To all married wives: Will you consider living in with your in-laws?

[swtgrl_bee]

No, medyo magulo sa kanila eh

[smiley327]

Nooo! 

[geekchiq]

Am currently living with my in-laws. We're in good terms naman but still I like to have a place na amin. Right now, we're paying our car loan where the huge chunk of our income goes. But I told my husband na by next year, we should move out and start renting man lang. I feel kasi na even though may monthly rent kami, same lang magiging gastos namin. Their house is far from my workplace so sa gas, talo na. If we look for a place na halfway sa amin, then makakatipid ako sa gas. Plus we shoulder 80% of grocery and 80% of electric bill sa in-laws ko. So if we live on our own na, expenses for the grocery and utilites will cut down into half siguro.

[homefinder.ph]

mahirap kasama ang in laws kahit mabait sila nakakailang pa din parang de numero ang kilos mo : )

[mslcgrey]

definitely no. okay naman ako sa kanila but living with them will be too much for me to handle. aside from that, our career is in laguna while they are in bacolod. i still can't speak ilonggo though kahit paano nakaka-intindi na ako. siguro if i live there, i'll learn the dialect more quickly.

as like others here, mahirap makisama. iba pa rin if ikaw yung queen of your own home. you can do whatever you want. if i want to sleep late, if ayoko maglinis ng bahay,etc i can do at the comforts of my own home which i will not be comfortable doing in their house.

so i am really glad na before we got married eh may house na kami though nalipatan lang namin siya a few months after we got married. before, we live with my family. kahit ako dati nahirapan with my family. siyempre, for example, may gusto kaming kainin na medyo pricey. dagdag expense kasi kailangan kasama family ko sa bibilhan. big deal din siyempre yung privacy.

[ankyneMD]

[quote author=mslcgrey kahit ako dati nahirapan with my family. siyempre, for example, may gusto kaming kainin na medyo pricey. dagdag expense kasi kailangan kasama family ko sa bibilhan. big deal din siyempre yung privacy.
[/quote]
Yap tama privacy nga at dagdag talaga sa expense pag kasama ang family sa mga luho sa pagkain. Hindi naman kasi pwedeng kami lang bibili ng food. Dapat kasama sila. Kaya iba talaga pag nasa sariling bahay ka.

[eleine26]

mahirap kasama ang in laws kahit mabait sila nakakailang pa din parang de numero ang kilos mo : )

agree ako dito 

actually, ang number 1 advice sa akin ng mother ko is bumukod kami after wedding. mas maganda na yung nakahiwalay kami. kumbaga wala kami iba iniintindi.

ayoko kasi ng de numero ang kilos. lahat napapansin. infairness naman sa family ni h2b ko, mababait sila lahat sa akin. pero siempre magiiba na yan pag mag asawa na kami.

hinde na pwede yung gigising ako sa oras ng gusto ko. or gigisingin na lang ako pag kakain na. jusko! baka sabihin eh ako na ang pinakatamad na babae. haha.

and parang walang privacy. mahirap umalis na kami lang 2. kasi malalaman nila then magtatampo pag hinde mo sinama. pag hinde mo feel ang food sa bahay, hinde ganun kadali na kumain na lang sa labas or magpadeliver. hinde ka pwede magstock ng food na para sa inyo lang 2.

pag sa CR, common ang mga gamit like soap, shampoo. ayoko kasi nung kung kelan ako gagamit, hahanapin ko kung nasan or kung ubos na pala tas sakto naman maliligo na ako. ang hassle lang.

sa totoo lang, ang laki ng magiging expenses namin nun compared kung 2 lang kami. wala kami maiipon.

kung panandalian lang. pwede pa siguro ako pumayag. pero kung for good. its a NO-No for me..

[joycefler]

Although my in laws are great people, very generous... yung Scottish na asawa may temper. hahaha! Although their house is huge, i won't live in it as in permanently. I like to strive on my own. eat the food i eanred and have someone clean the house for me so i can work well. So as much as i love them, i won't live with them unless super kailangan like nawalan talga ng ibang option. May house na naman ako before ako magasawa, so i'm good.

