Still Childless

[irish_pearl]

^ thanks sis! Honestly there are times na hirap pigillan wag madepressed esp. when people keep on asking and commenting, we are soo damn tired of hearing those.
But will try to ignore it and wag magpaapekto..magsasawa din sila 

[crzysxycl]

^True sis, kakastress nga pag maraming nega vibes sa paligid. Stay away from those people, hindi sila nakakatulong. When I used to live sa house ng inlaws ko, kulang nalang mabingi ako sa kakatanong nila bakit wala pa kaming baby, 3 yrs bago ako nakaalis sa puder nila. Nung nakabukod na kami, saka kami nag conceive. Basta sis wag ka pastress, dedmahin mo lang sila. Tama ka, magsasawa rin sila.

[aiden]

Present! I just really don't want to have kids. Never ko pinangarap. The hubby is fine with it.

[prettylove]

For me regarding this matter the only thing that we can hold on to is that everything will come in God's time. God is in control of everything. We've been together ni fiance for 12 years. My first love and first bf. We never broke up kahit isang beses. At wala kaming major pinag awayan sa 12 years na pinagsamahan namin but the 1st major problem comes when I had an ectopic pregnancy last year for unknown reason. i never had an infection at sobrang maingat ako. After a few months of praying I realized that there are things that I cannot control and that includes having a child with the one i love all my life. Iniisip ko na lang na there is no such thing as perfect relationship. At first, it's so hard to accept what had happened but God has his own way of healing my wounds and tho' we are still trying but i am not stressing myself anymore kasi after that I LET GO AND LET GOD and now, we're officially getting married in November. No more negative vibes at kapag may nag aask sa amin about babies, fiance is the one who's answering atleast galing sa kanya. But the most bravest part that he said to me when I asked him.. What if hindi sya dumating sa atin (our babies) at sa time na un may mga nagtatanung sayo bakit wala pa tayo anak, he answered back by saying 'kung kelangan ako magsabi at sumagot sa iba na ako ang may diperensya para matahimik na sila gagawin ko' and that's the time na na naisip ko na bakit pa ba ako naghahanap ng wala pa if he is more than enough to fill that missing part of me and kung magkakaroon pa kami ng babies those are additional blessings for us but for now, i am contented and i am happy and no more negative vibes and never ever let what other people say or think tungkol sa relasyon nyo na i-control at makasira ito sa inyong dalawa dahil wala silang alam sa relasyon nyo ( how blessed we are to have someone who will not leave us inspite of not having a child and will patiently wait until the time comes na dumating ang another blessing sa buhay natin) at kung anung ngyayari between the two of you same way na hindi din natin alam ang ngyayari sa kanila. Sabi nga nila hindi lahat ng nakikita ng mga mata ay tama kaya alisin ang inggit but see the blessings that you have right now and always pray for what you want and always be thankful for what you have. God bless mga sis, enjoy life and baby dust to everyone ☺️☺️

[wifey]

^Amen sis. God bless us all! 13yrs married here and no child just YET

[HMisabelle]

Amen to that sis. Still waiting for our biggest blessing/s after 1.5 yrs of getting married. Let's all claim it. It will definitely happen in God's perfect time. Baby dust to all of us!

[ishopnowfeelguiltylater]

eto conclusion ko sa mga nahihirapan tanggapin ang fact na hindi lahat ng tao, gusto mag-anak:
- feeling nila inaattack ang decision nila to have kids when you choose to go the other way
- some childfree people kasi rub it in their face na tipong, uy wala kaming pinoproblema
- read about a research that when a person has admitted to being childfree, parents tend to justify and even defend their case by enumerating the pros of having a child, which may appear to the childfree person as forcing them to have a kid, kasi nga parang taboo to admit the struggle of being a parent.

[baby_chichay]

^agree especially on the last part. i remember fiance's bestfriend telling him that somehow naiinggit sya samen dahil "stress-free" kami. na kung maibabalik lang daw nya panahon, no matter how much he loves his kids, hindi sya magpapamilya or if mag-asawa man sya, he will choose our path. pero ayun nga wag daw maingay saken at sa misis nya. hehe

i think no parent will openly admit that at some point, when raising kids becomes too much, ay they wish they didn't have them - lalo na admitting their struggles sa mga childfree na tao. that's why they go on the defensive, as if convincing themselves din that in comparison to these childfree couples, they made the better, more logical choice.

[j.adore]

So parang they have so much frustration that they have to defend their decisions..

Even if it's not rubbed in, they will still see it as that kasi may inggit factor na lalo kung may "pagod" sila and they see someone who is not.

Oo nga it makes it look as if bad parent kasi if they admit that pero normal naman kasi yun. It's far from easy and it takes everything they have to be a parent.

I guess it's in the culture of having this need to be seen by other people as "successful" in life. Kaso, the definition varies from one person to another.





I do have a recent difficulty in consulting Gynecologists because, so far, all of them think I should be in a hurry to make children. The feedback given are inadequate because of their personal bias.

Any recommendation on your doctors na kaya purely medical feedback ibigay sa patients?

[baby_chichay]

^parang dito sa pinas sis, mahirap makahanap ng OB na hindi magcocomment about you having kids na asap. hehe.

i have 2 OBs. One family OB na so since 16 ako sya na. so lumaki na ako sa kanya literal. walang checkup na hindi sya magtatanong kung kelan kami mag baby. she means well, she's like a mom to us na nga, so siguro factor din yun kaya ganun sya makacomment.

the other one naman is more tahimik. although may subtle hirits lang like pag annual checkup, which is usually before or after my birthday. kaya it goes on like magdidiscuss sya about medical stuff then magbabanggit ng "so when the time comes that you decide to get pregnant, blah blah..." acceptable na din saken although mahirap talaga na makameet ng OB na hindi dadaanan ang topic about kids. sabi nga ni fiance natural lang for them since dun nila kinukuha big chunk ng income nila, sa maternity and childbirth, kaya part ng marketing strategy daw lol.

pero me too how i wish na yung mga OB din natin is iwasan maging bias. na hindi sana nila iassume na lahat ng babae pumupunta sa OB dahil gusto magkaanak.

