabi ng iba iba city ng countries, etc... tapos kung tingnan pa nung iba ko relatives yung baby ko ay parang walang alam, parang minamaliit ba... yung baby ko kasi may ugali na di mo talaga sya mapipilit pag ayaw nya at para sakin ok lang naman yun kasi alam ko naman na alam nya like yung mga parts ng body, etc... also para sakin di ko naman kelangan na ituro ang city ng iba iba countries more on kasi kami sa learning thru play and hindi yung sa pagmememorize... ang ayaw ko pati is lumaki sila na pinagcocompare ganon kasi yung kinalakihan ko nung bata ako, may cousin din kasi ako na ka-age ko...

sorry napahaba mga sis wala kasi ako mapagkwentuhan e...

[ikaela]

^I'm with you. Mga matatanda lang na pinaglumaan na ng panahon ang kaalaman ang mahilig magparecite-recite ng ganyan. 'Wag intindihin. Grin and bear it, dahil relatives. I would avoid them though, kasi baka maramdaman ng anak mo na minamaliit siya, which is very bad for anyone, what more for a child. Baka maapektuhan yung confidence ng anak mo and even yung relationship niya with her titos and titas.

If you can, voice out that you have a different parenting style, that you focus on the child's innate abilities and not on rote memorization. O baka madaan mo sa biro, sabihin mo na naku, di na uso yang mga capitals of countries or flags or whatever chuva, eto na ang mga new methods.

Me, I was one of those kids na pina-recite, pina-spell, pina-drawing, but ano ba napala ko dun, wala. Alam ko lang yung flags, yun na yun. Haha.

I feel you, msAsiapacific, because I foresee that my parents will do the same thing to my baby in the future. May pagka-old school yung mga yun, and ako nga mismo ginanun nila. I don't want to force the same thing upon my child, especially if it's just for the sake of impressing relatives during get-togethers.

[msAsiapacific]

thanks sa advice sis =) i feel so much better...

i hope na sa next visit namin dun my baby can just be herself and play with her cousin... no more pa impressan/payabangan kasi di naman kami pumupunta dun para makipagcompete... i will surely voice it out na pag tiningnan na naman nila si baby ko na para bang walang alam...

[thebratinella]

It happened to my daughter before. May kaedad siyang relative and my daughter was asked to sing. It was the first time for us to bring her there so game naman kami. May nagcomment na relative na kaya din daw ng apo niya yan. Ayoko sana ng ganun kasi wala naman kaming intention magcompete. Eventually, may instances na pati sa ibang bagay nacompare na. Tipong matatas daw magsalita yung isang bata and yung anak ko bulol etc.  I avoid situations na lang that would lead to comparisons. Tahimik na lang kahit sa Facebook. 

[KagamiChan]

As mothers, we are the advocates of our own child.

You know your baby better than anyone. You're the one who could tell what she could do and where she is best in her learning, may it be arts, or math, science etc. Do not push the child to do something she has not yet come to learn, or you might make her think that she is not good in what she's accomplished.

Also having experienced being compared by my father to my cousins, it frustrates me. Rather than making a child improve her skills, it will only make her feel shy, disappointed, and in turn will be lazy at improving the skills/talent she should have been.

It will be us moms who will be able to encourage our children to do better in their field of interest. So, don't let your mom intimidate you or your baby might also be affected. Be proud of her, and tell your mom what your baby could do even if it's not reciting the different cities of countries, or count from 1-1000.

[babyboo.0326]

this just happened 2 days ago. my mom compared my 15 year old son to my cousin na ka-age niya. you know what i said?

"hindi mo sila kailangan i-compare dahil magkaiba sila ng level ng utak. hindi por que maraming school na ang napag-exam-an niya for college doesn't prove that he will pass and get in those schools he took the exams."

e di tumahimik siya. kasi ganyan talaga mom ko, or the elders for that matter. sanay sila na kailangan yung anak nila bida or pag hindi naman, kailangan maipakita mo kung ano meron ka. it happened to me, and i'm not going to allow my mom to do the same to my children 

[cmax]

I rarely go to my inlaws na because of this same scenario. compare at puro kwento sa iba nilang apo.

[daveigh]

Kahit hindi relatives, it happens everytime.

Kaya ako I always say "iba-iba talaga ang mga bata, we cannot set a timeframe for them to follow all the time," when some parents worry that their child is not yet doing this or that.

[younis]

this is what I hate most... yung hipag ko nung naglihi, wala pa atang 5wks yung tyan nakakarinig na ako ng comparison from my in-laws, comparing sa 3yr old na anak ko ... kesyo magiging kasing ganda din daw ng anak ko yung baby, blah blah blah...

[stormy]

@TS, sis tatagan mo na lang loob mo mas marami ka pa na maencounter na ganyan habang lumalaki anak mo. Wag mo pinag-iintindi mga ganyan. Ok lang naman icompare ang bata pero against siguro sa expected milestones/age range hindi sa ibang bata. Yun pagkukumpara kasi hindi maiiwasan, paano malalaman if may progress if walang reference d ba? Pero d yung ganyan, na ipaparamdam na may kulang sa anak mo.

Anak ko e pag kinukumpara, kapag may naglalakas loob, nag-smile lang ako. Opinyon nila yun. Gaya nun mag-2yo anak ko tinanong ako misis ng friend ni mister if d ko raw ba ipapa-gymboree anak ko (sabay mention magkano ang tuition). Dating e kulang pinoprovide ko sa anak ko? Na kapag 2yo at sa bahay ko lang tinuturuan e inferior na? Or d kasing sosyal nya (feeling nya e sosyalin na yun ganun)?
Kapag hindi ko ipa-gymboree class may kulang na sa anak ko?

Hindi naisip na baka iba preference ko, na d ko gusto at all ang gymboree dahil sa d ko gusto branch nearest sa amin

Pati mga schools kinukumpara sis kaya sabi ko sa iyo tatagan mo loob mo. Marami pa na masasabi. Pati nga gatas kinukumpara, pati height, buhok, atbp. Minsan ang babaw na, parang wala nang maisip paano itataas ang kakayahan ng anak kahit wala na sa lugar.

[luckymommy88]

Got a relative na sinabihan 15 months baby ko na parang adik daw yung body kasi payat. I just smiled and said what a harsh word to use considering na baby pagkukumparahan adik. Exclusive bf baby ko kaya lean.Now she can see my baby doodling and dancing sasabihin na naman na yung apo nya ganito ganyan.If I know super inggit lang sa mga anak ko kaya hindi ko na pinapatulan.

[izabelle]

Uso ito lalo na sa mga relatives. And lalo na kapag meron halos kasing edad lang ang baby mo. They will always as in always compare.

Hilig sa comparison ewan ko ba. Yung baby ko din ganyan, hindi maiiwasan. Medyo delayed talker kasi ang anak ko, nagsasalita pero hindi kasing dami nung isang pinsan nya na same age nya halos (3 months lang pagitan)

so ayon mega compare na ang iba. Nakakainis pero honestly and usually pinapatulan ko in a way na sila maiinis pabalik

[AnneMP]

Got a relative na sinabihan 15 months baby ko na parang adik daw yung body kasi payat.

Kung ako yan sis, inaway ko na yan.  Di uubra sa kin insultuhin ang anak ko.  Ok lang insultuhin ako pero pag loved ones ko na, dun ako nagagalit.