Mag10 years ng in a relationship,walang balak magpakasal

[iamyourangel08]

Hi Mga Sis, Im a newbie here and sobrang love ko tong site na to..Eto din ang tambayan ko kapag badtrip or masama loob ko and I think It's about time to share my sentiments here..
Tanong ko lang mga sis,ano mararamdaman ninyo kung may bf kayo pero hindi nyu nararamdaman na kayo ang gusto nyang maksama habang buhay?
Here's my story. I've been into this relationship for 9 years going 10 next year pero hanggang ngayon parang wala pa ding plano yung bf ko na magpakasal.
Minsan parang mas gusto pa nyang magkaron kami ng baby muna bago magpakasal.
Pag kinakausap ko naman siya regaring dito lagi nya sinasabi lika na pakasal na tayo pero hanggang ganun lang yun,puro salita lang
Pag sinasabi naman ng mga friends nya kung kelan siya lalagay sa tahimik lagi niyang sinasabing "soon"..
Parang nakakasawa na kasi.hindi ko alam kung may patutunguhan pa ba tong relationship namen.
Actually magkasama na kami sa isang bahay pero parang wala pa din sa siyang plano kung kelan talaga.
Nahihirapan ako kasi minsan pag tinatanong ako kung kelan ako magpapakasal lagi ko na lang sinasabing matagal pa para hindi na lang mapahiya.
Hindi ko talaga alam kung anong gagawin ko, kasi pag nagpaparinig din ako kay bf wala siyang imik at minsan tumatahimik lang siya.
Minsan napapaisip na din ako na makipaghiwalay na baka kasi hindi pala ako yung nakikita niyang pakakasalan niya.
I'm turning 27 na next yr and he's turning 28, nasa right age naman na kami diba, ang kung sa ipon lang meron na din naman na kami.
Ano ba sa tingin ninyo mga sis ang tamang gawin?..
Nahihirapan talaga yung kalooban ko about dito..
Thanks in advance sa mga magrereply!..

[donya_dyosa]

Kung ako yan... magiging cold nalang muna ako.. tutal you already tried to ask his plans... ang sagot lang soon.. anlabo nun.... wag ka na magnag about it. Kasi maiirita yun sayo pag ramdam na nya ang coldness mo saka ka magdrama.. 

[Girltalker2]

Sis iamyourangel08, tingin ko you need some space to think.  Do you really want to marry a guy na napipilitan lang pakasalan ka?  Kasi sa kwento mo, dalawa lang puede mangyari. Hindi kayo magpakasal pero hindi ka masaya OR magpakasal kayo pero napipilitan naman sya.

Since you allowed na makipag live in na sa kanya, I think it is best na kung puede magmove out muna, pero kayo parin, is that possible?  Para makapag isip ka.  Sa first part ng post mo, naisip ko nga na sana you can date around, kaso mukhang committed na pala ang relationship ninyo at naka live in na kayo pero walang pinatutunguhan.  Obviously, you are not happy about it and ayaw mo naman syempre na ipwersa ang pagpapakasal on his part.

Only solution is either you have some space to think unless desperate ka na and you don't want to marry anyone but him.  In this case, you will just end up with an unhappy relationship - either ikaw hindi masaya at sya kuntento na sa live in or sya hindi masaya at napwera magpakasal. You choose which one you want.

[aspen11]

I agree with Girltalker2, move out if you can and give him space. Kasi you are at the point in your lives where you want to settle down and start a family, lalo pa if you've been together for almost 10 years. Maybe by moving out, that's where he will realize that he really wants you in his life. You just have to be brave sis. 

[purple.strawberry]

Siguro sis talk to him and ask him bakit ayaw pa niya. Mahirap kasi yung nanghuhula ka lang, baka mag-overthink ka pa.

Maybe he still wants to achieve something in his life, e.g., career kaya ayaw pa niya magsettle down. Or maybe he's not sure with you yet... This is possible too. Parang ganito, ilang beses ka magmamahal, pero di ba hindi naman sa lahat ng yun nararamdaman mong sila ang gusto mong makasama? There are many possibilities, ang sagot lang diyan nasa boyfriend mo.

If he doesn't see himself marrying you, you already know what to do. Be strong.

[Girltalker2]

I'm turning 27 na next yr and he's turning 28, nasa right age naman na kami diba, ang kung sa ipon lang meron na din naman na kami.

