HUBBY chose my inlaws over me...

[Observer54]

talking from a man's perspective medyo hindi lalaki yang asawa mo. sabihin na natin harsh yung action mo nung dinala sa hotel ang anak mo at nakipag sagutan ka sa mil mo. still mag away na tayong dalawa about it pero hindi yon reason para maghiwalay lalot may anak na kayo. i may leave my wife kung talagang may problem sya but i will not abandon my child. i will leave...because we have a problem na hindi na natin kaya not because im choosing something else.

[michkeil]

sis baka gusto lang niya muna space kasi nabigla sya sa reaction mo. 2nd time na pala kasi nagyari na nagkasagutan kayo ng in laws mo eh... so give him time and yet ikaw din try to realized what is good sa inyo lahat... then usap na kayo im sure in time magkakasundo ulit kayo. kawawa si baby. mahal kayo ng hubby mo pero mahal din nya ang family nya di lang nya siguro inexpect na magagawa mo un. advice sa akin ng mom ko before ako ikasal " love your in laws over protective sila sa mga anak nila, awayin mo na ako wag lang in laws mo dahil kung wala ka ipakita di maganda sa kanila they will treat you as their own daughter. always put yourself in both situations para Makita mo kung masasaktan ka or nakakasakit ka." be strong sis

[switblububbles]

When you said "napuno ako" does it mean that there were other events (aside from the two instances that you mentioned) that led you to fighting your mother-in-law?  Did your husband know about those events na nakapagpapuno sa iyo?  Why did your relationship with the in-laws turn sour after you married your husband kung okay kayo when you were still living there at their house before the wedding?

There are lots of events na naiinis ako sa MIL ko pero kay hubby ko lang sinsabi gaya nung ngmumura sya sa harap ng baby namin...But we didnt have big fights sabi ko lang kay hubby sawayin nya pag nagkataon narinig nya.
I dont really know what happen pero simula nung kinasal kame lahat pinapansin nya sakin lahat may halaga parang lahat gusto may kabayaran or kapalit na pasalubong...
Tapos madalas ngseselos siya kapag may pinabili ako kay hubby tapos siya hindi binilhan...

[mslcgrey]

^ it is ideal na maging super understanding and mapagbigay ng mga in-laws natin but a lot if not most cases eh hindi. i do know the feeling na parang nakikipag-compete sila sa attention ng hubby mo. well, the best solution talaga dyan is humiwalay kayo.

sis, bakit ba umabot sa point na kailangan pumili ng hubby mo? i mean, did you say na "ako or family mo"? kasi sana walang dapat pag-pilian. you are both families. likewise, you can not easily turn your back on your own family. same with him. during the times na may hindi ka gustong ginagawa ng MIL mo, does your hubby share the same sentiments? or not, na umooo lang siya to please you or to stop the issue? baka lang, feeling ng hubby mo na you are not doing your part sa pakikisama aspect.

also, bakit hindi mo kayang makipag-usap sa in-laws mo especially mahaba na rin naman pinagsamahan nyo. if alam mo na may nagawa kang hindi okay kahit nagresult naman yun because of their actions, for me, it is much better na ikaw na ang makipag-ayos. try various avenues para maging maayos ang lahat but if wala talaga, sila talaga ang nagmatigas then you walk away and don't turn back.

tama ang isang sis natin dito. make sure you'll get financial support for your baby. whether kayo mo or not buhayin mag-isa ang baby mo, demand for the support. and make sure, may mga legal documents to support your claims.

i hope for a peaceful outcome.

[switblububbles]

^Ginawa ko na yan sis...Tinry ko makipagayos...pero nung pumunta ko sa bahay nila binastos nila ko kaya kahit yung hubby ko ayaw nako papuntahin dun.

I am really praying to GOD that there will be a rainbow after this very strong rain in my life...Sobrang heavy na ng pasanin ko di ko alam hanggang kelan ko kakayanin...

