How to enjoy your 20's if you still have strict parents?

[ohcmon]

Pag nagpapaalam ako ng maayos palaging galit or kung malalate ng uwi palaging manenermon/mangongonsensiya na kesyo hinihintay akong makauwi bago sila matutulog. Kakaloka. Even moving out is an issue, sa grabeng dramahan ang punta.

Lol parents ko rin ganitong-ganito.

Kapag 10PM na at wala pa ako sa bahay kahit nagpaalam naman ako na mag-night out with coworkers, naku, super text at tawag na sila. Uwi raw ba ng matinong babae 'yung ganung oras, eh kung alam lang nila na napakaaga pa ng 10PM para umuwi from gimikan at normal lang 'yung inuumaga sa labas.

Then again, I'm an only child and we live in the province kaya siguro ganun din thinking ng parents ko.

[macaroonz]

whoa! lalo lang akong nainggit. 10 pm is too much for my parents. curfew ko is 8pm. pag wala pa ko sa house by 8 pm,mega text and calls na yung mom ko. i'm 24 na. i had a boyfriend. 10 years. but he left me kasi super strict ng parents ko and of course 3rd party as well. given that fact, sinunod ko nalang parents ko. i was thinking if i follow them i will be able to build a good relationship with them. well, merely speaking, i think i did, but somehow. they tend to rule my life. I'm working as a corporate slave with a good compensation package for an entry level. my parents told me that i should give something to deal with our expenses, since i'm an only child, i felt responsible submitting myself to them,. so i give portions of my salary. they always question my expenses like where my salary goes. both of them have work and earning well. i'm so pissed.


i'm planning to move abroad next year. di ko sinasabi sa kanila na i'm saving money to support my plan going abroad. kasi naman knowing them, itutulong lang nila yung pinagpaguran ko sa relatives namin. haay, i'm gonna miss them. but i really have to go sa malayo para maiwasan ang conflict. and somehow, makatikim ng freedom na makabili ng gamit without questions.

[minnie99]

I just want to air my frustrations here.

I'm so tired my mother. Ang OA ng pagka-strict niya. Pag nagsabi ako na may date ako, sasabihin niya "Anong oras ka uuwi?" plus a bunch of other reminders that indicates how little she trusts me, instead of "Enjoy" or "Ingat kayo". Pagdating ko sa bahay tatanungin anong ginawa, saan pumunta, anong pinanood, as if waiting mahuli na may ginawa kami na iba.

It's like she's not even happy for me. Some of you will say she's just looking out for me, pero mali na eh. She acts like everyone in the world is not to be trusted. Not the neighbor, not the passerby, not the person behind you at a cashier, not the car behind you in EDSA.

Tapos ang bastos pa nung katulong namin sa boyfriend ko, at walang ginagawa yung mom ko dun. Tama naman daw yung katulong namin, like WHAT THE F? My boyfriend is not an outgoing person pero mabait naman siyang tao tapos nafi-feel ko sa parents ko na hindi siya welcome sa amin. Nakakabastos talaga yung disrespect nila, kahit ako lang nakakakita. And for this reason, I don't want my boyfriend going sa bahay as much as possible.

A lot of daughters want to raise their children like their mothers raised them, pero ako, hindi.

I really want to get away from my mother.

[Priceless]

Sis Macaroonz - I was like you, I had a very lucrative and high paying job when I was in Manila and yet, I didn't have a lot of cash or savings in the bank because aside from giving a big share in the household expenses (including a monthly 7k for electricity pa lang), my parents also forced me to buy a property and insurance pa. So there were times talaga na ni pamasahe papuntang office wala ako. In the end, I realized that it was my parents' way of teaching me about financial discipline, and kahit wala akong maraming savings sa bank, I still had my forced savings by way of the property nga and insurance. And because I knew how to budget my monthly salary very carefully, when I went and lived abroad all by myself, I never ever ever experienced having any utang, at lahat ng credit card bills ko, fully paid every month. Tapos where I lived pa, hindi withheld ang income tax so talagang dapat prepared ka talaga dahil one time big time plus may provisional tax pa to cover half next year's tax ang bayaran ng tax.

