Will I pursue or just wait for him? help!... ;(

[cpa_me2012]

I am a newbie here. Never na nagka-bf. Never din niligawan. Super tutok lang sa studies and sobrang naattached sa barkada. I am now 24 years old, a very career and family oriented. Hindi naman ako pangit. Others find me pretty. It's just that sobrang simple ko lang and most of the time tahimik lang talaga pag tinopak sa mood.. Others find me too conservative (yes this is very true!). A very idealistic person, waiting for the right person, for Mr. Perfect.

Now here's the story. May naka-chat ako sa fb. I have known him before, but we're not that close, simpleng hi and hello lang pag nakakasalubungan or nagkakasabay maglunch ng mga barkada kong guys. Nagka-chat kami for two consecutive nights. Masaya siyang ka-chat. Marami kaming napagusapan about life, his love-life, his perspective about true love and everything. He has a great sense of humor, too kaya ako nag-enjoy. Sa sobrang bilis niyaya ako mag-hang out, for a coffee or movie.. Pero naghold back ako, natakot (praning lang). It was my first time kasi na may lalaking magyaya sa akin. Pero we had an agreement naman na getting to know each other muna, no expectations. Until now, hindi pa yun natutuloy sa sobrang busy niya. He is also a career oriented guy, a very competitive one - one of the characteristics that I'm looking for a guy. He has the looks too! (jackpot!). He never had a serious relationship, maybe he's looking for the right one for him.

The problem here is, I'm starting to like him. Lately hindi na kami nakakapagchat dahil sa sobrang busy niya. Ang hirap sa part ng girl, hindi mo maiwasan ang mag-expect. Lage ako ang unang nangangamusta sa kanya (which is very odd). Pero he doesn't fail to reply naman. I am just bothered kasi hindi naman ako ganito dati. What do you think? Will I pursue him? (Parang Laida Magtalas lang hehe!) or forget about him na lang and maybe I deserve another one?

I badly need advice from you guys. Looking forward to hearing from you. 

[megumiii]

We're on the same boat, sis. I'm also in my twenties and I've never had a boyfriend. I'm beautiful, and men pursue me (and continue to), but I just don't think I'm emotionally ready to be in a relationship yet.

Anyway, the fact that he asked you out on a date means that he finds you interesting and wants to spend more time with you in order to get to know you better and not just develop your (platonic) relationship online. I don't find anything malicious about going on dates - I believe it's just another way of socializing but with a different purpose - to familiarize oneself with another person for the sole reason of finding out if you're compatible with each other or not. And dating doesn't equate to being a couple, so you don't have to worry about committing yourself to him right then and there.

I just got a bit confused of what you stated. What did you mean by, "He never had a serious relationship, maybe he's looking for the right one for him."? Had he ever been in a relationship before (serious or not)? If not, then that's all right (actually, the better) because it means that he doesn't jump straight into relationships easily just for the sake of companionship, and he's taking his time in weighing his options first and getting to know the other party better. BUT it's definitely a red flag if you meant that he had been in relationships (note the plural form) before, but none of it was serious. If that's the case, I don't think it would be wise to even consider him given his history.

It's normal to like someone. Just don't let your rationality be clouded by it. For starters, I would always advise to use your head more than your heart. People nowadays make good use of the latter first, and more often than not, they tend to commit mistakes and suffer grave consequences thereafter. And since you've noticed changes about yourself and thoughts of him are starting to fill your mind, I would advise you to take it easy first, and even though it can be challenging, try not to initiate the conversations sometimes (believe me, he would realize something's up, and he might try to use it to his advantage since you're giving off the sign that you're all over him), and DON'T expect anything nor keep your hopes up. You could always try to engage yourself in other things like keeping yourself occupied with your hobbies so you don't find yourself thinking about him most of the time.

You don't have to decide whether to pursue him or not. Just let nature take its course. But try to spend lots of time in each other's company first (not just online, and don't sound too eager), and get to know him better. Also, it would be best to not limit yourself (to him) and keep your options open. If other men take interest in you and ask you out, go on dates as long as they're potential lovers, but don't ever let your guard down and always keep an eye open.

Keep us updated, sis.

