i just found out my bro is bisexual. what to do?

[anon]

Well, I do have first cousins who are gays and lesbians and I consider most of our family and relatives as traditional. Still, being gay or lesbian--even transsexual--has become a non-issue for us already. For us, what is more important than one's preferred sexual identity is one's character.

[little_princess]

i can relate na it's easy to say let it be but with our society, hindi pa din ganun ka accepted. i think better if that relative is mabait or walang bisyo. my uncle is gay and addicted to gambling. he is now jobless because he has a lot of sickness like diabetes, liver problems, etc. my mom and her sibling finance his medicine, food, house and hospital bills. they can only provide the basic necessities but he wants more kasi mahilig pa sa lalake and to gamble. we suspect that the money given to him, ginagamit niya sa bisyo niya.

[mooncake and leaves]

that whole "i have gay/(insert race here)/ poor" friends so that proves i'm not homophobic/racist/elitist" excuse doesn't really fly. yan ang laging excuse na ginagamit ng mga tao to avoid criticism. you can't really say you're okay with gays yet be selective about it. it doesn't work that way.

your fears and worries about your brother, they all stem from your own view about what a happy life is all about. the life you want for your brother is just one of the many possibilities in life. ang pagiging bakla ay hindi sakit na kelangang gamutin or terminal disease that dooms gays and lesbians to an unhappy life. it's challenging, yes, but it's way worse if they don't get any support from their families. my gay friends who were able to transition to well-adjusted adults were able to do so, despite the bullying and rejection, because their families allowed them to come to terms with who they are.

if you want, you can also try reading up on homosexuality. it's always our ignorance on a particular subject that feeds our fears

[Yula]

^ This 

OT: alam nyo song ni Lily Allen about gays?try nyo search sa youtube tapos intindihin mabuti yung lyrics.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nULKw8s061E

[coffeelovermd]

Hello, how old na brother mo?

We are always taught na communication is best talaga in a family.
Suggestion ko lang, even if you're not approved of his "new lifestyle", just be there for him.
Act as if nothing changed kasi once na ma feel nia na aloof kayo and di kayo approved, baka maging distant pa sya and possibly baka maisip nia masama syang tao which should not be the case.
I think it's better to look at him as the same person you knew before, nothing usually changed except for his partner preferences. So, just be there for him no matter what and besides, blood is thicker than water, family is family

[berrycherry]

for me ha,, in my own experience... recently lang, nadiscover ko na may karelasyong bakla ang brother ko.. i was mad, as in really mad! di ko napigilan sarili ko na magsalita ng masakit sakanya.. they are right, wala naman silang ginagawang masama.. happy sila.. but alam nyo yung word na kahihiyan mga sis, iba kasi talaga ang feeling kapag nadiscover mo na ang kamag anak mo tapos kapatid mo pa..

[heykristoff]

Hello princeza08! I immediately made an account to respond here as soon as I read your post.

Karamihan sa atin madaling sabihin na iaccept na lang ang sitwasyon ng kakilala na bading/bi but in fact, yun ang pinaka mahirap gawin sa lahat. mahirap po ang sitwasyon naming mga lalakeng may kinakaharap na gantong pagsubok. Sometimes acceptance is merely giving up the chance of the person to be "normal". And the excuse na kung wala namang nasasaktan ay ituloy eh mali din for me. Hindi ako selfish na tao para ipagkaila sa mga pamilya ko ang kaligayahan nila. Masaya nga akong mamumuhay na bading pero habambuhay na kahihiyan/kalungkutan naman sa pamilya ko. I would rather keep my feelings on my own than to broke their hearts.

Sa mga nagsasabing hindi sakit ang pagiging gay, I believe na being gay is a product of wrong parenting. Excuse my term, hindi po ako parent to say that pero in my experience, kaya ako nagkaganito ay dahil sa hindi po ako lumaki ng kasama ang tatay ko na isang malaking dahilan ng pagiging bading ng mga kabataan. Aside from that, I grew up with a lot of women around me, 4 po ang sisters ko at si papa ay ofw.

It's not to late to change your brother but it won't also be overnight. Mahabang process ang "pagbalik-loob".

Hindi ko pa nasasabi ang situation ko sa lahat except sa bestfriend ko. Her reaction was the same as the others na kung saan ako masaya supportahan kita which is not what I want to hear coming from her. Wala bang magsasabi na "ui may chance ka pa magbago!" or something like that? Sometimes yun lang naman gusto naming marinig, na may faith pang nattira sa amin na maging straight.

Kaya dumadami ang gays dahil sa reason na kinokonsinte ito. We only need to approach it the nice way not to completely ignore the fact that may magagawa pa.

