Sibling has very reckless attitude... Help?

[nettai]

Mga sis, I'd like to grab of your time and hear your thoughts and advices about my situation with my elder sibling. Matagal na naming isinasa-Diyos lahat ng mga to, pero ika nga nila, "nasa Diyos ang awa, nasa tao ang gawa".

Soooo I have a sibling who loves to do things her way. Fearless, ika nga. I admire her naman for that, and so do the people around her.

But her fearless attitude started to get overboard.

So ayun, she bought a house using my parent's money as downpayment. Matagal na nyang ginusto ang bahay, so go binili nya. Monthly payment is also paid thanks to the joint efforts of hers and her boyfriend's via MLM. She offered to let us live in the house provided na yung original house namin is to be offered for rent and yung rent money mapupunta sa kanya. However. Dahil dyan she started her dominatrix attitude -- madalas na nya binabastos ang ibang relatives namin including parents (One time humingi ng konting pera ang Dad ko then binungangaan nya, kesyo daw yun na nga lang yung para sa kanya, then minsan nag-uusap kami ng bf ko online, then biglang nag-interrupt sya; though may laptop naman sya gusto daw nya mag-FB sa laptop ko -- biglang inungkat yung about sa nakikitira lang kami when I politely refused)

Then there started na nararamdaman nya na sobrang short na sya sa pera. She borrowed money from me and from my parents para mabayaran yung monthly payment sa bahay. Because of that she looked for a job -- and nung nagbigay ang parent namin ng suggestion she started getting angry; inungkat na naman yung dahilan na para daw may bahay kami na titirhan kaya naghahanap sya ng work.

Nakahanap naman sya ng work and tuluy-tuloy pa rin sya sa business nya. Because of that she was able to pay her monthly rent , and even some gadgets. Kaso naramdaman namin na she's not dedicated to her work -- madalas sya di pumapasok. Also, she even asked me and my parents na babayaran nya utang nya sa amin by kind -- yung products sa MLM nya. So sige pumayag kami.

However nagulat kami when she decided to buy a car... And a brand new high-end pa! When my parents asked her kung paano nya ibabudget ang pera nya to pay for the monthly dues for the house and the car, she got angry and cried profusely, bakit daw hindi nila sinusunod ang gusto nya. Well matanda na rin naman sya so even though with their disagreements bumili pa rin sya ng car thru a loan.

There started more problems -- She was forcing us to buy more from her despite na hindi pa nababayaran (even in kind) yung utang nya and we never thought na singilin sya even once, madalas silang maglakwatsa and pag kasama kami, obligatory na manlibre kami either sa kainan or sa gas. She even mentioned many times na gusto na nyang magresign kasi hindi nya gusto yung employer nya, without even thinking na kailangan nya maghanap ng bagong pagkakakitaan/employer.

Iniisip na nga lang namin ng parents namin na optimistic lang talaga sya and may maibubunga naman yung ginagawa nya. Plus, only sibling ko sya; ika nga ng parent ko kelangan ko syang suportahan in times of need. And that we have to trust in her abilities; ika nga ng sis ko "positive thoughts attract positive events." But for me, masyadong reckless na ang ginagawa nya and she does not want to hear any advices, nagiging ballistic sya when we do (I even remember her throwing a dustpan towards my father, that's when they started to be stern towards her. T_T)

I just pray na ma-guide na lang sya ni Lord at hindi sya mapabayaan.

TIA and sorry for this very long post.

[px17]

why not moved out with your parents at bumalik kayo sa original house niyo?

As you said your sister loves to do thing her way, so this includes na "bossy" siya. Ang mangyayare magaaway sila ng parents mo at pagbabati. Cycle nalang. Wag na sana dumating sa point na magkasakitan pa.

and bakit niya Ipapamukha sainyo na nakikitira lang kayo eh yung monthly rent sakanya napupunta. So hindi kayo nakikitira kasi lumalabas nagbabayad kayo.

[aquacharly]

She's financially irresponsible because you & your parents let her get her way easily.   
Simple strategy nya -- make you 3  agree  sa konting galit at pag bastos sa inyo.  Actually, it's your parents who are irresponsible. -- anything goes. 

