HUBBY chose my inlaws over me...

[X_03]

sis pray...pray mo na magkaroon nang forgiveness sa puso mo and sa puso ng hubby and mom niya...

Sabi talaga ng bible ang payo ay iiwan talaga ang mga magulang at magiging magkasama ay ang mag asawa at magiging iisang laman sila. Pero siyempre depende yan sa napag disisyunan ninyo lalo na ngayon iba na ang set up nang family kasi minsan convenient magstay talaga sa in laws at para din may mag alaga kay baby. Feeling ko din may story pa behind dito, at hindi lang yung 2 fights ang involved. Naniniwala din ako na hindi basta basta na iiwan ni hubby ang wife niya lalo na at may baby na. 5 years ang making nang desisyon niyong magpakasal, kaya naman hindi basta basta naitatapon yun. And sa akin lang maganda nga na humingi ka nang tawad sa inlaws mo para naman kayo naman ni hubby ang magkaayos. Pag pinatagal mo pa sis baka mamaya nagdevelop na ang galit sa isa't isa at lalong lumaki ang issue. Pray sis...

[MaRiA CLaRa]

parang sa akin din nung ikinasal kami ng hubby ko d talaga kami nagsama kasi i work overseas siya nakatira with his parents sa pinas minsan pinag aawayan namin ni hubby mga desisyon namin na akala ko desisyong mag asawa yun pala nakikisawsaw din MIL ko lagi kaming nag aaway ng hubby ko minsan naiisap ko na wag ng umuwi ng pinas...sa nabasa ko dito prang ayoko ding humantong sa point na dapat din siyang pumili..

[lent0t]

how are you na sis?

inlaws, hmmm.... i had an argument too with my MIL 3years ago but we're good now. malaking tulong yung lumipat kami ng house.

Aside sa paglipat... naniniwala ako na malaki ang ROLE ng hubby sa mga ganyang situations. I just hope he did not chose na lang kasi it made the issue worst. Sana ginawa na lang sya instead of choosing one over the other pinagbati na lang nya kayo or naging mediator sana sya. The issue will not be resolved unless your hubby relay each and everyone's issues to both parties, sya lang kasi common denominator nyo aside from the apo.

When I had an argument with my MIL years ago, it made me feel disrespectful. I had my hubby's support that time, though he was not very vocal and I understand. unlike your hubby, my spouse did not received so much attention and care from my MIL. he grew up with his lola. My MIL lives like she's in her mid 20's and single with no responsibility/ies. anyway, my hubby supported me silently however he did not chose me. sabi nga nya "kahit di sya naging nanay sa akin bali baligtarin mo ang sitwasyon, nanay ko pa rin sya". Di man kami chummy chummy.... at least we're civil and respect each other's presence. In fairness,  nag reach out din kasi si MIL so we both exerted effort to make things work out.

i just hope and pray... soon maayos nyo din yan.

[switblububbles]

Hi sisses....I appreciate all your comments and sincere concern on my situation...Thanks!

For a span of one month I keep asking hubby what his plans for us. He always reply me that he still can't decide coz he is naguguluhan. I can't accept that he can't immediately his family to join us.
I constantly look for a new place to rent pero wala kahit isa dun na nagustuhan sya...Dahil ayaw nya talagang umalis sa kanila and he only says kase biglaan.

Nainip ako...nagalit ako sakanya...I bombarded him with hurting words...maybe verbally abused him...I told him nahihirapan nako magstay sa sister ko kase marami na sila sa house and nahihirapan na baby namin but he didnt mind.

Maybe its my fault...he said he can't be with me having that attitude...he can't stay in one house with me...Yes my mistake.

But it is enough to give up on our marriage? He said his love faded with all the words I said and how I treated him.

Right now we're communicating casually for our daughter...He said he is not closing his doors for us...

I already talked to my hubbys Aunt....asking her help so I can apologize to my hubbys family. She said she will give me go signal on the right time. She knows my MIL well coz they once had a fight too. And she told me never to go back to that house. She knows the distinct attitude of my MIL.

Yes Im apologizing...I want all the anger and hatred to end..I'l do my part...

I will do all the adjustment I can but I am not going back to their house even if we reconcile. I'l just wait that he's ready to leave their house to be with me. If not, then I can't do anything about it and just let time dictate what will happen to our marriage.

