Sick and Tired of Yayas hurting my kid. How to STOP this from happening??

[momentum]

Hi mommies

I am already at a lost as to what will I do. Naka-ilang yayas na ako and halos lahat sila at some point sinasaktan yung daughter ko dahil sa kakulitan or tigas ng ulo, even if I had already stressed in the beginning and continuously na pagdating sa disiplina sa anak ko, sa akin na yun, and they shouldn't do it..if they are having a hard time sa kanya, then it is easy to approach me and ask for my help, or if my mom is around, ask help from her..but DO NOT hurt/make palo her. I have told them to put themselves in my shoes, having someone else spank your kids lalo na maid, iba kasi yung impact sa ating parents..

This past to weeks my 13yo niece has been staying with us kasi she is undergoing problems at the moment..maraming issues itong batang to which OT if I mention,,but one of her bad traits is she is a liar and mejo malikot yung kamay..her mom took away her phone before she came to the house para wala siyang contact sa mga bad influence niyang friends.

bad part is she took my yaya's phone yesterday..she didn't want to admit it when my mom confronted her..i stepped in and talked to her about the consequences etc etc of what she did and eventually I got her to admit where she kept the phone and the reasons why she did it. to make the long story short, gusto lang niya daw gumanti sa yaya ko coz my yaya has been treating her badly..like masungit daw sa kanya and kung ano2 sinasabi sa kanya. sad part is, she also told me my yaya has been hurting my daughter pag-ayaw sumunod..as in babatukan daw..kukurutin..iiwan sa garage and lock the door  until umiyak..etc..minsan naman magkasundo sila. I dont know, lagi nalang ganito na kala mo okay yung yaya then after ilang months lalabas na yung mga ganitong issues. She started working for me end of May lang.

I have been having this instinct that she is hurting my daughter coz minsan and lakas ng sigaw at iyak bigla sa banyo or sa room..tapos pagpumapasok ako uunahan na kagad ako na kinakagat daw siya or kinalmot or whatever..eh hindi naman sisigaw or iiyak ng malakas anak ko kung walang ginawa sa kanya at siya yung nanakit eh. minsan di ko nalang siya pinapansin kapag ganun yung ngyayari and just trying to keep my cool..makulit din kasi talaga anak ko. and mejo ingat din ako coz she is bringing my daughter to school and minsan sila sila ng ate niya and my lola lang naiiwan sa bahay.

whenever sumosobra na anak ko, as in everyday nalang may issue na ganito or my mom would tell me she has been bad,.,I really have to discipline her.

but how do I avoid this yayas not hurting my kid? nakakadisturb na talaga na marinig nalang lagi ng ganitong issues and eventually aalis na yung yaya kasi ganito kasi ganyan..dadahilan nila anak ko or make up stories about how we treat them which is not true naman..daming kung ano2 pang sinabi yung niece ko na kesyo nagrereklamo daw na sa kanya inaasa lahat..LOOL funny coz her ate is our maid and yung ate niya yung laging madaming ginagawa habang siya wala..we give her other things to do kesa naman maghilata lang siya dyan and I'm paying her 4k na..

I was planning pa naman to raise her salary to 4.5k this August but then nagdadalawang isip na ako. sinabi pa niya sa niece ko na kahit kelan daw puwede siya lumayas samin ng di namin alam kasi she makes hatid my daughter to school (naka service) and walks back home..minsan inuutusan namin siya to buy stuff sa nearby palengke etc..hay nako di naman niya kelangan lumayas if she wants to leave eh! as if naman I will beg for her to stay or what. Now, I have to start observing this yaya more if tutuo ba talaga sinasabi ng niece ko or not, baka asar lang niece ko sa kanya and made up these stories but I believe some of the things she had observed (like walang ginagawa, etc) kasi kahit ako mismo nakikita ko. Aalis na pala niece ko tomorrow, kasi dadating na isa kong Tita sa Thursday

I don't know what to do anymore! di naman ako nagkukulang sa pagdisipline ng daughter ko, pag may ginawa siyang mali pinagsasabihan ko..issues like these makes me really really want to quite my job and just find work online to stay home and just take care of my daughter myself! kesa ipaubaya sa mga taong walang ginawa kundi magreklamo at saktan siya!  lagi nalang ganito, feeling hopeless na ako. wala naman budget para sa cctv camera..single mom ako

sorry napahaba

[cloudzy_09]

I always keep an eye on my yaya pag narinig ko iba iyak ng baby ko pinupuntahan ko agad pag naka ramdam ako na sinasaktan niya anak ko naku kakaladkarin ko sa police station at baka pa bugbog ko pano body hurt my child kahit sigaw lang baka ma baril ko sila I think ramdam ng mga yaya ko yun kaya never sila nag aatempt na saktan anak ko.

