Emotionally Cheating

[kiz_me1109]

I don't know If this is the right term but here's the story.

My husband and I are married for 4 years. We were 4 years as gf/bf when we decided to get married. When I moved here in Manila, nakilala ko na agad yung mga friends niya from College.

But when I saw one of his friend last year from another friend's wedding, I felt something different.

I'd been thinking about him since then. He was almost like my husband. Loves sports, gentleman,smart,etc. But there's realy something about him that drives me crazy. Sometimes I feel guilty kasi kapag nag aaway kami ni hubby e napapaisip ako. Na what If maging close kami ng friend niya. Baka kung ano pa ang mangyari. hehe

Anyways, I really like this guy. I want the feeling to stop because I feel like I am emotionally cheating from my partner.

Is this normal?

[ciacia18]

Normal lang ata yan, parang crush? I wouldn't call it emotional cheating though.

[aquacharly]

Sure, normal to be attracted to some people; normal to have them occupy your thoughts now and then.
But no longer normal if you develop an obsession that leads to serious planning, or obsession that makes you view/measure most things per that interest; and the like.  Alam mo na.
Sabi ng 1 male BFF ko:  okay lang humanga, tumingin.  Pero yung magnasa, masilaw -- bad news.

IMO, emotional cheating is when you are already hatching plans to pander to your interest.
Or, when your obsessive thinking bends your perspective na.
Like, even if I think of Johnny Depp everyday, eh wala pa kong maisip na plans to get my hands on him -- so zero emotional cheating there.
But if in the quiet of my mind, I measure everything my hubby is and/or  does versus Johnny Depp -- IMO, emotional cheating na rin yan.

But then, what would I know?  haha 
 

[patchi2012]

i don't think it's emotionally cheating sis, since all you've done lang naman is humanga and normal lang naman mag admire kahit married na. I guess naiisip mo sya siguro pag nag aaway kayo ni husband mo kase nga naman gusto mo ma divert yung attention mo muna dun pansamantala para mawala ang inis mo.

Since friend sya ni hubby mo, for sure dadating pa yung time na magkikita at magkikita kayo, for sure dun mo ma test talaga yung self mo. Plus you know your limits naman siguro na paghanga lang talaga yan.

[kiz_me1109]

Thank you everyone for the reply.

At least now I know that I am not doing any harm on our relationship. But of course, I admit naman na there are times na naiisip ko...

"What if time will come na kasama ko siya and kaming dalawa lang." hahaha. But then again, sa isip ko lang din naman. =)

So far naman I have never done anything bad that could destroy our marriage. And may takot naman ako sa Diyos. =)

Thanks again. =)

[Frozen Toes]

I will have to disagree with the comments above.

You said so yourself that you like the guy. Why nurture that feeling? How is that helping your marriage? If you think that it is perfectly fine for you to like this other man (after all, it's just in your head and you don't really have any plans of acting on it), you wouldn't be here. You know deep inside that something is off, and I will be the contrabida in this thread because it seems to me that what you're doing is emotional cheating.

If this is indeed a harmless crush, does your husband know about it? If it's something you can't tell him, then there's malice involved.

Think twice.

[gab54]

Paminsan minsan, may mga crushes parin ako. Pero hindi siya tumatagal, hindi rin tumitindi. Mild lang, kilig, minsan stalk ng FB, minsan mag imagine din na what if... pero honestly, its not very intense. Mas love ko parin si hubby, with all my heart... 

[pancitkanton]

my wife confides in me regarding stuff like this. as a guy, wala sa akin ito kasi i know that my woman knows her boundaries and priorities.

I have to admit na there are times when due to work, etc i cant deliver 100% sa mga obligations ko sa kanya. I joked to her nga na she should go out with her friends and if she feels like it, on dates.

I understand na may mga times na masrap makareceive ng attention from other people to make you feel like "you still have it".

