WHEN TO LET GO: Is it still determination or desperation?

[Snow White 07]

Are you taken for granted? Does his/her happiness more important than yours? Do you feel like you're just an option?

Do you think you have done too much for someone that you can't just walk away? Do you feel that it is your fault why you are being neglected? Do you value your long relationship with him/her that's why you can't just throw it away? Do you think he/she will change for the better?

Will you give chance or let it go?

Every relationship has different stories, different situations. It can be an on/off relationship or a struggling one, but how will you know if it's still determination or desperation?

[pret_ty68]

^
It depends upon many factors. Like the status of the relationship whether married or not. Relationships are supposed to make you a better person if the relationship is doing you more harm than good then it's time to let go. However the case would be different if you are already married especially if you have kids, in this situation you must try harder to save the relationship, but there are also cases wherein even if married already the relationship is really going nowhere like in cases where the husband hurts the wife physically so it is already a case of desperation if you will not get out in that kind of relationship.

[Snow White 07]

^ yes I agree...   the reason why I made this forum is para makapag share tayong mga sissies ng situations and talk about if it's worth saving or not.

Post away mga sis, Especially if it's hard to decide. Let's talk about it and get different perspectives.

Guys are also welcome to post and comment.

[piatos]

para sakin pag nasaktan  ka na..matuturuan mo na ang puso mo maging matigas 

[ngotz26]

Sis amethyst028 nasa ganyang situation ako ngayon,, na pagod na akong makipag-away kaya tahimik na lang and wala na talagang paki-alam. hinihintay ko na lang na sya na mismo ang makikipag-hiwalay kasi maraming beses na akong nag-attempt pero ayaw nyang pumayag.

Sa totoo lang alam ko yung larong nilalaro nya at minsan nafi-feel ko na din na reserba lang ako or option lang kung hindi man mag-click ang pakikipag-flirt nya with other girls, but i chose to stay quiet, kasi alam ko yung pinagdaanan nya sa past relationships nya, sobrang bait o sobrang t**** ko lang siguro talaga, na mas importante para sa akin ang happiness nya kesa happiness ko, though merong mga oras na naiisip ko na i don't deserve that, na i deserve to be happy and find someone who will value me back as well  

[Akosigretchen]

Hi sis snow white. I tried to ask those questions na pinost mo above and every question mo yata i answered yes. Right now i am experiencing this kind of situation pero there are times na tinatanong ko sarili ko, am i getting too emotional lang kaya or maybe masyado lang akong nagiisip?

I am hurt kasi sobrang daming beses ng pinamukha sakin ng bf ko na mas mas mahalaga ang barkada kesa sakin, and he everytime we argue siya pa naghahamon ng hiwalayan kasi bago pa lang daw ako dumating kasama na niya yung mga yun, then out of determination ako pa sumusuyo para maging maayos kami, in short ang t**** ko lang haha.

Pero i had enough, yung determination i felt desperation na siya so i decided na kagatin yung sinasabi niyang pahinga. Need ko muna din muna isipin yung respect ko sa sarili ko, we are like 10 years in the relationship na (natagalan ko diba haha) pero years are not enough to keep the relationship going, need din ng self respect (natauhan din ako sa wakas haha).

Mga sis na nasa same situation, my advice sa inyo is pag may guy na nineneglect kayo over sa isang bagay na sarili lang niya ang iniisip, better if you part ways muna wag muna tayo magparamdam, kasi hindi malalaman ng isang tao ang halaga mo kapag lagi kang nandyan para sa kanila.

Sabi nga nila hindi mo malalaman kung gaano kahalaga ang isang bagay hanggat hindi nawawala sayo. Agree ba mga sis?

Naalala ko yung last text ko sa guy "sige magpahinga na tayo kasi tama ka nakakapagod na, pero i hope na alagaan ka ng mga kaibigan mo pag may sakit ka, yakapin at halikan ka nila pag naglalambing ka" (all boys mga barkada niya) hahahahaha.

[aquacharly]

When there is no more Respect & Kindness --  go.

[saoirseamor]

^sometimes it's the pinaka mababaw thing that will make you decide to give up. Yun ang mag trigger ng breakup. But i's really not the real reason, it's everything you argued and fought about over the years. It's the culmination of all your differences that adds up. Mga sama ng loob na naipon.

Minsan yung time na tahimik, yung ilang months na hindi na kayo nag aaway. Yun pala kasi wala na kayong paki alam sa isa't isa. Yung tipong emotionally drained na kayo pareho. Then one day, may isang magsasabi na "ayoko na". Just like that it's over.

