Abusive partner

[Sugarrush]

   Hello, I've been lurking around here for quite some time now. So, I decided to sign-up and share my story here.

I've been with my partner for 3 years now. Our relationship really started well.he was very sweet and a loving boyfriend. But later on, he became very violent. Sinasaktan niya ko talaga. There were a couple of times na may mga bruises ako sa body and sa face. There were many times na na gusto ko na siyang iwan but he told me so may things and reasons not to leave him. Until one day, he cheated on me. I couldn't bear his ways anymore. But again, I was pregnant and I couldn't leave him and he doesn't want to also cause he promised to take care and support our child. He's a responsible father naman. But everytime we fight ng sobra, sinasaktan niya ako. I also thought na he would change. Yes, matagal na kong di sinaktan but recently, he punched me in the face and even pulled my hair while we were fighting. Days after that my dad saw my bruise and i just made a lie na natamaan lang.

tapos i provoked him daw. But why me? He's blaming me for what he did!? It really pains me na pati nung time na sinaktan niya ko our baby was just there. She even cried. I don't know what to do next. Parang nasasaniban siya pag galit.  I'm having a hard time kasi I don't want our family to be broken and I'm pregnant pa with our child. Help me girls. Please. 

[graZiousa]

OMG sis!!! di ko carry ginagawa ng hubby mo sayo. Pero matanong ko lang if kung ano ba pinag aawayan nyo at humahantong sa pisikalan. Natanong mo na rin ba self mo sis kung wala ka rin bang kasalanan sa mga napag aawayan nyo. Ang hirap ng sitwasyon mo sis. Pero ang ganyang sinasaktan kana pisikal at emosyonal, ano pa ang hinihintay mo? Kung iniisip mo kapakanan ng anak mo, hindi yata magwowork sis kasi kung ikaw lang may care. gaya nyan nakikita ng bata na sinasaktan ka so he doesn't even care if ano magiging impact sa kiddo.. pag isipan mo sis, iba na yan pag nanakit na..

[lovely_carrot]

kung ako ang nasa sitwasyon mo, i will not tolerate his physical abuse from day 1.
i'm not going to blame you why you stuck with him despite what he does to you every time you fight, but in my opinion, hindi ako pinanganak para jombagin, lokohin at saktan ng kahit na sino, esp ang asawa ko. so if any of this ang ginawa nya sa akin, [textspeak!] first time siguro i would forgive him but he will definitely hear a lot from me and make sure na hindi nya na uulitin, pero yung paulit ulit aba aba sinuswerte na sya.

i would definitely leave him. broken family? matagal na kayo my lamat gurl, ikaw na lang ata ang glue na naghohold sa relasyon nyo para di kayo tuluyan masira.

think about yourself and your child first.

[Girltalker2]

   

I don't know what to do next. Parang nasasaniban siya pag galit.  I'm having a hard time kasi I don't want our family to be broken and I'm pregnant pa with our child. Help me girls. Please. 

Sis, kahit ano pa sabihin namin dito, kung ayaw mo iwan ang hubby mo, nasa sayo iyan. I think alam mo na kung anong maririnig mo from us. Leave your hubby and save yourself. Mas gugustuhin ko pa ang broken family kesa makita ng bata na binubugbog ng tatay nya ang nanay nya. Traumatic iyon.

Hanap ka ng kakampi like your family. Wala ka naman ibang matatakbuhan kundi sila. 
Leave na your hubby because no one deserves to be treated the way he treats you. Unless feel mo deserve mo mabugbog.

Tandaan mo, first bugbog sayo wala kang kasalanan.  Pero second na bugbog, partly your fault kasi hinayaan mo sya at hindi ka lumaban. Huwag ka papayag to be treated this way, otherwise it is a never ending cycle. Paulit ulit na ganyan, gusto mo ba yun?

[quinone]

pino-provoke mo nga ba? chaka i don't think it is wise na mag-away sa harap ng bata knowing may tendency siya manakit.

try marriage counseling maybe if both of you are willing to try? if not, then maghiwalay na lang kayo.

[graZiousa]

baka rin kasi sis gusto na kumalas ni hubby sayo kaya ganyang ang trato sayo. ginagawa nya yan para ikaw ang sumuko, para bang ang dating na gusto nya mangyari na ikaw ang nakipaghiwalay.. tama ang mga sis natin 'save yourself sis...

