Single MOM (with 2 children)

[|:AyemZia:|]

okay. so here's the situation:

a single mom with two children (from two different fathers)
first dad: the girl had a 3 yr relationship with him before they part ways due to a 3rd party. the baby will be 4 years old this month.
2nd dad: the girl had a brief relationship with him before she got pregnant with his baby. all seems well at first, even after he found out about the pregnancy. the guy even looks delighted that he's having his child with the girl. then, just like that, the guy disappeared. the baby is now 5 months old.

will it be possible that this girl can still find someone special?
any opinions or advise? TIA!

[tough_guy]

oo naman ang mga babies niya ang pinaka special at most treasured sa lahat

[|:AyemZia:|]

^right. ang question lang: is there still someone out there who can accept her situation? para kaseng hindi na katanggap-katanggap yun sa most of the guys nowadays.

[Yes Man]

^ of course...

the thing is, you should stop thinking that all guys are the same. if ever you find this lucky guy, just shower him your love, and if he really loves you, he'll accept you. and even treat your kids as his own.

i'd do the same if it were me.

[|:AyemZia:|]

the thing is, you should stop thinking that all guys are the same. if ever you find this lucky guy, just shower him your love, and if he really loves you, he'll accept you. and even treat your kids as his own.

omg. i can't believe you even describe that guy as "lucky". well, i'm guilty for thinking that all of you are the same. but then again, this made me think otherwise:

i'd do the same if it were me.

i really hope there's still plenty of YOU out there. thanks for your response!

[tough_guy]

para kaseng hindi na katanggap-katanggap yun sa most of the guys nowadays.

hindi lahat ng lalaki pareparehas

sabi nga nila real love waits, regardless of your relationship status, sure ako – every second of the wait will be worth it.  there are still other dreams to reach and destinies to be realized, God will lead you to that, in perfect time sis

[|:AyemZia:|]

@tough_guy: are you my guardian angel? joke lang! i really love what you've said. it made me realize something. my life's been a mess. siguro it's time (mejo late na nga ata, dapat noon pa) to make things right again.

since the last dad kase, i've been quite like a man-hater na e. nagawa ko yun for almost a year. pero i don't know what happened recently, bigla ko na lang narealize, i'm getting old. kaya bigla ko na lang naipost tong topic na to. nacurious lang siguro ako. but anyway, i'll get back to my old self na lang muna. until time tells me it's okay to have someone special in my life again.

thank you so much @tough_guy! alam mo na yun kung bakit.

[Mr.Punch]

Allow me to give a different (and particularly no-bullsh!t) reply.

I will not lie.  I'm okay with a single mom who has 1 kid.  But it would take a lot for me to accept a girl who has been impregnated by 2 guys as a wife or lifetime partner.  Maybe never.  If the girl wants to spare herself a lifetime of disappointment, then she has to stop hoping that a guy will accept her situation (at least in this country).  She shoud instead concentrate on being a good mother to her children.

Any guy who tells her to keep her hopes up is either lying, or who just wants to sound good in front of everybody.  Madaling magsalita at magpapogi sa forum. 

= = = = = = = = = =

Your best bet?  A foreigner (Americans, Europeans).  They generally don't treat that situation as a big deal, although there are exceptions too.

[|:AyemZia:|]

^ow-kay... that feels like a very hard slap on my face. a wake-up call. honestly, in the previous months that passed, i've already made a mental note to myself that i will not go and find another guy again just to add more complications to my already messed up life. i'm already accepting the fact that I can never find someone who can accept my current situation. until last month. i don't know what happened and i quote "i really have no idea" why i had a sudden change of heart. but then, knowing our world today, it made me think again. and honestly, your post snapped me back to reality. thank you for that, really.

i won't go far as get a foreigner for a lifetime partner. i have nothing against them. it's just that i can't see myself in the future being married to one of them (i'll still go for Pinoys). anyways, if that's what meant to happen, then, i think i will be okay. and I AM A GOOD MOTHER to my children. i just got curious, that's all.

thanks for all your insights!

