Stay in this relationship or leave?

[sigh]

I have this guy friend who's always been there in the background of my life. We had a thing in the past which never really materialized into something more than friendship. However we stayed in touch and gets to see each other once in awhile. My BF for 6 years (he's also my first BF), never got jealous of him even though he knew our "past". Problem is I've fallen in love with my friend and he admitted he feels the same way. I'm so confused. I've always thought my BF and I have a perfect relationship. We're happy, we seldom fight, we have lots of things in common and he's my bestfriend. I never imagined myself being in this situation. I was caught off guard and didn't think I would have deep feelings for this friend. what should I do? I'm in contact with both of them but I feel so guilty. BF doesn't know anything. I don't know what I want. Please help.

[ragnar_danneskjold]

Lagot ka teh!!! haha. Nakakakilig na nakakainis. what to do? call papa jack.

what i can say is review your feelings for your bf and this friend. weigh everything down to the last ounce. in the end, relationship is not just about feelings, anyway. feelings fade in 6 months to 2 years or more if you feel like killing me because of my modest estimate... but having a bf that's for-keeps??? that's a rare pearl you shouldn't throw into the pig pen. if you still love your bf, maybe it's just some kind of itch between your legs. good news: there's a cure for that.

"I've always thought my BF and I have a perfect relationship."

most probably you're right. seriously, i think you're one of dem lucky girls. if i were the judge, i'd rest your case. your bf doesn't deserve what you're thinking right now. unless -- and you have to be very clear about this -- you don't love him anymore. straight up, do you still love him or not?

last point, you're having a case of infidelity. if you don't address it as early as now, it'll show up again when you're married and you'll be in for a mess.

good luck.

[sakinah]

@sigh for me you have to choose the one you love which is your guy friend kase unfair kay bf kung pilit yung feelings mo for him ikaw na nga nagsabi diba 6years so malaki na yung nabuild nyong respeto sa isat kaya bilang respeto sa kanya stop cheating on him and i know in due time rerespetuhin nya din naman yung magiging desisyon mo, ,perfect relationship nyo ni bf pero what is important naman diba yung feelings kaya nga sabi nila ang love daw ay pakikipag sapalaran matalo ka man o manalo ang importante nagmahal ka ng tama. .kaya gawin mo ang tama i know mahirap makasakit ng tao lalo pa at di mu naman intensyon pero that is the only solution para pare pareho kayo maging totoo sa isat isa,,complicated na nga wag mu na gawin mas lalong complicated.!!!   

[onilord]

Mahirap mapunta sa situation nung kahit sinong guy, parang pag naisip ko sakin nangyari e parang ang unfair (yes kahit ikaw yung best friend or yung boy friend). Para sakin, ang right thing to do is to take some time off with both of them. It will be hard to explain it to your boyfriend but i believe he will understand and prefer na at least to give you alone time. Tapos siguro while you are at it, timbangin mo rin kung sino ba talaga gusto mo. kasi maaring kaya naiisip mo na mas mahal mo yung best friend mo is because masyado mo na nabaliwala yung bf mo dahil nga anjan lang sya lage at di mo namimiss. Pero yun e opinion ko lang. Ikaw rin nakakaalam kung ano ang tama para sayo. Good luck! =)

[sigh]

@ragnar_dannesjkold - that's the problem.  I'm so confused now na I don't know how to assess if I still love my bf or not. Stupid question but how can I tell? I think Istill love him but things are different now.  I just don't want to hurt him with this. If I compare them both, friend has more advantage but is that enough?  Is it fair to base it on who's the safer choice?

@sarnah - I can't say that I don't love my bf anymore.  For all the years we've been together he has always been good to me. I'm afraid to hurt him.

@onilord - I've thought about cutting off them both.. but I don't know how to say it to bf. It would be so out of the blue. . Plus there's no way I would be able to tell him in person because we're in a long distance relationship now..just for a few months. Both bf and friend are back home. Do you think thisnis the right decision? Do I have to tell bf everything? ??

[onilord]

@sigh

What if you stay away from your friend for good? it will be easier to assess your feelings to your bf without the distraction. It will be the fair decision specially you mentioned your bf has always been good to you.

[sakinah]

@sigh maybe you love him but not enough to say that he is only in your heart. .right?? i believe that you also love him because you are aware kung ano ang mararamdaman nya at ayaw mo siya masaktan pero girl malinaw naman kung sino ang truly mong mahal so magpaka totoo na lang tayo wag mo na patagalin pagiging unfair sa kanya i know magiging mahirap ang pakikipag usap kailangan ng 100 kilong lakas ng loob pero sabi ko nga un lang ang solusyon. .

[ragnar_danneskjold]

@ragnar_dannesjkold - that's the problem.  I'm so confused now na I don't know how to assess if I still love my bf or not. Stupid question but how can I tell? I think Istill love him but things are different now.  I just don't want to hurt him with this. If I compare them both, friend has more advantage but is that enough?  Is it fair to base it on who's the safer choice?

if you're trying too hard, i don't think you still love him. mukhang mas mahal mo na nga yung friend mo. then you have to be prepared for the consequences. it'll be messy at first but you have to be honest to your bf.

keep us updated on the progress of this breakup!

[Girltalker2]

last point, you're having a case of infidelity. if you don't address it as early as now, it'll show up again when you're married and you'll be in for a mess.

Leave. asap. otherwise naging unfaithful (emotionally) ka na nga kay bf, you will still drag the agony of being unfaithful. mahirap.