[inluvewithmikewesten]

I don't understand why some women stay in an abusive relationship just to "save" their family.
A violent person can't change, if he can hurt you, then he can hurt your kids too.

[EllaBratin]

Sa tingin ko, iisa lang ang magiging payo naming lahat dito, ang iwan mo ang partner mo. Buti na lang hindi kayo kasal, makakahanap ka rin ng lalaking rerespeto sa iyo. Kung nasanay na kayo sa ganyang pag-aaway, pisikalan, siguro napakaliit na ng chance na mabago pa yun. Isipin mo na lang ang mga anak mo at ang sarili mo.

[graZiousa]

Sis, wag mong hayaang gawin yan sayo... Bilang babae may karapatan tayo. Kaya go pack your things ang leave him.

[Nhetskii]

sis, kahit na provoke sya... wala pa rin syang karapatang saktan ka. Di ka pinalaki ng magulang mo para lang saktan ng ibang tao. Lalo pa yan kayang kaya kang saktan sa harap ng anak mo. Baka mamaya magkaroon pa ng trauma yang anak mo. Baka mamaya paglaki ng anak mo maging violente din sya dahil akala nya ok lang na manakit ng kapwa. Natatakot kang maging broken family pero di ka ba natatakot na ma-broken body ka? sorry ha pero sana matauhan ka na.. ikaw din at ang anak mo ang kawawa.

[tinsantos10]

Sis dapat di mo na tinatanong kung anong dapat mong gawin. Iwanan mo na. What if saktan niya rin anak niyo? What if dumating sa point na mapatay ka niya? Don't risk yourself and your children.

[yssayjayla]

Sis, isipin mo na lang yung baby. Leave him na.

[Purple_Power]

I don't understand why some women stay in an abusive relationship just to "save" their family.
A violent person can't change, if he can hurt you, then he can hurt your kids too.

That is what I am wondering too! Gaano bang kagwapo at kayaman yang lalake para hindi iwanan kahit na ba sobra na ang pananakit niya?  Well that is not my point pero hanggang kailan ka pa ba magpapaniwala na magbabago siya? And I never thought na kahit pala yung ibang mga level headed , academically intelligent kay mapa Magna or Suma pagdating sa ganitong pakikipagrelasyon nagiging irrational na rin ang decision nila. Nagtataka rin naman ako sa ibang lalake kung bakit pa sila nagsesettle sa partner na ayaw naman na nila tapos they will end up cheating rin naman eh! kung iwanan na lang kaya? Not unless kung malakas manakal itong babae. I know it for myself naman na I am not credible enough to give advises when it comes to marriage life pero abusive relationship is very different story especially if it is about sacrificing the dignity of a woman.

To the thread starter if you are asking help then my question is ARE YOU WILLING to take the advises  from our sisses here? Then you should be really DEADLY SERIOUS about it because we are already talking about your own LIFE. You know what sa totoo lang nakakasawa na rin yung we are willing to help different women here para lang mawala kayo sa kapahamakan pero kadalasan mas nananaig pa rin ang decision na hindi niyo iwanan ang partner niyo nandahil lang sa pagmamahal?  Hindi mo ba naisip kahit minsan na pwede rin itong ikapahamak ng anak mo? Paaabutin mo pa ba sa punto na idadamay na niya ang anak mo lalo na't babae pa man din siya? Paano ka nakakasigurado na NEVER niyang idadamay ang anak mo? Hindi mo ba naisip na pwede kang sisihin ng anak mo rito? Gusto mo pa bang masaksihan ng anak mo na sinasaktan ka niya? Naisip mo ba kung ano ang pwedeng maging buhay ng anak mo at malaki ang chance na maging miserable dahil sa ginagawa ng partner mo? What kind of advise that you want to hear from us? Kung paano pababaguhin ang pagkatao at hindi na mananakit ang partner mo forever? Then I think you are now looking for magicians to teach you different techniques para palitan ang ugali ng partner mo. Hindi mo ba naisip na yung ginagawa ng partner mo sayo is considered as crime already? Pwede mo na nga siya ireport sa police dahil may women's desk run. Sa tingin mo ba ano ang mas nakakabuti ang kumpleto kayong pamilya pero araw araw nanganganib ang buhay niyong mag-ina o iwanan mo na ang partner mo na ligtas kayong pareho? Bakit hindi mo isipin yung kaligtasan ng anak mo? Ngayon o mamaya pwedeng pwede mo na siyang iwanan, kahit nga mamaya rin pwede ka nang magkaroon ng karelasyon na matino kasi hindi pa naman kayo kasal. Gagawin mo pa bang legal ang pagsasama niyo kahit na ba he is dragging you to hell everyday? As you say ikaw ang parating sinisise sa pananakit niya, ikaw lang nakakaalam niyan dahil hindi kami manghuhula rito to determine o magsabi ng dahilan para saktan ka niya. Kung ang concern mo naman talaga is hindi siya iwanan dahil ayaw mo ng broken family then mag-aral ka ng self defense lalo na Kung Fu dahil yun ang isang paraan na alam ko para mapigilan ka niyang saktan. Of course this is not about paghihiganti, that is different. This is just about to save yourself. If you are in Manila then if I were you then ask help from Welcome House, mga sisters sila run just tell them your problem and ask help on what to do. Nasabi na ng mga sisses dito ang dapat mong gawin and it is all the same then now the CHOICE IS YOURS!