[babyboo.0326]

let me share my story, i'll make it brief.

i'm a single mom of 2 boys, different fathers.

my eldest is 15 years old, his father i've been in a relationship with for 3 or 4 months, i can't remember exactly. i was 18 then. when we broke up, i didn't know i was already pregnant. i gave birth a month before i turned 19.

my youngest is 5 years old. his father was 19 years old when he got me pregnant, i was 27 then. we were in the relationship for 7 months when i got pregnant. we lived together for almost 5 years. i broke up with him because he didn't change after all the times i have given him chances to find a job. i was the one working for the baby, for our food, for my family as well since my dad was ill then.

i have a boyfriend now, we're together for 2 years and 3 months. and we're planning our future already. i was not looking for a guy who would accept me for my past. it just happened.

oh, and Mr. Punch, he's a Filipino.

my take on this? as long as the guy is matured enough not to judge you by your past but accept you that as a human being, you are bound to make mistakes (which you and i did) while on the journey called life, you still have a chance. for now, hang on to that thought. it's ok to dream. but also, bear in mind that you have to be stronger and wiser because of the past mistakes. 

hope i have given you some hope 

[Mr.Punch]

i was not looking for a guy who would accept me for my past. it just happened.

Ayemzia, take note of this particular part.  She went on with her life and did not concern herself anymore with looking for a guy, which is exactly what you should do.

=====

While I'd concede that maturity plays a part in a decision to take in a woman who has been impregnated by 2 or more men, there are other things to consider.  For one thing, having a "package deal" is an obvious financial concern.  Even if both the man and woman are working, the guy would still be expected to shoulder the expenses of his partner's children.  Exactly how many guys are willing or capable to do that, eh?  How many are as gallant as babyboo's boyfriend?

(Actually, it could be argued that a guy who partners with such a woman without himself being financially stable is in itself a sign of immaturity. ) 

Ganito na lang.  Make a survey of everyone you personally know who are in the same situation as you, and take note of how many are as lucky as babyboo.  Hindi counted yung showbiz o yung mga kakilala ng ka-church na kamag-anak ng kapitbahay ng taga-forum na anonymous.  It has to be people you know personally kasi diyan umiikot ang mundo mo.  Hindi sa showbiz, at hindi online.  Take note of your findings and then think about that before you allow your hopes to be raised.

[tough_guy]

how about a mother of 2 and shes 40 years old, single mom and suddenly a guy proposed to marry her? they happily married now for 9 years and counting! actually they're both my churchmates lets see another situation,im sure everyone knows Rica Peralejo a sexy actress who have a multiple partners in showbiz and had many sex movies like hibla and balahibong pusa still a "matured-thinking" guy accepts her no matter what her situation in the past

i agree babyboo.0326..SO there's life and a second chance after being involved in many problems in our life

im not against on you, well, i respect your personal overviews on what you think about it. we have different frame of reference

di ako gwapo or pogi

[babyboo.0326]

Even if both the man and woman are working, the guy would still be expected to shoulder the expenses of his partner's children.  Exactly how many guys are willing or capable to do that, eh?  How many are as gallant as babyboo's boyfriend?

I would like to comment on this. This is society speaking. "Expecting" for you to shoulder someone else's responsibilities is your choice if you should follow or not.

And to make one thing clear, Mr. Punch, I don't need for him to shoulder my children's needs because I work, I earn my own dough, I also provide for my family when my dad passed away 4 years ago. And even if he offers, I don't want him to provide for them, simply because, MY CHILDREN ARE MY RESPONSIBILITY AND THEIR FATHERS', NOT MY CURRENT PARTNER.

Not many women think like me, I know. And I don't need a man's help just so my kids and I can survive. I've been a single mother for 15 years now. And I'm doing very good in raising such smart and loving children. 

[|:AyemZia:|]

kasi pag na inlove ka minsan yung akala mo hindi mo kayang tanggapin natatanggap mo na rin.