One reason din kung bakit nagiging maldita at nanakit ang bata dahil lagi sila sinasaktan.

Sis pag nahuhuli mo or may kutob ka nasinasaktan anak mo unahan mo na dapat yung yaya para hindi na maulit dont risk na mag karoon pa ng chance na saktan ulit anak mo. One reason din kaya malakas loob ng yaya mo is alam niya a may kutob ka na nasinasaktan niya pero hindi pa rin siya nalilintikan she thinks its ok at siguro iniisip niya na you need her too much.

Ramdam mo naman pag ang anak mo sinasaktan or hindi masyado inaalagaan ng yaya kasi yung bata ayaw na ayaw sa yaya.

[momentum]

thanks mga sis for your replies

I have my daughter checked up and she is healthy naman and normal..hindi naman everyday na nananakit siya sa yaya..actually malambing siya and nakakatuwa yun nga lang minsan siyempre like bath time ayaw niya sumunod sa yaya na pupunta sa cr, gusto niya manuod ng cartoons..pag ganun at andun naman ako, ako na mismo nagcoconvince at nagdadala sa kanya sa cr..i keep an eye din sa yaya and i ran kagad pag meron akong naririnig na hindi maganda. tsaka sis pinagsasabihan ko nga yung yaya na wag sasaktan..kaya i dont think reason yung pinapabayaan ko siya na gawin gusto niya kaya nakakalusot siya.

lam nating mga moms kapag iba na iyak ng anak natin..may times na kapag papasok ako sa cr sobrang iyak siya and uunahan na ako ng yaya na naglalaro daw kasi ng tubig, or ayaw bitawan yung ganito ganyan..eh siyempre sasabihin ko baka naman gusto lang maglaro or what.. i think normal lang naman sa kids na hindi sumonod kagad pag wala sa mood..may mga times din naman na sumusunod siya without any effort..

hays ewan ko ba..baka im meant to stay home na talaga hirap maging single mom!

[gorgeous gal]

sis, question lang.

if the yaya makes sumbong na ganito ganyan si daughter mo, what do you do? you scold your daughter ba? palo or discipline whatever ways?

kasi baka naman they feel like disciplining your daughter their way kasi they feel like pag may nagawang mali, we tolerate. ganun tayong mga mommies e. pag we feel mababaw lang, okay lang to us. e these people are not the mommies of our children - kaya siguro they feel na ganito dapat pagdiscipline.

just my thoughts.

[evilwoman]

^ sa akin ha, the best na pagsabihan privately.pag to the max ang kapilyuhan baka may kasamang tapik sa pwet pero never sa harap ng nagsumbong.may ibang tao naman kasi na gusto pag nagsumbong e gulpihin sa harap nya ang bata.

[momentum]

yes mga sis I scold my daughter pagnagsusumbong yaya ko or mama ko sakin pag makulit siya that day..like example pag-uwi ko from work, magkukwento naman yun ng good and bad na ginawa ng daughter ko..pag bad..I scold her but not in front of the yaya, lalo na if palo ko siya..I don;t want her to see..most of the time pag bad ginawa niya I make her face the wall after I scold her or make palo..and sa face the wall nakikita yun ng yaya ko from the window..after ko ipa-face the wall I ask her what did I just say and what I told her not to do..para ma-realize niya. after naman nun bumabait siya. then syempre babalik yung kapilyuhan after several weeks 

I'm the type of mom kasi that doesn't spoil my kid. i do not let her get away kapag bad ginagawa niya especially if pinalo niya yung yaya. para sakin kasi from the beginning palang kahit mababaw ginawa niya, basta mali, mali talaga and I let her know and make her understand this

[aquacharly]

^Knowing you, I am certain your child is disciplined.  Natuto na lang yan, if ever she does it, to hit or hurt others kasi  na pick up sa current/previous yayas. 

you mentioned a sister previously.  She is a SAHM?   Can you leave your yaya and kid with her while you go to work?  Or, another relative who stays at home.
Ako, I always sent my kids and yayas everyday to my mom's house. Not tat my mom was there, she's lays out socializing -- but our Old Yaya is there. We grew up under her care, so we trust her sharp eagle eyes. 