I support your plan going abroad to experience a different kind of life, kasi it goes without saying na you learn a lot about life when you're all by yourself outside of your comfort zone. But I hope you take extra care and plan wisely about your move abroad, kasi hindi biro maging OFW.

Sis minnie99 I too, had parents like yours, they were strict, and while they never used vulgarities on any one, sobrang interrogation ang aabutin ko, before and after any social event that I "asked" permission for. I think perhaps they need to see that you are able to look after yourself and that you can make sensible decisions. Sometimes kasi, parents just don't want to admit that they don't trust their kids to have the right "diskarte" so they go on blaming the ruthless world out there. So I guess, what you can do for yourself is to spend more time with them and in those moments, try to set it up where you can show them that you are making right decisions.

Yung sa bf mo naman, perhaps they see something in your bf na nakakainis? Kasi kung pati ang katulong nyo hindi alam ni bf kung papano makuha ang kiliti, then maybe there is something wrong, o di kaya, he needs to put more effort to present himself as a likeable person to them. I suggest he finds ways to get more people on his side like the siblings, house help, cousins, etc. etc.

[zarazan]

For those who resorted to moving out, pinayagan ba kayo agad agad? For a year, sinet ko mind ko to move out and I say I have enough savings to start out.

[lyrahs]

mga sis ako nga lagpas 30yo na pero strict pa din magulang. Hahahaha. Natatawa na lang ako.
Since 2007 nag-aabroad na ako, matagal na akong hindi nakatira sa parents ko pero tuwing uuwi ako ng pinas, syempre sa kanila ako umuuwi kasi wala pa naman akong sariling bahay. Nitong December na umuwi ako, grabe ang hirap lumabas ng bahay. Dinaig ko ang high school sa kakaisip ng alibi para lang makalabas. Although papayagan naman ako pero dapat 10pm nasa bahay na.

Kaya balak ko ng bumili ng sarili kong property, para pag uuwi ako dalaw na lang ako sa kanila. Hawak ko pa oras ko

[Jamann]

Ako I am 23 years as of now, may pag ka strict parents ko pero minsan pag nag papaalam ako kahit over night pinapayagan naman ako. Kaso about boyfriend matters di pa nila ko gustong magkaroon hay ang hirap feel ko forever akong baby nila.

[~ anna ~]

There are many reasons why parents are strict.  Some are just worried that something bad might happen to their kids, yung iba they're just not used to letting go and respecting the fact that their kids are grown up na and can decide on their own.  There are those who just don't have a life of their own and therefore just focus their attention and energy in running their children's lives.  Meron din mga may toyo who relish being a domineering parent and having a tyrannical hold on their kids.

It would be nice if it were true na parents always want what's best for their kids, but sadly it isn't.  Just because somebody is a parent doesn't necessarily mean that they're a decent person or that they're right.  Tao lang din yan--they can be nice and caring, neglectful and mean, or even downright evil.

So it's up to you to determine kung nasaang category yung parents mo.  If reasonable naman yung concerns nila and kaya naman maresolve, then maybe you could all work on it para magkaroon ka ng freedom.  If they're a tyrant/bully, you better stand up for yourself and be prepared to live on your own if it comes to that.  It's one thing to be a helpless kid, but nobody should live under a tyrant's roof as a helpless adult.  You should be happy, safe and free.

[120515]

the thing is i understand why parents impose rules on their kids. but i think for some, one piece missing is making their kids understand why they have those rules in the first place.
i don't know if i should count myself lucky but i never really went through what most other people shared here. my parents never gave me a curfew but then i was never the type who wanted to go out and party in the first place. it's funny that sometimes, when i was already >18, it would
be my mama who would ask me to drink wine or whatever at parties but i would decline.
all i can say is if you have graduated and found yourself a job then move out if you don't want to be subjected to your parents' rules.
i moved out when i found my first job but i stayed with a couple of friends who were also in the same situation. it was hard. we had no furniture and we shared a cramped 2 bedroom, 2 bathroom condo. it was the first time for most of us to be away from the comforts of our homes, with no one to cook and clean for us, but it was exactly what we needed to learn how to become responsible and to take care of ourselves.
it was only then that i learned what it was like to stick to a budget because if i don't, my money will run out and i won't have anything to eat for a couple of days til the next payday.
it was also the first time i learned what it was like to be dirt-poor.
moving out is not easy and no one is really prepared for it until you are out there in the wild world. you learn as you go along. but you'll never know how resilient and strong you can be until you walk out of the gilded cage that is your original home :-)

[molybdenumstudios]

To be honest, I owe it to living without parents like, I ventured on my own without any regrets. I'd rather live in a place without parental supervision, because I feel really oppressed inside the family residence. Mabuti na lang, dapat umalis na lang ako sa bahay for good. Here, I learn NOT to be complacent when I'm independent. My parents does not realize that I consider being independent as the greatest achievement I ever had.