Yes sis, you are at the right age but waiting for 3 more years won't hurt you. As for him, 28yo for a guy to get married, might still be too young at medyo di pa mature.  opinion ko lang naman.  Guys mature later kasi, kaya ang ideal age gap ng couples, to my mind, should be 5 years and up (younger ang babae). 

[sacred cow]

Yes sis, you are at the right age but waiting for 3 more years won't hurt you. As for him, 28yo for a guy to get married, might still be too young at medyo di pa mature.  opinion ko lang naman.  Guys mature later kasi, kaya ang ideal age gap ng couples, to my mind, should be 5 years and up (younger ang babae). 

though women mature faster than men in almost every way however whether young or old, women are NEVER more Emotionally MATURE than men and this thread proves it.

to TS

the fact that your bf is not asking you yet to get married means that he's not yet ready for marriage, what would be immature is to be pressured into getting married by friends, family or the girl herself
and then end up in divorce less than 2 years later.

[nami_sun08]

ganda ng TOPIC nakakarelate ako... Felling ko sis hindi pa handa si BF kaya ganyan same advice MOVE OUT ka muna give time to think... and space for both of you... Saka sissy Usap kayo para malaman nya ang hinaing mo.

[aquacharly]

Nasa  lugar ka to want definite answers to your questions: tayo ba pakakasal? Kelan?

But before you insist on getting answers... You must ask YOURSELF and give yourself truthful answers.

So you are living in together na, ayos --  nakita nyo na ugali ng isa't isa.
Hwag mo ignore red flags or areas of dissatisfaction --  kasi iniisip mo: wow 10 years na kami, everybody knows we are living in.
Look at what you want to be in the future --   what you want to have, where you want to go --  sa mga sagot mo dyan about your future --  ask yourself if yang partner mo eh will be supportive or, hadlang.
If hadlang --  why spend another 10 years with him?

Ok din mag live in coz you will see each other warts & all.
In your case --  this living together:  did you bring out the best in each other, most of the time at least?
If no -- why spend the next 10 years with him then?

Wala ka nang hinahanap hanap  sa sarili mo, sa kanya?
If there is that little voice in you that is feeling a hole that needs to be filled --  why spend the next 10 years with each other?

If you wanna get married inspite of your doubts about the long-term viability of your relationship kasi kasi kasi society or our culture expects you to marry by now --  hello, you should have a better reason than that.

Atchaka, good girl -- you have gotten this far without getting preggers -- then continue --  do not get preggers unil you 2 decide that:   This is it! (And marry)

So, if your truthful answers to YOURSELF say go! Marry him --  eh di talk to him derecho about your wishes.
Do not demand, do not order. 
State your wish clearly and appeal to his love for you.
If he truly loves  you, he will willingly give what he knows will make you happy.   Such is True Love. 

[justin3]

iamyourangel08, alam kong atat ka na mag post ng reply mo dito sa thread mo. kaso sa status mong naka 5 posts pa lang, newbie ka pa rin. ang dapat mong gawin, mag post ka sa mga walang kwentang threads dito para ma-upgrade ang status mo.

hindi ako kokontra sa mga payo ng mga ate mo dito sis. lahat tama! kaya mag muni-muni ka na.
wag mong paniwalaan ang mga nabasa mo sa kung anong magazine. hindi lahat makatotohanan mga yon. dito ka na lang makinig.

now, guy's POV lang sa problem mo para mawindang ka lalo
swerte mo ha? mag 10yrs na kayo kamo? malamang, at 27, you're truly a GF material pa rin ano?
at swerte mo pa rin, malamang hindi pa napapadpad si bf sa isa sa mga "WALK SITES" na tinatangkilik ko.  pag nagkataong makilala nya dun sina Yannah, Kim, Eunice, Marianne o Jenna? nakows! goobye na lang sa byuti mo.
if i were in his shoes, bakit kailangan pa nga bang pakasalan kita? eh...
perwisyo lang yon
magasto
i won't have my freedom na
curfew
sermon
responsibility
in-laws
eh, nabubuhay naman tayo na parang mag-asawa na. nagagawa naman natin ang ginagawa ng mag-asawa?
at kung gusto ko uminom ng gatas at mag lafang ng fresh meat, ba't kailangan kong bilhin ang isang buong baka? eh, pwede namang por kilo lang?
at kung magsawa man ako sa karneng baka at gusto ko namang kumain ng PORK ni Janet o tikman ang Tilapia ni Loren at ni Lani, walang Leila o Conchita na maghahabol sa akin. walang sakit ng ulo.