[tomatostellar]

baka kailangan mag landi ka ng konti :p I mean, be available/approachable but not too available (if you know what I'm saying)
don't expect too much though, there's a possibilty though na he's just not that into you pero we'll
never know, baka nga sadyang super busy lang..
maybe next time you chat, bring up mo yung standing offer nya na moviedate/coffee if it's still up for grabs,,(in a breezy non-desperate way)
ayun. i dont think i've helped :p but hope it goes well

[secretzzz]

@cpa_me2012

Next time na ayain ka niya at hindi kayo matuloy!!! ako nalang muna papalit sa kanya! haha dba? kung wala siya time sayo maybe ako meron 

[chichi143]

dapat nga sis, in the first place hindi mo pinoproblema iyan.
basta. if a guy really likes you, he'd do something. he will ask you again kung gusto ka niya talaga.
go out and don't think much about him. :-)


now this happened to me recently, a guy in the office ask me out twice already but ended up cancelling. always on his side. then i found out he asks a lot of girls pala so maybe mas type niya yung isa niyang tinanong kaya cancelled out ako. hahaha! never going to happen again though.

so..  we're young, enjoy life, marami pa tayo makikilala na hindi na natin kailangan magtanong pa ng mga ganitong bagay kasi umpisa pa lang assured ka na.

[sacred cow]

what's wrong with being the one to pursue him? rejection is better than regret

[aquacharly]

^There is nothing wrong with being the 1 to pursue, yes.
But I beg to disagree --  Rejection is not the only possible negative outcome.

To be in pursuit implies the commitment of time, energy & self in a grand, consistent marketing of one's self  as the best thing to happen to a guy. 
How far is one willing to go to convince ?
How much is one willing to give/offer to convince? 
How long can you keep that up? ( Coz - There IS a wide chasm  between putting the idea you're The Best to cross his receptive mind, &  making him convince himself you're The Best - so far.)
So, it isn't just Rejection, but may be Rejection + Regret one Lost One's Self during the pursuit.

Assuming one pursues, and gets the guy -- there is no Rejection, no immediate Regret --
--  but, there is Self  Doubt as to how authentic/deep his love/commitment is. 
What if one has run out of tricks, will he still be around?  Don't we yearn for the security of Love  finding us & stealing our hearts vs Love negotiated for? So, there will be Regret later on too + Insecurity + Fears.

Just my opinions,  what do I know after all?

But yes, I concede that The Pursuit is thrilling.  Hahaha. Just know when to stop. 



Going back to CPA_ME2012:

Sa cuento, this guy is totally wrapped up in his job/career.
There is the easy possibility of bumping into him for meals -- but that hasn't happened.
It appears the flirting on line has been on an extended run.
MU na ba? As in - no commitment but we're both interested, & so let's play it by ear?
On the surface of things, ok yan -- no rush. Anyway, Forever is there. Hahaha

BUT unless I didn't get it right -- all this has been going on on-line, not face to face.
That is uhhmmm. "Different" as in "different, not promising to be serious". 
A man who is interested in a woman, for whatever reason -- will make time for her.
Iba yung interested, at iba yung - he has idle time at weird/non-prime time hours, walang magawa, sige usap tayo.
I don't mean to be hurtful, ganon lang pagkabasa ko sa cuento.
Better to assume just Friendship, versus assume what is not really there. 

[sacred cow]

^There is nothing wrong with being the 1 to pursue, yes.
But I beg to disagree --  Rejection is not the only possible negative outcome.

To be in pursuit implies the commitment of time, energy & self in a grand, consistent marketing of one's self  as the best thing to happen to a guy. 
How far is one willing to go to convince ?
How much is one willing to give/offer to convince? 
How long can you keep that up? ( Coz - There IS a wide chasm  between putting the idea you're The Best to cross his receptive mind, &  making him convince himself you're The Best - so far.)
So, it isn't just Rejection, but may be Rejection + Regret one Lost One's Self during the pursuit.

welcome to a guy's world, ganyan na ganyan pumapasok sa isip ng guys sa simula ! that's why we need to be congruent with what we're showing the other person, kundi puro short term lang ang mangyayari
kapag nalaman na hindi ka pala 'äll that' If you believe that you're the best or a really good catch, then it doesn't matter
if a person rejects you, because in your mind you didn't get rejected...you just find people who has bad taste.
it shouldn't be taken personally

Assuming one pursues, and gets the guy -- there is no Rejection, no immediate Regret --
--  but, there is Self  Doubt as to how authentic/deep his love/commitment is. 
What if one has run out of tricks, will he still be around?  Don't we yearn for the security of Love  finding us & stealing our hearts vs Love negotiated for? So, there will be Regret later on too + Insecurity + Fears.

