Do you wish you could talk with your ex for closure or not?

[bliss15]

Do you wish you could talk with your ex for closure or time heals all wounds nalang?

[omneecka]

^yes, i still want to talk to him to finally have a closure after almost 5 yrs. we're not in speaking terms and even though i did have a pseudo-bf after him (we also parted our ways now), i still believe that for every relationship that you want to put an end, the couple should still talk for closure. i know its just me and for him, it doesn't anymore matter.

[aquacharly]

I never really appreciated the Closure concept.  But that's just me, what do I know?

When one ends a relationship -- that's it, The End.
No matter how it ended -- you disappeared; dumped him for another; 2-timed him or did whatever the consequence of which, he has no choice but to walk away....  Whatever precipitated The End & however it was achieved -- yun yon, broken ties.  Ano pa bang Closure kelangan to drive the point The End occurred?  Does 1 need Closure to move on? I don't think so, regardless you're The Dumped or The Dump-er.
But what would I know nga naman about Closures?   

IMO, sa nakita ko sa relatives & BFFs seeking Closure, after some time -- it is motivated by:

1.  Curiosity.    Ano na buhay nya now? 
2.  Revenge.     Pag nakita nya what I have made of myself, what I look like now -- magsisisi!! sya
3.  Regret.       IF I had not chosen this 1, at kasama ko pa that Ex! -- masaya ako now!
4.  Need for Positive Strokes.    Como mean ang hubby/current BF --  naisip connect with the Ex for a little flirting/appreciation/self esteem boost.

I unceremoniously and with bad style dumped my 2 Exes before my hubby.
Do I look for Closure? No.
Though given along the way, I gained some maturity -- I kinda regret my bad manners. But, what's done is done.  I don't seek to re-connect nor seek Closure.

But as I said, what do I know about Closures anyway? 

[mooncake and leaves]

an ex offered me closure recently. nagulat na lang ako because it was out of the blue and for so long, i didn't think i needed it. i gotta say, it felt good. bittersweet. kind of like tying loose ends. i'm not saying closure is essential to move on. we all filled in the blanks after tony soprano cut to black (R.I.P. James Gandolfini). but having closure is like having the writers of The Sopranos answer a fanmail tto confirm or negate the ideas you supplied, if that makes any sense. labo ba? harhar.

then again, i don't believe in harassing an ex to get answers. in time and if you work hard at it, you'll forget all about this closure business.

[mariacadie]

sa totoo lang nagiisip ako mag start ng thread na ito
napanaginipan ko si ex recently and he was texting my dad daw na he misses me
pero wala na yun i am happily married now wth a 3 yr old son

nung 2008 my ex (we were together for 5 years at that time) dumped me. it was the biggest pain and shock of my life. after graduating, pinagbakasyon pa nya ako sa sg, mga 2-3 weeks ako dun, at plano pa namin maagpakasal oct that year. pag uwi ko, biglang wala na lang. halos masiraan ako ng bait na noon. ilang beses ako tumawag at binalak ko pang bumalik sa sg pero wala akong pera noon.  hindi ko alam may babae na pala sya noon.  nag hk pa sila nung girl hindi na lang siguro nya masabi.  ang ginawa na lang nya, nilagay nya yung plane ticket nila nung girl sa luggage ko nung pauwi na ako ng manila.  its up for me to find out na lang and to assume na lang ika nga.

he denied to some friends na may babae sya.  pero hindi ko na din alam. wala a din naman ako gusto itanong sa kanya.  naniniwala ako ang closure ay sa mga taong umaasa pa. 

[abbina]

For me, gusto ko talaga magkaroon ng closure. Para kasing there are things you need to discuss and understand para magkaroon ng ending.

My first bf died 2 months ago and I can't help but feel bad kasi he wanted to talk kaso natatakot ako since I'm married already. Until now, I have this panghihinayang na sana nakapag-usap man lang kami. Pero that's it, wala na siya and I know yung feeling ko na "sayang" will pass and will be forgotten in time.

[purple.strawberry]

Ideally, there should be a closure when two people break up, but break-ups never happen the way we want them too. Hindi yung mahinahong mag-uusap yung two parties, see what went wrong, say their proper goodbyes. Kung di ka nabigyan ng closure, you need to be the one to give it to yourself.