gets mo sis?

eto pa. prangkahan tayo ha? nagmamalasakit lang. kapanalig kasi kita eh.
di bale na. tamaan ka na kung tatamaan... at sadyang tatamaan ka sa akin.
kung masaktan ka man, yon ay totoo ang sinabi ko. ayaw kong mambola. wala akong sinasanto kaya dito sa GT, pati "cyber bullies at mga diktador" tinatalo ko dito kaya 6x na ako na-muted.

Katoliko ka di ba? kung hindi ka nagkulang sa Katekismo, umpisa pa lang, alam mo na HINDI sang-ayon sa tinuturo ng simbahang Katoliko ang sitwasyong kinasasadlakan mo ngayon. ayt?
(don't tell me na sa loob ng almost 10yrs, sa iisang bubong, walang intimate moments na nangyayari ha? parang naniwala na rin ako nyan na lahat na nagpo-pose sa FHM, intact pa ang hymen.)

Pro-RH kayo ano? 10yrs? hindi nadagdagan ang popolasyon ng pilipinas?

this was your post 2 nights ago:

« on: September 16, 2013, 10:54:57 pm »
joining mga sis!!!..lapit na nga feast day ni Padre Pio and this is the best time to pray his novena..ako eveytime my answered prayer kay Padre pio lagi ko siya napapanaginipan one week or one month before niya igrant prayers ko..
i love him so much and feeling ko sa lahat ng saints siya yung pinakamalapit sken..

thank you so much Padre Pio for always answering my prayers!!!!

champion talaga yang si St. Pio to have grant your prayers... kahit na bad gurl ka.
pustahan tayo, hindi mo man hiningi ng diretso sa kanya, pero sumagi sa isip mo na sana...

alam mo ba na si St Pio was a great confessor?
na marami syang tinu-turndown na gustong magkumpisal sa kanya?
paano kasi, akmang lalapit pa lang sa kanya, alam nya na kung maging repentant ang magkukumpisal. kung sa tingin nya na uulit lang magpakalunod sa kasalanan uli pagkatapos mangumpisal, tinatanggihan nya na.

malamang guilty ka pa ng sacrilege... nagko-communion ka pa pag nagsisimba ano?
when was your last confession?... tapos pag uwi mo, balik uli sa dati? grrrr!

now, you want to prove kung "mahal na mahal na mahal" ka nga ni boyfie, at hindi lang yung body heat mo ang dahilan kaya umabot kayo ng ganun katagal?
well then, siguro kaya mong maging independent naman... get out of that roof you share.
deprive him of sex! tingnan natin.
wag ka nang mahiya, tell him straight to his face. "no sex until honeymoon night".
napakalaking Ta.nga nya na pag hindi nya pa ma-gets.
when i was his age, parang kuneho ako nun. hindi pwedeng hindi maka-iskor.
observe mo kung anong kulay ang lalabas sa kanya. will he turn green? red? black? purple?
maging ok lang ba sa kanya kasi may reserba sya na ipapalit sa yo?
oh di, may bonus ka na. malaman mo ang dapat mong malaman na hindi mo nakita in 10yrs.

kaya mo ba naman?

ngayon, kung ikaw naman yung hindi makatiis, at ikaw pa yung unang nangangalabit.
ay AMBOT na lang sa imo 'miga ah. goodluck na lang sa imo eh.


 

[Mr.Punch]

Question to threadstarter:  Bakit mo uli gusto pakasalan yang bf mo?

Nalilito ako kasi base sa salaysay mo, eh hindi naman husband material yang bf mo.