You can also educate your kid more on what is not acceptable behavior for others to do to her - pinching, slapping, etc. 

Did you read the column of M Locsin-Chan today?  Grabe her previous yayas!

[momentum]

^ Thank you for replying sis

Tama ka..I think she learned this from her previous yayas. Kala mo mabait yaya sa harap mo..then hindi mo pala alam yung mga unexplained small bruises sa kid mo came from her. Tsaka nagtataka talaga ako when she screams and cries, iba talaga eh, parang pinikon at sinaktan ng sobra..I always ask my daughter privately every day if yaya hurt her..and how..sometimes she nods a yes and I ask her how and she makes the sign na binatukan sa noo or kurot...I had already told my yaya again and again, and just the other day..na the disciplining part is left to me...I won't hesitate to throw her out if push comes to shove

Yes sis I have a stay-at-home sister..but she is soon to be a mom  one more month to go..so out the window na siya..kasi they've waited 8yrs bago siya nabuntis..so since it is her first time, I am not sure if she can handle my daughter pa..plus she lives in Makati and I in Paranaque 

My mom is staying home, plus my Lola (but too old na po, 84yo and may Alzheimer's) ..my mahaderang Tita is arriving today and will be staying for a few months to fix her papers to migrate in AU..kaya buti nadagdagan yung mga mata sa bahay..hays 

I read the article..how true is that! Grabe talaga mga yayas today..

[iammechelle]

Ako din, walang tumatagal na yaya sa amin. Lalo na sa anak ko. Malikot kasi ang anak ko at makulit. Ang mga bata kasi ngayon, "Spirited Child". Wala silang disorder pero iba na mag-isip. Iba na rin magkulit. Yung mga yaya na yan, di nila alam pakisamahan ang mga anak natin. Moreso, di nila alam paano kausapin or i-deal. Ako, I never had kasamang relatives sa bahay. So naiiwan sa bahay ay ang anak ko lang at ang yaya. I never had experience naman na sinasaktan ang anak ko. Dahil umpisa pa palang, pinapakita ko na kapag may ginawa siyang masama sa anak ko, kaya ko siyang bugbugin at kaladkarin sa police. My husband's one of the officers of Homeowners' Association, walking distance lang ang baranggay at police station. Tinuruan ko rin ang anak ko na magsumbong at kausapin ang yaya na kapag may ginawang masama sa kanya, alam ang kakalagyan. I make it a point rin na kapag umuwi ako galing sa trabaho, I check kung may mga pasa, kurot. Litany ko rin na tinanong na, nag-away ba kayo? Nag misbehave ba si baby? Yung ganyan.  Pero, kapag sinabi ng yaya na nag-misbehave ang bata, di ko pinapagalitan ang bata. Baket? Simple, hindi ko nakita paano nag-misbehave ang bata. Minsan, strategy ng yaya yan para makaganti sa bata. Yung tipong ginanito raw sila o ginanyan ng anak ko. Ipinapakita ko rin sa yaya na mas kakilala ko ang anak ko, kesa sa kanya so she has no right to make sumbong about this and that. Nung nakita ko na sinuntok siya ng anak ko sa boobs, I asked the yaya, ano ang ginawa mo baket ka sinuntok ng bata? Kesyo pinangaralan niya daw about this. Ang mga bata, di rin naman yan mananakit kung walang ginawang masama sa kanila eh. Sabi ko, wag mo kasi papakialaman ang pag-kausap sa anak ko dahil di ka niyan seseryosohin. Ako ang seseryosohin ng anak ko, kaya wag ka mag-sermon. Isa pa, tengang-kawali rin ako. Kapag nasa bahay, ako na nag-aalaga ng bata! At di na nakakalapit si yaya.

[twelvth_goddess]

No matter how efficient a yaya is, she is NEVER allowed to lay her hands on my daughter. The same way that no one touches my daughter ke kamag-anak or what dahil ako nga eh hinde ko pinapalo ang anak ko. NO matter how depserate I am for a maid, never ko ico-compromise ang welfare ng anak ko para lang sa maid. Yan nga pinag awayan namin ng mother ko kase gusto ba naman kunin ko ulityung ex-yaya ko na pinapalo pala ang anak ko dahil daw 'mahirap humanap ng maid ngayon.'