Just my two cents.

[berrycherry]

Hi heykristoff... Sana katulad ka din mg bro ko magisip.. But i doubt it!

[Girltalker2]

TS, nalulungkot ako sa brother mo for having a sister like you.  Worried ka na gay sya kasi hindi matatanggap ng iba?  Or worried ka kasi ikinahihiya mo sya?

Kung ang tanong mo what to do --- Accept him.  Yun lang ang magagawa mo, ano pa man sya. Brother mo sya so importante na maramdaman nya ang acceptance.  Then after that, you support him kung anuman sya, aminin na nya sa parents ninyo. It is sad na mas close pa sya sa mga friends nya (who accepts him) kesa sa inyo na pamilya nya.

It also does not matter na bisexual sya or gay. Bakit mo kelangan pagpilitan na bisexual. Eh sya kung sabihan ka ng bro mo na gusto nya ng 5 kids from you at hindi ka nakapag asawa?

Hindi ako selfish na tao para ipagkaila sa mga pamilya ko ang kaligayahan nila. Masaya nga akong mamumuhay na bading pero habambuhay na kahihiyan/kalungkutan naman sa pamilya ko. I would rather keep my feelings on my own than to broke their hearts.

If that is the one that makes you happy, so be it.  But for others, the truth is the one that sets them free, and yes, even if it means breaking their parents' hearts.  Kasi we only got 1 life to live, so you just got to choose to  "hide" it forever or embrace the truth.

Sa mga nagsasabing hindi sakit ang pagiging gay, I believe na being gay is a product of wrong parenting. Excuse my term, hindi po ako parent to say that pero in my experience, kaya ako nagkaganito ay dahil sa hindi po ako lumaki ng kasama ang tatay ko na isang malaking dahilan ng pagiging bading ng mga kabataan. Aside from that, I grew up with a lot of women around me, 4 po ang sisters ko at si papa ay ofw.

Marami puede maging reason, pero hindi lang sa parents.  Sabi nga ng iba, genes has something to do with it din. If it runs in the family, puedeng genes ang reason. Ang daming OFW na tatay, hindi naman nagiging kakaiba mga anak nila (butch/gay).

It's not to late to change your brother but it won't also be overnight. Mahabang process ang "pagbalik-loob".

Thanks for sharing kristoff.  I came to realize that there are some gays who just does not want to be gays. Hindi din naman nila ginusto.  And paano itong process maging applicable sa bro ni TS if he is not accepting it sa family nya at mukhang happy naman sya sa mga relationships and friends nya.

I also went through some crisis in life (pero not about sexual preference) but I could relate something similar to this. Na una una, ayoko i-accept. Una una tinatago ko pa sa pamilya ko.  Kasi nakakahiya sa mga kamag anak. Kasi ayoko masaktan parents ko at pamilya ko, kaya ko kelangan i-correct.  Para maging "normal" ako. Hindi ko ma-accept bakit sakin nangyari ito at hindi sa ibang tao.  Pag nakikita ko ibang tao, yes, madali magsabi ano ang dapat nilang gawin.  Pero pagsakin na nangyari, iba ang dating. Parang walang saysay na mabuhay, etc.  And after trying everything para ma-correct, I still failed.  Then kelangan ko na itago. Pero di ko rin kinaya. That was my fate.  Ang sikip sikip sa dibdib.  Keeping it para maging masaya ang lahat, EXCEPT AKO.  So I just had to accept the truth and tell people.  I got only 1 life to live.  I believe I have to be true to myself and not hide anything.  Dito lang ako naging masaya sa buhay ko, when I learned to accept the truth, my fate and not hide it.  Oo, there are times, people look at you differently. Pero ngayon pake ko ba.  I know I am not doing anything wrong and never did anything wrong. I know I tried my best and my everything to be "normal".  And I just had to be my best ever by being the best person I can be - in terms of character, rearing my kids, treating other people, loving my parents and siblings, etc. 

Protect your brother from your relatives nalang sis.

Agree. It is only by letting him know you love him. Kung ano ang gusto nyang maging decision - aminin, itago, magbago, manatiling ganun, you will just be there kung may kailangan sya.

feeling ko magsasama na yata sila nun partner nya. nahihirapan talaga kalooban ko. di ko pa kayang ma accept ng 100%. sorry kung masyado na ako o.a. na elder sister para sa iba sa inyo. i know naman he is in right age na, nagwoworry lang ako sa kanya talaga...

You can ask him directly. Kung magsasama ba sila and tell him your concerns.  Kung sigurado na ba sya, exclusive ba sila things like that.