[marose17]

^ Are you civil with anyone from your husband's family?  May sibling or cousin ba si hubby mo na puwede mong kausapin?  Someone who can act as a bridge?  Parang it's impossible naman na lahat sila eh kaaway mo.  (if that is the case, maybe you need to reflect)

Sis, baka nasaktan si MIL sa ginawa mong pagsagot-sagot sa kanya at paglayas mo sa bahay nila. Try to put yourself in her place.  Saka, kahit na sa tingin mo may katwiran ka, mas nakatatanda pa rin iyon sa iyo.  Tama si @glamorosa_09, you need to start making amends to your husband's family as a first step to reconciliation. 

[Kady_14]

Hi sisses!

Hubby and I are staying with my inlaws. Twice na kame ngkabangga ng MIL ko...I realized we will never get along...

Move out of her house. Her house, her rules.

Sad to say, dahil ikaw ang nakikisama/nakikitira, ikaw ang dapat mag-adjust sa ugali nya.

Parang kulang ang kwento mo re husband chosing them over you and your kid. If you guys will be renting a place, me xtra budget ba for it? Baka naman hubby thinks it's impractical at magagastusan lang siya since sinabi mo nga na "All the comfort and luxury is there..."

You also said you lived with them for a year before getting married. So me idea ka na sa ugali nila, baka naman you over reacted kasi bagong Mom ka and gusto mo lagi kasama ka or in the know basta kay baby. (Ganyan ako dati sa panganay ko, nasesenti ako or nasasad kapag kinukuha ng in laws ko) pero sa umpisa lang yun kasi I know naman na di nila papabayaan apo nila. Baka sis me nagawa/nasabi ka din na na-offend sila? Mag-sorry ka, baka yun lang inaantay.

POV ko lang sis, if you are not in good terms with your inlaws, if you really love your husband, TRY to make peace with them or at least be civil kasi kasama yan sa pagpapakasal mo sa kanya. Talk to your husband, sayang naman at baka ma ayos nyo pa yan.

[glamorosa_09]

Sis what do you want to do next? Do you want to get back with your husband? Or do you want to move on alone?

Para kasing there are two sides of the coin which only you can clearly see. It's either hindi strong ang character ng husband mo which is ikaw lang ang nakakaalam. Or you pushed your husband that far.

In my own marriage, there is an instance na nagsalita ako ng masakit against my in-laws kay hubby. And it really hurt him. Never ko naman sinagot ang in-laws ko, I would rather go to my family of origin rather than makipagsagutan.

Pero kung paulit-ulit na salitang masasakit plus cases of sagutan with in laws, at kung naging pangit ang ugali at approach ko, hindi ko masisisi if my husband resented me for that.

I'm not saying naging pangit ang ugali mo, ikaw lang naman kasi ang nakakaalam ng totoong nangyari. I'm not saying din na walang "balls" ang husband mo dahil hindi ko kilala ang pagkatao nya.

Are you willing ba to do anything for your marriage? Once mo pa lang naman ti-nry to approach them. Bakit hindi mo i-try ulit at maglagay ka na lang ng hangganan sa sarili mo.

[switblububbles]

^Yes I want my husband back and I am willing to do save our marriage...Pero sabi ko kay hubby naman na right time will come na magkakaayos rin kame ng inlaws ko...hindi naman siguro enough reason yun para makipaghiwalay na sya...

[switblububbles]

^ Are you civil with anyone from your husband's family?  May sibling or cousin ba si hubby mo na puwede mong kausapin?  Someone who can act as a bridge?  Parang it's impossible naman na lahat sila eh kaaway mo.  (if that is the case, maybe you need to reflect)

Sis, baka nasaktan si MIL sa ginawa mong pagsagot-sagot sa kanya at paglayas mo sa bahay nila. Try to put yourself in her place.  Saka, kahit na sa tingin mo may katwiran ka, mas nakatatanda pa rin iyon sa iyo.  Tama si @glamorosa_09, you need to start making amends to your husband's family as a first step to reconciliation. 

