Message/s or piece/s of wisdom for engaged couples

[iceheaven31]

Hello married sisters here in GT.

I am engaged and as I am preparing for our married life, I tend to lurk into this forum for time to time. And I wonder, what would you like to impart to engaged couples about married life?

Thank you very much and I am sure engaged couples will be learning lots from you.

*to mod: please just relocate this thread should this be in an inappropriate forum. thanks!

[kharenlouisse]

Galing sa Pastor na nag council samin:

"Wag niyong siraan ang isa't isa sa ibang tao, for example (nag argue kayo, wag mong sabihin sa family/or friend or sa FB na si Hubby kasi Tamad blah blah blah) or simply

"Relationship last longer when nobody knows your business"

[bpa]

be committed

[bagaholic_chewy]

Gasgas na to: pero open communication is really important. Dapat you can freely express your thoughts (trivial man or on more serious matters) to your partner without the fear of being judged, and vice versa. You can agree or disagree, even arguing is ok, basta healthy discussion lang - no name-calling, no violence, etc.

And don't go running to your family (or to your in-laws) to make "sumbong" or rant for even the slightest conflict/argument with your partner. Try to keep it between you muna, try to resolve it on your own (similar to sis kharenlouisse's advice ^^).

[aquacharly]

Expect The Best, but be prepared for The Worst; so you don't end up being The Loser.

You're The Loser if you are scared of What Ifs --  so take that Leap of Faith again, again, and again & enjoy.
BUT you can still end up The Loser if you don't prepare for The Worst. Coz, hahaha, Life throws curved balls; Sh1t happens even to The Undeserving; and, there's Murphy's Law.

Take care of yourself, always, coz nobody but you  can do it better.
Even when you take care of others, you should take care of yourself.

[IloveMybabs]

learn how to deal with all the negative attitude of your fiancé kasi madami pa dadating pag nag sama na kayo its sounds negative doits not bad as it sounds kasi lahat naman nadadaan sa usapan sabi nga nila communication is the key.

Wag pipilitin ausin kung pareho pang mainit ang ulo I think letting a day pass then talk would be better.

and I read somewhere "never tell your friends or family your husbands sh*t's not unless you can tell it to his sister"

Congrats to both of you

[camsicle]

No matter what baligtarin man mundo kayo lang dapat ang magkakampi. Kaya ayusin agad kapag may away.

Love, trust, respect and most of all God. Key ingredients to keep the love alive.

Laugh together it brings magic din.

[bluegintonic]

Married life is simple.Keep the inlaws out! -no joke  ito.I swear by this.
Problems are better solved as a couple.
Nothing is too "small" or " insignificant"  an issue if it bothers you, but nothing is too big or impossible that you can't talk about it.

[nessy]

Almost 3 years pa lang kami together, pero  mga natutunan ko, love your partner with all your heart  but learn to embrace his flaws as well. Walang perfect na tao, So, pag may nakita kang ugali niya na hindi mo nagustuhan, wag agad magagalit, malala pa, mag-isip na hiwalayan siya.

Ganyan ako ng nag-start pa lang kami. Konting mali niya, isip ko agad he's never good enough for me. Pero pag iniisip ko pa rin ang mga good traits niya, naaalis nag pag-iisip ko ng ganon. A few months ago, nag-post pa ako ng topic dito sa GT, only to realize hindi ko dapat ginawa iyon. Kasi parehas kaming may mali, parehas kaming dapat mag-adjust sa ugali namin. Marami na kaming pinag-awayan, maraming beses na rin namin napag-usapan ang hiwalayan, pero pag hindi na mainit ang ulo namin, wala ba lahat yon. Nag-uusap na kami ng maayos.

Never ko rin ginawa na magsumbong sa family ko. Because I know it will just worsen the situation. Hindi ko rin sinasabi sa mga friends ko, kasi siyempre friends ko ang mga yon, malamang sa akin kakampi di ba? So, what I do, was sumbong Him sa Parents niya. Eh di siya nag pinapagalitan. Haha!

Sis, ilang beses mo na siguro narinig ito, communication is very important in any kind of relationship. Pero hindi lang basta basta communication, dapat THERAPEUTIC COMMUNICATION. Maayos na paguusap, paguusap ng mahinahon, walang sigawan, walang bintangan. I know mahirap kasi hanggang ngayon pinag-aaralan pa rin namin yan ni Hubby. Pero effective iyon.

Good luck sa inyo.

[shieldmaidenofRohan]

I got this golden nugget of wisdom from the movie Two Can Play That Game: never talk to your girlfriends when you and fiance are having problems. Why? Because they can magnify his mistakes and escalate your panic. Distract yourself with activities, keep yourself busy. Find another outlet to release your emotions.

Give yourselves time to breathe.Hindi porquet engaged kayo you own each other na, don't smother. Madali kayo magkakasawaan. Find hobbies, or interests outside each others'.

Mas maganda even before you get married, you put God in the center of your relationship na.

[quinone]

dapat pareho kayo more or less ng principles pagdating sa pera
huwag makitira sa ibang bahay, if you can help it
kung walang housekeeper ngayon pa lang, i-assign na who will do what sa house
be forgiving at lagi magsabi ng sorry, kahit maliit na bagay
always hug/embrace and say iloveyou
huwag masyadong mahigpit

[skyrimgal]

enroll/attend a pre-marital counselling. they will tell you what to expect in marriage and what to do to enjoy and be happy in your union. some of the stuff they would talk to you about:

your joint finances
raising your children
division of house chores (pagsasabihan lalo na mga lalaki to be more proactive in the maintenance of your home)

I wish I took one before I got married. Baka siguro mas smooth yung naging transition naming mag-asawa sa buhay na may asawa na. Yung first few months kasi namin as a married couple lagi kaming nag-aaway.