[mitcha15]

I did during the first 4years of married at almost ng na-mention nyo na experience ko yata. when I finally decided to find other place to stay, sumama din sa akin ang husband ko.
Ngayon, we bought our own house na and we were planning to have the inlaws with us, pero Naisip ko wag na Lang rin... Kase pag kasama ko sila uli at kahit pa own house ko un, for sure para na naman de-susi ang kilos. Hindi na naman makakapunta ang mga parents/sisters ko sa house ko, may makikialam na naman how I will run my household. Kaya, it's a No! No! I guess it's better for us to live our own life without them. Dadalawin na Lang namin sila if ever.

[kookie420]

siguro pag super matanda na sila, yes. but for now, no 

[ystariray]

sis Awesomecakes halos pareho tayo ng case. I'm not yet married pero we are getting married next year. Sobrang close ni h2b sa kanyang family. Like your husband, only boy lang din siya, bunso at may dalawang ate. I love his family, sobrang bait nila sakin at pinangako ko sa sarili ko na mamahalin ko lahat ng mahal ni h2b. Pero before pa magpropose sakin si h2b, nung time na medyo napaguusapan na namin ang future together, talagang kinausap ko si h2b at diniscuss ang issue na to. Sabi ko sakanya, I don't care kung isang square lang ang bahay natin, as long as nakabukod tayo. Kinausap ko siya kasi gusto ko maging open ako sa nararamdaman ko, mahirap naman na magiging asawa ko siya tapos di ako honest sa true feelings ko. Naisip ko din, para before man siya magpropose alam na niya ang buhay na pinapasok niya. Gauge din yun ng readiness niya to start his own family. Sinabi pa nga sakin ni h2b na medyo nadelay ng konti ang wedding proposal niya, kasi gusto niya pag nagpropose siya sakin, kaya na naming bumukod. Wag ka matakot sis, kausapin mo siya at maging honest ka. Iexplain mo kung ano reasons mo, and make sure na madedeliver mo yung message in a very positive way. Sabi ko kay h2b. gusto ko bumukod, hindi dahil sa ayaw ko silang kasama, I really love my current relationship with your family, at ayaw ko masira yun ng dahil lang sa pagtira natin sainyo.

mahirap daw talaga pag hindi nakabukod. ultimo kulay ng kurtina mapagtatalunan yan. Kung ilang throwpillows and dapat nakalagay sa sofa. Anong oras dapat gigising sa umaga. anong pitsel ang dapat gamitin, plastic ba or babasagin. well you get the idea. ang masama pa dun, pag nagkaroon ng samaan ng loob si wife at si MIL, maguunahang magsumbong si wife at MIL  kay husband ang ending, si husband ang maiipit.

sa hinaba haba ng sinabi ko, ang ibig ko lang sabihin, hanggat maari exhaust all efforts para makapagbukod kayo..

p.s. we have to cut nice to haves sa wedding namin, para makapagbukod kami after the wedding.

[Awesomecakes]

sis Awesomecakes halos pareho tayo ng case. I'm not yet married pero we are getting married next year. Sobrang close ni h2b sa kanyang family. Like your husband, only boy lang din siya, bunso at may dalawang ate. I love his family, sobrang bait nila sakin at pinangako ko sa sarili ko na mamahalin ko lahat ng mahal ni h2b. Pero before pa magpropose sakin si h2b, nung time na medyo napaguusapan na namin ang future together, talagang kinausap ko si h2b at diniscuss ang issue na to. Sabi ko sakanya, I don't care kung isang square lang ang bahay natin, as long as nakabukod tayo. Kinausap ko siya kasi gusto ko maging open ako sa nararamdaman ko, mahirap naman na magiging asawa ko siya tapos di ako honest sa true feelings ko. Naisip ko din, para before man siya magpropose alam na niya ang buhay na pinapasok niya. Gauge din yun ng readiness niya to start his own family. Sinabi pa nga sakin ni h2b na medyo nadelay ng konti ang wedding proposal niya, kasi gusto niya pag nagpropose siya sakin, kaya na naming bumukod. Wag ka matakot sis, kausapin mo siya at maging honest ka. Iexplain mo kung ano reasons mo, and make sure na madedeliver mo yung message in a very positive way. Sabi ko kay h2b. gusto ko bumukod, hindi dahil sa ayaw ko silang kasama, I really love my current relationship with your family, at ayaw ko masira yun ng dahil lang sa pagtira natin sainyo.

mahirap daw talaga pag hindi nakabukod. ultimo kulay ng kurtina mapagtatalunan yan. Kung ilang throwpillows and dapat nakalagay sa sofa. Anong oras dapat gigising sa umaga. anong pitsel ang dapat gamitin, plastic ba or babasagin. well you get the idea. ang masama pa dun, pag nagkaroon ng samaan ng loob si wife at si MIL, maguunahang magsumbong si wife at MIL  kay husband ang ending, si husband ang maiipit.

sa hinaba haba ng sinabi ko, ang ibig ko lang sabihin, hanggat maari exhaust all efforts para makapagbukod kayo..

p.s. we have to cut nice to haves sa wedding namin, para makapagbukod kami after the wedding.