Sa ngayon wala na, kase lahat na ng kasama nila sa bahay kakampi na nya...I realized my fault sis pero I think this is not the right time to talk to them. Parang masyado pang mainit yung issue. And they will just belittle me pag pumunta ko dun.

[chicgurl]

i feel sorry for you sis.. hope everything will be well soon..

why do some boys cannot leave their moms? i remember my ex bf told me if we get married we will stay in their house.. in my head, uh-oh a sign!!! glad that he's an ex now.. living with ur in-laws will always be complicated may masasabi at masasabi kahit na gaano ka pa kabait...

hope ma sort out mo na yan sis, & yes sis imbisibol_ is right demand for financial support, that's the least he could do.

[eekai]

sorry that you have to go through this kind of torture with your husband.  it is weird that he has chosen to abandon you.  like most of out gt members, my question is: could there be anything else deeper than the fight yuo had with your MIL that has made him come to a decision to leave you and your kid?

well, for sure he's been brainwashed by his family but my gawd, sobrang konting prodding lang he's given up na?

are you sure you want him back in your life? you might as well be on your own kesa you will forever feel unsecured and insecured with him.

tell him to call his mom kase he seems to need his balls back. nakakainis mga people na super dependent on others.

[kiz_me1109]

I really don't know the story so It's quite hard for me to comment based on what I just read. You and you're hubby should realy talk to each other. Lahat naman tayo nagkakaroon ng problems with in laws kahit gano pa man sila kabait. But my mom would always tell me na kahit anong mangyari, never patulan or awayin ang in laws especially your husbands parents. If there's something they did that you didnt like, it's better na sabihin mo nalang sa husband mo and siya na ang umayos since siya naman ang anak.

I just don't get it kung bakit ayaw ng hubby mo na bumukod naman kayo. Lalo na kung kaya niyo naman pala.

[marose17]

Sa ngayon wala na, kase lahat na ng kasama nila sa bahay kakampi na nya...I realized my fault sis pero I think this is not the right time to talk to them. Parang masyado pang mainit yung issue. And they will just belittle me pag pumunta ko dun.

How about yung mga hindi kasama sa bahay na relatives?  Wala ka man lang kahit isang nakakausap sa kanila (considering that you were together as bf-gf for 5 years)?  You said close naman kayo before so kahit paano, may na-establish ka naman sigurong relationships with the cousins or titas/titos.

Why will they belittle you?

Ang dami kong tanong kasi hindi ko ma-complete ang picture.  Like the other sisses, I am wondering why your husband gave up just like that.

[princessrio]

sa totoo lang swit, nakukulangan ako sa story mo. mahirap magbigay ng payo kung may kulang sa kuwento. syempre, maraming magsasabi ng yung hubby mo ang masama pero sa pagbabasa ko kasi (my only interpretation ha? own opinion ko po ito) , parang may butas pa yung kuwento mo.

siguro, give it some time. make amends with yourin-laws. remember, when you married your husband, you married his entire family. pamilya sya ng asawa mo, so the least that you can give them is respect man lang. hindi mo gugustuhin na yung asawa mo eh ayawan din ang panilya mo.

[shanghai baby]

I still can't understand how a man could abandon his family just like that. And no I'm not after the missing pieces to complete the picture.

My gahd he's 29 years old. Unless you cheated on him, I don't get why he'd give up that easily. Fine, let's assume you said something truly offensive that pained your MIL not just once... his solution is leave you and your baby? Really? That's what a 29-year-old married man would do?

It seems that you tried communicating with him but he's making up excuses. How long na ba since you've been apart? Alright, he's mad at you, I get that. Kasi nga baka napuno but kaya niyang tiisin di makita baby niya? Does he ask man lang how your baby is doing? I agree with Observer54.

Pwede namang walang piliin dba and instead, be the mediator para magkaayos ang mga taong mahal mo. Sorry but it seems that you married a 29-year-old boy.

[may12]

^No sis, she married a 29-year-old BABY.
Super agree ako sayo. Kahit na gaano pa kalaki nagawa kasalanan ng girl, I don't think basta-basta na lang siya iiwan ng lalaki lalo na ang baby nila.
Kahit na ba if ever she cheated on him, lalaban dapat ang guy para makuha ang baby nila. Hindi ganyang pagtataguan pa sila. 