Unfortunately, there is no tried and tested trick to keep any househelper from abusing your kids. Kahit may CCTV pa yan, the best thing that can happen lang is to stop the abuse as early as possible. But still, nagawa na din. I'm a working mom to a 2 year old daughter and it's been 3 months since our yaya left (and ngayon gusto bumalik ng aswang na yon) and til now wala pang kapalit. Ngayon mejo madale pa for us cus my 2 nieces are staying with us while waiting for their visa to Germany (where their mother is) so sila tumutulong saken magbantay especially pag nasa work kame ni hubby. But of course I know na I would need another maid soon. I just feel traumatized with my ex-yaya na akala ko super bait and alaga, yon pala pinapalo daughter ko kapag hinde nya mapa-nap sa tanghali (presumably kase sya gusto mag-nap). Whenever I ask my daughter to help me pray to Jesus for a nice yaya, ang sagot saken palage 'no more yaya, just mommy'.

[momentum]

^ i feel you sis.
Every week my daughter tells me not to go to work anymore. Each time she says this, I tell her I need to so I can buy her milk..then recently she has been telling me "don't go to work anymore mama.. don't buy me milk"  hay nako kung pwede lang! kaso she started to go to school narin.

right now I'm scouting for a new yaya secretly na..the sister of this yaya of mine is napipika narin sa kanya coz of her attitude (panay reklamo ,etc) and looks like may lalake na kasi panay call/text sa gabi and hiding her phone. They are both single moms too. bunso itong yaya ko, turned 25 lang ata,and the ate is last 30's na. okay na okay yung ate niya, matured and may kusa, kaso she's for my Lola eh. Hay nako sana makahanap na ako ng mas matino

[kiz_me1109]

We Mom, always learn from experiences. I had this yaya before. She had been with us for 3 years. When she left, saka ko lang na realize na sinasaktan niya yung anak ko. Pero feeling ko lang naman. Feeling ko, those times na umiiyak yung anak ko bigla for no reason, may scar na maliliit sa legs and yung kapag yung yaya na niya ang kasama e parang takot siya. MIL also mentioned na feeling niya e kinukurot daw kapag makulit.

I learned from that experience. So, now that I have a new yaya, medyo kabado ako na maulit yun. So i still make sure na tutok parin ako sa anak ko. Lalo na sa age niya - he's 4. Super kulit and kahit kaming mag asawa e napapalo siya. Before, takot ako na baka gawin din ng yaya sa anak ko yung disiplina na ginagawa ko. If If si Hubby yung nagagalit and napapalo yung anak namin, ako yung nagpapatahan sa kanya. And Vice versa. Para at least makita ng yaya na ayaw namin gawin yun but we have to. If meron naman kaming nakikita na hindi namin gusto, kino correct ko aga.

Example:
I told yaya to teach him to be responsible in putting back his toys sa storage box. Si yaya na t**** e kapag naglalaro yung anak ko e sinasabihan na "Naglaro ka na naman! Kapag hindi mo binalik yan e itatapon ko yan." Naririnig kasi niya yung tapon word sa Lola. Kaya sinabihan ko siya to let her play and alalayan nalang siya after sa pagbalik ng toys.

Yung mga yaya kasi, kahit nakapag aral pa yan e t**** parin yan and walang pakialam sa mga alaga nila. So, kahit na may yaya tayo, we have to make sure na natututukan parin natin yung anak natin. Isa din yan sa reason kung bakit hindi kami makabukod ng bahay ni hubby. Because there's no one to look after our son kapag may work kami. At least, sa bahay, andun in laws ko.

If I'm in your case, since sure ka na naman na sinasaktan nga ng yaya mo anak mo, sasaktan ko din siya and kakaladkarin ko siya palabas. hehe Pero, seriously eto talaga gagawin ko.

[Purple_Power]

Tanong ko lang nung wala pa yung niece mo ano ba ugali ng Yaya ng daughter mo? I think at some point your niece is telling the truth like how being treated, kapag hindi nila nagustuhan talagang they will do something against the person. Iba naman kasi ang gawain usually nung mga malilikot lang ang kamay eh! Kinukuha nila yung bagay as long as walang nakakita alam nila na hindi ito malalaman kung sino kumuha saka walang pinipili kung kaninong gamit yan. Baka nga naghiganti siya sa Yaya. Ito totoo talaga na kapag wala yung mga amo doon nagsisilabasan totoong ugali ng mga katulong eh! Kaya there is a big possibility na sinasaktan ang daughter mo. Kahit ano pa dahilan nila kahit tawagin pa nilang disiplina kuno yan wala pa rin karapatan ang mga katulong na saktan alaga nila. Pagalitan lang nila sige pwede pa pero wag naman sigawan. Maraming paraan para matigil yung pagiging makulit nila. May pamangkin ko na sobrang makulit at malakas manigaw, lalake pa yun pero never may nakasakit sa kanya na katulong o kahit Yaya niya. Pinapagalitan lang siya. Nagagawan nila ng paraan kung paano nilang mapapatahimil yung nephew ko na hindi nananakit. Observation ko lang kapag ang bata parating sinasaktan yung tipong maya't maya lalong nagiging makulit pero kapag nadidisiplina ng palo paminsan minsan dun sila natatauhan. Kurot is not really good nakakapeklat yun. Kung pwede nga lang complain mo yan sa police.

