Separation Anxiety or Trust Issues

[hedonista]

Husband and I used to work in the same office for almost  years. Love affair started in the office too. There problems in between like him being caught flirting with other employees.

He started working elsewhere. My inner peace was destroyed since he started there last Monday.

I cannot decipher if it is separation anxiety or trust issues or maybe both.

Your opinion and thoughts will be appreciated. Also some advice too will help me.

Thank you mga sis.

[mslcgrey]

^ sis, like what you already said what you are experiencing could be a combination of separation anxiety and trust issues. as you have mentioned, the two of you have been working for the same company for quite some time so sanay kayo, ikaw na magkasama palagi as in your case 24/7. sabay kayong papasok, magla-lunch break, and uuwi. sis, this kind of proximity with your special someone in some people's case can be a cause na magsawa agad or umay factor baga. that could be one of the reasons bakit nagkaroon ng flirting issues.

though grabe, alam na nung girl na nandyan si misis eh nakipag-flirt pa.

you'll get used to not being with him at work. think of the positive consequences of this situation. for example, as a friend of mine just mentioned to me yesterday, if the two of are working for the same company and let say biglang magsara ang company then the two of you will be both out of work. now, if the two of you are working for different companies, then magsara man ang isa the other one will still have a job so isa lang ang need maghanap. another example, you'll get to miss each other. pag-uwi nyo you get to talk things regarding work nyo.

to lessen your burden, kapag matagal-tagal na si hubby mo sa company niya, ask him na ipakilala ka sa mga co-workers niya and befriend them. it doesn't hurt na maging alert pa rin if may mga something fishy going on but wag din tayong msyadong paranoid.

kapag magkasama kayo ng hubby mo, show him that you miss him. show him that you trust him kahit at the back of your mind eh may hinala ka.

i hope this helps. most important of all, put God in the center of your marriage. 

[hedonista]

Thank you for the reply sis mslcgrey. In addition sa case namin, different rest days, different shift timing rin. Pero today is the 4th day. We still get to see each other during breakfast lang.

umeffort na lang ako. I filed leave for the weekends para may quality time. Normal things like watching movie on Saturday.

What I noticed is that he doesn't text or call me if he's in his office. Out of sight out of mind. Hintay lang ako ng timing para makausap sya about this. His office pa naman, madaming magaganda and sexy. I I gained weight after giving birth. Lagi nya  ko sinasabihan na kanin daw kasi ako ng kanin.  lol

[Girltalker2]

sis hedonista, I think you don't trust him. moreso, you don't trust other girls around him.

Ang akin lang, 2 parties should make the relationship work. Hindi yung come what may kung sinong humarap sa kanya, eh lalandian nya or matutuwa na nilalandian sya. He also has to respect your place in his life, and hindi puede ang makipaglandian.

Sorry to say, sa call center ba kayo nagw -work?  Mahirap ang culture dyan kasi landian is the fad. Kung hindi ka malandi, seldom will you be in - at least ang impression ng marami. so I really do not know how you patch things up.

You cannot possibly guard each other all your lives.  Dapat sarili mismo willing hindi lumandi with others. Otherwise, the relationship is always at risk.

[aquacharly]

I cannot decipher if it is separation anxiety or trust issues or maybe both.
 

Both, IMO.  .

View this separation as an opportunity to grow.
Use the "space" and time  apart to  "grow" and advance your interests; to widen your circles of friends & influence;  to become more interesting.

Absence makes the heart grow fonder. Daw.  Basta stay cool, don't go off imagining mamaws. 

[Princess_Chill]

girls im in this phase right now...

me and partner are not in the same office naman...pero iba ang kaba ko doon sa isang ka officemate niya
his into sales and i know this field is very prome to temptations.