Depsperation siguro kung talagang he/she is not worth it tapos nag mamakaawa ka pa rin na ituloy or huwag ka iwanan. Yung tipong mukha ka nang shunga, harap harapan na pinapakita sayong ayaw niya na tapos andiyan ka pa rin. Na pinapag tabuyan ka na tapos ayaw mo pa rin umalis. Yung nilunok mo na lahat ng pride mo, wala na talagang natira sayo kahit katiting pero sige ka pa rin. Mga ganong level hehe!

At the end of the day waal kasi makakapag utos or sabi sayo na iwanan mo na siya. Ikaw sa sarili mo ang nakaka alam niyan. Ikaw lang ang makakapag decide when you'll let go. Minsan hindi ikaw kundi partner mo. You're caught off guard. Bigla ka na lang niyang break.

sis  sapul na sapul ako. hehe.

At the end of the line, I'm still battling with myself 'cause I still want the relationship back. Naniniwala kasi akong there's a lot to learn pa kasi baby pa yung relationship. But it had caused me too much already. Kung ayaw na, wag na. Di na kelangan ng reasons or paraan para ayusin kasi if the other party gives up, he's going to fall back if love talaga yun, dba.

[alice_alice]

Kung paulit ulit na lang ang nangyayari, kung isang tao na lang ang lumalaban to make the relationship work, kung mas marami ng problema kesa mga panahong maayos at masaya, kung di ka na nirerespeto.

Wag ka na magstay. Let go na. May mga laban kasing dapat isuko na.

[aquacharly]

DETERMINATION or DESPERATION?
Gives me the impression the relationship requires too much work. Lol

Well, one must be determined to work on a relationship --  otherwise, it will just  be an affair that fizzled out. Fine, nothing wrong with an affair between 2 consenting unattached single adults.  (Lols - the disclaimer/definition)
DETERMINATION is required to keep going the requisite reasonable give-and-take in a relationship.
"Reasonable" is not equal 50-50 ;  but in the running tally of it all --  dapat walang dejado.

DESPERATION is when one gets a little joy but lots more hurt/dissatisfaction out of the relationship --
but TENACITY kicks in due to FEAR of whatever, or belief that one has No Options but to hang on.

A relationship based on sex never lasts. So no whatever Determination vs Desperation angst, Lolz -- just enjoy it while it lasts. An hour? A year? Hahaha. Don't bother projecting such too into a forever-after-happy. Don't.  There isn't any. 

A Love Relationship, as GF/BF, or living-in couple, or legal spouses --  is never smooth sailing.
But neither should it be a Calvary, hello. 
Basta --  remember:  Love can not be forced (nor bought, lol)
And:  You cannot force the one who loves you  to love you the way you want to be loved. 
         (But if you've got that now,  hooray!). 

.

[kookai88]

kapag wala na ang LOVE, RESPECT and TRUST i-Let go na lang. wag nang ipilit

[babyboo.0326]

what if you still have love, respect and trust but sometimes you just feel lost and aren't happy anymore?

[ForeverDreamer]

^sapul ako jan sis.

pero ako naman nakaramdam nyan mahal ko,may tiwala ako at respeto sa kay hubby.
pero bat ganun,ngayon di na ako happy e.
araw-araw gusto ko umiyak,nasasaktan ako isipin na nangyari sakin to kasi ambait ng asawa ko.
kaya gusto ko muna sana umuwe samin,kasama parents ko kasi gusto ko siguraduhin sarili kung ano ba talaga problema ko?gusto ko muna sana maramdaman yung iniisip ko namimiz sya,kagaya nung dati.kasi diko alam at di ako sure kung andito pa o wala na yung pagmamahal ko sa kanya.
pero ayoko sya saktan,kaya diko masabi yung gusto ko sabihin!married ako may anak kami at kaka 5years lang namin ngayon,binati nya ako happy anniversary pero di ako makasagot,naiiyak ako kasi di ko maramdaman na happy ako!ansama ko,please advice naman sissies,wala akong ibang masabihan e,diko alam pano gagawin ko!

[kookai88]

para sa akin masaya ako everytime na kasama ko ang mahal ko. i feel empty kapag wala siya sa tabi ko. parang ang lungkot ng buhay ko kapag wala ang mahal ko. kaya masasabi kong mahal ko pa ang isang tao kapag masaya ako sa kanya sa kabila ng mga dumarating na problema.

[simang]

"We accept the love we think we deserve."

Madalas we settle with the relationship kase mahal natin, we think there's no one better, etc etc. but the truth is, you settle with a crappy relationship kase feeling mo hanggang dun ka lang. If you think you deserve better, you wont even have doubts to leave. But madalas we stay, tinatanggap na lang natin ang kung anong meron dahil feelingg natin yun lang ang para sa atin.