Instead of living with her for free in exchange for the down payment --  eh kayo pa paying rent? Lol
Where's the bf in all this?  He is putting up half of everything starting with the down payment? Kaya ba you 3  are paying rent coz your sister  can't come up with her share?  Susko, what a relationship they have. 

Before she digs herself into a bigger hole --  you all have to stop letting her have her way kasi
Imagine, a house  she didn't need and couldn't even cough up the downpayment for. Now, a high end car -- on installment again?
Take note:  people who get big financially are those  who live beneath their means while making their business grow

Yan ang problema sa MLM -- they feed visions of the good materialistic lifestyle para sipagin magbenta more.  Spend, in anticipation of earnings.    Madami ako alam  ok sa umpisa with MLM --  tapos yon - napupunta din sa wala later on.

It's not your sister  -- it's your parents. 

[nettai]

^^Sis, nasa option ko na yan to be honest. I told my sis na malayo ang bahay na tinitirhan namin sa work ko so I needed an apartment. There she goes again, ayaw daw nya, ihahatid pa daw nya ako kung di talaga kaya. I also have a gut feeling na lalaki ang gulo if we do anyway (and magmumukha kaming masama; well she's everyone's favorite eh).

One more thing, ayaw talaga ng parents ko na magkawatak-watak ang family namin like what happened sa mothers side ko na nag-away-away dahil sa pera at lupa. So far naman nung summer (since la trabaho dad ko nun) nakuha nya yung rent money and napag-agreehan naman na a part of it will go to my parents.

^ I cannot blame my parents though. My sister has my aunts and uncles' blessings (like duh, sarap sabihin sa kanila na pinagkakakitaan lang nila ate ko) and because of the pressure from them na rin pumapayag na parents ko.

The only thing I was able to do was to stop my parents from using up all of their savings.

My boyfriend din told me that my sister needs professional help already. Nung naoverhear ng sis ko yun she got very ballistic and she told me na hindi sya mabuting bf, and started to circulate this to my cousins.

And finally! I thought na ako lang ang nakakaisip nyan about MLMs T_T

Thanks for your advices.

[aquacharly]

It does not mean that magkakawatak watak kayo if your parents enforce financial DISCIPLINE.
In our family, a successful parent is one whose children no longer need them.  That means, the children can already stand on their own. 

IMO, magkakawatak watak pag may greedy, may unfair, may  nang-iisa.  It does not mean como a parent does not buy IMO an irresponsible decision eh -- magkakawatak watak na.
Just saying.  But what would I know of others' lives anyway? 

[nettai]

That's what I am afraid of. Her uplines instilled to her that "with faith in God they can do anything".

Kung sa tutuusin, she was the thriftiest in our family before she joined the MLM business eh. Malaki rin savings nya and she had a plan to open up a food business with me before that. Ewan ko, must be her uplines.

Also, wala rin sa plano nya ang bumili ng sasakyan. Dad already told her to plan things first, but you're right. She gets everyone's favor and go ballistic. Waaaaaaaaaa.

But I TOTALLY agree with you. We'll have to treat her ballistic attitude as tantrums. Buti na lang kahit na anong pilit ng mga uplines nya di ako nag-give in. Pwede naman ako sumali sa MLM but not in that way! >_<

[aquacharly]

MLMs are good for people who are in a rut, or doing nothing --  they are slapped awake to move, to realize they can do something & feel independent, financially empowered, etc. --  nakakahigh -- which is good.

But somewhere along the line,  some of them are talked into spending for the trappings of the good life when they haven't earned the funds for such fully yet.... Kung baga, spend now & earn it later.    Imbes na earn first, then spend.  What more, some get intoxicated & want to have it all sabay sabay.

The wiser ones save & instead of buying into the rich life --  invest in businesses.   Maybe you can convince her to save up again for the food business.
It's good news that your dad can still control her. 

