Me vs. Hubby's "Relatives"

[lisse]

A bit background info: We're here in the US, currently making hubby's hometown our homebase. His family is here, parents, sisters, in-laws, aunts, cousins, close friends, etc. They're close enough to our new place but not too close for (dis)comfort naman. Kakabili lang namin ng house dito and we're currently renovating.

Hubby hired his almost-brother friend (who happens to be his sister's husband's older bro). They've been friends for more than a decade and my own MIL would call him her son. Even his kids and wife are being treated like her own apos. Unfortunately, hindi ko masyadong gusto in terms of work etong si "relative"/friend ni hubby. take these:
1. mabagal magtrabaho but keeps on asking for more money than they first agreed on (verbal kasi eh). I told hubby about this and he told him na from now on he only talks to him about this (is this bad?)
2. makalat! yes, I know our house (our kitchen in particular) looks like a construction site now, pero the rest of the house is living space namin. Imagine, I find cigarette butts on our front yard, empty and half empty beer cans, gatorade bottles, fastfood cups all over: garage, backyard, toilet!
3. he brings his kids every now and then tapos makikigamit ng CR eh hindi marunong to keep it clean. bubuksan pantry then magbubukas ng food without asking first
4. we let him stay in the spare bedroom sa basement. free lodging, food for him. i even let him use my car (but not anymore when I found "dying" take out leftovers at the backseat) pero dinala don his on-off wife and pinatulog without asking us first. his wife is ok with me, pero some consideration here?
5. nalasing isang gabi, sinuntok his own son sa mismong pamamahay namin then threw up in our brand new $3,000 couch

I gave him the boot. But hubby still chose him to finish the kitchen because he's trustworthy naman (he works abroad kasi and is home only every 6 weeks) and his "fees" are still lower had we hire an outsider. He stays in his brother's place now (my hubby's sister's husband) tapos my SIL jokingly said (pero I know it's half meant) na she should charge us daw bec this guy is staying at their place in order to finish the work at our house.

My question is: how should I address my issues to hubby again? I tried to be blunt and told him one by one lahat ng shortcomings ni friend, but he got pissed din bec he said he's family daw. He would always be on my side pero I should trust him daw and he will take care of it. Worry ko lang is babalik na siya sa work niya next week and until now hindi pa tapos yung kitchen and I will be dealing with him again. Suko na ko sa kanya. And talagang mean ako sa kanya after those incidents.

[aquacharly]

You have said your piece & acted on your grrrrrs. Leave it at that, mind your hubby's cue to you.

Kung hindi matapos, problema yan ni husband.  Leave it to him to find the solution.  Do not nag. 

All others' comments --  ignore.

You have valid grrrrs, but well -- don't take it out on your hubby, oo kahit pagkakamali nya.  A kitchen just isn't worth damaging your marital relationship over.  Matatapos at matatapos din yan, somehow, 1 way or another. 

Learn from this:   Don't hire relatives/friends.
                           The "cheapest" may not be the "least cost" after all.

(I really hate personal construction projects. 
Yes, our main business is construction: buildings, roads, reclamation.
But when we built a house for us for the first time (previous homes purchased constructed na) --  we each learned how it feels to get sooo angry at each other.  Kulang na lang we push  each other down unfinished stairs.   Never again!  ).

[lisse]

^ouch, that hit me - the part about taking it out on my husband. You're right. I've been a nag lately bec na-stress talaga ako sa friend niya na to. Imagine he's not done yet pero "advertising" na on Facebook na looking for work daw siya. Ewan.

I agree, it really is not a great idea to do business with family/relatives/friends, or to work with/for them.

[Purple_Power]

At some point nakakarelate ako sayo and yet it is a very long story pa so I'll try to make it short.

May Tito kami na ganyan yung tipong irresponsible talaga na freeloader. Kapatid siya ng mom ko so most of the time sa Mama ko siya umaasa. Nakikitira siya sa amin pero palaboy nga siya so kung kani kanino rin siya nakikitira. Grabe rin siya na makalat at lahat parang yung sa sinabi mo about your hubby's friend/relative. Parati tuloy nag-aaway parents ko dahil sa kanya and same rin sa Tita ko na sister ng mom ko nag-open up rin sa akin yung mismong asawa niya na sila rin parating nag-aaway about him. Nako mula yata baby ako hanggang sa mag 30 na ako pare pareho lang ang dahilan ng away nila. Hindi naman nakakagulat kasi magulo talaga Tito ko. Noon talaga apektado ako sa pinaggagagawa ng Tito ko lalo na nung may anak yung gf niya, take note iba Tatay nun hindi siya. Ewan ko ba kung bakit inaangkin nitong Tito ko. Your #5 post actually alarms me, hindi naman naglalasing ang Tito ko pero ang nakakainis lang is kapag nadedepress siya, nagagalit siya sa 1 year old na bata at pinagmumura pa niya worst case parang habang nawiwitness ko yung depression niya kulang na lang pati kami rito sa bahay madamay sa tindi ng galit niya. Hindi ko talaga makalimutan yung time na sa sobrang galit niya yung anak niya pinasakan ba naman niya ng kanin basta basta sa bunganga nitong baby tapos ang nakakainis pa yung kanin kinuha pa niya from the bandehado mismo eh di siempre doon kami kumukuha ng kanin tapos siya kinamay lang niya para lang ipasak sa bunganga nung baby. Nagsalita lang ako sa Mama ko pero yun nga wala ring magawa kesyo depress raw. Dahil rin sa bwisit ko sinigawan ko na nga ng matindi yung Tito ko to have wake up call. Natauhan kahit papaano naman although bumalik ulit sa normal.

Speaking of friend/relative naman, meron naman kumare ng Tatay ko na naging neighbor namin nung bata pa kami. Naku we don't really like them lalo na yung ugali ng kumare niya. Ang kinaiinis namin tuwing may occasion yung family nila parang inoobligahan kaming magpunta kahit sa outing. Tapos andyan yung kapag may kailangan kami tinatakbuhan pero kapag kami nangangailangan dami nilang reklamo. Nung una yung Tatay ko taranta agad, and again halos nag-aaway na naman sila ng mama ko because of them. Pero umabot sa point yung tatay ko asar na rin sa kanila kaya yung mga comment namin about them pumanig sila. Hanggang sa may sinabi na itong kumare niya about me na nakakagulo na sa aming pamilya. Kaya naintindihan ng parents ko kapag ayaw kong magpunta sa kanila.

In your case mukhang hindi pa affected ang hubby mo sa mga flaws ng friend/relative niya. Not unless pinagtitiisan niya kasi siya yung marunong. Pero kapag naapektuhan si hubby mo sa mga maling ginagawa niya that is the time na matatauhan rin hubby mo saka for sure hindi na niya tatanggapin ang friend/relative niya. 

[aquacharly]

When 1 marries, it is an opportunity to shut out freeloading relatives/long-term friends.   
They may have gotten away with it in your  parents' house -- wala ka na magawa about that --  but not in your house.  Enforce that always -- and save yourself grief & quarrels with your spouse.