[thess]

Defensive yaya mo sis kasi guilty sya...hindi tamang patulan ang bata kahit saktan pa sya. Kung ako sa yo ikaw muna
tumutok sa anak mo sis wala kasing concern ang mga yaya kasi d naman nila kadugo kahit bata pinapatulan tsk tsk.
di pwede sa anak ko yan makakatikim sila sa akin ang liit liit di pa kayang ipagtanggol sarili sasaktan...kapag lagi pa namang
napapalo ang mga kids lalong tumitigas ang ulo..

[Inaroo]

Warning signs, based on my experience:

1. If your child does not like to be left alone with the yaya.
2. When you hear your child frequently cry or scream kapag pinapaliguan ni yaya or kapag iniiwan na sila lang dalawa sa kwarto. I discovered how abusive one yaya was when I learned na pinipilit niya yung 2 yr old ko maghugas ng sariling pwet at pinapagalitan pa. Hello, hirap nga sila gumamit ng shower head at magbuhat ng tabo, dahil maliit pa di ba!
3. If your child rapidly loses weight (hindi pinapakain nang tama or, I had one yaya na gusto palaging maysakit ang anak ko because pala, in her own words, "Mabait siya ma'am pag maysakit.").
4. Pag may mga pasa or marks sa katawan madalas. And never accept the reason na hindi nila alam. They're specifically hired to take care of and watch over your kid, pano'ng hindi nila alam?
5. If the child is hitting or hurting the yaya, his siblings or his friends. I had one yaya na palaging hinihilahan ng buhok ng anak ko. Yun pala, she did it to my child ilang times ma kaya sa kanya natuto, ginagawa din sa kanya.
5. Pay attention to the small signs from your children. Like whenever I checked my son during nap time (kasama yaya sa kwarto) when he was a toddler, he would force his eyes shut (as in, nanginginig pa ang mata niya - obvious that he's awake and yet parang takot buksan ang mata) and would only open them when he hears me in the room. When my daughter was also a baby and I would enter her room (yaya also in the room with her during nap time), she would immediately jump from her bed, out of her supposed sleep, look at me and cry na parang nagmamakaawa. Obvious na my baby daughter was only trying to make herself sleep dahil takot sa yaya.

So, there you go mommies. Just my two cents' worth based on experience. Of course, always, always trust your instincts.

[Purple_Power]

^Did you report that to Police or DSWD and DOLE? Kasi serious case na yan eh! Dapat under investigation na yan. Child abuse na kasi yan.

[nicoletta]

I used to send my baby to my parent's office whenever I have to go to work. Since he is the first apo, my parents would gladly oblige and pick him up.  You should also get cctv and require that the yaya and kid stays sa area where you can clearly see them.

[khriseeee]

Learned the hard way, found out that my daughter's previous yaya was hitting her. Like others she would always cry when it's bathtime, eh my daughter loves the water! So I didn't know why she would cry at bathtime, yaya would say na she didn't want to leave, etc etc. It was during our Christmas trip that my (at the time 3 years old) daughter told me that this yaya was hitting her. Thankfully, while we were away, yaya took a day off and never returned. I was planning on firing her when we got back, but she saved me the hassle of doing it.

I work from home so now I make it a point that I'm the one who gives my kids a bath at night. I do it while yaya is eating so I can check their bodies for any suspicious bruises.

[iwannabeasupermodel]

naku sis nakakatakot magkaroon ng makulit na anak and nananakit na yaya. we had a patient na victim of shaken baby syndrome who eventually died. so be very careful. use a nanny cam and use it as evidence should the need arises.

i think you also have to deal with your child, try a child psychiatrist or a developmental pediatrician. i doesn't mean that your kid is sick, and even if she is, i think it's better na you're doing something about her problem ng maaga instead of wallowing on shame of the possibility of being sick/abnormal and suffering the consequences when it became too late.