[saoirseamor]

It's so nice to hear advice from you guys through here. Eto kasi pinapagdaanan ko ngayon.

Ang hirap mag let go. In my situation sinabihan nya na ako na let go pero a part of me still wants the relationship back. Madali sabihin pero mahirap gawin. Kahit alam kong desperate and at the same time determined din ako, let go nalang. sinabi nya na eh, kahit na alam kong may feeling pa. I think this is where the quote: "We fall apart to fall back together" applies. 

[simang]

^aww sis khymmmm sad naman yan. 10 years na kayo ni bf? minsan kase these bastards tend to settle with the relationship kaya tayong girls nagsasawa at nwawalan ng gana. the truth is, sorry to say, i have lost hope in long term relationships. i was in one myself, we were together for 7 years, we were on and off din. and then one day i just woke up and told myself that i can't spend my life forever with this man. hindi pwede. i deserve better. i can't forever tolerate how he's treating me. and then after that realization, i stuck to my guns. kahit ilang beses nya pa ako kausapin para makipagbalikan, i have to commit to myself na hindi sya ang tipo ng taong gusto kong makasama habangbuhay. FYI, he's a great man. sobrang bait, hardworking, and definitely he was patient with all my tantrums. but something wasn't right. yun na yung nagdecide ako to finally call it off.

i went on with my single life and i have never been happier. i dated people, whether potential partner or not, just because. i expanded my social circle and i enjoyed my me time. dun ko mas nakilala ang sarili ko, and eventually led me to meeting people who i didn't realize will be very special to me.

my point is, if it's already a cycle, believe me, it can't be fixed. it's probably the time that you're nanghihinayang with, but it's already 10 years that you have spent/wasted with him. if you already 'cheated' on him (im assuming this is when you guys are together and not hiwalay), that means respect is lost already. just my two cents.

[simang]

@khymmmm yes something was wrong, i fell out of love, inamin ko yan it was hard pero sinubukan kong ibalik ang romance pero wala na talaga. I remembered the last night we slept together, after we had our sexy time, naiyak na lang ako and told myself, i cant do this anymore. I dont feel i'm connected with this person anymore. Siguro we grew apart din dahil sa 7 yrs na boyfriend ko sya, i was too confined with him na halos sya na lang ang naging tao sa buhay ko. He controlled me so much na kahit pagsasalita ko ayaw nya. We started young kase (i was 16, he was 25 na). He didnt realize that i was maturing and growing up. In fact, pinigilan nya yun. Ayaw nyang magdesisyon ako on my own kase nandyan naman daw sya. Hindi na nya napansin when i was already working that oo nga, this girl has grown so much. Instead he saw it na nagrebelde ako sa kanya. I had to get out of the relationship because it was my growth that i'm compromising. Everything was not healthy for me kung lagi nya akong ituturing na 16 yrs old pa rin.

^i so agree with you. Naramdaman ko din kase yan. I imagined my future and seriously, i dont want him there. Naghiwalay kame dahil hindi ko na sya mahal i admit. Pero i was never angry at him. In fact i was sorry pa nga dahil hindi ko nameet ang expectations nya.

[jasme1211]

I know it's time for me to let go. And there's nothing for me to do but to let go. Hindi na siya masaya sa akin. Kahit anong gawin ko, wala na siyang pakelam. Maging masaya ako or hindi, he doesn't care. Or gusto niya rin maging masaya na rin ako para mawala yung guilt niya na nakasakit siya.

He's happy with my friend now. He's happy with his new prospect na magiging mistress niya eto. They are also both married. After 8 years, ganun lang kadali sa kanya iwanan ako.

Ngayon wala ako naiisip,  ang alam ko lang nasasaktan ako.
I need to let go kasi that?s the only left for me.

Feels like hell pag naiisip ko na ang saya saya niya ngayon.
Samantalang ako eto, sobrang nasasaktan.
Hindi ko naman pwede sabihn na magiging masaya rin ako in time, pampalubag lang ng loob.
Kasi babalik din sa akin yun, ?wala na siyang pakelam?.

He doesn?t care anymore pero ako nandun yung determination ko  na sana magmessage siya ulet sabihin na ayusin na namin.
Officemates kami, I see him everyday. I can see how happy he is right now, habang ako durog na durog.
Maga lagi ang mata kakaiyak samantalang siya fresh na fresh kasi inlove na naman siya.
Iniisip ko na lang sana mahuli sila ng mga asawa nila.

Every morning, lagi ko sinasabi na pabayaan ko na lang sila dalawa.
It?s none of my business. Tapos na yung panahon namin, that?s it.
Pero ang hirap hirap tanggapin. Sobra akong nasasaktan ngayon.