Hello, dear. Thanks for taking time to read this thread/my message. You know what, since I started this thread.. I was too afraid to read your thoughts on this. I'm torn between discussing this issue with him and keeping this to myself. I know, dapat lahat ng bagay napaguusapan na namin without hesitations. We've been together for more than 6 years, and yet hindi pa kami nagkasundo sa bagay na ito.

If I'm not mistaken, the time I started this thread, hindi ko pa siya kinakausap.. But since I'm encouraged by your messages, I talked to him. As expected, kung ano yun iniisip ko (that we're living with his family), same lang din yun sinabi niya. I got so disappointed.. I cried kasi I didn't expect this to happen. Parang we're both looking forward to our life together, pero yun pala he's not yet ready to move out and build his own house and family. Am I being too demanding? Harsh? Please enlighten me.

We're actually doing good.. Wala naman kaming problem so far well except for that one. Parang he's sticking with his decision and I'm afraid na maging cause ito ng problem in the future, before we get married. Ewan ko pero I just can't accept his reasons, parang ako kasi yun mali na nakita niya. I'm obviously misunderstood. He has this thinking kasi na ayoko na napapagsabihan, so when I told this to him, he said "I knew it ayaw mo mapagsabihan". Then there's this reason pa na, he's the "only" guy sa family aside from his father so sino daw ang titingin sa parents niya kapag iniwan niya ito? From my side daw, I have my eldest brother to guide my parents. Ang lame, diba? We both have parents. And I think hindi reason yun. Kasi kung magaalaga lang din, definitely my parents (60's) are much older than his (50's). Kaya mas kailangan nila ng may titingin sa kanila. Also, he brought up our work naman, sino maiiwan kapag conflict ang sched namin, who'll prepare the baon for him? What if magkasunog things like that.

I got so emotional na and all I know is.. I was hurt. Kasi feeling ko hindi ako wife material. Na pang girlfriend lang ako. I must admit na dependent pa ako s aparents ko pero for me I'd do anything for him. Kahit magsacrifice pa ako. Feeling ko na-judge ako and he doesn't even trust me paagdating sa mga ganyang bagay.

What do you think girls? What's the best way to make him feel na we have to DO IT. And not depend on either of our parents.

[danne]

biggest mistake ko talaga eh pumayag na tumira kami ni hubby house ng parents niya, although separate house, pero parang ganon narin kasi everyday sila nasa amin. complicated kasi nangyari, before our wedding, his mom borrowed huge amount of money from me, promised to pay me in 3 months time so naniwala naman ako. even ang gastos sa wedding namin, they promised na ibabalik nila sa akin ang share nila medyo gipit lang sila that time. pero lahat ng promises nila, walang nangyari so after our wedding, sobrang simot talaga ang pero ko sa wala akong choice kundi pumayag na sa kanila kami tumira. walang araw na hindi ako nairita sa totoo lang to the point na maisip ko lang sila, kumukulo na ang dugo ko. pero am not saying na ganon din ang mangyayari sa iyo kasi depende naman yan sa ugali ng inlaws mo. pero i really suggest na magrent na lang especially if maramdaman mo sa simula pa lang na parang di mo matatagalan. don't wait pa na magkaroon ng issues and conflicts between you and his family. siguro dapat iclear mo kay hubby and his family na titira lang kayo don for few months while naghahanap kayo ng magandang lilipatan para simula pa lang alam nila na aalis kayo and may ganong plano. encourage mo din si hubby na maghanap hanap na ng house before kayo ikasal.

[leonilyn]

For me mas gusto ko to have a life of our own. Nag start kami living with my in-laws. Masaya sa umpisa kasi nagkaroon ako ng family while I am away with my own family. Pero katagalan naalibadbaran ako. Hindi ako makaporma ng plano kasi nakekealam sa plano parents niya eh especially MIL.. phew! sakit sa bangs.