Sana lang you are aware about the news na yung ibang babae nga pinapatay pa. Actually nabalita ito sa local news na yung classmate ng pinsan ko which is lalake, pinatay niya girlfriend niya pero ang description sa kanya ng pinsan ko kahit yung ibang tao na kilala siya ay mabait siyang tao kaya nagulat na lang sila na magagawa niyang pumatay. Ikaw na rin nagsabi na nasasaniban siya ng galit, hindi mo ba naisip na malaki ang chance na gawin niya yun?

[heretohelp]

This is hard. But try try to look at it this way.

IF HE LOVES YOU, YES, HE CAN STILL HURT YOU. BUT IF HE RESPECTS YOU, HE CAN NOT AND MUST NOT HURT YOU. AND IF YOU RESPECT YOURSELF, YOU WILL NEVER AND SHOULD NEVER LET HIM HURT YOU.

Do you earn your own money? Or you depend on him for financial support? That is the usual reason women cannot leave their partners. So what if you don't have money? You can always go back to your parents. They will never forsake you.

Or do you dread the idea of having a broken family? Look, it has been broken when he started abusing you, so there's no family to repair to begin with. But you have a better life ahead with your child, so do not waste your time getting bruised. Life is too short to even think your man will change. It is a RED FLAG  when he hits you then blames you for making him hit you. It is all BS!

[rannastillero]

Girl,
Ano ang mga bagay na pinagaawayan nyo?
pansin ko kasi sa ganyang sitwasyon malalim ang pinaaawayan,
at pag sumagot ka ng di nya nagustuhan or natamaan ang ego nya o pagkalalaki,
mananakit yan. syempre kunwari nagaaway na kayo, tama lahat ng sinabi mo, pero ayaw nyang magpatalo hindi na sya makasagot kasi maling mali nga sya o talo na sya sa diskusyon nyo, ang best way na gagawin nya para makaganti sayo o maibangon yung ego nya ay sasaktan ka nya, kasi yun lang ang paraan para matalo ka nya.

Advice ko lang sayo, kung anuman ang pinag aawayan mo wag ka ng sumagot, wag mo syang galitin, wag kang makipag sigawan,pasakop ka, pero kung wala pa ring effect at pinagbuhatan ka pa ng kamay kahit na bait baitan ang peg mo, aba sis iba na yan, wala ka ng magagawa para mapigilan yan, baka hobby na nyang manakit talaga. you better leave him or else maging martir kang punching bag forever kapag badtrip si mister. gusto mo bang sa halip na blush on ang nasa pisngi mo e pasa? sa halip na lipstick sa labi mo, eh dugo? at sa halip na eyeliner at eye shadow ang nasa mata mo eh black eye?

Nasa sayo yan sis...

[Purple_Power]

^sis IMO lang. Kahit sagutin niya ang partner niya hindi pa rin rason o hindi pa rin tama ang saktan ang babae lalo na may batas na hindi talaga dapat sinasaktan ang babae kasi consider as abuse yun. I would understand pa kung si babae ang unang nanakit para makaganti ang lalake pero with that scenario na sagutan lang I find it lame na saktan siya physically. Besides karapatan niyang sumagot o manaig sa anumang argumento nila lalo na kung alam niyang siya yung tama. Kung nasasaktan lang yung ego nitong lalake huwag na lang siya makipag girlfriend o mag-asawa in the first place. Isa lang naman ang dahilan kung bakit nananakit ang lalake eh! Kasi parating pinagbibigyan ng babae o pinalalampas yung pananakit nila.