Quote ko na rin si Ramon Bautista: "Ayaw na niya sa'yo - di pa ba sapat na closure yun?"

[aquacharly]

Quote ko na rin si Ramon Bautista: "Ayaw na niya sa'yo - di pa ba sapat na closure yun?"

Hahaha, Best Answer! 

[mimiku]

I do understand some girls here who crave for this kind of closure. I’m one of them. I have a very curious nature. I crave for explanations – be it in everyday ramblings, academic or work matters, I do my research. I delve into books, search online or ask people.

 

Ang sa akin lang kasi kapag nalaman mo ang reason ng paghihiwalay, mas maiintindihan mo talaga yung sitwasyon. Kapag sa work, mas mabilis ka nga namang makakaadopt sa responsibilities mo kapag yung outgoing na employee eh trinansition ng maayos yung work sayo. Hindi ka na mangangapa pa sa dilim. Ganun din sa larangan ng pag-ibig. A closure keeps the mind from forever wandering what made the relationship gone stale. Not knowing can be the worst feeling of all because it somehow leaves you with apprehension and confusion– it’s like watching a movie na hindi mo naintindihan kung anong nangyari sa ending. Consequently you’re left with more questions that you know if you won’t try to watch the movie again, you won’t really have a chance to understand the plot. Sayang ang pinangbayad sa ticket at oras na ginugol mo sa panonood ng sine. Nakanganga ka paglabas mo sa movie house. And it’s sucks big time.     

 

Read the All Saints “Never Ever” Lyrics – it specifically embodies the feeling of a broken hearted soul searching for a closure. hehe. Ganyan na ganyan ako when I was looking for answers.

 

When a relationship ends, ideally both parties should at least say their “eulogy” appropriately to each other. But realistically speaking, we can never really control of how we part ways. You’re lucky if you’ll be given the opportunity to do so, but like the other Girltalker here pointed out, most of time, you really have no choice but to help yourself out in burying the hatchet all by yourself. You parted ways, and that all means, it’s over - with closure or no closure.

 

Just curious though, do guys ever crave for a closure? hehe. Parang hindi noh?

   

 

[pret_ty68]

Share ko lang itong nabasa ko about closure sa "How to move on" thread sa "Looking for Love" Section

"The first rule about “closure” is to stop saying the word. It’s a meaningless word and is often bandied about as an excuse to stay in touch with the ex. What happens at the end of grieving is best described as “acceptance” or “integration” or “reorganization” but it’s not described as closure. You can’t “get” closure, you can’t insist on closure. Closure happens when you least expect it, when you realize you’ve done your work and moved on, and it happens from inside you.

You don’t’ need to know what your ex thinks or why you ex did a, b, or c to move on. If you want closure you need to do your grief work, integrate the experience into your life and turn the page.

Your “closure” is your responsibility. You get closure by doing your work, not by re-engaging and dredging up more stuff. You get closure by keeping yourself safe, being good to yourself and un-attaching from that which you have been attached.

The only closure you can hope for is the closure that comes from inside you. The person who hurt you cannot give you closure, nor should you want them to or expect them to or give them that kind of power. You need to move on from where you are for you.

Closure is part emotional work and part decision. At some point you need to turn the page and decide it’s over. Closure is your deal and yours alone. When you’ve done the grief work, worked through your inventories and made a decision to move on, that is closure. Closure happens for you and inside you. And only you. You get it from within, never from without."

Dagdag ko lang tayo lang ang makakapagbigay sa atin nang closure kahit naman makipagusap ka sa ex mo hindi mo naman sure na ang ibibigay nyang reason ay yung totoo malamang he would tone it down in order not to hurt you a lot. Guys often cannot say words like "I do not love you anymore" "I'm in love with someone else" etc., so they just disappear, besides it will surely hurt a lot to hear those words coming from him. Meron pa ngang song  na goes like this "Break it to me gently if you have a change of heart".  Tama yung sinabi ni sis purple strawberry dito na "Ayaw na niya sayo" -di pa ba sapat na closure yun"

