Dating someone whos married (but separated) and has a child

[purple_leigh97]

Mods padelete if may similar topic na (Salamat!)

Lets be specific this time sissies!


I have a friend whos married but separated, pero not legally ha? and he has a kid with his wife he is courting this other friend of mine whos dalaga and professional, at medyo iniistress ako sa kung anong ggawin niya sa buhay niya! Gusto niya si guy friend namin pero twing magddate sila binubulabog ako kung anong ggawin niya at baka daw mali yung ginagawa niya na dinadate niya si married man. pano pag bf na daw niya tulungan ko daw ba siya magsabi sa magulang niya. pano daw niya sasabihin sa parents niya. pano daw pag hindi siya nagustuhan nung anak nung lalaki pagtagal. LOL! ang sabi ko maraming ganyan ngayon, pero hindi talga ko ok sa ganyan kasi i came from a broken family at hanggang ngayon di ko matanggap yung ganyang eksena. So sa mga ganitong sitwasyon ayoko talaga na makigulo sa kanila. Pero both are good friends of mine. And i dont want to compromise our relationships with their problema sa buhay. hehe... They seem happy when theyre together. but the guy is happy too when he's with his kid and the wife is around. I told my girl friend about it at parang wala siyang naririnig. Hindi ko na alam gagawin ko sa knila
Any POVs sissies? ang gulo ng mga tao ngayon. bakit ba di nalang magsettle sa less complicated relationships.

[princessrio]

kung maraming gumugulo sa isip nya, itigil nya na kamo yan. besides, may communication pa pala si guy kay wife at happy pa dun.

maybe the husband and wife can still make their relationship work and if it does, san pupulutin si girl friend?

[adrianne0530]

the guy is still married. baka pwede pa magkabalikan yung guy and wife.

[quinone]

the fact na naguguluhan ang friend mo, ibig sabihin in principle ayaw niya talaga sa may anak na. gusto lang niya yung guy, iniisip niya siguro in time kaya niya tanggapin...pero why go through all that? hanap na lang siya sa single.

[ohcmon]

Been there, done that. Mahirap, pakisabi sa friend mo. 'Yung ex ko nga hindi sila okay nung asawa niya pero ang dami pa ring issues, pano pa 'yang okay 'yung guy saka 'yung asawa, edi lalo na.

Better wait for the annulment siguro kung gusto niya talaga 'yung lalaki.

[pret_ty68]

Wala na ba talagang pagasa na magkabalikan yung guy friend mo saka yung wife nya. Kasi baka naman meron pa.

Pero in case hopeless case na nga tell your guy friend to have his marriage annulled before courting your lady friend.  Tell your lady friend to wait for the issuance of the decree of annulment before getting serious with your guy friend, unless she wants to be a mistress.

[lisse]

sis, pls tell your friend na let her bf sort things out first before he embarks on another relationship. tie loose ends muna kasi baka magpatong-patong. unless of course hindi sila seryoso, eh why bother diba? saka legally married pa rin sila. gusto ba ng friend mo na lalabas kabit siya? she's too good to be one. minsan hindi lang dapat puso pairalin.

[Neverfull]

I am (medyo) in the same situation right now. Ours lang is the wife abandoned him and their 2 kids for another guy. I won't elaborate na lang our story ha ... pero if they like and love each other dapat tranparent sya sa lahat. Before I introduced my bf to my family and friends I made sure na alam nila yung background ni bf. Mahalaga kasi yun eh. Matanda na tayo dapat alam na natin mga pinapasok natin diba. Yes, hurt ako sa mga "kabit" issues, pero ganun talaga eh. Silang dalawa naman ang magsasama at magdadala ng relationship.

I totally gree with the annulment thing. Dapat pag usapan nila yun, if naging serious sila in the future dapat kasama na yun sa road map nila hehe. So yes, mahirap somehow. So si friend mo dapat siguraduhin muna niya na gusto niya talaga si guy bago nya pasukin.

[aquacharly]

It appears to me like you are looking for better arguments to tell your friend,  since your good advice eh deadma deadma lang nya.

I come from huge families, both sides of my parents.  . This I observed:  even when the spouses are unhappy & the man  is a philanderer or has a mistress --  they  don't split up with the wife most of the time. They live in misery, till death do them part -- or, eventually reconcile & fall in love with each other again.  The mistress is not a permanent thing.  Ang mistress minamahal for some time, tapos iniiwan  or pina palitan. Ang wife, hindi iniiwanan --  or, the wife kicks out the husband. 

So where will that leave your friend?

And you know how meieval pa our culture --  once a kab1tch, always a kab1tch --  Kasi our double-standard Pinoy men eh ayaw ma joke joke ng kapwa  double standard:  puede mo naman I-por-kilo baket mo pakakasalan?  Those educated abroad will say:  why buy the cow if you just need milk?  Susko

Actually, it is easier for a woman with a child out of wedlock to find a man who will marry her and cherish her till death do them part, than a kab1tch.  Others will say:  wow True Love, even if she's a single mom.  For the kab1tch, they will say: ay gag* - mauuntog din yan.
Tell your friend that.
Her future is not just this man, there is the after this-man future pa. 

[det060403]

^ Ohhw... I never thought of it that way.
Ewan ko nalang kung hindi pa talaga magets yan! hahahaha

[huggykaye]

may ilang mga taong "in love" ang mahirap bigyan ng advice, sarado ang isip...
akala nila tama lahat ng ginagawa dahil masarap o masaya ang pakiramdam.
minsan mabuti pang hayaan silang madapa upang matuto...
pero sana matauhan din sya ng mas maaga...

[Girltalker2]

^ sis, Your friend's relationship with her guy friend  can only work if and only if --- it is clear to everyone that wala na yung guy and his wife --- for the kid, for the wife, for the relatives wife side and husband side, for all the friends, etc. At wala na talagang possibility for any reconciliation. 

If this is made clear, tingin ko walang issue.  Yung annulment, I believe is sa papers lang naman. 

However, with how our society in Pinas works, it is not as simple.  Maraming lalaki kasi na nagc claim na separated na sila pero in reality, hindi pa.  May iba naman kahit separated na talaga, silang dalawa (mag-asawa lang) ang nakakaalam at sa mata nga mga tao, especially sa mga magulang ng couple at relatives on both sides, mag-asawa parin sila.  So in this kind of environment, it just makes your girl friend a kabit. 


Tapos if ever their relationship will progress, tell your friend that she also has to be also be ready to think about a lot of other things.  For one, sa pagkakaalam ko lahat ng babae gusto ikasal kahit papano sa church with the wedding gown and all. Ito ba eh iniisip rin nung guy?  Kasi most guys naman na nakasal na, hindi na ganun ka enthusiastic ikasall ulit, if ever, unless inlove na in love talaga sila. Plus, your friend also has to wait a long time to have the annulment processed, hindi mabilis i-process iyan especially if the other party contest. And the only way it can be successful is to prove na psychologically incapacitated at least isa sa kanilang mag asawa, na not sure kung sino willing umamin ng ganito. Other things she has to take into account is being a 'madrasta', how to integrate within the family of the guy without being tagged as the kabit.