[quinone]

i don't get it bakit kayo nakikitira sa kanya?

ok lang na ipang-down payment niya ang pera ng parents ninyo as long as pumayag naman sila or ituring yun as bigay or pautang pero never as utang na loob. tingin ko sis, bottomline niyan kasi... parang nakikitira lang kayo sa kanya, (kahit pa pina-parent yung isang house at napupunta sa kanya) so hindi ninyo siya dapat pakialaman sa gusto niyang bilhin at pag manage ng pera niya. hayaan ninyo siya matuto sa sarili niya.

dapat bumalik na lang ikaw at yung parents ninyo sa house nila. chaka ilang taon na ba yung sister mo para usisain ninyo yung pag gamit niya ng pera niya ke tama man o mali? parang hindi kasi siya matisod laging may nag-aalalay at nagpa-paalala sa kanya, e of age na ata siya to decide on her own. kung magka utang-utang man siya, don't bail her out.

[nettai]

@ Sis Aqua: I really, really thought I am alone in this. Alam mo yun, I can't even voice out na umalis sya sa MLM business nya. I did, pero ang lumabas, one versus many. Mga kakilala ko rin mga uplines nya, and ever since nagdecline ako na sumali sa kanila, I felt like an outsider.

Sabi nga ng Sis ko pati BF nya, mas okay daw ang MLM compared sa food business or investing in stocks. I am still convincing her, and told her na kailangan nya ng way out dyan.

@ Sis Quinone: My relatives wanted us to live near them. Yung pagbili nya ng bahay and stuff... All were pressured by my relatives to my parents.

My parents told me na pag nakaramdam ulit kami na broke na naman sya, aalis na talaga kami. A part of me agree with them, she's almost 30 so dapat alam na nya ginagawa nya. Kaso a part of me says na kapatid ko pa rin sya at di ko sya dapat pabayaan.

Pero you're right, it's her hard-earned money, my parents willfully gave the money for downpayment and she needs independence din.


Thanks ulit sa inyo. Big help talaga ang mga opinions and advices nyo.

[quinone]

My parents told me na pag nakaramdam ulit kami na broke na naman sya, aalis na talaga kami ... Kaso a part of me says na kapatid ko pa rin sya at di ko sya dapat pabayaan.

baka kapag umalis kayo kung kelan broke siya, mas lalong ang dating e 'pinabayaan' ninyo siya. . kung wala kayong masyadong pinagtatalunan now, baka this is the best time kasi marami masasabi yan kapag umalis kayo kung kelan hirap siya. minsan kailangan ng tough love.

baka gusto na rin ng kapatid mo ng sariling family, hindi niya magagawa yan kung andyan kayo at magkakasama. i'm sure naiisip niya rin kayo feeling niya kailangan niya kayong suportahan financially (when in fact baka hindi naman kailangan?) kasi nasa puder niya kayo.

kung ano mang decisions ninyo, goodluck!

[nettai]

^ Sis, lapit na rin sya ikasal... When she does, whether she likes it or not aalis na talaga kami. Yun nga lang, when she decided na magreresign sya (just because of her boss and without any further plans to be able to pay for her house's and car's monthly dues) mukhang napapaisip-isip na rin kami.

And looking for a house or a condo near my relatives are awfully tough! I want to buy a house along the area para may makasama naman sila sa pagtanda nila and when I get married din.

Thanks sis!

[agape]

Why do you need to live near your relatives?
Sabi mo your relatives pushed her/your family to buy stuff.

[nettai]

^ Oh... Sorry if it seemed confusing to you.

It's true -- Ilang beses na kaming binentahan ng stuff. But at the same time, I don't want them to feel lonely especially pag may lipad ako. Buti na lang I am able to persuade my parents na wag magpadalos-dalos (karamihan kasi sa mga binebenta sa amin eh mga di naman namin talaga kailangan). We're blessed enough na wala namang nangyayaring samaan ng loob.

Hindi naman problema sa amin ang bahay; we're willing to help with the monthlies especially na totoo naman na nakikitira lang nga kami dun. Kaso yung problema yung mga purchases nya after that; even we are not able to help her further once she goes broke. She uses the "nakikitira lang naman kayo" phrase if we try to stop her.

Anyway I talked to my sister and tried to persuade her to think twice pag binentahan na ng mga tita at pinsan namin. She was calm then, however she admitted to me that she "needed" those to attract future prospects, and even told me, "maiintindihan mo pag sumali ka". Hindi na lang ako nagsalita further, she might go more ballistic. :/

[agape]

^MLM ba yan? Mejo mahirap talaga ang ganyang business kasi things get emotional, instead of just being profitable only. I guess you need to show your share of expenses, especially your "rental" contribution sa house,\ para di masumbat na nakikitira lang kayo, at baka mapalayas pa kayo.
Ang hirap ng stressful home/family to live in.

