Outgrowing Your Friends

[PrincessC]

i think my HS barkada and i outgrew each other already. we have different priorities na kasi sa buhay.

i mean, they were there naman when i "needed" my friends like when my dad died. pero in everyday situations, parang wala na yung dating connection.

it's sad but i'm okay with that naman. i still have my HS best friend so that's enough. in the end, it's the quality of friends you have that's important, not the quantity.

[sugardrop]

We just grew apart. My friends from my batch, halos wala na kaming mga common interests unlike before - boy bands, teen bop, chemistry and geometry problems, crushes. Some are into parenthood na, others are so into their respective careers, some are naging pasaway na lang sa buhay nila.

Now, my closest friends consist of those in their mid-late 30's na while I'm on my late 20's now. I guess depende din talaga sa interests eh. I find I have something more in common with them than I do with people my age. I remember one of them calling me an old soul even when I was still on my early 20's.

Habang tumatanda, I realized that I should focus on myself more, where my life is headed and no longer where I'm going to hang out with my friends and such. So I guess we didn't outgrow each other; we simply grew apart.

[orangerain]

I am going through that stage right now. I guess it's because I'm the first in my barkada that got married and had kids. Nag-iba na ang priorities ko- I don't do "sleepovers" anymore, I don't go out on shopping sprees, I can't just party whenever I want, I don't get "kilig" sa mga pa-tweetums (unless it's my hubby haha).

I think it's normal. We don't go through life all at the same time eh. Although we're friends with these people, minsan talaga di maiiwasan na merong mauna sa susunod na stage ng life at meron ding mahuhuli. Just don't burn the bridges. Remember that they are still your friends. I get you sa inis mo kasi ganyan din ako. Sinasabi ko pa ang petty ng mga problema nila. But again, remember that you are not in the same phase sa buhay.

Eventually magkakaintindihan din kayo.

[remilicious]

I'm in my late twenties and I'm going through this right now and I'm sad about it because I miss them a lot and the times they were always around to meet up and talk. Some of them are married, have kids or living abroad. The ones still here are too busy with their work or doing their own thing. Sigh... Perhaps God has plans to have new people in my life but I still wish the old ones have more time for me just like the old times. But I guess that's not how it's going to be forever. :/

[purple.strawberry]

Priorities change as we grow old. Naalala ko yung sa F.R.I.E.N.D.S. The director explained that the series is the time in our lives when we need friends pa and we go through everythind in life with them, but soon we'll have families of our own and eventually go our separate ways.

Ako naman I'm single and in mid-20s. I'm on the other side naman ng kwento. Yung high school friends ko madalang na kami magkita-kita and even then ramdam ko yung difference kasi mostly the discussion centers around marriage, pregnancy, children's needs, etc.

Also I had an office best friend and we were so close, we used to call each other soulmate. Yung female bff na palagi kong kasama, have coffee nights with. Ayun ngayon she has two kids na, so we don't go out like we used to and ramdam ko na din pagiging mom and a change in maturity. Yes it's sad and for my part there's that feeling that I lost someone, but that's how it goes. People come and go into our lives. Yung palagi mong kausap pwedeng later on mauuwi na lang sa ocassional birthday and Christmas greeting. We just have to be thankful na somehow friends pa din sila.

[akthung]

pansin ko, if ones lets life play on its own,

friends come and go,

also, it is easier to "stay" with friends.

but once you step on something that would make you grow (or even grow backward), that's when everything changes.

the most common is spiritual belief. pero marami pang example.

but good friends, real friends will always be there.

real friends will be like family.  to me the difference between family and friends is that a good family member will always help even if he doesn't believe in what you are doing or undergoing. take note, i used the words "good family member"

their help which can range from partial help to fully helping you.

there are friends naman na kahit years mo nang kasama, you know each other in and out, pero boom. nawawala when you need them.

pag bata pa talaga nasa quantity ang basehan ng friends.

later, nasa quality na lang. lalo na if you consider yourself a quality friend who'd push the envelope for a friend, talagang maghahanap ka ng katulad mo.

