What to do with your newly-widowed father?

[kylie]

Mga sis ano nga ba dapat gawin ng mga anak if your father (who just lose his wife) is having a relationship with the previous care giver of your late mom and you know that the ex-caregiver is just after his money?  Actually, even before the death of mom, may something fishy na nangyayari with them kaya nga the caregiver was replaced but it just continued.  Now that the wife died, dad started not to go home at night.  Plus the caregiver has a husband and kids in the province.  ANo nga ba puede na gawin ng children to ensure na hindi ma take advantage ang dad ng mga after lang sa money? 

[agape]

Sasabihin ko sana is support your Dad in his time of sorrow kasi baka sumunod sya sa Wife.
Kaso iba pala ang nangyayari.
Pwede mo sumbong yung caregiver sa family nya, ewan ko lang if kunsintihin ng hubby nya, unless money is more important to the caregiver's family.

[aquacharly]

I finally come across a question I have no ready realistic and  feasible answer to.

No bigger fool than an Old Fool kasi. 

[kylie]

It's hard to think ano ba dapat gawin. Of course we say it's okay for dad to have girlfriend after mom, but not naman someone whom we know is only after money.  Pero how do you approach nga ba our parents with this.  Sabihin ng iba, it's not our money anyway, and I agree that dad can choose how he spend his money, but wag naman magpaloko.  We want to talk to him but we do not know what approach to take.

[aquacharly]

Sabihin ng iba, it's not our money

Even IF your dad earned all that money for whatever assets, and even IF your mom just slept the whole day --  your mom owns half of everything.

After estate/death taxes:
Legally, the surviving spouse owns 50% of everything plus the share of 1 legitimate child.
So, it is not just your dad's money at risk sa mga golddiggers, but also your and other siblings' share of your mom/s estate.
Legally, when a parent dies -- there must be a distribution of assets among the surviving heirs.

What you can do to force the issue of estate distribution, short of bringing your dad to court, is to insist or suggest that AFTER payment of death/estate taxes -- it will be prudent (since he will not live forever; and death taxes are costly) -- to already have properties distributed and put under the name of the children.   

Most surviving parents are amenable to this arrangement, as long as they have access to the cash/liquid assets.  Like, for example:  sige, we put the apartments/condos for rent under the names of the children but the surviving parent, as long as buhay nga -- will collect the rentals, and/or have free use/occupancy of the house/residential  unit.

 

[aiden]

Naku, sounds familiar this story dahil nangyari din sakin ito. EXACTLY. Nahuli ko pa talaga kasi nabasa ko cellphone ng papa ko. Ang ginawa ko? Hindi ko kinausap tatay ko ng 3 buwan hanggang maglupasay siya sakin noong Pasko. At sinakal ko yung caregiver. At sinumbong ko sa mga ate at kuya ng papa ko ang ginawa nila. :-P

At dahil na guilty ang tatay ko sa ginawa niya sa aming magkapatid, binigay sakin lahat ng tatay ko ang management ng estate ng nanay ko. My mom's estate, my dad waived his share sa mamanahin niya dapat to us. So sa conjugal property nila, 50% kaniya, tig-25% kami ng kapatid ko. Oh yeah, my dad also left the country to be with his mom and siblings.

After 1 year ng death anniversary ng nanay ko, he remarried sa isang matandang dalaga sa Canada. Okay naman, I met her. This time at least, before siya nanligaw at nagpakasal, he asked for my blessing (Ako panganay, and according to everyone, a carbon copy of my mother.)  Hinayaan ko na. He's old. He needs the companionship. Yung napangasawa naman niya is well established din naman and my dad's siblings always take my side. :-P

You just need to stand our ground na what's yours via your mother is yours.

[starfishqueen]

let him have his time and own space to grieve. afterwards, talk to him about anything he's comfortable with. let him pace himself.