I would suggest not to choose anyone for the meantime as you are confused.  If you are selfish, you would just stick with your bf, kasi wala naman kayong problema, pero at the same time, hanap hanapin mo yung guy friend mo.  Are you selfish?

The right thing to do is to step back.  Let your bf know you need time and space to think.  Let your friend know you need time and space to think.  If I were younger, I would advise you to do what sis sakinah is advising, go for the one you love.  Pero now I am wiser, I would not ONLY look at that.  You should also weigh things who loves you more and who do you think won't give you a heartache.  Ang problem if is guy friend eh mukhang hindi husband material at si bf ang husband material pero love mo si guy friend. in this case, do not choose anyone and wait for the right one.

@ragnar_dannesjkold - that's the problem.  I'm so confused now na I don't know how to assess if I still love my bf or not. Stupid question but how can I tell? I think Istill love him but things are different now.  I just don't want to hurt him with this. If I compare them both, friend has more advantage but is that enough?  Is it fair to base it on who's the safer choice?

@sarnah - I can't say that I don't love my bf anymore.  For all the years we've been together he has always been good to me. I'm afraid to hurt him.

@onilord - I've thought about cutting off them both.. but I don't know how to say it to bf. It would be so out of the blue. . Plus there's no way I would be able to tell him in person because we're in a long distance relationship now..just for a few months. Both bf and friend are back home. Do you think thisnis the right decision? Do I have to tell bf everything? ??

sis, as I said, the more you drag, the more you are not being fair to your bf. 

Iyan ang typical reasoning ng mga nangangaliwa - I do not want to hurt my bf/gf.  So the action plan is do nothing. But in reality, mas lalo mong binabaon ang sarili mo.

I don't think you have to tell your bf everything, you can just tell him that you want to assess the situation, you are confused as LDR does not seem to work for you.

[popi]

@onilord - I've thought about cutting off them both.. but I don't know how to say it to bf. It would be so out of the blue. . Plus there's no way I would be able to tell him in person because we're in a long distance relationship now..just for a few months. Both bf and friend are back home. Do you think thisnis the right decision? Do I have to tell bf everything? ??

ahhh.... baka naman nami-miss mo lang yung may naglalambing sayo kasi wala si bf sa tabi mo kaya na-attract ka sa ibang guy 

[FOURever]

Baka masyadong perfect relationship niyo.. Leave if you think nagiging unfaithful ka na. Kung may nagpapaconfuse sayo, you have to weigh everything.. Unfair kasi sa bf mo.. Mahirap magsisi sa huli..

[argento]

Kawawang bf. pinatagal mo pa ng 6 yrs

[sigh]

Thank you sa mga advice nyo. I really didn’t expect to have feelings for another guy but it happened. Whenever I talk to my bf now I think I still love him but maybe nalessen sya? Is that even possible? I want to step back and think things through but I can’t find the courage to say it pa and I really don’t know what to say. I can’t say that LDR isn’t working because we’ve done this before. How do I find the right time?

[baliwsayo]

Life is short. So, make the most na lang.. meaning, enjoyin mo na lang yan till you're no longer confused. I know it's unfair to your bf but then again, who says life is fair ba in the first place di ba?

[jelliebean28]

LDR. Sa sobrang miss mo kay bf, tumingin ka na sa iba... Kung may bf ka na, don't entertain other guys. End of story.

[joeygirly]

exactly. don't entertain other guys or don't entertain thoughts of infidelity dahil baka mag lead sa feelings ang dating thoughts lang..

[evilwoman]

@sigh - gusto kitang batukan at baka sakaling naalog lang ang ulo mo.of course di yan nangyari na lang.yung part na may nararamdaman ka nang kakaiba,sige pwede natin sisihin ang pagkanaive or in denial mo pero yung umabot sa aminan portion?conscious effort na yan meaning ginusto mo ang sitwasyon na kinakalagyan mo.
Feeling ko lang naman ha,baka naexcite ka lang dahil bago yang kay bestfriend and naging complacent na kayo ni bf mo kaya nagdududa ka sa feelings mo.ganun naman usually pag matagal na relationship.pag wala nang kilig kilig moments,dyan na papasok ang effort na magstick together pa din kayo.commitment po tawag dyan. kung wala ba sa eksena si bestfriend mo ano ba sa tingin mo ang nararamdaman mo kay bf?

[tough_guy]

^agree! mag effort ka para mapanatili ang relationship with your ldr bf.. hindi sa tagal ng pinag samahan or what but still bf mo parin yun.. sakit kaya nun pag nalaman ng bf mo kung ano talaga totoo.. tsk sana po makonsensya ka..

[mooncake and leaves]

i think 6 yrs is long enough time for you to get tired of your relationship with your bf. think it through because hindi naman kayo siguro magtatagal ng bf mo and you won't endure a long distance relationship if there's no love there. your feelings for your friend might be overwhelming because well, he's not your bf. ganun talaga. new people seem more important because may challenge pa with them.  we get bored with our legit relationships. we take our partners for granted. we don't need to win them over kasi. also because may history kayo ni guy friend so that probably adds to the romanticism of being with this guy.

i agree with the above post, though. i wish you stayed away na especially since you once had feelings for this friend. these things don't just happen.

but goodluck. don't worry about it too much. time has a way of working things out.

[pret_ty68]

Kawawa naman si bf pero sabi nga love can't be forced. Habang pinapatagal mo lalo kang nagiging unfair sa kanya. Let him Go kung talagang sa tingin mo hindi mo na sya mahal para mahanap nya na rin yung tunay na magmamahal sa kanya.