Thanks a lot again sisses! mwaaahhhh!

[chiqmom]

^what a brave move sis. i admire you for taking the higher road, instead of hating them more, at least ikaw na gumagawa ng paraan para maayos. your husband must be one lucky guy to have you! whatever the outcome is, in the end, you will get the satisfaction of knowing that you did your best and you gave your all. no regrets ika nga. wish you the best!

[switblububbles]

^yes sis...im so happy to hear that comment of yours. Thank you so muccchhhhh!!! You made me stronger right now.

I will do my best...If all else fails, then it's destiny.

[Scubadoobidoo]

Im a guy...and i have to say your hubby is not yet mature. He should not have gotten married in the first place. I dont think its your fault. But it is the fault of you hubby. I hope things work out for you but the way i see it right now the solution is temporary. You still havent addressed the root of the problem. Good luck. 

[switblububbles]

^yah...he should have not gotten married...He is afraid to be independent.

But we are married now...and it is one of my commitment to understand him as long as i can..

[glamorosa_09]

Alam mo sis, pareho naman kayo ng husband mong may weaknesses just like all of the couples. Kaya maganda, sana, nagpapasensyahan kayo, nagbibigayan, nag-iintindihan.

Minsan hindi natin makukuha yung mga gusto natin ng agad-agad, minsan kailangan natin maghintay, gaya ng gusto mong paglipat. I would understand if your MIL is a monster in law, if she's demeaning you, disrespecting you, degrading you. Aba ora mismo umalis ka na at nakakainis, if your husband ignored it and allowed her mom to treat you that way. Pero kung hindi naman ganun yung case, bakit hindi naging patient sa paghihintay tutal one year pa lang naman yata kayong nakikitira.

Your problems with your husband and in-laws are fairly common, in fact, marami kang mababasang ganun dito. But how you dealt with it and forced your own way to get what you want are kind of uncommon - verbally attacking your husband and answering back to your MIL (twice in one year?)

Nainip ako...nagalit ako sakanya...I bombarded him with hurting words...maybe verbally abused him...

Ideally, maganda talaga to live far far away from your in-laws to avoid possible conflicts, kaya lang dinaan mo sa pwersa ang husband mo even if he's not yet ready. Sana naghintay ka muna and nag-try ng ibang approach. Ngayon, si baby ang hindi komportable.

Maybe its my fault...he said he can't be with me having that attitude...he can't stay in one house with me...Yes my mistake.

But it is enough to give up on our marriage? He said his love faded with all the words I said and how I treated him.

Only he can tell what is enough for him. Baka hindi nya kinaya yung power mo. Anyways, what is important now is that he's not closing his doors, maybe he really didn't mean it in the first place. And sana maging mellow rin yung treatment mo sa kanya. Once you two decided to get back together, you really have to work on a lot of things. Try to see a marriage counselor.

[Scubadoobidoo]

^yah...he should have not gotten married...He is afraid to be independent.

But we are married now...and it is one of my commitment to understand him as long as i can..

Remember there is a limit to everything. Understanding wont necessary solve your problem. Hate to say it but sometimes we guys need a push or a shove. 

[switblububbles]

^Of course I know that...Im sure that I will stop when he is already beyond limit...

What do you mean by push or a shove? How can I apply that to my situation?

[stormy_princess]

@switblububbles omg sis mabait ka pa sa lagay na yan for me. Just want to share, we almost had the same situation, the only difference is we are living with my brother in law before we collapsed. I never got angry with them until my baby came. And nong nagsabog na kami lahat, i told my husband, "hindi kita papipiliin at hindi mo kailangan mamili dahil kusa at buong buo kitang ibabalik sa kanila kahit ayaw mo. Ang importante sa akin kasama ko ang anak ko." haha. I know i was so mean but that's my way of telling my husband that if he cannot stand up his responsibility to us, i don't mind kaya ko palakihin anak ko. Igagapang ko sa hirap kahit wala sya.

And with your situation, i wanted you to know that we women, were born warriors and survivors. Kung ano man ang pinagdadaanan mo, kaya mo yan sis. Okay, sige let's say give your husband a second chance if you are the one who believes in chances but set a limit.

For me, intindihin mo kung kaya mong intindihin pero not to sake that you're losing your self worth.
Believe in the power of prayers and love. And if your husband really loves you, he would initiate and come up to you to settle this.