[glamorosa_09]

Common sense naman na mali talaga ang ginawa ng husband. And no reason will justify his decision. Unless na lang kung emotionally/physically abusive si wife.

I remember tuloy a guy friend who had an abusive fiancee (physically and emotionally abusive). His turning point? Isang malaking gulo na ginawa ng girl kay friend's family because of an issue which is not worth of a big commotion.Result, friend  cancelled the wedding and finally broke it off with the girl. Nagkwento lang ako ha, not implying anything.

But on the other hand, possible ding si husband ang may weak character. But since, other people here can't believe na, "ganun lang yun?" They're interested to probe the wife's side. Kung minamaltrato ba sya ng in-laws nya para mag-pent up sya ng ganun? Yung mga pagpapasensyang ginawa nya sa husband nya and in laws during her stay kung meron? Is she remorseful sa gulong na-cause nya? Ano yung mga sinabi nya sa MIL nya? (Dun ako sa mga yun curious)

Kasi kung mga judgmental at hurtful words yung isinagot ni TS, eh kahit ako kung parents ko ang sinagot ng ganun ng harap harapan, mahirap maka-move on. Those people ang nagpalaki and nagsacrifice para saken. Makakamove on lang ako if my partner will express his remorse to my parents lalo na kung wala naman silang ginawang masama. Mahirap ding maipit sa gitna. It's not as simple as black and white.

Kung nakikisama naman ng maayos ang in laws at si husband ay naghihintay lang ng tamang panahon, at si TS ay puro sarili lang ang iniisip, then something could be wrong. I could only assume, kasi kulang yung story. Anyways, her problem now is how to get back with her husband.

And as for the baby. wala pa naman yatang decision if the husband will support or not support the child. Kung hindi nya susuportahan ang child, then that's the time siguro na wala talaga syang "balls."

[glamorosa_09]

Sa ngayon wala na, kase lahat na ng kasama nila sa bahay kakampi na nya...I realized my fault sis pero I think this is not the right time to talk to them. Parang masyado pang mainit yung issue. And they will just belittle me pag pumunta ko dun.

Sis ok lang na palamigin mo muna kahit konti yung sitwasyon, yung tamang hintay lang. Kasi kung dinelay mo nang dinelay yung paghingi mo ng sorry sa family nila, parang hindi ka na rin sincere.

Marami namang paraan to send your "sorry" across. Like kunwari mag send ka ng message sa FB, or ng public status na ipahiwatig how sorry you are. Kung gusto mo talagang humingi ng tawad, you will come up with different approaches. For me, parang yun lang yung way for you to win your husband back.

[Princess_Chill]

hug and hug sis..

1st be strong for your little one...maybe its just a phase lang sa marriage niyo itong pinag dadaanan nyo..

just like our other sisses here same question saakin :anyare? bakit ganoon agad? as for me a guy specially

a dad could leave his wife but not his child..kasi sa kanila iyon e...alam mo iyon? anyways since kasal kayo...swallow all your pride for now...since sinabi mo naman
na di naman ganoon ka major talaga pinag awayan ninyo ni MIL maayos nyo pa yan..you also mentioned na close ka sa kanila
dati..so alam mo na kiliti nila...send some food...or anything..ano naman kung they'll belittle you atleast gumawa ka ng effort para magkaayos kayo.
kung di parin umepek edi tama na...atleast gumawa ka ng effort na makapag ayos kayo

pero sis ang nakakatakot lang sa simpleng ganyang problem nakapagsabi si hubby mo na mas pinili niya family niya kaysa sa inyo..e family din naman niya kayo hindi
gf lang...baka naman pag may mas malaki ng problema na dumating in the future he won't stand by you and your kid.

you know your husband best...isipin mo mabuti kung bakit biglang umabot lang sa ganyan...

sana maayos nyo din ang sitwasyon...Pray