Handling BIL

[kikaygimikera]

Just now, BIL came home 1AM from his office. He doesn't live here (at inlaws/his parents) anymore and his wife would often tell my MIL na BIL would rather go home here than sa house nila. Flattering on my MIL's part of course, pero gusto din ng MIL ko na doon umuwi sa family niya yung anak niya.

So me and my son is still awake because walang classes today (Monday), my son is on the computer and ako naman sa laptop. Alam ko na that BIL is going to use the PC, yes - andito siya to play the pc and sleep. He even asks my MIL to pay his credit card bills eh. My MIL would usually tell me na ganon na nga nasanay niya ang panganay niyang anak.

So ayun, dumating nga. He told my son "Ako naman diyan (referring to the computer)." Tapos hindi namin pinansin kasi kakapasok pa lang niya ng pintuan. Ineexpect ko magbibihis pa siya and I know my son would stop playing naman na agad. Tapos BIL said "hindi mo pa pinapatulog yan?" I said "wala kasing pasok bukas." That's our (me and my husband) rule, my son can stay up late basta walang pasok ika-next day. So monday would be like our usual sunday, no more games, stay up late or ipads. Then BIL said "Oo nga wala ngang pasok, pero masyado nang late dapat tulog na yan."


  Biglang parang may pumitik saken pero I can't react kasi its not my house eh. Hindi ko alam irereact ko pero I chatted my bestfriend and told her about it and how Im feeling about BIL. BIL should not be here at home, he should be at his familys. Grabe siya makapag salita on our rules when he should be with his kids and not here playing the computer.

Irita lang ako. I don't know if valid ba itong feelings ko.

[Purple_Power]

Paano niya ba kasi sinabi na dapat matulog na yan? Hindi ko kasi malaman kung concern ba siya sa pagtulog ng maaga yung kid mo o dahil para makagamit siya ng pc. Ito lang masasabi ko may point din kahit papaano ang BIL mo kung pagtulog ang pag-uusapan lang. Sige andun na ako walang pasok kinabukasan pero siempre okay na rin na natutulog siya ng maaga. Sa sinasabi mo naman na hindi ka makareact actually may karapatan kang mag react lalo na kung anak ang pinag uusapan rito. Hindi porket hindi mo bahay tinitirhan mo ay hindi ka na magrereact. Hindi naman kasi ownership o titulo ng bahay ang pinag uusapan rito eh! Kung alam mong ikaw naman ang nasa tama may karapatan kang sagutin ang BIL mo regardless kung dahil kapatid yan ng asawa mo. Sana sinagot mo siya na may patakaran naman kayo pagdating dyan sa bagay bagay kung kaya labas na siya dyan. Kung sumobra na siya pwede lang sabihan mo na huwag na niya kayong pakialaman, not his business at all. Karapatan mo rin magalit o bangayan siya kung kinakailangan. Remember asawa ka na ng kapatid niya so talagang may karapatan ka na dyan at hindi ka na ibang tao nasa lugar ka na para panindigan karapatan mo bilang ina at asawa. Again huwag na huwag mong intindihin nang husto kung kaninong bahay yan.

[aquacharly]

KIKAYGIMIKERA - yes, your feelings are all valid.. Ka grrr nga.

Yes, he should be going home to his house, tama ka, instead of hanging around there --
BUT what can you do but grin & bear it.
The house owner lets  him come & go, and stay,  any time.
The one who pays the koryente (& owns? the laptops ) let's him play and stay whenever he wants to, as long as he wants to.

Siguro WHEN and IF your MIL should rue his staying around to play games there instead of at his house ..... You can suggest she let him bring home 1 of the laptops.  Yun nga lang, 1 less laptop in that house.
.

IF I were in your shoes: 2 obvious choices.
1.  Tell BIL to go home, it's the responsible thing to  do; or
2.   , keep your peace, stay out of his way (you may lose your temper & say something pag-umpisnan ng conflict. It's HIS mom's house, all her children are welcome there --  kelangan makisama ka ).

I will choose the 2nd Option.  Less wear & tear in the long run. 