Just my opinions,  what do I know after all?

how is that any different if the guy was the one who pursued the girl? does it make
it less authentic/genuine if the girl was the one who pursued?

But yes, I concede that The Pursuit is thrilling.  Hahaha. Just know when to stop. 

couldn't have said it any better

P.S. I like how you spell ''cuento'' so spanish

[sacred cow]

A man who is interested in a woman, for whatever reason -- will make time for her.

ganito rin kaming mga guys mag-isip when it comes to girls, a woman who is interested will move mountains for you or make time to meet you. kaya sorry na lang kung nagpapakipot lang pala yung babae, a man should know how to value his time

[aquacharly]

how is that any different if the guy was the one who pursued the girl? does it make
it less authentic/genuine if the girl was the one who pursued?

IMO, the core issue  vis-a-vis  The Pursuit is not Authenticity (or the reverse thereof: Duplicity? Hahaha)
Rather, it centers around:  How far are you willing to go? 
      How much are you willing to risk? 
      How extensive will you adapt, as far as to lose your Self?
      How far out are you willing to hang yourself out to dry?  Hahaha

But don't get me wrong, oh I enjoyed initiating The Pursuit/s before. 
BUT only as far as flashing a heeled leg; sexy double-speak (sexy ha, not slutty);  and general glow of eager friendliness (not friendly eagerness, hahaha. Think GP and not PG Tinkerbell)
  "Initiate" The Pursuit, not undertake the full blown campaign -  difference in operative verb.  Hehe
          Maybe, I didn't have enough guts for the whole 9 Miles. 
          Maybe, my Lola would have said:  Have you misplaced your sentido common?! 
          Or maybe, because MManila is such a small hub of tsismiss -- I couldn't risk a good-girl-with-bad-habits label. 
          Or maybe, like some I know caught in trite teleserye lives, I didn't want to live running scared feeling everyday  I up-reached beyond my grasp -- Forever apprehensive, waiting for the curtain to fall on a running self-marketing show.  I have seen how hard a woman who undertook The Pursuit works to keep on convincing The Sun of Her Life  that His Best Life is with her.  I saw: nakakapagod; the heart gets tired. 
           Or, maybe The Target of The Pursuit just wasn't worth it. Haha!

Just my opinions, but then -- what do I know after all?  .
I am still working through years of the madres' Theology of Guilt/Doomsday Fears towards the light of the Jesuits' Theology of Liberation.  Hahaha

[sacred cow]

^ can I have some of what you're smoking, that's some strong s***!
but yeah, I get your point...I think?

[aquacharly]

SACRED COW:  Do we now start to lie  to each other?   Hahaha

I don't wanna get slapped  with a Warning!/Watched  for being OT.
So, CPA_ME2012

What am I trying to say ba?
Pray for the gift of Discernment.
Is he a Promising Person, you can strategize to bring to a long-term meeting of minds?
Or, is he Person Promising Nothing, who may be tempted to take advantage of your good heart for his black heart's use?

In short:  go slow, don't rush, give yourself time to assess him well. 

[sacred cow]

^ I do understand the gist of what you're trying to say, I just don't agree with it

[Ireneeeeee]

IMHO, huwag na. kung gusto ka nya talaga, mangungulit yan. ok na yun sya mag initiate with 'gusto' kaysa mapilitan lang sya sumama dahil sa hiya at politeness dahil ikaw na nangunguna. Ituon mo nalang pansin mo sa ibang guys na nagpupursue din sayo or magpakabusy ka muna. I know it's a bit difficult kasi nakasanayan mo na andyan sya pero ok na yun kaysa maging papansin dating mo. baka magfeeling lang yun.