Still Childless

[grrrlscout]

^ Can related din ako. Siguro it's normal to sort of outgrow our friends din, because nagbabago tayo. I love my bestfriend like a sister and I love her kids din. But I get the feeling sometimes that if ngayon kami nagkakilala, we won't be bestfriends kasi ibang-iba na ko sa college version ko where we met. 

[mrsonthego]

^^ me too may ilang friends ako na nilayuan ko na, malungkot pero, wala naman din akong ma contribute sa life nila since its all about their children, and di man nila sadya na maging insensitive sa mga katulad ko, childless not by choice though, so ganun na lang, bihira na magkita, kamustahan na lang sa text, kalungkot lang....

[pinklilac]

^^^
^
Mga sis depende  na rin siguro sa friends  yun.may 2 closest  friends ako sa Pinas at 2 sa amin may mga anak. Yung isa totally  NBSB at wala anak. Pero everyrime magka kasama  kameng tatlo halos umaga na kame maghiwa hiwalay.
Maybe because  hindi lang umiikot sa anak  ang pinag uusapan  namin.   Kahit naman sino mai irita  kung puro yun na lang ang pinag uusapan  tas hindi naman maka relate si childless friend.

[lilyscapes]

^i understand your sentiments sisses though i have a baby na. before when i was still single, my other single friends try to avoid one of our best friends kasi very family oriented na sya. maaga kasi sya nagka anak. like tuwing night outs sinasama nya yung anak nya, which is honestly we find awkward kasi inuman yun. lol. but when everyone in our group already started having babies, ayun nag-jive na ulit kami because we can relate to each other again.

i think it's normal to avoid people you're not comfortable with, lalo na pag di ka na maka-relate to avoid conflicts narin. but not to the extent that you totally won't talk to them. i'm sure your friends don't want to offend you. perhaps they just find their happiness through motherhood and they want you to experience that.

like now, most of my single friends at work place always tell me to "travel" and join their girls night out. but of course i can't do that because of my baby so na lessen na yung time ko with my travel junkie friends kasi magastos na on my part and i have no time. so i think this kind of dilemma applies to all. 

[mrsonthego]

^hi sis thanks for sharing your opinion, like i said, it is not their intention to offend me, of course they are my friends and they love me. childlessness is not really  my choice, but because parang di na kaya ng body ko na mag produce ng bata, wala nakong choice kung hindi tanggapin

you said, they are sharing that because they want me to experience motherhood, yun na nga eh eh, they tell me i will never be happy daw without children, and womanhood ekek until you give birth...something they dont understand kasi they are lucky not to be in my shoes.. yun lang ang invoid ko, hope you understand

then they will staring telling me you should do this...you should try this... sila nga eh after _years nagka anak,,,,which are the last things we childless couples want to hear....mag ampon na lang kayo..... hindi nakakatulong, promise!

just a simple advice to all: if you found out a couple who dont have children, just smile or nod, then change the subject. i'm sure they would appreciate it a lot

[j.adore]

Hehe yes I've heard those statements too.
In one ear out the other 😁

[imprincessfiona]

^sis mrsonthego nakakarelate ako sayo. Pag single ka, tatanungin ka kung kelan ka magkaka-bf pag may bf ka naman tatanungin ka kung kelan ka mag-aasawa. Nung may asawa ka na next question nila kelan kayo magkakaanak. Parang walang katapusan KELAN ang tanong lagi. Minsan medyo naiirita ako kasi paulit ulit sila magtanong kung kelan ba. Gustong gusto namin ni hubby magkaron ng anak pero kung hindi palarin we might consider adoption pero we are still TTC until matuloy si hubby abroad. May kakilala nga ako hindi nagkaanak pero masaya naman sila. May mga dogs sila, iyon ang consider nila na kids.

[drag0nfly]

Ang madalas naming naririnig ni hubby from relatives ay, "Mahirap ang walang anak."