[princeza08]

i can say na "before" nung time na fresh pa ang pain & yun mga pangyayari, i wanted a closure samin ng ex ko, kasi iba yun feeling kapag ikaw yung iniwan sa ere, yun tipoing hindi mo alam kung nasan ka na ba, kung may hihintayin ka pa at may babalik pa ba? kasi bigla na lang sya nawala ng parang bula, hindi mo alam tinangay na pala sya ng iba. sobrang sakit kasi kapag ganon at alam mo sa sarili mo na nagmahal ka talaga. since sya yung first bf ko and we've been together for 3 long years (estimate)... feeling ko nagunaw yun mundo ko, wala na akong future, wala na akong life. ang hirap ng nasa ganonn situation. but then, as time goes by, nakaya ko naman kahit wala yun closure na gusto ko sana, hindi kami nakapag-usap ng maayos before kami naghiwalay, as in walang formal break up. wala naman akong magagawa kasi ang hirap hanapin ng isang tao na alam mo ayaw makipagkita at makipag usap sayo. siguro kasi hindi nya din alam ang sasabihin sakin, or nagi guilty sya, (kung may kunsensya sya) i just found out na lang sa friend nya na may he got somebody else pregnant nun nadestino sya sa province in just 6 months! mahirap din ang pinagdaanan ko. pero i helped my self para maka move on. i prayed hard. lagi ko sinasabi kay Lord na kung hindi man 100% mawala yun pain at yun galit ko sa puso ko, sana kahit paunti unti na lang, hanggang sa dumating yun araw na mawala na talaga ang sakit na nararamdaman ko. i keep my self busy sa work. and i go out with my friends. i enjoyed my life. i realized na hindi ko gagawing miserable ang life ko just because of 1 guy na nanakit sakin. i deserve a better man. at papatunayan ko sa kanya na may magmamahal din sakin, at makakatagpo ako someday ng lalaking deserving sa love ko, yun hindi ako iiwan kahit ano mangyari & will love me unconditionally. and i'm so lucky, God loves me. kasi He gave me a man that i deserve. sobrang happy ako kasi i ended up with a good man. not with a wrong man. at ngayon, kahit walang closure yun sa dati ko relationship, so what? it's not a big deal for me anymore! kaya nga ex eh. delete na. erase na dapat! kasi happy na ako ngayon and mas maganda ang life ko kumpara sa ex ko. hehe.

[huggykaye]

Do you wish you could talk with your ex for closure or time heals all wounds nalang?

this has been going through my mind for a while now. after how many months of not seeing each other, i knew our relationship has ended.
im in the process of moving on but just recently, he asked if we could meet.
i felt nervous and thought that his intention was to formally and personally break up with me.
i said i dont wanna see him if we're not mending things up and we could just move on but he wouldn't tell why he wanted to see me.
i really don't know how to do the break up properly but i am sure that i want it the less hurtful way which is why i chose not to see him again for the formal break up. 

[reb_woods072683]

Oh, definitely. We saw each other on his daughter's first birthday. They ask me to be the ninang and I agreed but we never talked about anything. I finally saw him after 7 years but was not able to talk to him. Syempre nandun yung pamilya niya eh. Pero kung papayagan, why not?

[donzski_doinks]

dati,para sa akin, closure is essential to moving on. lalo na pag ikaw ang iniwan. it happened to me kasi. alam mo yung andami mong tanong sa utak mo. like, why did he do this or that to you, saan ka nagkamali or nagkulang, kung may pag-asa pa ba na maayos etc etc etc. yung mga ganung tanong na gusto mo mabigyan nang kasagutan. importante kasi sa akin yun dati. i believe lacking closure was the main reason why it took me 4 years to move on.

pero sabi nga ni papa jack, yung closure daw ay isang prebilehiyo. hindi lahat nagkakaron nun. kaya ako, in order for me to move on completely, ako nalang ang gumawa nang sarili kong closure. i made a "sorry, thank you and goodbye" note for him sa fb. hindi man nya mabasa (we're not fb friends) at least i was able to release everything. doing that was relieving indeed. para akong nakahinga nang maluwag. it was as if i was born again.