[insanelypurpleprincess]

As we age, we undergo a multitude of changes.
Among these are interests and likes and what not.
In my experience, I have always been a social butterfly, so there is no shortage of people in the form of friends. In fact, I am too diverse since I formed bonds of friendships with people in varied social groups.
For example, Friend A belongs to a group of her own, while Friend B also has her circle. I am not close to either Friend A's group or Friend B's circle, but I simply share a bond with Friend A on her own and same goes for Friend B.
I guess, this was more the case when I got older.
Back then, perhaps in Primary School and even in Secondary School, if I am friends with a person, I practically embrace her/his whole circle, but now, I am content with being with the person.
Most times these days, I would often wonder if I still have actual friends left since most of them are geographically located away from me (attributed to the fact that I moved away). While others, also went away. Anyhow, I am very blessed to have friends who I probably don't get to speak to on a very regular basis, but once we're together, it feels like no amount of time has passed.
It's probably not the Friends you outgrow, but possibly the activities that you used to do together. You never really outgrow people, you outgrow old habits, beliefs and lifestyles... it just so happened to be tied to people, so it may seem like you outgrew the friend itself.

[crzysxycl]

Yung friends ko nung HS parang HS pa rin sila. Yung iba sa kanila iniwasan ko na. Ang bababaw kasi, parang lahat dapat mo ipaalam sa kanila at wala kang dapat itira. Tipong pati sex life mo dapat alam din nila. No wonder they've never been in a relationship, walang gustong pumatol.

And they like chismis, laging updated sa buhay ng kung sinong batchmates namin. Well, baka nga nagbago na rin ako, dati pa naman hindi ko na trip yung ibang trip nila. Siguro masyado lang akong mabait nung HS, na kahit na yung iba sa kanila talks behind my back ok lang sa akin. I didn't have regrets na nilayuan ko sila, kasi mas nag grow ako without them and with a different set of friends, the ones na for keeps.

[Clair de Lune]

pansin ko, if ones lets life play on its own,

friends come and go,

also, it is easier to "stay" with friends.

but once you step on something that would make you grow (or even grow backward), that's when everything changes.

the most common is spiritual belief. pero marami pang example.

but good friends, real friends will always be there.

real friends will be like family.  to me the difference between family and friends is that a good family member will always help even if he doesn't believe in what you are doing or undergoing. take note, i used the words "good family member"

their help which can range from partial help to fully helping you.

there are friends naman na kahit years mo nang kasama, you know each other in and out, pero boom. nawawala when you need them.

pag bata pa talaga nasa quantity ang basehan ng friends.

later, nasa quality na lang. lalo na if you consider yourself a quality friend who'd push the envelope for a friend, talagang maghahanap ka ng katulad mo.

Super agree with this. As I got older in life, I realize the importance of having quality friends more than having many pseudo friends. It makes life a lot simpler. Now, I just have a small circle of girlfriends I can really trust, and with whom I am willing to share significant details and moments of my life with.  My closest college friend is now married with two kids, and I am still single. I acknowledge that we have different priorities in life now, but I am thankful that we still find time for each other. In fact, when we see each other, I just go their house instead of eating out cause I understand that it would be difficult for her to bring 2 kids kapag lumabas pa kami. I consider myself a quality friend, cause I consider them my extended family. Anything they need, as long as I am capable of helping, I do it.

[tomatostellar]

I used to be very clingy to my highschool barkada, but recently I got sort of used to their absence. We still chat every now and then, keep up via social media, viber etc but we don't see each other anymore.
Dati mabilis ako mag tampo pag may mga hindi nagpapakita sa mga get together, pero ngayon minsan ako pa yung absent. Pero I still care for them.

And there are other friends that I used to be really close with, na ngayon I don't miss nor get curious as to how they are.

[akthung]

there are millions and millions of people. metro manila's population alone is bigger than the total population of australia.

you will always meet someone. if you feel you've out grown them then just move forward. the truth will come out later, kesa ikaw ba nag grow o hindi. real friends will always be there.

in fact real friends will always willing to take the sacrifice for you to move forward in life.

[Ma.Jewel_1987]

I had a best friend since elementary na feeling ko eh soul sister ko, but bigla na lang syang naging cold and hindi namamansin nung nagkajowa, then I would always be the first one to chat or text her, if how she's doing na, tas sobrang tipid sumagot, so yun nawalan na din ako ng gana. Yung mga friends ko naman nung HS and college siguro pare-pareho lang kaming busy, we may not see each other alot yung iba nga last time I saw them was  1 to 2 years na haha we only get to see each other pag may special occasion like kasal or binyag. but I still consider them as friends siguro pag pare-pareho na kaming retired tsaka na kame magkakaroon ng time to hang out

[Darshan]