Hindi naman nila ine-explain bakit haha, pero yan lagi ang comment nila pag samen na naman ang spotlight among the cousins in the family na puro may anak na.  Yung they look at us with pity kasi kami na lang ang walang anak.  Ayoko naman paulit-ulit sumagot, plus respect na din sa nakakatanda, so we keep quiet.  Isa lang yung relative ko na understanding kasi sabi nya hayaan daw kami at mangyayari naman yan sa tamang panahon. 

[mooncake and leaves]

^ Mahirap kasi pagtanda, walang mag-aalaga, which is a valid concern. Mahirap naman talaga especially when we hit old age and we get ill, we have Alzheimer's and we are no longer capable of taking care of ourselves. That's why I think that the decision not to have children is something not to be taken lightly din naman.

That being said, the fear of being alone shouldn't be the deciding factor in having children.

[amethyst028]

for me kung ayaw ng couple magkaroon ng kids it's their decision and people should respect that. i have cousins who are married but no kids by choice. of course may mga comments yung ibang relatives namin behind their back in the beginning pero now deadma na.

i don't understand why some people force their opinion on others. like me i'm a single mom. malaki na son ko 10yrs. old na and i keep telling my friends if i ever get married it's for companionship na lang ayoko na ng kids. i don't want to do it all over again. i get violent reactions from them as if what i'm saying is absurd. ang sa akin lang i've been there, done it and now i'm in a different chapter. i'm very focus with my business and hardly have time for myself saan ko pa isisingit ang pagkakaron ng anak.

dapat i-respect natin ang gusto ng isa't isa hindi yung ini-impose natin yung paniniwala natin sa kanila. at the end of the day they will be the ones who will live their lives.

[lisse]

^ I agree. And also, having kids is not an assurance that someone will take care of us pagtanda natin. They might, or not. It's still their choice eventually. Andami nating nababalitaan na elderly folks na inaabandon ng MGA anak nila. Plural ha. And yet there were those na kahit walang mga anak end up having people who genuinely care and see to their needs. Swertihan din and I guess it's all about someone's choice talaga - to have kids, to not have kids, to take care of an elderly parent, or an elderly relative who have nobody else to turn to, or to abandon them.

[baby_chichay]

10 years together ni fiance, i'm in my early 30s, he's nearing his 40s. no plans of having kids. heck, no plans of getting married anytime soon. we're happy this way, we don't want to complicate things in any way.

what matters is we understand each other, support each other, love each other faithfully, accept each other's faults and flaws, and try to make our lives better each day - our individual lives and our lives together. having kids is a choice and we're happy for couples who chose to have kids. so why can't most people be happy with our choice as well? simpleng logic lang naman.

sadly, child-free by choice is still a taboo here sa atin. i dread family reunions most especially, kasi laging may unsolicited comments, "when are you two getting married?" "matanda na kayo, uugod ugod ka na pag martsa mo sa simbahan", "at least have a baby first, then saka kayo pakasal", "magbabago din isip nyo.", and the worst of it all, "ang selfish nyo naman, sariling dreams nyo lang iniisip nyo". noong una i would find ways to respond politely pero ngayon i really snap back na kasi it just gets to me sobrang insensitive. and we always, as in always get these types of comments from friends, family, co-workers, even complete strangers or bagong kakilala pa lang. i don't understand why something so personal is even a means for conversation starters. like okay, "ilang taon ka na?" is ayos lang but a follow up question such as "ilan na anak mo?" then ultimately, "bakit wala ka pang anak?" do i really have to explain eh alam ko naman na hindi nya maiintindihan. singitan pa ng religious dogma or whatever, napaka ano lang.

i had a friend recently who asked me why wala akong balak magkaanak, sayang daw "matris" (uterus) ko. i really gave her a sharp response, "benta ko sayo, gusto mo, para kumita ako, hindi masayang."

i just wish that people will be more understanding of couples like us who choose to remain child-free. after all this is about differences of choices and desires lang naman in life, just like any differences we all have from each other, and not about being selfish, or something. pero i think, malayo pa na ma-achieve yung willingness from people to understand that this choice is also a legitimate and worthy choice that needs to be respected, just like any other.