[quinone]

it always takes two to tango.

tingin ko maling thinking para sa mga babae na we can be verbally abusive or i-nag to the max (as in to their breaking point) ang mga partners natin tapos we expect them to be saints, like sit down and listen to us magsalita/mag interrogate. may mga lalaking nakakagawa niyan pero i bet has learned to tune you out. di ba yung ibang parents nga napapalo nila yung mga anak nila sa inis.

alam ng asawa yan e, kapag pikon na yung partner niya, yung alam mo ubos na pasensya. kami ni hubby kapag andun na sa point na yun we say, "mamaya tayo mag-usap" sa isa't isa so alam namin breaking point na yun.

dapat talaga may compromise sa marriage. ayaw ng asawa mo mag nag ka pag-uwi niya from work? then find the right time to speak to him or write a letter kung sawa na siya sa boses mo. yung husband naman na nananakit, if he loves his wife, he is supposed to tell her na kailangan niya ng space kasi puno na siya before anything bad happens. just my opinion.

[aquacharly]

Why do women stay with physically abusive husbands/partners?
IMO, most who do that are economically/financially dependent on the abusive man
There is no abuser if there is no victim.
Tama
Kung alam ng engzngot na yan you can live without him;
        that you can support your kids (if any) on your own;
        that you know your worth & you will not tolerate being punched around - he will hit the wall or break things, not break your body parts.

The saddest story  in history is not the rise and fall of empires.
It is the not rare story of men who woo a woman they put on a pedestal, just to later on drag  her down & step on her.   It is how some men address their being "small" --  they make their partner/wife  "smaller", instead of making themselves bigger.

[Purple_Power]

it always takes two to tango.

tingin ko maling thinking para sa mga babae na we can be verbally abusive or i-nag to the max (as in to their breaking point) ang mga partners natin tapos we expect them to be saints, like sit down and listen to us magsalita/mag interrogate. may mga lalaking nakakagawa niyan pero i bet has learned to tune you out. di ba yung ibang parents nga napapalo nila yung mga anak nila sa inis.

Iba naman ang palo ng disiplina na ginagawa ng magulang sa anak compare mo naman sa pambubugbog. Kapag ang magulang binugbog ang anak then that is already violation and considered as child abuse. Hindi kailangan ng lalaki maging Santo kung dinadakdakan siya ng asawa niya. Kung ganun ang ginagawa sa kanya ng asawa niya then dapat ang lalake maging level headed sa tamang paraan. Kung idadaan niya ito sa pambubugbog siya ang talo rito dahil it only shows na mahina siya at hindi marunong manindigan sa pagkalalake niya. Aside from that he is automatically committing a crime at the same time.

[quinone]

i am not saying it is okay to beat your wife ok? the wife should know yung breaking point ng husband and vice versa and not provoke, unless you are a masochist.

^baka hindi mo pa na-experience yung sobrang galit o inis na you want to beat somebody up. may mga magulang hindi talaga namamalo pero biglang napapalo nila ang kids nila sa sobrang inis. sometimes itong mga ganitong reaction we do not pause and think about, at yang ang sinasabi ko.

Hindi kailangan ng lalaki maging Santo kung dinadakdakan siya ng asawa niya. Kung ganun ang ginagawa sa kanya ng asawa niya then dapat ang lalake maging level headed sa tamang paraan.

wag tayong double standards. so ang babae pwede maging unreasonable naggers? dapat maging level headed sa tamang paraan din ang mga babae at huwag gawin yung mga alam nating ayaw ng mga husbands natin (within reason of course), minsan kasi we nag because we want to get a reaction or a response we forget may tamang timing ang pakikipag-usap.

ang gusto ni TS is maayos ang problem niya. everyone deserves a second chance IMO. now, hindi niya makausap ng maayos yung asawa niya, so i am saying mag iba ng tactic at it is not wise na i-provoke dahil counter-productive yan sa gusto niyang outcome which is reconciliation.