[j.adore]

OB is really for pregnancy and childbirth. Gyne is for women's reproductive health.
Usually nga kasi it's always OB-Gyne (kahit sa health cards) and I do get bread and butter nila yun.

Hoping pa din ako na baka meron unbiased doctor here

[iwannabeasupermodel]

i had a consultant na childless by choice. kasi i think by the time she's settled and already had a time to have a baby she's hitting her 30's na. may mga tsismis na kaya daw di na siya nag anak kasi natatakot siya na baka maging autistic yung anak niya. she deals kasi with ASD and other developmental problems being a developmental pediatrician. malaking risk factor kasi ang age of mother.
from what i can see sa kanya, she has lots of jewelry (as in iba ibang jewelry everytime and they're real ah, parang yung pagbongga natin pag kasal na jewelry is everyday lang niya). basta financial wise she's so strong, she also married a son of a long time politician so baka factor din yun. buuut, idk if she's really fulfilled, but she seems bubbly (if not a bit childish as well) all the time.

[prettylove]

lahat ng kakilala ko na childless by choice seems to be happy and fulfilled. Minsan nga nakausap ko ang derma doctor na kilala ko na married but don't want to have kids na bakit kelangan big deal sa ibang tao na wala silang anak ni hubby nya? Requirement daw ba na magka anak kapag nagpakasal at nag asawa? Anyway, naglabas lang sya ng sama ng loob kasi wala talaga syang plans to have kids kahit magampon as in wala sa vocabulary nya at ok lang din sa hubby nya. For me, sana maintindihan lang ng ibang tao sa paligid ng bawat couple na buhay un ng couple at hindi sa kanila. Pero of course knowing nasa pilipinas tayo at madaming mahilig makialam sa buhay ng buhay at mag judge ng happiness based sa nakikita I think si couple na lang talaga ang mag aadjust kasi mas malawak ang pang unawa nila na hindi mag judge ng tao. Siguro nakasanayan lang talaga sa pinas na kapag buo ang pamilya mas masaya at nakakalimutan ng iba na ang happiness is based sa needs and wants ng isang tao hindi pangkalahatan kasi magkakaiba naman tayong lahat.

[imprincessfiona]

^I agree with you sis prettylove. Bakit nga ganoon? Pag nag-asawa/ nagpakasal ka, itatanong lagi sayo kung kelan kayo magkakaanak? I mean maybe iyong ibang tao sana i-respect nila iyong choice ng couple if they prefer not to have children, right? Iyong ibang couple naman gustong gusto magkaanak pero hindi mabiyayaan (like me and my husband), anong magagawa namin? My husband wanted to adopt if ever hindi kami swertehin na magkaron ng anak but I am a little doubtful. Idk pero gusto ko kasi kung magkaanak ako, gusto ko sariling dugo at laman ko (my own opinion only) and I am not against those who wanted to adopt.

[megamabushii]

may mga tsismis na kaya daw di na siya nag anak kasi natatakot siya na baka maging autistic yung anak niya. she deals kasi with ASD and other developmental problems being a developmental pediatrician. malaking risk factor kasi ang age of mother.

Caring a child with autism isn't a joke, either. Kasi, ang notion sa Pinas, kapag autistic ang tao, ganito ang mindset ng mga tao:

1) Hindi siya magsu-survive sa school.
2) Hindi siya magiging successful.
3) Disabled siya sa tingin ng ibang tao.

In "normal" Catholic schools, autism is viewed as an evil curse--you will be inevitably the butt of jokes, and you're treated like a joke if you're legit autistic. In short, autism is taken lightly. Sad but realtalk lang naman. Kaya kapag autistic ka, tapos nasa Catholic school ka pa man, you cannot admit it straight to their face.

Note: Autistic po ako.

[mrsonthego]

^^ me too sis, gusto ko din may sarili akong anak, dugot laman, yung mga nag sa suggest na mag ampon na lang parang bang ganun kadali, nakakainis nakikialama sila sa amin, puro na lang unsolicited advice na parang expert sila sa lahat ng bagay

its been 9 years, wala pa rin so coming to terms na ako at tanggapin na wala kaming anak, wala naman masama kung 2 lang kami diba? pwedeng pwede maging masaya 

[iwannabeasupermodel]

^^ yes sis, that's why (according to the tsismis) why she chose not to have children.

[j.adore]

iwannabeasupermodel, more of insecurity of the chismosas na yung sa consultant. She's financially successful so people are finding flaws, one of which is being childless, as a way to make them feel better about what's lacking in their lives.


This

ang happiness is based sa needs and wants ng isang tao hindi pangkalahatan kasi magkakaiba naman tayong lahat.

Happiness, fulfillment, success in life, etc. are achieved by choice. Ok sana if people focused on achieving their own happiness rather than wondering (and even judging) about others and also what others think of them.

[Shy_hoful]

Hi there can u help me decide if I must go IVF?im 44 and we've been together for 4yrs my husband doesn't want to adopt n I wanted a baby desperately .do u know how much it will cost?can u recommend a good dr.plssss

[HMisabelle]

^Hi sis! I think this thread can help you. http://www.femalenetwork.com/girltalk/index.php/topic,290313.msg8238382.html#new