Okay na sana nakaligtas na sa living with in-laws. Kaso eto na nman kami. Lumuwas si MIL dito for health purposes na mukang wala nmang planong matapos. Parang lumuwas lang para tumambay talaga dito sa amin and pakealaman lahat ng galaw namin.

Balak ko nga umuwi muna samin hanggat nandito pa siya. Nasabi ko na ke hubby kanina ng pa joke pero parang ayaw niya.

[Priceless]

^^^I think before you get married, you have to decide kung ano ba yung "non-negotiables" mo sa sarili mong buhay. Like for example, things like pagbukod nyo ng bahay, ilang kids, sino ang maghahandle ng budget, anong portion ng income nyo ang mapupunta sa savings, down to what is considered cheating, what's allowed and not allowed sa inyong mag asawa, etc.

If you think hindi magkatugma ang non-negotiables ninyo, and when I say non-negotiables, eto yung neither of you are willing to budge (now or in the near future), then ngayon pa lang pagusapan nyo kung dapat nyo pa bang ituloy ang pagpapakasal ninyo.

Wag mong gawing "bahala na si batman" - pakasal nalang and then deal with the problem later. Marriage is such a serious thing, and a lifetime is such a long time to be making tiis and hoping that your husband changes his mind.

[ikaela]

Oh, dear god, no. I can't even live with my own parents for long, what more my in-laws. Every time the parents visit, I find it super stressful.

[lovely_carrot]

Ako naman after my first experience living with my in laws na hilaw, I promised myself hindi na ko uulit (I'm separated na from my first live in partner)..

Sa isang tulad ko na "mabigat" ang katawan, may sariling mundo, hindi palakibo, walang hilig mag general cleaning due to my allergic rhinitis, mahilig magsoundtrip ng malakas, and is pretty much comfortable living alone, I think its my future in laws who would prefer not to live with me..

My first byenan na hilaw and SILs are religious people (Adventist), I admire their faith, talagang gora sila sa church, may matching worship songs pa every Saturday morning. I'm the only Catholic in the house at that time, so in general mas mababait talaga sila kesa sa akin. But my problem with them is they lack courtesy, sloppy and just ugh, basta!

Sample:

- they invite friends, relatives to stay in the house from a few days to a few weeks without informing me (i'm paying half the rent, kay partner yung other 50% what's a little heads up di ba?)
- SIL/BIL used my personal stuff like nipper na I'm so OC about, bath towel, my own hankies, minsan nahuli ko pa nagtago ng vit E ko sa isang lalagyan, all without asking me if its even okay
- dining table is not clean after they use it (sawsawan, buto ng pakwan, banana peel)
- soiled dishes are piled on the sink till next morning or lunchtime
- once I thought our cooking pan was missing, nasa ilalim lang ng sink with spoiled food, used oil
- did they spare our bathroom? no. Sabi ko nga kung pwede lang ako bumili ng sarili kong detachable toilet bowl or portalet that time, I think I would
- my daughter was one hospitalized, we thought she ingested gas na nakalagay sa water bottle. they were cleaning the house but did not pay attention to her na nakikiusyoso din sa ginagawa nila
- on another occasion that my daughter was in the hospital, she got a nasty nappy rash kasi punas punas lang after pupu no washing
- I don't  have anything against them not eating pork, but since Catholic ako, I'm love my pork dishes. So oftentimes I'm stucked with cooking fish, beef or chicken every weekend.

Good thing, I have na my own house. Sana talaga never na mangyari ako o sila ang titira sa bahay ng isa't isa. Ayoko na ng take 2. 

[Awesomecakes]

Nasasad ako. Feeling ko he's sticking with his decision to live with his family. Hindi ko pa man din siya nakakausap ulit after our last conversation, ito siya ngayon nagpapagawa ng bahay nila. More like extension ng house nila. And parang naka set na talaga yun mind niya. I don't know what to do. Ayoko talaga tumira sa kanila pero how will I convince him? Medyo affected na din yun pagssave namin for our big day dahil dun. Though pilit ko naman iniintindi kasi this is the last thing na pagaawayan namin--Money. Ayoko makialam with his finances pero nagsstart pa lang kami mag ipon tapos ganto na. What more pag nasa isang bahay na kami?

[Janelc]

It's a no no.  When we were starting out we rented a small apartment i don't it's a good idea kahit pa anong bait ng in laws mo may masasabi at masasabi ka sa kanila and vice versa.

[irish_pearl]

maybe yes, for a short period of time lang