[Purple_Power]

Somewhat I can relate with you a little bit lang. Iba talaga nagagawa ng pera, naiisip ko nga dahil rito nagiging iba na rin ang pagkatao ng kung sino man ang successful rito Yung iba nananakit pa. Ngayon natutunan ko na yung hindi porket may pera sila eh! ang laki na agad ng utang na loob ko. Naisip ko na rin na sobrang laki na ng pinagbayaran ko sa kanila at siningil na nila ako nang husto kaya nga lalo na akong natututong lumaban ngayon eh! kasi mukha naman kasing pera pera lang talaga usapan sa amin. I have a feeling nga na iba sa kanila lolokohin at gagamitin ako anytime soon. May ibang tao rin talaga na makahawak lang ng malaking pera feeling agad sila na ang Diyos na dapat niyong santuhin. Kaya nga ako hindi ko sinusunod yung pagmamando ng mga tao sa amin. Meron pa nga sampid pala pero ang lakas umasta sa amin. Samantalang swerte silang sampid kasi natutulungan pa namin sila tapos gusto pa nila sundin yung demands nila. Sa iba nga yan aapihin na sila eh!

Ako nga I have this attitude already na I would totally disregard utang na loob and I will only do that kapag yung tao naging mabuti sa akin eh! One time nga yung bro ko when he allowed us to sleep in a room sa shangrila, in which I forgot kung saan siya category kung deluxe ba, suite or what basta yung hindi standard, nung madaling araw he just kicked me at pumalag ako as in ginantihan ko. Nakukulangan pa nga ako kasi sana hinampas ko siya ng tsinelas ko sa mukha niya eh! tapos magsimula na kaming mag-away. Sumigaw talaga ako kaso yung Nanay ko talagang pinipigilan ako. Sumagot pa kasi siya na ako pa raw galit? Natural sipain ba naman ako na wala akong ginagawa sa kanya. Nag-email rin agad ako sa violence against women para to be ready on what to do kapag sinaktan pa niya ako ng matindi because I am sure na there will be a big possibility na magiging violent siya sa akin. Hinahanda ko lang kasi akala ng bro ko sobrang mabait ako na hindi lumalaban. Nagtitimpi lang kasi ako sa kanya.

Ang point ko lang hindi nyo parating kailangan tumanaw ng utang na loob, ano ba importante sa kanya pera o pamilya niya? Kung hindi na kayo tinatrato ng maayos karapatan niyong pumalag. Ano ngayon kung nakikitira lang kayo? Sinisingil na naman niya kayo eh!

[nettai]

@ sis agape: Yun na nga ang nakakasama ang loob eh. Almost every bill na dumadating sa bahay is paid by me. Isama mo na dyan yung isang insurance ng sis ko, pati ang annual realty tax ng bahay. Half-a-million pesos ang downpayment, and my parents paid for it without asking for anything in return. Yung Dad ko, he finally got irked and he told her about the downpayment; umiyak ang sis ko telling him na ni minsan wala syang hiningi sa kanila and ako, hingi nang hingi sa kanila pero pinagbibigyan naman. Na ni minsan daw, walang naramdamang "love" ang sis ko from them.

Ang sarap sabihin sa Ate ko na madaming madami kami naisakripisyo para sa kanya pero di ko na imemention dahil baka maging nobela ang post na to. Pero di ko na lang pinatulan. Nung nalaman rin ng sis ko na may balak na kaming lumipat or mag-board malapit sa work, she told me na wala akong utang na loob.

Eto ang lagi kong nababasa from Robert Kiyosaki which my sister gives reference to (yeap, sa MLM sya): "You don't have to live below your means, you just need to earn more." Oo nga naman, may point sya. Kaso if you'd ask me very flawed ang statement na yan; earning more will never ever take overnight to happen.

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@ Sis Purple_Power: I agree with you... Mas may utang na loob pa ako sa mga taong alam kong genuine yung concern sa akin kahit na wala silang material na binigay sa akin.

Hay~ I really wish na ganyan din katibay ang loob ko. 