[airish_2]

Sis same tayo 10 years na kami, actually bago kami mag 10th year anniversary akala ko magpropropose na sya ang get's what? sinabi nya sa akin harapan na wag ako magexpect na magpropropose sya! haha! meron kasi sya kakilala nagcelebrate ng anniv sa ibang bansa akala nung girl magproprose si guy nung hindi nagpropose si guy ayun iniwan nung girl yung lalaki.
dati gusto ko na rin ikasal ako na nga nagtatanong sa kanya kung kaylan sabi nya basta nakaipon at nagiipon naman talaga sya ang pinagkaibahan natin hindi kami naglilive in

Ayaw ng lalaki na prinepressure sila natotorete sila sa case mo dapat tanungin mo muna sarili mo bakit gusto mo magpakasal, at bakit nga ba? mas maganda rin siguro kung hindi kayo nakatira sa iisang bubong kasi pakiramdam nya siguro nasa comfort zone na sya. tsaka nakuha na naman nya yung gusto nya. kung gusto mo na pakasalan ka nya wag muna kayo magsama para eye opener rin yun sa kanya.

Niyaya nya ako maglive in diretsahan ko din sinabi sa kanya na ayoko pakasalan nya muna ako kung ayaw nya eh di ayaw ko din hehe.. hindi ko na sya prinepressure pero firm ako sa desisyon ko na ayaw ko na iisang bubong kami ayoko lasfagin katawan ko at ayaw ko na itest yung para sabihin iba yung magkasama kayo sa iisang bubong.

[solepurplelife]

Share ko lang din .. Ganito din yung 30 y/o officemate ko. Since college pa sila ni boyfie nya and more than 10 years na rin sila. Madalas tinutukso sya sa office kung kelan ba sya papakasal. Open naman sya magkwento na yung bf nya lang ang hinihintay nya. Nag move in na rin si bf sa bahay nya pero hindi rin sya preggy and ayaw pa nya daw hanggat hindi sila kasal.

Si officemate kasi is on the heavy side since birth daw.  Her boyfriend demands daw na kelangan nya magpapayat before they get married. Hindi naman daw dahil gusto nya ng sexy ang iniisip lang daw ng bf nya is maging healthy sya. (I think naman totoo dahil whenever nakikita namin sila magkasama ee you'll feel na they really love each other.)

Pero hindi namin maiwasan maging concern dahil she's on her 30's na and if later pa sila magpakasal ee mahirapan na si girl manganak. Lagi rin nya kasi ito dinadaing samin na ang tagal nya na daw naghihintay and what if daw hindi sya pumayat ee di hindi rin sila magpapakasal? Iniisip nya minsan na nirarason na lang din yun ng bf nya. Kasi kung may issue pla sa weight nya ee di dapat nun palang hindi na sya niligawan or hindi na sila tumagal. According to my officemate his bf supports pa daw his parents. Kaya daw siguro ito ang totoong reason kaya hindi pa ready si bf nya.

[engr_neechee]

hahaha bro justin3...panalo ka talaga!  nakakatuwa ang mga straightforward answers mo lagi...

Well, sis TS, masakit yang mga sinabi ni brother justin3...pero lahat yan totoo....

masaklap na marinig na "he's just not that into you".  my hubby had a gf for 8 years....just for convenience daw...with many other women on the sides...kumbaga daw eh maganda [textspeak!] may nauuwian...and alam mo na kung ano pang use....but she wasn't the type of woman na pinakilala niya sa family at finaflaunt sa mga parties...i'm not saying this is your case...

but believe me, nothing can stop a man from marrying you if he thinks you're the one....yung iba nga jan, ayaw maunahan...

i met my husband in september 2011, paid the church reservation ng december 2011 and married in december 2012.  oh yes...express....pero hindi ako buntis nang maganap lahat yan

sis TS....bigyan mo rin ng onting dignidad yung sarili mo...sana hindi ka niya ginaganyan for convenience....(kasi nga naman, pag-uwi niya, he can get laid,,,,may magluluto ng almusal niya..may tagalinis siya ng bahay..may taga-laba)...

so my advise..yeah..move out...isang sakitan lang yan kapag nawala siya..makaka-move on ka..there will always be that one guy out there who will treat you like a princess and give you all the love that you deserve, plus that ring around your finger...a man in love is crazy - gagastusan ka niyan, kahit gano pa kamahal yang kasal na gusto mo...kahit gano pa kamahal yang singsing na gusto mong iflaunt sa daliri mo...kahit humble beginnings lang sila (my dad didn't come from a rich family, but he gave my mom everything she deserved - church wedding, bahay, lupa, kotse and lasting commitment). 

sa mga taong kasal, dumarating yung point na susubukin kayo - in my parents' case, nagkasakit ang mom ko ng cancer, paralyzed siya since 1997...so just imagine how my dad never had the chance to make love to her since naging cancer patient siya....but our family was intact...they held on...that was because they knew how committed they were to their vows. 

if this bf of yours isn't sure how committed he is to you, how sure he is about you,,,sis...he's really not worth your time..and you could have wasted what could have been the best 10 years of your life....

move out...you'll be better in time...