They are together almost everyday since teamate sila they have to stay together..out of towns etc. Pumupunta naman ako sa office nila
and kilala ako nung girl...pati iyong asawa ng girl nakakasama din namin after work nila, its just that kahit nasa bahay na kami
magkatxt parin sila pero about work naman....

is it just me? im not the selosa type but i don't know iba talaga doon sa particular girl na iyon...may iba naman siya ka team pero
wala akong nararamdaman na kahit anong pag dududa....

i hate this feeling..kakabalik lang nila galing out of town noong wed then sa sunday out of town uli.

kilala ko naman boss nila pag out of town naman e hindi sila kanya kanya room dahil sa buget din..

girls im i just praning or something? should i tell my hubby about it or leave it like this nalang?

[snowflakes]

for me, kilala mo kase asawa mo kung ano talaga sha. kaya ganyan ang isip mo. pero ikaw lang makakabago ng pananaw mo. think positive. malay mo naman hinde nya ginagawa ang iniisip mo. isa pa sabi nila kung ano iniiisip mo yun ang mangyayare. kaya wag ka na mag alala.

[k_heart]

Naku sis, praning ka nga kasi office lang naman kayo magkahiwalay. Mas healthy nga na separate ang
work-place ng mag-asawa. At madami tayong mga GT sisses, na hindi lang magkahiwalay ng office,
oceans apart pa.

[Princess_Chill]

oo nga sis feeling ko praning lang ako...pero hindi naman kasi ako talaga selosang tao...

mali lang sana tong nararamdaman ko...naku...naku talaga...

iyong boss niya na becky e bff ko naman...so tingin ko naman if there would be something ako una makaka alam....

[cindylulu]

Naku I have a friend whose hubby is a doctor. Actually they're both doctors in the same hospital. When the hubby transferred to another hospital, na paranoid na ang friend ko. pinang-aaway ba naman ang mga nurses sa station ng hubby nya kahit walang basis. napapahiya tuloy ang husband. ngayon lang namin nalaman super selosa pala tong si friend. This thread could help her sana.

[heaven_charm]

super agree with callcenter culture. dami ko nadin nakita na mag-officemate na magsyota tapos  pag nagtransfer yung isa sa other company, yung naiiwan may iba na agad partner. ang masaklap padun walang willing magsumbong kasi ayaw nalang makialam so hindi nadin guarantee na porke may kakilala ka sa other company eh safe na

keep observing nalang hubby, kung wala na kayo sex life pag may time kayo together, pwede nang sign yun na something is wrong. pero kung super sweet padin naman kayo pag may time, baka nga youre being paranoid lang.

[hedonista]

the inevitable happened.

he had an affair started last May. found out last August.
still recovering from infidelity so help me God.

[aquacharly]

^You  must not let his weakness cripple you.

If he is the kind of man who will betray you because you are not around to stop him --  perhaps your recovery requires an Ending. 

What is he doing to help you recover? 

[hedonista]

he is saying/assuring me that he will change
but i said i require full disclosure and honesty moving forward and he can't do it because i still have spy sa office nya i know he flirts pa din
sabi nya change is progressive daw wag sya pilitin.
but that does not give me assurance.
out of sight out of mind?
how can i trust again
bumabalik ako rages of anger from time to time like what you been through and what i said in my other thread

[evilwoman]

^anong change is progessive ang pinagsasabi nya?you mean nanghihingi ng time para ma-"wean" sa kabit nya? Kapal din naman nya magdemand kung ganun. Kung seryoso talaga sya sa pagpapakatino nya,lahat ng major adjustment,sya ang sasalo di yang ikaw pa magaadjust sa kalandian nya.

[Girltalker2]

he is saying/assuring me that he will change
but i said i require full disclosure and honesty moving forward and he can't do it because i still have spy sa office nya i know he flirts pa din
sabi nya change is progressive daw wag sya pilitin.
but that does not give me assurance.
out of sight out of mind?
how can i trust again
bumabalik ako rages of anger from time to time like what you been through and what i said in my other thread

It seems flirting is a way of life for hubby.  You might need some space.  This is mentally torturing.  I underwent the same thing, minsan nakaka sira sya ng ulo on just thinking, sleepless nights. iiyak ka then magagalit then not knowing what to do.