[Sophomore]

I think I have this dilemma now. Well, admittedly, faithfulness is not in my system. Sad but I often find myself getting bored or interested with other people after a while. But this relationship is really wonderful. He is the nicest guy so I have been super faithful. Pero recently, I met someone. He's funny and attractive and well, he kinda gives me the kind of attention you get when you're trying to impress someone. He's also involved with someone else so parang wala Lang kahit maglandian kami sa text. Of course it's bad behavior and I know I should just stop but I can't shake off this feeling that's there. Like I want to give chase. And he gives that kind of chase to make me feel like I'm prey. I'm just afraid if this will lead to something physical. I don't like this guy other than the superficial sexual attraction. Sankatutak na dasal Siguro katapat nitong dilemma ko. I really don't know how people can commit to each other in marriage. Hay.

[purple.strawberry]

Meron ba talagang "emotional cheating"? I don't know. For me cheating happens when you've put your desires into action.

Even if you're in a relationship, it's normal to be attracted to other people. Sa'tin kasi parang the idea is not acceptable, but it's going to happen, and the earlier you can accept and understand that, the better. Merong mas gwapo sa asawa mo, merong mas attractive ang personality. But so what? As long as you're not in an affair with these other guys, I think it's okay. It's what you do and how you react that matters.

[Purple_Power]

^Sis nag-cool off naman pala kayo ni BF, wala naman akong nakikitang masama kung mangyayari nga yang sa chat.  Buti nga sa chat lang eh! I mean dahil cool off kayo siempre andyan yung possibility na baka maging wala kayo ng tuluyan so chances are siempre you are thinking otherwise of someone else.

Emotionally cheating kasi for me is kapag in love ka na talaga sa taong gusto mo tapos you are already ignoring your bf or hubby. Ang napapansin kong mga emotionally cheating is yung mga guys or husband na yung nagiging cold na sila sa wife nila tapos nagsusungit na sila tapos yun pala may iba na silang desire na babae or worst case they are cheating already.

  pareho pala tayo na-attract rin sa friend ng partner though ang difference naman nung akin is hindi pa kami nun in fact tinatanong niya kung sino tapos hindi ko inamin kaso umabot sa point na nag away pa kami sa YM noon kasi hindi ko masagot kung sino yung taong gusto ko noon na friend niya. Nung naging kami saka ko inamin.  Nagkaroon na siya ng confirmation at least saka tama yung hinala niya. Tinanong na nga niya ako kung may admiration pa rin ako. Sabi ko nawala na lang kasi matagal ko na rin naman hindi nakikita. Tinanong rin niya sa akin kung example siya ang lumapit sa akin noon at kasabay siya. Naging honest naman ako na baka nga sa kanya ko gustong mapunta. Wala naman violent reaction si bf. Isang bagay kung bakit talagang gumawa siya ng paraan para ma fall ako sa kanya kasi alam niya iba gusto ko.  eh hindi naman ako in love sa friend niya eh!

Pero itong going on na ang relationship namin, may hinahangaan pa rin ako kasi sobrang gwapo niya saka mestizo talaga. Bading nga lang.  kaya nung minsan tinanong sa akin ni bf kung aattend ako sa session niya. Sabi ko OO andun siya eh! So pagpapalit mo na ako run? Biglang sabi niya hindi ka naman pipiliin nun kasi lalake gusto nun eh! 

[simang]

Feelings are just feelings unless you act on them. I wouldnt call it cheating per se, but as a married woman you should know better. Dont entertain the thought ganun lang yun.

[angelic_daphne]

My thoughts: If its something that would lead to a lie of omission between you and your loved one and you entertain these thoughts periodically leading to any form of emotional distance... It is emotional cheating. It could definitely harm the relationship.

[graZiousa]

Sis, not really.. Kasi nga u said na he is like your hubby in many ways. So I think kaya mo sya nagugustuhana dahil marami syang similarities kay hubby mo, ibig lang sabihin si hubby ang basis mo for liking that guy... Ok lang naman humanga.

[alice_alice]

crush is okay it's normal kahit na married na pero yung panay panay mo na siyang naiisip tapos dami ng naglalaro sa utak mo that's not good, tama yung sis naten dito why nurture it? it would be best not to think about it na lang kasi the more na naiisip mo baka matempt ka pa, i'm not sayin' na you will pero we can never tell mas maganda na wag na lang isipin para di na magdeepen yung pagkaattract mo sa kanya.