I outgrew them matagal na..since nagka anak na ako
iilang piraso nalang nga sila, nawala pa..hindi na kasi maka relate dahil wala pa naman silang mga anak..tsaka tuwing mag yayaya sila laging nagkakataon na bad timing sakin..so end up nagtatampo sila and hindi nalang nila ako niyayaya

hanggang sa point na talagang wala ng communication masyado.
wala eh..times change talaga

[jazz17]

I've outgrown most of my friends nung grade school and high school. Yung high school best friend ko na girl, kinasal a few years ago. She invited me to her wedding and I told her I would come. But on her wedding day, I didn't go. Though andun naman yung iba naming high school friends, narealize ko nun na I don't know them anymore. Even si former best friend. Ni hindi ko pa nga na-meet in person yung naging husband niya. Sa lahat ng naging bf niya, yun lang ang never kong na-meet. Pero di naman siya nagalit sa kin. Binabati pa rin naman niya ko pag birthday ko. Even with other high school friends, hanggang birthday greetings na lang sa FB. Minsan nga, wala na talagang batian. Pero ganun talaga. Sabi nga ng philo professor ko nung college, never be afraid to let go of people na wala naman na talagang meaning or silbi sa buhay mo, kahit na naging friends mo pa sila.

[khaleesiCersei]

I can so relate sa thread na to hehe. I don't even attend highschool reunions kasi i feel hindi na nag grow ang karamihan hehe. Hindi ko din ma take na Pag nag uusap puro about nung highschool god, that was like 2 decades ago hahaha. And the bullies are still bullies, lalo na sa mga guys. Kaya pag reunion daw sabi ng mga umattend eh konti lang sila hehe. Meron din iba ayaw sumama pag may mini gatherings pag walang manlilibre, my gosh parang mga walang trabaho lol! I still keep in touch with some of my hs friends though pero sobrang dalang na rin.

My college friends naman yan talaga ang close ko pa rin til now.. And lahat kami sabay nag mature kaya we still very much get along.

[kateguerzon08]

Sabi nga ng philo professor ko nung college, never be afraid to let go of people na wala naman na talagang meaning or silbi sa buhay mo, kahit na naging friends mo pa sila.

like ko to sis

[stacies83221]

When you hit 30´s, priorities change as well as your outlook in life. Like what I tell my friends, you are just too mature or too busy or no longer tolerant of someone else´s crap that it is better to just ignore them and get on with your life and find something else that will add meaning and happiness in yours instead. And besides, I realised that I stopped being a people pleaser na rin and I became more decisive and discerning as to whom to spend my time with or what activities I would like to do.

[minnie99]

Super relate ako sa thread na to, and it's actually the situation my two friends are in now. Yung dating group of 4 namin, eh naging 3, tapos naging 2 na lang kami kasi nag-away na nang tuluyan yung unang umalis at yung isa pa. I don't mind. Lol. Yung isa kasi masyadong seryoso ang gustong usapan, gusto laging about the wonders of life, or about the minds of other people; yung isa naman puro chismis ang gusto.

Come to think of it, the reason the first friend drifted away was because nga ang babaw nung isa naming friend, tapos gusto pa niya all about her ang usapan kaya nainis tong isa. I just feel sad for them because they used to be the closest in the group.

I myself have outgrown both of them too. Di ko na rin sila masyado pinapatulan pag nag-aaya. Pag kasama ko kasi either, ang gusto lang nila pag-usapan ay yung isa. Haha. Right now, I'm kind of enjoying being alone and doing things by myself or with my bf, if he's not busy.

[miss resilient]

outgrowing ba kamo..in my case kame ang inoutgrow niya.

College friends kame ganda ng pinagsamahan namin ng buong barkada. After college, siyempre naghanap ng work pero in touch pa rin. Years passed, yung iba nasa abroad na, yung iba sa province na station at kame naman iba naiwan sa manila.

Di ko alam pero bigla na lang di niya nireplyan mga text message namin. PAg may meet up wala siya maraming dahilan at siyempre pag nasa chatroom kami seen zone lang kami. Nagtatanungan kaming magkakatropa bakit ganon ano bang nagawa naming kasalanan para di niya kami pansinin at i meet up. Last year andito pala siya sa pinas tapos yung isa rin namin tropa ..sana ang saya namin kung nagkita kita kame..pero di na talaga siya nakikipag mabutihan sa amin. Sabi ng isa naming tropa baka iba na ang set of friends. Oo may mamimeet akong iba pero d ko kakalimutan ang mga taong naging totoo kong kaibigan. For me yan ang ibig sabihin ng outgrowing friends