[momentum]

I totally understand and respect why a couple decides to not have kids. It is really hard and having kids is a lifetime commitment, kahit na mag asawa pa sila and magka anak, you still have to be there for them. the only time you will stop caring or being there for them is when you die. don't get me wrong, masaya naman to have a kid and it is very fulfilling..may constant inspiration ka to overome all the sacrifices you encounter..

I am a single mom and I totally agree with sis amethyst028..my kid is turning 7yo soon..I feel like I am leaning towards not having another one anymore in the future should I have a partner or a husband again..I also feel that I don't want to do it all over again..I don't know, pero I hope that if I will have a husband/partner in the future, he will feel the same way too. I don't know if my plans will still change. pero sa ngayon ayoko na talaga..sapat na yung 1 kid nalang for me in this day and age

i don't understand why some people force their opinion on others. like me i'm a single mom. malaki na son ko 10yrs. old na and i keep telling my friends if i ever get married it's for companionship na lang ayoko na ng kids. i don't want to do it all over again. i get violent reactions from them as if what i'm saying is absurd. ang sa akin lang i've been there, done it and now i'm in a different chapter. i'm very focus with my business and hardly have time for myself saan ko pa isisingit ang pagkakaron ng anak. 

[grrrlscout]

Binyag ng baby ng friend ko nung HS and when I told them di kami mag-aanak as in gulat "HAAA PANO KA PAG TANDA MO" Lol. Minsan sarap sabihin just to get a rise out of people.

Sadyang di ako willing idisrupt yung buhay namin for a kid. Sabi ko kay fiance, if in the future maisip namin na gusto namin ng baby and I'm not capable anymore, we will adopt. Actually, kung financially capable kami, kahit ngayon na kaya ko pa mag produce ng baby, mas prefer ko mag adopt. There are so many children who need homes. Might as well change someone's life.

[luckypal]

^ THIS. I agree wholeheartedly grrrlscout   I want to try fostering a child in my home but we have such a small space. I feel for so many older kids that get left in the system because no one adopted them.

[cosmochick]

5 years married and no child yet by choice. When people tell me na mag anak na, sayang ang lahi,etc. etc. I just laugh it off and say "yes, we are trying. Next month,preggy nako.." .Kahit na hindi naman. I don't feel the need to explain why we choose not to have a child for now. Ayun, tahimik na sila.

[j.adore]

This

http://www.thenation.com/article/how-do-you-decide-to-have-a-baby-when-climate-change-is-remaking-life-on-earth/

[luckypal]

^ grabe noh nakakalungkot talaga. compounded by the fact that there is so much hate, war and violence happening in so many parts of the world.

I know that there is always hope but I think that the majority of humankind is too selfish to neutralize, let alone reverse, what we're doing to our earth.

[irish_pearl]

Hi sisses! Wag mawalan ng pag-asa. Pray lang palagi. Mahirap talaga yung feeling na alam mong pwede ka namang mapreggy, pero wala pa rin.

Very inspiring! Yes, prayers can do miracles! We are at our lowest point this April lang after our first attempt of IUI failed, and we are TTC for almost 5yrs na.. Super nakakadepress talaga na sometimes you ask God "are we not deserved to become a parent of our own?" Pero iyak lang at bangon ulit..mahirap maging positive after all the failures but at the end of the day, we realized and accept that maybe God has a better plan for us..so we still keep the faith and just hold on..Kaya natin to!

[crzysxycl]

^^Kaya yan sis! Promise pag dumating yung blessing magugulat nalang kayo, sobrang nakaka overwhelm. God bless!

^That's the spirit sis! Aja!

Dami ko rin narinig na stories sa OB ko, ibang patients nya 8, 10 yrs bago nabiyayaan. Yung iba pa dun isa nalang ang ovary or isang tube nalang ang meron pero God works in ways we cannot see. Pineprepare nya lang tayo kaya kapit lang.