[sarsingkit]

Honestly at 27 and 10 years in a relationship, gugustuhin ko na din magpakasal. If i feel na ready na ako then i'd let my boyfriend know and tell me kung may patutunguhan ba tong relationship na to. Time is gold noh. Kung ayaw nya magpakasal eh di move on na ako. Ayoko ma stuck sa relationship na hindi naman sure. 1-2 years na hindi sure, ok lang eh. Pero 10 years, that is too long.

[donzski_doinks]

dear TS, maybe your bf doesn't want to marry you simply because nakukuha naman nya gusto nya sa iyo outside marriage, bakit pa sya mag-aabala na pakasalan ka? that is just my POV..  i believe that when a man really really loves a woman and doesnt want to lose her, he will do everything he can para lang mabakuran si babae. share ko lang, march last year I met my hubby sa fb, after a month of courting, i formally said yes. after 1-2 weeks of being bf-gf, he asked me if i want to marry him. he said ayaw nya n mawala ako or mapunta pa sa iba..etc etc. after a week of  thinking, i said yes. august 2012 we got married civilly. December 2012 we got married again sa church. i am not pregnant, fyi. it's just that we want to spend the rest of our lives together. you see, when a man is really into you, nothing and no one can ever stop him.

[theshopaholicprincess]

To TS:

Same age tayo when I start questioning myself kelan ako papakasal and sure na ba ako sa ka-relationship ko noon. Bilib nga ako sayo kasi mas matatag ka 10 years ka na naghihintay. Ako mag sseven years kami nung tinanong ko sya ng big question about marriage and ang sinagot lang sakin eh blank stare with matching pag iba ng usapan. . Ending I broke up with him and never regret the decision. Ang masasabi ko lang eh kung madalas mo na maitanong sa kanya yan at palagi ka sinasagot ng kung ano ano I guess it's time to think twice kung gusto mo ba talaga na yang guy na yan ang makasama forever. Isa pa if you think na parang nakukulangan ka sa sagot at commitment sa kanya eh mag MOVE OUT ka na. Naniniwala ako sa kasabihan na pag talagang gusto ka ng lalaki kahit di ikaw ang gumawa ng move eh he will move heaven and earth para makasal lang kayo. I know a friend na after maging sila ng Sept last year, December nag propose na si bf at April 2013 eh nagpakasal na. Pwede kasi ang reason nya bakit ayaw nya magpakasal eh dahil sa career, breadwinner, nag iipon, etc. (and I will tell you that's b*llsh*t) kasi kung talaga gusto ka ng lalaki kahit naman nag sstart palang career nyan if he is really that good, he'll move up to the corporate ladder. About kung breadwinner naman, he can address those issues to his parents naman. Pero kung puro reasons binibigay nya sayo... then for me mag isip ka muna malalim kung sya ba talaga kasi if not maybe you are wasting your time on waiting and hoping for someday its a happy ending for you and him.

 

[Shiecg]

i waited for 6 years then i called it quits..ako na ang kumalas parang na reached ko na yong dead end na hopeless case na talaga sya :-(

[84SCORP]

for me 4 years is a maximum time bago pagusapan ang marriage pag sumobra na dun quit nalang' pareho kayong nagsasayng ng time. 10 years is sooo long

[ri-anne]

10 years is sooooo long na para bf-gf lang.. dapat hindi mo pinaabot sa ganyan.. but since you're already in that situation, what else can you do?
You can either:
- just continue to go with the flow; wait for him to marry you (how many more years are you willing to wait? when you're 28? 30?)
Or
- leave him

you mentioned na minsan parang gusto nya baby muna bago ikasal.. wag na wag kang papayag...unless you want a "change"..but be warned..it can either make or break your relationship.
however, for the future kid's sake, don't risk it. worst case scenario, at least ikaw lang ang mag-aadjust, walang anak na madadamay.