[kikaygimikera]

gracita13 - ang hirap ano. siguro insensitive din ang BIL mo. Ilang taon na ba sya? Walang sense of ownership siguro? O well, yan ang hirap kaya naman kumuha ako ng sarili kong place. (Pinapa upahan muna para may extra income kami ni hubby) kaya tyaga muna. Sa totoo okay naman dito sa bahay ng ILs ko. Yun lang yung BIL ko kakaloka.

aquacharly - last night I was thinking baka ako lang ito kaya naman nagpost ako dito. Thank you valid naman pala ang nararamdaman ko. Nakakainis kasi ni que-question ko ang sarili ko if tama ang nararamdaman ko. Hindi ko kasi ito bahay and iniisip ko if ako ang MIL ko, at magrereklamo ako sa MIL ko, siyempre BIL wins pa din. Anak pa din ang mananaig. Talo ako sa parehong situation. So tama, makirsama, stay out of his way. Siya lang naman ang problema ko.

I sha-share ko na lang dito. GT lang kasi natatakbuhan ko. Si hubby nakwentuhan ko last night, he listened to me pero alam ko wala din siyang magagawa. He's the bunso, BIL is the panganay. BIL was a temper issue/anger management issue kasi. I even saw him sinagot sagot niya si MIL and I felt sorry for my MIL. My MIL told me later on if may mali ba sa pagpapalaki niya sa anak niya kasi ganoon na lang siya sinasagot ng anak niya.

I find my BIL plastic, irresponsible, isip bata, no respect and walang manners talaga. Not to mention inggit sa amin. He's a gambler pa. Naisip ko lang na inggit siya because we are now living with MIL (dati kasi sila ang nakatira) eh siyempre free kami sa lahat dito and I get along with my MIL very well hindi katulad ng wife niyang palaging nakasimangot.

Buti na lang pagising ko mga sis dito, wala na siya. I feel sorry for his wife. Mas gusto pa kasi ni BIL dito nakatira sa mom niya. Imagine, may 2 kids na siya, yung panganay pa eh parang special kid na needed parental/medical attention pero mas mukhang important sa kanya ang kanyang pagbebet/sugal.

[kikaygimikera]

^ Hahaha~! Sa akin din 35 na ata BIL ko. Nakakaloka. Okay naman siya before. Pero may balita ako doon sa ex ni hubby na si BIL daw plastic. Ang bait sa kanya tapos biglang ang daming nasasabi sa kanya pala. Wala naman akong pakelam sa kanya. Ang akin lang sana yung tono ng pananalita niya ayusin niya. Kahit bahay pa ng nanay niya yun, wala talagang manners. Pati sariling nanay sinasagot at hindi nirerespeto.

Yung BIL ko, laki kasi sa nanay na nasa bahay lang. Alagang alaga siguro kasi. Pero hello panganay siya eh. Dapat he should set an example. Imaginenin mo si MIL pa ang ipapabayad niya ng credit card niya? The last time sagot ng MIL ko sa kanya "kayo naman nakikinabang ng credit card bakit ko babayaran yan?" Naiinis siya ang laki ng bill niya. Parang timang lang.

[aquacharly]

Your observations are valid.
But it's their lives.  Basta he does not harm you and your kid/hubby -- they can all go hang themselves for all you care.

Sometimes, it's hard for people who know better about orderly living & good values -- to stop & just let people mind their own business.  It must come from malasakit & all that. But, guess what --  people in trouble don't like to be told about what's wrong with them.  You just have to bite your tongue  & ignore it --  until they come begging for your help, if they ever get to that (don't hold your breathe waiting for that cry for help though). 

Keep yourself out of trouble.  Do not even comment on their family dynamics.  If you so much as raise a kilay --  haynako, they will close ranks against you (blood IS thicker than water).  So side step it all --  bayaan mo sila magka punuan or sabunutan. 

[kikaygimikera]

thanks sis. tama ka naman doon. hayaan na sila. Ni screen shot ko pa ang mga advice niyo to remind me to keep my mouth shut. ugali ko pa naman ang palaban.

Kani-kanina lang dumating si BIL. Bumabagyo pa ha. Wala sa pamilya niya. I was using the computer (computer for playing online games) tapos pagpasok na pagpasok he said " O may sore eyes daw si (my sons name)?" I did not reply. I acted as if I did not hear it. My son was there, walang sore eyes. He was like "Ayan kasi kakalaro mo at umaga ka na natutulog." Deadma. He looked at the stuff I am doing, eh important yun (sinabi na ni MIL na important yung ginagawa ko) so ayun parang gagamitin na naman niya yung computer so I closed the applications and left the computer open.

He was like "Ay di ko naman gagamitin."

I said, "tapos na ako eh, sino nang gagamit ng computer?"