Ang change required dito is abrupt. Because the more you procastinate, the more mahirap umalis.  Kasi addictive. Di mo naman puede pilitin kung ayaw nya talaga magbago. 

So personally, I think you need some space kesa you end up destroying yourself.  Mahirap kasi lagi kang depressed and you suddenly find yourself ugly inside and out (being angry all  the time, self pity at wala nang gana sa ibang activities etc).  Bakit kamo hindi muna sya magbago bago maging kayo ulit?  You can keep your doors open for him naman basta magbago na sya, but for the meantime, you need some space to heal.

[WorriedB2B]

I felt sad reading this thread.. Habang bianbasa ko to, iniisip ko na baka naparanoid ka lang kasi nga may past na nakikipag flirt si hubby mo sa company niyo dati. Pero nung nabasa ko post mo just now, na-sad ako na nangyare na nga yung kinakatakot mo.

Naiinis ako sa mga babaeng alam na nga na married yung guy eh nakikipag flirt pa din. So pathetic, sobrang kulang sa pagmamahal and attention. At nakakalungkot din na may mga guy na madaling magpadala sa temptations.

Be strong sis.. Di madali yang pinagdadaanan mo. Sana lang magbago nga talaga si hubby mo. Dahil totoo yung sinabi nya, na hindi madali magbago lalo at nakasanayan na niya. Pero ang mali sa kanya, nagpakasal siya.. Sana bago siya nagpakasal eh inisip niya muna kung kaya ba talaga nya magbago. At once nagpakasal siya, sana totally, kinalimutan na niya yung mga dati niyang ”bisyo”.

[Janelc]

Naiinis ako sa mga babaeng alam na nga na married yung guy eh nakikipag flirt pa din. So pathetic, sobrang kulang sa pagmamahal and attention. At nakakalungkot din na may mga guy na madaling magpadala sa temptations.

My sentiments exactly mga sis!

[hedonista]

^So true. they like the challenge? lol
wala na sila pakelam kung anong sasabihin ng tao sa kanila ng magulang nila.
i texted the haliparot when i found out - the day i confronted husband.
i told her that i know everything and that i hope someday she will not meet a homewrecker.
she did not reply. but her mom keeps calling me and threatening me that every text message is recorded. the woman raised this issue pa with our H R director.

LIKE O M to the G! ang kapal kapal kapal nya kasing kapal ng blush on at eyeliner nya if i can only post her photo here!

wooooo. made me feel better to vent. i was having fits of rage inside the bus earlier on my way to work na dapat i slapped her when i saw her the time i surprised visit my husband's office but that time no confrontation yet, sana kinalimutan ko edukada ako at sinapak sapak ko. but i guess this is part of healing process.
umuulit ulit the feelings.
it is so hard to get over but i will i know i will
thank you sisses!
hugs

[WorriedB2B]

Woah!! You mean to say, alam ng Mom niya, at pinagtanggol pa siya? Wow talaga!

Tama yung ginawa mo sis, don't stoop down to her level. Kung sinapak sapak mo siya, ikaw pa lalabas na masama. At sa totoo lang, kung meron mang dapat saktan jan, dapat yung asawa mo. Sorry to say, pero mas malaki kasalanan niya na nagpatukso siya sa girl. Sa panahon ngayon, hindi talaga maiiwasan yang mga kabitan na ganyan. Malaki din kasi ang effect ng media satin. Imagine, may mga palabas sa tv ngayon na ang kabit ang kawawa at bida, at ang asawa pa ang nagiging kontrabida. Pero maiiwasan ng isang lalaki na kumabit if, in the first place, willing siyang magpaka-straight. And it's his responsibility na pasayahin ka at maging loyal sayo. It's not other people's responsibility.

Good luck sa moving on stage mo. At sabi nga nila, time heals all wounds... I hope it will be the soonest for you.

kisses