I'll pray for you sis. Be strong. Have faith:)

[Scubadoobidoo]

^Of course I know that...Im sure that I will stop when he is already beyond limit...

What do you mean by push or a shove? How can I apply that to my situation?

Ok ill assume your very close to your hubby pag hindi you guys should not have gotten married in the first place. Try to have a talk with him....if you know your husband that well you'll know when he is in a relaxed state. You have to present your case point by point and under no circumstances raise your voice.  Since twice palang kayo nag ka bangaan ng in laws mo i suggest you give it more time. Either your husband feels obligated to take care of his parents or his really a mama's boy...if he is then your screwed. No choice but to stick it out with him since you married a guy without really knowing him so its your fault.  And just how bad is your in laws? Baka blown out of proportion lang naman. One thing that strikes me is that how can his mom tolerate him abandoning his own wife and kid? Is your hubby chinese by any chance?

[switblububbles]

^Thanks for the suggestion and POV.

I am also wondering about that...How can his mom not even advice him to be a father and a husband? Oh well, maybe his mom really wants me to suffer and learn my lesson.

Nope he is not chinese...

[Scubadoobidoo]

Wow if she is like that then all i can say she's the mother in law from hell. No decent mom would advice their son to do that. If thats the case try to move out...but do it slowly and be more subtle about it. Good luck.

[X_03]

sis baka naman hindi ganon yun keep positive. Lahat tayo hindi perfect at tama si sis na lahat tayo may weaknesses, hindi man kayo pareho nang kinalakihan at ibang way nang family mo sa family niya pero ang masasabi ko lang naman, 5 years kayong nangilala sa isa't isa hindi naman natin masabi na makikilala mo lang sila kapag nakatira ka na sa iisang bubong, pero, correct me if i'm wrong, diba nagstay ka na din sa house nila? Be strong and pray para ma open ang heart mo to forgive and para na din sa ikabubuti nang family mo.

[danne]

ito din ang worry ko minsan sis because whenever sasabihin ko kay hubby na gusto ko na umalis sa house nila, isisingit niya na sige daw kalimutan na raw namin mga pamilya namin. then one time, dinuro duro at sinigaw sigawan ako ng mama niya, pero wala siyang ginawa. maraming times na ako umiyak sa sobrang sama ng loob pero wala siyang ginawa. then one time nagdadrama si MIL kasi parang napagsalitaan ng asawa ni SIL. when I asked hubby anong problem then he explained tapos parang nakarelate ako sa asawa ni SIL so jinustify ko iyong actions niya, sabi ba naman sa akin UMIYAK ANG NANAY KO UMIYAK ANG NANAY KO tapos ganiyan ka. wow lang. how many times na ba akong umiyak di naman siya nagreact ng ganon? so i guess am not that important. good thing lang is wala kaming anak. Pwede ko siyang isoli sa saya ng nanay anytime. kunsintihin nila ang isa't isa for life. 

[lovemeagain30]

Sabi ng priest during the marriage seminar,
"Once you get married, know your priorities."
Priority no# is God
No. 2 your spouse
No.3 your children
and No.4# your parents.


Kapag ang mag asawa daw shinuffle and priorities
nila, dun nagsisimula ang problema. Minsan ang huling priority
ang siyang nauuna. I think ang madalas gumawa niyan (kung hindi man lahat), mga lalake na hindi
pa ready mag asawa. Ipinapanagga ang nanay nila sa asawa. Di naman kailangan pumili eh, ilagay lang sa ayos ang priority kasi nag asawa sila.

[Bab_z]

Sana, kung di nila kayang iwan ang mga Nanay nila to start a new family, e di sila ang nagpakasal..

Nakakainis lang, kasi, diba, dapat kapag may asawa ka na, yun ang priority mo.
Sabi din ng pari yan e, dapat tanggapin ng mga magulang na ang anak, aalis din ng pugad para
magkaroon ng sarili nilang pamilya.

Bakit may mga lalake kasing ganyan...

[switblububbles]

Maybe it's not really the mom...maybe it's the comfort and convenience of having almost everything for the fraction of a price.

I really don't understand his reasons...it's just too complicated for me.

Maybe I should focus on my baby for now...Coz it will just crash my brain to understand my ex-hubby.