Pero my biggest concern is pano pag tanda nya. Excuse me sa mga gay sisters natin kung ma ooffend sila pero aminin natin, mahirap makakuha ng faithful partner ang mga gay sisters natin.  Syempre may mga fortunate naman na nakakatagpo ng "the one" nila pero karamihan end up as financiers of their partners. Another thing pa yung pagkakaroon ng anak. Iba rin syempre yung joy of having a child. I know pwede sya mag ampon pero ano magiging future nung bata? That child will end up being bullied dahil gay ang parents nya? It hurts me ngayon pa lang na iniisip ko. haist.

Hindi naman lahat ganyan. Dapat wise din naman sila if ever they will have life partners.  May iba just choose to be with their best friends (na girl) at mag anak. Nasa sa tao yun kung ano ang vision nya long term sa buhay. Yung pagkakaron ng anak, hindi para sa lahat ng tao. Hindi purkit naging adult ka, obligasyon mo mag anak. May iba even chooses to adopt. May iba, ayaw talaga mag anak. So hindi automatic na malungkot buhay mo kung wala kang anak.

[sazleang]

Support and acceptance. That's what FAMILY is all about.
Hindi nakakahiya ang maging 3rd sex kung mas mabuti pa ang kalooban nila kesa sa mga straight ang sexuality. Hindi sukatan ng isang pagkatao ang sexualidad nito. Mas marami pa ngang mga bading at tomboy na mas mapagmahal sa pamilya nila at mas tumutulong sa magulang nila at mga kapatid or even kamag anak. Sila ang mas open minded at mas malaki ang puso. Wala naman silang pinatay o inagrabyado na iba para ikahiya.  Respeto lang talaga. Sa opinion ko, mas nakakahiya pa yun mga kapamilyang ikinakahiya yun 3rd sex na kamilya nila. Naturingang kapamilya pero doesnt know how to act like one. Hindi ako 3rd sex or bi pero in case magkaron ako ng kapamilyang ganyan, ako ang unang taong susuporta at magtatangol sa kanya. Bec. THAT'S WHAT FAMILY IS ALL ABOUT!

[argento]

^hindi nakakahiya? [textspeak!] kaya malaman mo tatay mo bakla.

Kaya sila dumadami dahil na rin sa media. Mga shows na pambading. Naeempower tuloy sila.

[princeza08]

thank you sa lahat ng nagpost ng comments & advices your opinions are very much appreciated.

heykristoff hi, your post made my attention, naisip ko nga baka ikaw yun bro ko na nagreply sa post ko. hehe. anyway, happy ako kasi may mga katulad mo na talagang strong para labanan ang pagiging gay, i think may chance ka pa na magbago. sana yun kapatid ko din ganyan. siguro pinagpe pray din yan, kung gusto mo talaga magbago. kung gusto mo gawin yan hindi lang para sa sarili mo kundi para din sa pamilya mo.

i'm sorry kung may na offend sakin about my post. kung narrow minded ang tingin sakin ng iba dito. ayoko din naman na ganito ang isipin ko sa kapatid ko. although ok naman kami. actually just an update, pinakilala na nya sakin yun bf nya, ilang beses na nagpunta dito sa house, pinakitaan ko naman ng maayos. ok naman sila. i treat them tulad ng kung paano ako makipag usap sa iba. normal lang. i think mabait naman yun "bf" nya. yun lang hindi ako ganun ka comfortable kasi iniisip ko sana "babae" na lang ipinakilala sakin ng kapatid ko na ka partner nya di ba. pero tulad nga ng sabi nyo, my bro is old enough, sya ang makapag didictate kung saan sya masaya at kung ano ang gusto nya mangyari sa buhay nya. pinag pepray ko na lang, na sana may chance pa magbago kapatid ko, pero kung ganon na talaga sya, it's up to him, basta andito lang ako lagi para sa kanya. lumipat na nga pala sya ulit dito sa bahay namin, so magkasama kami ulit ngayon.

thank you ulit sa time & effort for reading my story. and sa pag share din ng opinions & comments nyo.

[brandi]

Nothing.

To be a homosexual or a bisexual is not a problem and hindi din sila dapat ikahiya. Minsan sila pa tong mas mabubuting tao kaysa sa ating mga straight.

[SkyLark]

Hi Princess, U need not feel bad.( He can have sex with men as well as  women )He enjoys twice as much as you or me. We are not mature enough, to understand homosexuality. We always tick heterosexuality. Now one after another countries are realizing homosexuality is not wrong , it is allowed. It is the mindset, sexual orientation.Cheers.