Pero how's your relationship with your brother? Smooth-sailing pa rin ba -- pag-nag-aaway kayo yung tipong away-magkapatid lang?


Thanks ulit sa inyo

[Purple_Power]

^Mabigat na rin talaga loob ko sa kanya because on how he treated me. Yung parating gusto ng away. Kaya nga in my case handa na rin ako pumalag o makipagbangayan anytime. Hindi ko na masabi kung away magkapatid eh! kasi seems that there is discrimination already eh! Ganyan kasi kami pinalaki eh! tapos yung Mama ko may favoritism pa, dinidisregard lang niya yung pang aaway sa akin ng bro ko no matter kung nasasaktan na ako in fact kapag ako naninigaw ako agad sinisita unlike kapag yung bro ko nanigaw gusto pa ng Nanay ko masanay na dapat ako sa bro ko so talagang may pinapanigan. Wala na rin akong magagawa pero kung talagang gusto ng bro ko umabot sa patayan na lang I will do it. Successful kasi sa trabaho saka alam niyang marunong siya kaya masama talaga ugali niya. May asawa at anak na rin naman siya pero kasi same compound kami kahit magkaiba bahay kaya magkasama pa rin kami.

[agape]

@nettai
Si Robert Kiyosaki din nagsabi about "delayed gratification", which means you still have to live BELOW your means, kung hindi pa kaya. And dapat consistent/reliable monthly positive cashflow, eh kung wala, di naman pwede pigain at sisihin ibang tao sa business nya.

Anyways, mahirap talaga yan, kasi magbibilangan kayo, mag compare who is loved more or not.
Ganyan din problem ko sa violent brother ko, similar to
@Purple_Power
He used to compare na ako pina-aral daw sa maganda school, e dun ako pumasa na entrance exam eh. And siya ayaw nya mag-aral naman, naka 3 college and course siya. Kesyo mas mahal daw ako eh, ako nga ang economically abused breadwinner sa ngayon kasi stable job and highest salary among my siblings and still single. Tapos sya, seasonal job nya at kung kelan lang nya gusto, and his income is his alone (excluding [textspeak!] mga anak nya, mga pamangkin ko). Ganun ka-selfish ang brother ko. He would even hurt us, his own family, for his "woman".

I think yung crying scene ng sister mo is just plain drama and manipulation.

[nettai]

@ sis PP: Ang sakit nyan... Lalo na kung nasa tama ka then mas pinapaboran pa rin ang bro mo. Pero sis, I just wonder lang what will happen if it's the other way around -- ikaw ang mas successful and such.

I kinda relate whenever everyone tells me na "habaan mo na lang pasensya mo sa Ate mo" and that's it -- then, dahil I admit naman na klutz ako -- whenever I make mistakes todo pagalit naman sila sa akin. I don't know why, pero I admitted that fact na lang, and whenever I make mistakes -- sulk in the corner na lang ako, figuring out what I have to do.

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@ sis agape: That too. Mas mahalaga ang pag-generate mo ng consistent and positive cashflow which never takes overnight. Well, nung first year naman nya sa business, very thrifty rin sya. Kaso I don't know what happened to her -- bigla na lang syang "trust in the Lord and He will provide everything" and dun na nga nagsimula yun.

Well, compared to me naman kasi mas accomplished sya, once lang sya nagboard then ako 2x, then nakahanap sya ng work agad after graduating and it took me 6 months to find my first job. But again, it's because mas malaki ang demand for accountants than engineers and maliit talaga ang passing rate ng latter.

Kesyo mas mahal daw ako eh, ako nga ang economically abused breadwinner sa ngayon kasi stable job and highest salary among my siblings and still single.

This is why I despise the act of comparing. Andami nang nagkasamaan ng loob dyan, nagkaawayan and a lot more negative things like inferiority complex and depression. Kahit na mas favored ang sis ko sa akin, I keep into consideration na madami rin syang napagdaanang hirap.

Natatakot tuloy ako na maging parent in the future... Parang never pa ako nakakakita ng magkakapatid na walang sibling rivalry at di nagkakasamaan ng loob dahil dyan. I wonder how parents deal with that. :/

Whether or not stage act lang ang ginagawa nya... Hay ewan ko ba.