[purple.strawberry]

^Tugsh. Tagos. Ganyan din nangyari sa'kin. Maraming tanong na di na masagot. Like, paano niya yun nagawa sa'kin even after his promises, after yung years na alam kong mahal na mahal niya ko. Did he cheat on me. Does he love the new one. Pero tingin ko kahit nagkausap kami di rin ako malilinawagan... feeling ko magsasabi lang siya ng excuses o di kaya e lies para di ako gaanong masaktan, or siguro that time kasi I think medyo naguguluhan pa din siya. I don't know.

Ang ginawa ko lang din is nagself-reflect. Nagthank sa relationship because it was a great one, said sorry to him (in my mind, because we weren't talking na) and then forgave him and accepted what happened. Di ka laging makakakuha ng closure, so sometimes you have to give it to yourself. Give thanks, apologize, accept what happened, move on. Don't let the lack of closure hinder you from moving on... it's your responsibility to look after yourself and make yourself happy.

[donzski_doinks]

Don't let the lack of closure hinder you from moving on... it's your responsibility to look after yourself and make yourself happy.

I agree.  madami nagsasabi sa akin dati na dapat ko tulungan sarili ko pero I was too stubborn to listen to them. Imagine, i've waisted 4 years of my life pining for lost love instead of enjoying my life. life is too short to be unhappy. nakakapanghinayang lang din yung nasayang na panahon. Iniisip ko na nga lang ngayon, the reason I waited for four years was not because of my ex..but because I was destined to meet a wonderful guy who would love me the way I wanted and needed to be. And that man is my hubby. ^^,

[alice_alice]

Di na ko naghahanap ng closure kung ayaw ito ibigay saken ako na lang gagawa ng paraan na makamove on. Easier said than done, i know. Pero ano ang gagawin kung di na nagpakita o tinaguan ka na?

Sabi nga ni Papa Jack (LOL) "mas mabuting alam ng tao bakit siya umiiyak kesa sa di niya alam kung bakit." Pero kung di binigay ang kasagutan wag mo na hanapin sapat na yung umalis siya, iniwan ka niya di mo na kailangan hanapin yung dahilan malaman mo man ang sagot ganon rin yun iniwan ka, sinaktan ka it doesnt make it less painful eh.

[Uridessey]

I would say NO.

Last night, we talked about doing the "deed" na ayokong gawin until married. He said that he understands me pero parang nagtatampo sya and he was even crying. He told me na di nya kaya ng walang sex and he's making a big sacrifice.

So I dared ask him if pwede bang maging dahilan yun para ipagpalit nya ko, and he answered "di ko alam". Ang sakit lang marinig nun sa isang taong mahal na mahal mo. Na dahil ba di mo mabigay yun ipagpapalit ka na? How about yung ibang mga bagay na nagawa ko for him? Sobrang sakit na parang dahil di nya makuha sakin yun, ipagpapalit ako? Di ko alam pano ko tatanggapin yun. I hate him for treating me like a pastime. Na parang he is just keeping me for sex.. I just walked out of the car and said nothing. Not even I love you or goodbye. ;(

[simang]

Personally, i do not believe in closure. I agree with some of you here, if it's over, it's over whatever reason there is.

Siguro swerte na din ako na mabuting tao ang ex ko, wala syang ginawang masama sa akin while we were together and when we broke up. We just grew apart. And i was sort of preparing myself for the break up because hindi na ako masaya. So when we ended it we were both calm. There was never a harsh thing said. He did not even asked me why i was breaking up with him. So i guess it was a closure of some sort, though i feel na kung inexplain ko pa sa kanya lahat ng nararamdaman ko noon, hindi nya rin maiintindihan.

^sis, ako personally i believe that there are three things essential for a relationship to work -- trust, communication, and great sex (emphasize on the great). I'm not saying that you go and have sex with your bf, kase i believe that a woman shouldn't do anything she's uncomfortable with. And it's sad that you feel your bf might leave you for someone else just because you cant do it with him.

Here's the thing -- if your man leaves you because you won't have sex with him, chances are he will leave you still once you have sex with him. The problem here is i think not that your bf can't be with you without sex, but your difference in values. You can only have 100% trust and respect to someone who values the same things as you do. Apparently magkaiba kayo.

[sugardrop]

No. A breakup alone serves as closure for me. Parang "it's over, we're history. Case closed."