[imbisibol_]

it was hot inside the church, my wedding gown was stifling me because of the humidity, the sound system was not the best, but for some reason, a part of what the priest said during the wedding's homily stuck to me:

"For a marriage to work, do what the other does not want to do.  Kung ayaw nyang matulog, eh di ikaw ang matulog.  Kung ayaw nya maghugas ng pinggan, eh di ikaw maghugas ng pinggan.."  -Fr. Magloire Placer, Former Holy Rosary Boracay Parish Priest Extraordinaire

i've also kept my mom's advice close to heart about loving and respecting my in-laws as if they were my own parents.  my husband has not voiced it out, but i see and feel how happy and fuzzy and all warm he feels inside when he sees me making lambing to his mom.  and this is because i react the same way when i see him making an effort to respect and to be close to my parents as well.  in my view, he grows ten feet taller when i see him doing things like that. 

oh, and another thing- tickle each other and laugh.  a lot.

[praetorius]

Laugh together it brings magic din.

this one, is a must :-). a good laugh before turning in for the night may eclipse even the intensity of the most raucous sex you just did, lol.

anyway, act as ONE in EVERYTHING.

[DasmaMama]

I'm married for 6 yrs and happy that no major fight came our way. Our marriage is not perfect but we have a healthy one. And here are some of the things we practiced:

- Never talk when you're angry. Kasi baka hindi maganda masabi mo. Ako talaga sinasabi ko na mamaya na tayo magusap kapag okay na ko.

- We don't fight in front of other people. Not to give them the impression that we're always okay, but I want to preserve the respect they have for my husband or for me. Tsaka kapag nag-away kayo sa harap ng ibang tao, they will ask questions, give their opinions, start siding with me or hubby, mas magulo lang.

- Wives: submit to your husbands (bible verse). Ang guys kasi may ego din yan. They still have the need to feel that they are in control. Pero case to case basis to ha, eto eh nagwork sa case namin.

- Accept your partner. I found this quote and I strongly agree with it: "The key to succeeding in a relationship is not finding the right person; it's learning to love the person you found." Ako may times na naiinis ako kay hubby because ganito or ganyan sya. But then mare-realize ko na si hubby never nag-complain kahit mainitin ulo ko, so ang ending, hindi na ko maiinis sa kanya.

[errolavi14]

mas matured pa si hubby sa aken!!!

OMG!

He is super private person and never thought of spreading all our happiness, sadness and away sa social networks. He wants our life private! he only posts pictures of us.

We respect each other walang murahan. sa kanya ko natutong magtimpi sa mga problema and he is very positive when it comes to solving problems. In a way, he really knows how to solve our problem smoothly. walang nakakaalam sa awayan namen except lang ha nung naglihi ako kase super galit at inis ako sa mukha niya.

There are simple things na hindi namin pinagkakasunduan. My hubby never promised me anything.
All i know he is man enough -- not in words but in action!

Be a good wife... masarap mag mahal at masarap din ang minamahal. Accept your differences after all nobody is perfect ika nga..

Congrats!

[polar_bear]

dapat pareho kayo more or less ng principles pagdating sa pera
huwag makitira sa ibang bahay, if you can help it
kung walang housekeeper ngayon pa lang, i-assign na who will do what sa house
be forgiving at lagi magsabi ng sorry, kahit maliit na bagay
always hug/embrace and say iloveyou
huwag masyadong mahigpit

Natawa ako sa last line pero sis, lahat ng yan totoo.. especially the first line.  parang mas mahirap kasi pagusapan ng maayos ang pera lalo na kung magkaiba kayo ng pananaw sa finances. 

I have one thing to add pa pala.. say thank you always, even for the small efforts na ginawa sayo ng partner mo.  It feels good to know na naappreciate ka or yung ginawa mo. 

[Girltalker2]

Sis, everything na nasabi sa taas should be done from both sides. Takes 2 to tango kaya importante sa pagsasama eh dalawa kayong ume-effort.

[popi]

recently married lang, but so far this has worked for us :

- use your femininity when dealing with your husband, whether it's about something positive or an issue you want to settle.  Being feminine makes you less of a threat so he won't view your conversation as a challenge and you as an opponent.  Daanin sa lambing ang mga request, complaints, problems, etc. He'll see you as someone he loves who needs protection and that will bring out the knight in shining armor that's in every man.  That's how I got my hubby to do household chores.  hehe

- Always be physical with him, not only during sex.  Touch his arm, kiss him on the cheek, hold his hand, etc.  It will strengthen your connection and will always keep you on his mind even when you're apart

- Tell him that your trust him and appreciate him.  Verbalize his positive traits

[fegloria1954]

Your LOVE for your spouse is NOT a feeling.  It is a decision you make each and every day.

Your COMMITMENT to your spouse and to your marriage is also a decision you make each and every day.

When the going gets rough, be aware that FORGIVENESS is a decision you can make: decide to forgive your spouse and decide as well to ask forgiveness.  Do remember that "forgive and forget" is a myth and can not happen because any experience that has hurt you, whether big or small, will stay in your memory.  Do remember too that forgiveness does not have to do with telling your spouse "the hurt you caused is okay.  i am okay."  It has more to do with YOU letting go of the negative feelings - the anger or maybe the rage, the desire for vengeance and maybe get even, etc.

Your TRUST for your spouse is also a decision you make each and every day - even at those times when the going gets rough, also when you have already forgiven.

Mommy Fe