Nung May nagbreak kami ng ex ko. Kasi lagi kami nag aaway. You see nag start kami noong 4th yr hs kami. 15 lang kami non. And now 19 na ako 20 na siya. Minsan nalalaman ko nag yoyosi na sya tapos sunod sunod ang inuman. Ang nakakainis lagi pa nya tinatanggi and hindi niya sinasabi. Hindi naman ako ganon nagagalit pag nag iinom sila kasi normal lang yon, pero to hide it from me. Parang? Bakit? I know para sainyo hindi big deal yun. Pero sakin kasi, nagstart tayo wala ka bisyo. Nung nagstart kami ako lagi nya pinapaalis sa mga bisyo ko. And tinigil ko lahat yon nung sinabi nya, 15 yrs old kami non btw. and now 20 na, nung siya pinapatigil ko kasi boss niya mismo naghihikayat sakanya sinabihan akong "boring at kj" kaya daw nakipaghiwalay. To think na binago ko sarili ko para sa kanya because dati siya yung school bahay lang. Then ngaun ganon igaganti niya.
One reason lang yung pagiging boring and kj ko kaya kami nagbreak. 2nd is when we fight lagi ko siyang nasasabihan ng harsh words like "mamatay ka na." etc. I know ang sama. Tapos ang hilig ko maghamon ng breakup. Kasi pag hindi ko siya hinamon non lagi niya akong nileleave hanging pag may away kami. Like naiyak na ako sa other line and he'd hung up on me tapos magiinuman sila or tutulugan niya ako.
Nagbreak kami May 2013. Nung dapat magkikita kami and then sabi niya may inuman pala sila. Pinapili ko "yang inuman na yan or magbebreak tayo" then he didn't respond. Tapos pumunta siya don. 1 week kami hindi nagpansinan. Break na pala kami non.
After 2 weeks i tried to get him back. Nung sinabi nya lahat ng flaws ko kung bakit kami nagbreak inayos ko yon. I tried getting theraphy for my anger management issues, i tried to go to his house everyday para makipag ayos, binigyan ko siya ng kung
[textspeak!] ano, i texted him everyday "goodmorning and goodnight long messages." and he wouldn't respond. I was at the hospital for a week for theraphies, tapos minsan nadadala ako sa ER for excessive drinking and my mom would tell him na puntahan ako and he wouldn't respond just because may lakad silang magbabarkada. In the end ayaw na nya talaga.
Nawalan ako ng gana sa lahat nung pagpasok ng June 2013. I dropped at my old school and my mom had to enter me to homeschooling while doing my theraphies. I am currently homeschooled for marketing and taking a 1 yr course on culinary on a normal school.
At the middle of June 2013 i didn't know i was pregnant, nagkaron ng miscarriage. After ng miscarriage nawalan na ako sa kanya. It's been a month since the last time kami nagkita. I tried to be busy, going to the gym, taking zumba class, pilates, swimming, and culinary and yung sa homeschooling. I am trying to get back on track.
Pero last week binati niya ako ng happy birthday through message sa fb. Hindi ko kasi siya friend. Tapos sinabi ko about the miscarriage and sobra akong galit non. he said he was sad about it but seeing him on facebook (inopen ko facebook niya gamit account ng friend ko) mukhang he is having a good time naman. Nakatext ko yung guard nila one time and he asked bakit hindi na ako napunta sakanila and sabi ko break na kami. sabi niya may kausap daw sa phone si ex ko, mukang seryoso kasi ang tagal. Nung oras na yon narealize kong meron na nga ata iba..
I was doing well for about a month na but suddenly last night i found myself crying.. I know i did made a lot of mistakes pero kelan kaya niya makikita yung mga mistakes niya? I'm tired of feeling guilty and blaming it all on myself?? Kasi it's going to be hard to find someone just like him.. I hate how ganito mentality ko and siya hindi. I feel like i am not worth anything anymore. It's happening all over again..
Sa tingin niyo marerealize din niya sa huli lahat ng ginawa nya?? I just don't know where i am going with this. Im sorry
Please someone help me.