[ycel0612]

naintindihan ko rin naman ang mga parents kasi it's really a big and cruel world out there hehe maybe you are just lucky not to experience bad things ( being raped, robbed, being abused or betrayed by a friend) but it doesnt mean there is no chance it'll not happen to you. so ang parents natin tries to minimize that chance by imposing rules na minsan nakakasakal na sa anak.

yes the only chance for you to do whatever you want is move out. para sakin ang yabang lang ng dating kung gusto mo maging independent, no rules at all yet provided pa rin sayo lahat ng magulang mo...

[red_yesha]

Strict? hmmm strict sila kasi ayaw nilang gumawa ako ng kalokohan at may mga rules sila. Halimbawa: boyfriend o aral? bawal bumagsak, mag mura mga ganung rules.
Pero dahil hindi ko sila sinusuway e ang taas ng tiwala nila sakin, yung tipong okay lang kung mag overnight ako sa kaklase ko,  mga ganun.

Ngayong nagwowork na ako, hindi ko pa rin naiisip na umalis sa bahay at maging totally independent. Mas magastos tsaka nakakaboring, ang saya kasi to be with them e. Akala nila kapag may mga galaan with my colleagues e gala lang talaga, Hindi nila alam may inuman session din. Pero pag umuuwi ako I make sure na okay ako, walang ebidensya, at uuwi akong buo yung pinakaiingat ingatan ko. kahit walang inspection na nangyayare hehe.
Ang nakakabwiset lang e gusto ko ng magsolo travel pero ayaw ng tatay ko.(natatakot sigurong may mangyare saking masama)
Anyway, naiintindihan ko naman, kapag ako nagka anak baka maging medyo strict din ako.. well who knows?

[schizo_me]

I just want to air my frustrations here.

I'm so tired my mother. Ang OA ng pagka-strict niya. Pag nagsabi ako na may date ako, sasabihin niya "Anong oras ka uuwi?" plus a bunch of other reminders that indicates how little she trusts me, instead of "Enjoy" or "Ingat kayo". Pagdating ko sa bahay tatanungin anong ginawa, saan pumunta, anong pinanood, as if waiting mahuli na may ginawa kami na iba.

It's like she's not even happy for me. Some of you will say she's just looking out for me, pero mali na eh. She acts like everyone in the world is not to be trusted. Not the neighbor, not the passerby, not the person behind you at a cashier, not the car behind you in EDSA.

Tapos ang bastos pa nung katulong namin sa boyfriend ko, at walang ginagawa yung mom ko dun. Tama naman daw yung katulong namin, like WHAT THE F? My boyfriend is not an outgoing person pero mabait naman siyang tao tapos nafi-feel ko sa parents ko na hindi siya welcome sa amin. Nakakabastos talaga yung disrespect nila, kahit ako lang nakakakita. And for this reason, I don't want my boyfriend going sa bahay as much as possible.

A lot of daughters want to raise their children like their mothers raised them, pero ako, hindi.

I really want to get away from my mother.

Ganito rin mother ko and I'm already 32! Kaya mas gusto ko pa maging secretive sa kanya.. kasi pag may sinabi ako ang daming negative comments pag wala ako sinabi negative comments pa din. I 'm getting tired and I really want to get out pero di ko magawa kasi I'm an only child and wala na rin akong father

[120515]

the best thing to do is just move out of your house and stand on your own two feet. show your moms that you are mature enough to handle things on your own and face life using your own wits. as long as you are in their houses, you will live by their rules.

[molybdenumstudios]

as long as you are in their houses, you will live by their rules.

Agree with this one. I dunno, I love living with my own rules and freedom.