@amethyst028: sis, you said that right. kaya nga dapat d ba hindi nagsasalita ng tapos yung ibang lalake jan?
anyway, ayun nga. gaya nga ng sabi ko, hindi naman tlaga ako naghahanap na. i just got curious on the guys' take on this situation. akala kase nung iba, in-start ko tong thread na to para makahanap ng lalake. sabe ko nga, my children will always be my priority. at tlagang natuto na ko sis. kaya tlagang sobrang nag-iingat na din ako. padalos-dalos din kase ako dati. kaya ayan. sobrang thankful ko lang tlaga at hindi nawala yung suporta ng family ko sa ken, kahit ilang beses na ko nagpakat*nga. at gaya nga din ng sabi mo, 2 bata na yung maapektuhan ng kilos at desisyon ko kaya tlagang focus na lang ako sa kanila. thank you sis sa POV mo.

@babyboo.0326: sis, alam mo na ang mga thoughts ko sa sinabi mo. thank you tlaga!

@tough_guy: may sasabihin pa ba ko sa'yo? alam mo na rin yun! thanks din!

[babyboo.0326]

^no worries  anytime 

[secretzzz]

hayyyy ahaha 

ou mkakahanap pa kayo ng guy na magmamahal sa inyo. walang imposible dun pag love na ang umiral nagiging posible lahat  marami jan.

[jonielle]

Any guy who tells her to keep her hopes up is either lying, or who just wants to sound good in front of everybody.  Madaling magsalita at magpapogi sa forum. 

Don't generalize bro, guy here also.

What if you already knew the girl before way way back then. I knew someone na almost same experience ni TS.

[|:AyemZia:|]

hayyyy ahaha 

ou mkakahanap pa kayo ng guy na magmamahal sa inyo. walang imposible dun pag love na ang umiral nagiging posible lahat  marami jan.

bakit may "hayyy" sabay tawa?

anyways, gulat ako may nagrerespond pa pala dito.

Don't generalize bro, guy here also.

What if you already knew the girl before way way back then. I knew someone na almost same experience ni TS.

well, ganyan tlaga yung ibang guys e. kaya ang tendency, nagegeneralize yung lahi ni Adan.

so musta naman yung kilala mo na same situation as I am?

[rachi_01]

as much as i don't want to comment on this since i'm a single mom too with 1 adorable baby boy(hindi naman sa kinakahiya ko sarili ko or something) it's just that somehow,i can relate to your situation. i guess sis just continue focus on your children for now. if that person comes,then so be it. Just concentrate in raising your kids the best way you can. save as much as possible for their future needs.
in our society nowadays, mostly(not all) guys are being judgemental about this issue.yeah they might think of the kids as excess baggage/package deal which might be a burden when it comes to financial matters but i've witnessed a guy who fell in love with a separated lady with 2 kids. still he marry her and they have 2 kids now. the only thing i noticed is that the other 2 children are now living with their grandparents which i think thats the sad part. i'm not sure what's their exact set up/arrangements but they are no longer living with their mom. although they see each other weekly, it's still different. i can see their longing for their mom. are you ready for this kind of arrangements with your kids if ever you find another man?or maybe, you have better plans.
God has planned everything beforehand...even if we made wrong decisions things will just fall into its place. Kung may darating... (don't lose hope) be sure that you're ready how to handle things better and how will your children adapt/adjust to this new set up.

[crazybeautiful_]

Hmm.. Ako ba ikaw? Just kidding!

Sis, naman! OO NAMAN! There are so many decent men out there - hindi lang halata. I have the same situation with you (kinda!). Eventually, I met this guy  (bad boy pa ha!) naging bf - I introduced him to the kids.. So far, so good.. Sige lang carry.. Then the day came, he proposed

No it's been almost 7 years. We have a child of our own, and my kids are now processing to carry his last name.

So yes, sis. Fairy tales do exist When you realize your worth, then you'll be strong and confident enough to open up and meet that one man. Maybe at a time when you least expect it. Anjan lang yan. Baka naliligaw pa. Chin up.